The Mother

New Correspondences of the Mother

Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry

Table of Contents

Publisher’s Note

Series One. Correspondence with Dyuman

Series Two. Correspondence with Champaklal

Series Three. Correspondence with Dilip Kumar Roy

Series Four. Correspondence with Tara Patel

Series Five. Correspondence with Ambu

Series Six. Correspondence with Parichand

Series Seven. Correspondence with Jayantilal

Series Eight. Correspondence with Prithwi Singh

Series Nine. Correspondence with Indra Sen

Series Ten. Correspondence with Surendranath Jauhar

Series Eleven. Correspondence with Maude Smith

Series Twelve. Correspondence with Pradyot

NOTES ON THE TEXT

Publisher’s Note

This book contains the Mother's correspondence with twelve disciples, Dyuman, Champaklal, Dilip Kumar Roy, Tara Patel, Ambu, Parichand, Jayantilal, Prithwi Singh, Indra Sen, Surendranath Jauhar, Maude Smith, and Pradyot; eleven were members of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. Each correspondence is presented in chronological order, with the question or comment of the disciple provided whenever possible. A brief life-sketch of each disciple appears at the beginning of his or her correspondence. Ten of these correspondences are entirely in English; two are largely in English, but have a small number of replies in French, which appear here in translation. Further details are provided in the Note on the Texts at the end of the book. The reader should note that the word “new” in the title of this book does not mean “published here for the first time”, but rather “not published in the Collected Works of the Mother and therefore new to most of its readers”. The Collected Works was organised and published around 1978, at the time of the Mother's centenary. The twelve correspondences in this book supplement those published in Collected Works Volumes 16 and 17. These correspondences were not published as part of the Collected Works of the Mother, but appeared later in various issues of the Bulletin of Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education or in independent volumes connected to a few of the disciples. The correspondence with Pradyot is published here for the first time.

Series One. Correspondence with Dyuman

Born on 19 June 1903, the Gujarati disciple Dyuman (Chunilal Desai) joined the Sri Aurobindo Ashram on 11 July 1927 at the age of twenty-four. From the beginning he worked in the Dining Room, serving rice and purchasing food. In 1930 the Mother placed him in charge of the Dining Room, a position he held for more than sixty years. He also started Gloria Land, one of the largest Ashram farms. When the Ashram Trust was formed in 1954, the Mother appointed him as one of the five trustees; later he became the managing trustee of the Ashram. Active till the end, Dyuman passed away on 19 August 1992 at the age of eighty-nine.

Dyuman’s correspondence deals largely with the management of the Dining Room from 1929 to 1937.

Mother,

I had no intention of violating Your orders. The wiping was already finished by the time I received Your last order at 5 p.m. or so. Mother, I am at Your feet for any punishment for violating Your orders even unconsciously.

Why punishment, my child?

I never thought of such a thing! I never thought even that you had violated any rules. The whole thing is a misunderstanding.

You must know that I trust you and have full confidence in your earnestness and your goodwill. It is on that ground that we are working together and also that I let you know whenever there is something that has to be corrected.

Never doubt my love.

12 June 1929

*

Dyuman,

I quite appreciate the spirit in which you have made your proposals.

But there is one thing you have not quite grasped. And this you must get clear and keep in mind. The organisation of the Ashram is certainly not a fixed mental construction. It has been left plastic so that it may be a growing and progressive creation expressing more and more of the Truth.

But in this growth and progression every detail is fixed by my will; it is not chance or a fortuitous arrangement.

28 March 1930

*

Mother,

A lady sadhika is working with me. How should I behave towards her? Let me know in words, if You please. I have often put before You how I behave and work and You know all about me. When we work together, we forget all except the work for You and how to do it in the best way.

It is well understood that you must meet only for the work and at the time of work. If while working you forgot everything except the work it is all right. But always be careful to avoid all vital interchange.

5 July 1930

*

Mother,

I attended the French classes, junior and senior both. Now the question comes to me: Why not read Vedic hymns rather than French lessons? Whenever I go to the library, I do not find any books to read except Sri Aurobindo’s and from them I read only on the Vedic hymns and The Secret of the Veda. No doubt I have taken other books, but hardly a few pages I have gone through.

I would like to know which is more near and akin to me, and I shall follow You.

Do not narrow your mind. You can find help not only in the “Veda” but in all the writings of Sri Aurobindo.

Why not learn French if you feel inclined?

1930

*

Dyuman,

The more you treat R like an invalid, the more he will become an invalid. He must not take all his fancies for needs and I do not see why he should not be submitted to the same discipline as the others.

He can get his meals earlier if he requires but he must not enter the dining room at will.

1930

*

Dyuman,

Don’t starve yourself. You are working hard and need food. By not eating enough you would lose your strength and the work would suffer.

1930

*

All who serve the meals or prepare curds, etc. must, while they are doing this work, cover their hair with a cloth tied like a turban fully covering the head.

1930

*

Never kill lizards; they are most useful creatures. Without them you would be devoured by the insects.

1930

*

Mother,

When P handed the monthly Prosperity things to me I thought: “What will Mother do if the stock of toothbrushes is exhausted? Mother must have this one — it goes to Mother.”

I have taken already my precautions. Since more than four months I am using my finger as a toothbrush and find it quite convenient. So I am sending back your toothbrush. If you have no use for it, you can return it to the stores.

2 February 1932

*

Mother,

Nolini brought me the typed message sent by You. I have read it again and again. It is the strongest letter I have ever read. The last few lines about Your children’s disobedience and disregard for You are heart-rending. Though the letter is not addressed to me and though You do not make me responsible for this dramatic catastrophe, I cannot shirk it.

The letter is not from me but from Sri Aurobindo.

Last night I was going to write to You: how can I pay You the price of the 250 items?

I do not see why you should have to pay for it. We do not consider you in fault.

I will give You the easy chair and iron bed, and if that does not suffice I will send to You the trunk with some clothes given by You.

Send me nothing. I want nothing. Keep the bed, the chair, the box and the rest.

My first thought was to give up half my measure of milk for one year.

Certainly not. I find that already you are not eating enough and would like you to eat rather more than less.

Mother, disregard for You? Disobedience to You?

I never said that you did disregard or disobey me.

If this is the case, it is all the same whether I am here or elsewhere. Why pain You by gross darkness?

This is quite absurd. I am not pained.

No longer will I trouble You with writing “Thy child”.

I never objected to your writing “Thy child” and expect you to do it always.

Mother, let Your Will alone be fulfilled.

This is quite good. And I trust you will do it.

In fact I sent the letter to you so that you might use it to show to people if necessary.

4 March 1932

*

Dyuman,

I find no good use for this lace except to give it back to you. When holding your hair together, it will remind you of the Divine’s unifying action and thus be of double use.

28 March 1932

*

Mother,

This bowl has been put on the fire by somebody and is now spoiled. Who this somebody is, is not known.

It is a great pity, because the best punishment would be to serve his or her meal in the bowl!

7 June 1932

*

Dyuman,

Why were you so serious, almost grave, at pranam this morning? Is it that you thought V was occupying your place? It is not so. He had asked permission to sit behind you after I had come, and we had agreed.

Let no cloud come over you and keep our love ever present in your heart.

19 August 1932

*

My child,

Be quiet, peaceful, strong. Nothing is impossible with a quiet strength, the Divine’s Grace and the Mother’s blessings.

With love.

22 November 1932

*

Dyuman,

For the bread problem. All those who want their usual number of slices must be given them, part from the Ashram bread and the complement from bazaar bread.

I suppose you will easily calculate how many bazaar loaves are to be bought daily.

P.S. You can scarcely ask people to take rice instead of bread as those who take bread generally do not want rice.

3 December 1932

*

Dyuman,

I cannot understand why you have got so upset, for I have been conscious of nothing unusual except a little more concentration because of S’s accident (she has broken her arm by falling yesterday). I found it quite good that you should sit at that place so long as she cannot occupy it herself, and I have no objection to your removing my sandals.

So cast away all disturbance and recover your normal balance.

With my blessings.

December 1932

*

My child,

I have an impression that the visitors are arriving with a big appetite and that they may find our dishes somewhat small. Consequently I have increased the quantity on the “menu”.

14 February 1933

*

My child,

I hear that your clothes are torn — this won’t do. But I have no long dhoties. I am sending you 2 pairs of shomins. Instead of cutting in the middle (where there is the mark), cut them as long as needed to wear them as dhoties and with the bit left I suppose you can have a punjabi made by Kanai. This will do for the moment until I receive the new cloth.

16 February 1933

*

My child,

Why were you so serious at pranam?

Don’t let anything from outside approach and disturb you. What people think, do or say is of little importance. The only thing that counts is your relation with the Divine — and from that point of view you have nothing to worry about, all is all right.

And never forget that we love and trust you.

30 April 1933

*

My dear Mother,

P and I went to Aroumé [the Ashram Dining Room] today. We find the existing kitchen an impossibility. To change it we will have to spend time and money. We can put the kitchen somewhere else, as I am showing here in the plan.

The room which has an opening towards the Governor’s house can be turned into a kitchen. It has tiles on the roof and glass ventilators for light. We can put the ovens there. As for the smoke from the ovens, we can put up a chimney. The food we can carry to the serving room. The kitchen vessels we can wash in the kitchen itself.

Unfortunately the latrines are next to the kitchen and also a new gutter. We can close the gutter and cut off the view of the latrines by planting a creeper.

I do not think this idea is at all practicable.

First, the greatest objection is the neighbourhood of the latrines; to hide them or to shut a gutter does not prevent the flies from going freely from the latrines to the food in the kitchen.

Second, X was very particular that we should not misuse these rooms. I do not think he would agree to turn them into a kitchen.

Third, to put a kitchen just under the windows of the Government House, sending them directly all the smoke of our cooking, is just the best way to get us into trouble.

Fourth, it is a long way to carry the food to the serving place.

Fifth, there are many other minor inconveniences.

Sixth, you cannot judge the existing kitchen so long as it is not thoroughly cleaned and repaired. If it is not sufficiently ventilated and if there is not enough light, we can put in a new window. I am ready to do it at my own expense if necessary.

4 December 1933

*

(Around this time Dyuman suffered a nervous breakdown due to overwork. It took him about four months to recover. A number of letters in the following pages refer to this condition of nervous exhaustion.)

My child,

I would like you to go to bed now. I am sending you a hot tisane which is expected to make you perspire.

As I am not sure that you have something sufficiently warm to cover yourself in bed, I am sending you a cover.

18 December 1933

*

Mother,

About the Aroumé accounts, I shall make one account for You and one for the accountant.

You can ask S to lend you his books, it will help you to learn the words; 3 books only: menu, entrées, sorties. The description of all that has been used in each dish is not necessary.

c. 24 December 1933

*

Mother,

Instead of so many books, can there not be less?

If you put entrées and sorties in the same book, you can have two books only; but it must be very clear, so that I can see at the first glance.

c. 24 December 1933

*

My dear Mother,

There is no peace and happiness in my being. What has happened to me? It was seven years ago, when I was in the hospital, that I took the final decision: I am here to live at the Feet of Sri Aurobindo; it is my only life.

Today there is a great struggle in me. I hope it will not lead to misery, trouble, peril and difficulty. My body falls down as if it is dying. Mother, my heart is completely broken today.

What has happened? I am anxious and want to know. Anything wrong physically? Of which heart are you speaking? and why? Is there any exterior cause for that? My love is anxious and wants to know all about it.

25 December 1933

*

My Mother,

Bless me with Thy Love. I now go out of this compound for the Divine Work, protected and surrounded by Your Love and the Love of my beloved Sri Aurobindo.

My Mother, though I shall be working outside, I am ever Thine, ever at Thy Feet.

Why do you speak of working outside? Do you think that any house of the Ashram is outside our atmosphere, even the most material? Here or there it is just the same: I am always close to you, helping you, supporting you, working through you, and it is not a few yards more or less which can make any difference for that.

4 January 1934

*

Mother,

S wants to work with me. But she will not be able to bear this atmosphere and will easily get upset. I am altogether a different person in my room than when I am at work. She had not seen me at work: quite upright, honest and full of justice. She must become more quiet and calm and get firmly established in the faith before we give her any work.

I fully agree with you in this. She is not yet ready for that, and it is better if she goes on with her paddy work. She might be given separate work from the two others to avoid all clash.

10 January 1934

*

Let a wide and deep peace settle in you, my child; it will give you rest. As far as your body is concerned, I wish that you should go to the market in a push rickshaw. I am sure that it will do much to lessen the burden of fatigue. Some monthly arrangement can easily be made with a pushwalla and it will be, on the whole, quite an insignificant increase of expense. It seems that the peon who worked some time for the Ashram could do that. You might speak to him and find a suitable arrangement.

10 January 1934

*

Mother,

I am quietly happy. Now I go to bed at 10.20, to rise in the morning with Your Vastness and Peace.

If it were possible for you to go to bed 20 minutes earlier, I would like it very much.

13 January 1934

*

Mother,

I have learned that N is not remaining healthy at present. I would like to stop her work at least for a week, to let her rest.

I do not think it advisable to stop altogether N’s work. It would not be good for her. If she feels tired she may do less, but she must remain occupied.

22 January 1934

*

Mother,

S wanted to spend 20 minutes with me. That is not possible — not even 10 minutes regularly at a fixed hour. It is nothing but a vital demand on me; I cannot satisfy that. I can give her 2 or 3 minutes and not more.

It is not at all advisable to let her encroach like that upon you. The more she will get, the more she will want and finally, if she could, she would swallow you up.

Mother, I do not think that I should go to call her; if she comes to me I shall receive her. What do You say?

Keep quiet. You must not go to call her. She wants to annex you; this cannot be tolerated.

c. 25 January 1934

*

Mother,

I do not understand this Yoga. I know only this: To be one with the Mother and to live and work for Her; this is all.

Why are the Ashram inmates hankering after food? Why this big fuss over eating? Why are we breaking our heads due to vital desire, ego, pride, self-will, mental ideas and preferences? I do not follow all this and am unable to understand.

Mother, my heart was filled with such feelings; it was restless and unquiet again. But now I am quiet and happy. All these feelings have passed away.

This is very good. Indeed, if you want to do your work with a clear mind and discrimination, you must never get upset — whatever happens. This is a very important point.

26 January 1934

*

My child,

When I wrote “your work”, I meant “your working”, still more clearly “your carrying out of my work”. I know that your aspiration is to become more and more fit to manifest the Divine’s Will. That will never be forgotten or doubted. It is understood once and for all. And whatever I tell you to be or to do, it is from that point of view that I tell it.

27 January 1934

*

Mother,

Seeing the work of the Building Department at Aroumé, I found so many faulty repairs. [The disciple noted several defects in the carpentry, painting and masonry work.] Mother, we spend plenty of money, but get a very bad result. We do some work, we find faults in it, we break it, we redo it and it comes out as something else. Labour, time, money and energy are wasted, yet we do not get what we require.

For all that, the change can come only from within, when the consciousness of each and everyone will be changed.

28 January 1934

*

Mother,

These are the books I tried to write. Certainly I shall give You all the information in detail.

I thought you were writing the books and not sending them. That is why I asked for them. But if it is to add to a work already somewhat excessive, I do not want it. You will let me know only if there is something of importance.

Is there no way of arranging the work so that you might take a little more rest? It would please me immensely.

January 1934

*

Mother,

S, the new visitor, came for work today. She cut the vegetables, then did not even wait to clean the knife she used. At noon she is expected to stay up to the finishing of the cutting, that is, to put aside the peelings for the bullocks, to put away the knives etc. in the cupboard and do other such works.

I think we cannot ask that from her in the beginning, at least. If she truly wants to do work she will ask you what to do and how to do it, and then things can be explained to her, leaving her the choice to do or not to do. She is only a visitor and cannot be treated as the permanent members are.

4 February 1934

*

Mother,

Newcomers staying in the Ashram houses come to the Dining Room for food. But what about people staying outside the Ashram, in hotels and private houses?

Is it not easier to let them eat in the Dining Room as food cannot be sent to the hotel? That is why I said that they could come to the Dining Room. But it may be better to give them food in the late-comers’ room to prevent their mixing too much with the inmates and … their bad habits!

7 February 1934

*

My dear Mother,

I am quietly happy, though I still have a cold and headache. This physical disturbance is sure to go away. And I am joining in the work. Mother, let me be out doing my work; it will be good for me. I defy all attacks on the body.

One day of rest from time to time is not a bad thing — but it is better to get rid of the cold and headache as soon as possible.

8 February 1934

*

Mother,

Often I get colds and fevers and am obliged to remain in bed for some time. During and after each illness my body becomes weak and faints.

How is it that I often have illnesses and my body becomes so weak? I feel that it is not as strong as it ought to be for Your work. I had high hopes and expected much from the body, but it has failed.

Your body is all right, but you are not giving it enough rest and food. I will have to ask you to be more careful on these two points because I want to make it strong and healthy, but regular rest and nourishing food are indispensable for that. I would like to give you one orange for orange juice every day. The best time would be when you rise. For that, if you give me a flask, I could fill it in the evening and send it to you before you go to bed and you would take it in the morning when you wake up.

9 February 1934

*

Mother,

The cartman could not get a coolie to help him transport the kerosene. Not minding the load, he dragged the cart to Aroumé. While going up the slope at the gate, he was thrown back with the cart. I was there just in time to help. He gave me back the two annas I had given him for a coolie. Seeing the work he did, I gave one anna to him, as he deserved it. I would have paid two annas to a coolie.

You could have given him the two annas.

10 February 1934

*

Mother,

I have asked R to see whether corn flour is available in the European shops. This will be the best corn flour. We can no longer give You Your food prepared out of bazaar flour full of insects, old and kept out in the open. I shall put an end to this business.

Yes, it is better to stop that bad flour.

12 February 1934

*

My Mother,

I hope that You will not hesitate to tell me anything required to be done during our crucial Darshan days.

Be quiet and confident, it is all that is required.

Blessings.

19 February 1934

*

Dear Mother,

All kinds of bad suggestions about myself come and pass away; I have no time at present to pay attention to them, but every possible thing tries to enter: (1) I am bad; (2) I am fallen; (3) the body is a failure; I would like to give it up; (4) I have received nothing, progressed nowhere; and many more such things.

All this is Mère nonsense and falsehood and nothing more. You do well to pay no attention to it.

22 February 1934

*

Dear Mother,

The fever is over. I am quite all right. Tonight I will drink the decoction again and I am sure I will get up 100 percent cured. My Mother, You are with me and our relation is now more close, more compact and more loving.

Certainly our relation is bound to become more and more close and strong and intimate.

Only your insistence is on the work — and my insistence is on your health first.

I have just heard somebody coughing. Is it you? It seems to me that, until you are quite free from this cough, it would be better not to rise before the sun rises; because these early morning hours are very cold and that helps in prolonging the illness.

My love and blessing are constantly with you, whatever are the circumstances.

3 March 1934

*

Dear Mother,

G has sent to me four annas through the doctor to buy oranges for her from the market. Shall I bring them?

Yes.

The doctor tells me that she wants to eat soft khichri. I said: “Let her eat sago conjee, bread and milk. If you go on giving food like khichri, there will be no end to it; people will go on demanding special things, you will not find people to cook them and then you will be in difficulty.”

Your answer was quite right. This special diet for each one is an impossibility. You can send her the oranges, saying that I am sending them.

With love and blessings.

5 March 1934

*

My child,

Why are you not taking honey and butter? They are both good for your health and will give you strength. It is light and wholesome food. For cough it is recommended to drink very hot milk sugared with honey (2 teaspoons in a cup of milk). Or the drink that P prepares for you can also be sweetened with honey.

What you say about my trust in you is quite true — and that in itself should give you the strength and the courage to do what is needed to get completely cured.

With love.

5 March 1934

*

My child,

Resist all depression, it is just the thing that would delay your cure. If this cold is not gone, I want you to take rest tomorrow (Saturday) and on Sunday I shall see you at 11 a.m. to set things right.

Our force and love are with you.

16 March 1934

*

(Regarding the disciple’s physical condition. He had a headache, sore throat, fever, and suffered from general nervous strain and weakness.)

To get over this attack soon, one thing is needed: remain quiet, calm, peaceful. Do not get upset, do not fear, do not get restless or impatient. A quiet, firm trust in the Divine’s Grace is the one thing needed.

The anxiety of the mind, the restlessness of the vital delay the cure more than anything else.

Our love and protection are always with you.

21 March 1934

*

Mother,

I feel hungry and I eat. My weakness is decreasing, I feel. The doctor told me: “Because you remain confined in your room, there is this weakness.”

I am very happy to hear that you are all right. It seems to me that if you walk for some time in the garden, it will help to make you recover your strength.

With love and blessings.

22 March 1934

*

Mother,

I walked in the sun from 10 to 11.20 a.m. It was all right as long as I was out in the sun, but no sooner did I enter my room than I began to get cold on the body. I remained lying on the bed up to 12.25. I found that there was fever in the body. I took some food, covered myself tightly and slept. At 1.30 I was completely wet with perspiration, yet the fever was still there and the shivering of the body. Again I covered myself, again perspired and after the third perspiration at 3.30 all was cool, no fever, no headache.

Today I am quiet, Mother. But a suggestion passed: Why write such things again and again to Mother?

It is better to write always whatever happens in your consciousness and in your body also.

What you had felt like fever and the consequent perspiration is simply the working of the force to throw out what remains of the illness in you.

It is good that you are becoming quiet. You must teach your body to be quiet also and to have full confidence. Then things will become all right.

With love and blessings.

25 March 1934

*

Mother,

In the afternoon, I perspired so much that all the clothes on my body were quite damp; and like yesterday, there was that kind of fever, but after one hour’s walk in the sun I was fresh and full of strength.

When You look at me from the roof, my body gets heated. Even when You start from Your room for the roof, it begins to heat up; the eyes burn and my whole body is as if on fire.

You need not worry, it is the fire that is pushing the illness away.

My well beloved Mother, at each moment You remind me of Your love and affection; and to You my difficulties do not seem to be so severe as they present themselves to me.

I am not at all anxious and find nothing so very severe about it.

You have strained your nerves to the utmost and nerves require time to recover, that is all.

With love and blessings.

26 March 1934

*

Mother,

When I started turning myself towards God 22 years ago or so, I never imagined that this could happen to me, not even when Sri Aurobindo openly questioned me: “Who has given you this Yoga?”

Now it has happened: that unfailing confidence and courage got shaken, and I had a breakdown. Yet in all this nervousness, my love for You, my faith in You and our relation is just the same, or rather, we have become closer. You have treated me like a sick baby — Your baby — and it is Your love that is curing me.

Yes, you have only to keep your faith unshaken and to be patient — everything will be all right.

We are not speaking of work just now, because we want you to rest quietly without any worry — but we have no intention of changing your work. It is waiting for you and you will take it back as soon as you are quite all right.

26 March 1934

*

Mother,

All through I have felt Your Love. You have given me a long rest, and in fact the body does need to rest still more. Even when I speak, I get high and rapid breathing — a kind of fatigue comes to the lungs.

O my dear Mother, heart of my heart and love of my love, as long as You are with me, I am fearless. You have given me today a true and solid confidence and my entire being has taken refuge in You.

I will work outwardly, but inwardly I will always be in Your deep and infinite peace, in Your ice box of Eternal Peace.

I am so happy that all the clouds are gone. Now only some time more of rest for the body to recover completely and all will be all right — with something gained that was not there before.

27 March 1934

*

Dear Mother,

Some people tell me that my condition is the result of too much strain. No doubt the nerves got strained and then came the breakdown of the body, but I have lost nothing thereby — I have gained. Strain or no strain, I have not lost my Mother. Mother, we have lost nothing. You have gained a child who knows and understands You better, and I have gained my Mother; I have Her love and She presides in my being actively.

Yes, we have lost nothing, on the contrary, we have gained much.

With love and blessings.

28 March 1934

*

Mother,

I feel that the persons who were connected with me in a personal relation are definitely wishing for my recovery. What will be my relation with them when I shall be out? Mother, You will settle it, and I shall obey You.

The most important thing will be not to allow them to eat you up as they used to do before.

Mother, I am quite at rest and the days are passing so quickly.

Yes, rest, rest, rest — be quiet and gather strength and force, not only to do work but also, chiefly, to achieve the Transformation.

With love and blessings.

30 March 1934

*

Dear Mother,

I pass the day in Your Love and Presence. All through the day we are together, and at each moment this becomes more and more real and concrete: to live in You is the Truth.

This is very good and a promise of complete victory.

My love, my blessings, my presence are always with you.

4 April 1934

*

Mother,

D came to me this evening and told me: “J is forcing me to wash the mats. Can they be washed with soap? Can they be washed?” I told her: “No, they cannot be washed; at the most you can put them in the sun.”

It seems that they have become very dirty with vegetable droppings, salt, etc. I do not think we can keep them like that, they would begin to smell horribly. A wet cloth might be passed over them, at least, and they must be placed in the sun.

4 April 1934

*

Dear Mother,

My body is increasing in bulk and volume, my physical consciousness or outward consciousness is growing in Your consciousness. The growth of my body depends upon this external consciousness growing in You.

It is all right. I think you can put on a little more flesh without any inconvenience.

Love and blessings.

5 April 1934

*

Mother,

I have no confidence in the body; it is too sensitive. I cannot be rash. I still fear to drink cold water from the kuja, I go to the filter each time for water. I cover myself before going to sleep.

A fear and a feeling of weakness have entered the body, but this fear and this feeling are not true. They are falsehoods that are to be shaken away and replaced by the contrary conviction and feeling — the conviction that the body will get stronger than before and the feeling that the physical strength, like the rest, belongs to the Divine and that there is no reason why the body should not receive it in plenty.

8 April 1934

*

Mother,

Now I realise that if I could love You with all my being and keep Your Presence in every single cell and atom, it would not be an inferior work to any outer work or activity.

My dear Mother, do with me as You want. I remain completely quiet, obedient, surrendered and cheerful.

Yes, keep quiet and gather peace and strength. When the time has come I shall ask you to start work again and you will see that it will be done quite smoothly.

With love and blessings always.

8 April 1934

*

Mother,

Quietly happy and at rest. The body is becoming strong, and it will become more so. Tomorrow I finish my last bottle of honey.

I think that soon we shall speak of taking up a little work, very little work only to begin with. I shall call you once before so that we may speak of it fully.

With love and blessings always.

12 April 1934

*

Mother,

In spite of some of the things I have been hearing about Aroumé and the work there, I am quietly happy. I feel that things are going to change and get better. I leave them to You.

It seems to me that things have gone on fairly all right during your absence; it is not at all so bad as it could have been. I intend to see you on Friday the 20th at 11 a.m. We shall see what is to be done at that time.

With love.

13 April 1934

*

Mother,

Today the head is strained — by what I do not know. I feel a great heaviness on the head, as if the whole sky has come down. The body does not want to move, it asks only for rest. When I sit down my eyes close by themselves; at once I feel still, quiet, as if frozen, yet full of life within.

Be very, very quiet, do not think about what the work will be. This week take complete rest, and sleep as much as you feel inclined to sleep. It is perfectly strong and rested, with the head free, that you must take up the work again. It is very important that the head should be neither heavy nor strained.

14 April 1934

*

Mother,

S bought 24 kg of potatoes yesterday. Out of that, 9 kg were not good. Of course they will be utilised in parts.

Bad potatoes are very dangerous and have a nasty taste even in the “good” parts. It might be better not to use these spoilt potatoes.

Last night’s salad (cucumber and potatoes) was so very good that I thought during the hot season we might try to have salad twice a week.

16 April 1934

*

Beloved Mother,

I remain completely quiet, calm and open. And if this outer consciousness remains a block and does not give way like an obstinate horse, we shall patiently take it into our control, make it submissive and allow the Divine Will to manifest.

This is quite good.

Do not get bothered with the recurrence of the “cold”. With the influenza it is almost always like that. But finally it will get cured.

Blessings.

17 April 1934

*

Dear Maman,

When You asked me: “Do you take S with you in the push rickshaw?” I said “No.” Did You mean that I may take him? Or was Ito take him?

I thought that if he went at the same time as you go to the market he might feel it an injustice that he should have to walk when you are sent in the push. But if he goes after you this question does not arise.

21 April 1934

*

Mother,

This auspicious Darshan day has given me a new life, a new consciousness and a new aspiration. I feel that a force of transformation has gathered and it will transform me. I bow down to Thee, dear Mother, and with Your Love and Blessings I begin the new life.

Yes, a special protection accompanies my blessings today and a certitude of Victory is included in my love.

24 April 1934

*

Mother,

I am happy to be working again. All Your Love, Grace and Protection are with me, Your Presence is in me and, Mother, surely the Divine Grace shall manifest.

Keep this quietness and this faith, let nothing disturb them. If there are things to be changed, do it slowly, not in a hurry — time is a great helper when we know how to make use of it — and change only what is quite indispensable. Rules must not be too rigid — the Divine’s working needs suppleness and plasticity — and for the workers, a too rigid rule is a big strain for the nerves. It is only when the liberties taken are dangerous and harmful that they must be checked.

And be sure that all will be all right.

With love and blessings.

24 April 1934

*

My dear Mother,

I am quietly happy in Your love and confident of being as the Divine wishes because You will make me so.

I am quite confident that you will be more and more as the “Divine wishes” and that all will be all right.

B gave me a bag of paddy from Chidambaram; we shall have this rice cooked for the whole Ashram on the 29th.

Will you remind me of it on the day so that I may put special care in tasting it.

25 April 1934

*

Mother,

N often comes to me for work. If You like, we can give him the kerosene work. He will keep the account and give it to me daily; this will be a check upon him. I do not fear that he will misuse the articles entrusted to him. With a ray of faith that he may be changed, I submit this to You.

Did you speak to L about stopping the kerosene work? How does he take it? This is an important point.

If we give that work to N it must be with a very strong warning that he must be absolutely scrupulous, that any breach of trust would be taken very seriously. He must give regular accounts daily which will be submitted to me.

All love and blessings with you.

I hear that A’s salad leaves have been thrown in the dust bin! What a horrible wastage! So many people would have been glad to get them, it is such wholesome food! I cannot understand such a thing.

If it was too much work to put them in the general cooking, at least they could have been given away. S would have been so happy to get them. I hope that in future such a thing will not happen again.

26 April 1934

*

Mother,

In the kitchen, H and P work hard and without any reserve. If ever You have a worker of Your choice for the kitchen, I pray to You, please lighten the work for them.

The difficulty will be to find somebody whom they will agree to take inside the work. I do not want fresh quarrels. If you have anybody to suggest, I shall very willingly arrange.

With patience and persistence everything will become all right.

With love and blessings.

26 April 1934

*

I have taken my seat in the heart of my child and my blessings are with him.

7 May 1934

*

O my beloved Mother,

Surely You are giving me a bath in Your Love.

Whatever people may say of me — good or bad — I have my dear Mother in my heart, holding me close to Her bosom. I know also that when dangers are outside, when there is bad will, my Mother keeps me under Her wings and then nothing can touch me, nothing can affect me.

Yes, my child.

You are always in my arms, bathed in my love which must be the strongest protection against all attacks of any kind. Keep your entire faith and confidence: we shall cross victoriously through all difficulties.

13 May 1934

*

Mother,

D asked for less curds, but J served her the ordinary cup. She began to return the cup, but he would not take it, so she left it on the table. Then he asked her to get Mother’s sanction if only half a cup of curds was required. D complained to me about all this. I said: “I shall see tomorrow.”

Truly we cannot interfere in such petty things. Those who constantly forget that they are not here to lead the most silly ordinary life cannot expect us to deal with their stupid quarrels.

27 May 1934

*

O Lord Buddha, the forces of Mara attacked You, but You were unshaken, concentrated, calm, quiet, peaceful; then the Light descended, the hostile forces disappeared and there was peace on earth.

O Mother, let us all remain consecrated to the Truth, always peaceful, calm, quiet and unshaken, unmoved by any circumstances, and the hostile forces shall vanish.

Yes, this is excellent. It is by a quiet, strong and persistent peace that the true victories can be won.

With love.

28 May 1934

*

My Beloved Mother,

My entire being takes refuge in You and at each moment feels You as the Reality.

I always keep you in my arms and will carry you through all difficulties.

29 May 1934

*

Dear Mother,

Let my entire being remain turned only towards You.

Be very careful to remain always calm and peaceful and let an integral equanimity establish itself more and more completely in your being. Do not allow your mind to be too active and to live in turmoil, do not jump to conclusions from a superficial view of things; always take your time, concentrate and decide only in quietness.

My love and blessings are always with you.

30 May 1934

*

Mother,

I am tired of my nature. I must rise above it if I want to fulfil the work. Again and again it knocks me down and tries to drag me into an unquiet state full of doubt, lack of confidence, and ego.

Mother, lift me once more out of this turmoil in my nature and let me breathe in the free and vast air of Your infinite Love.

It is not in one day that one can overcome one’s own nature. But with patience and enduring will the Victory is sure to come.

1 June 1934

*

Dear Mother,

I actually see the waves of hostility against me, yet I am quiet; my being remains firm, poised and concentrated in Your Love and Presence.

Yes, be quiet. We have only to work patiently without being disturbed by anything and keep unshaken the faith in the inevitable Victory.

With love and blessings.

6 June 1934

*

Dear Mother,

I asked for tamarind on behalf of the ladies, to use for cleaning. He told me a long story about Your sanction for the tamarind, so I gave it to him. I still hold my view that lemon skins are sufficient, but these ladies have their own ideas. Tamarind cleans faster than lemon, which takes more work and which they do not want to do.

The advantage of the lemon skins over the tamarind is that lemon skins do not spoil the hand — on the contrary — while the tamarind will bring crevasses. But let them have the experience of it.

Mother, L and I have a nick-name now: Pagal, which means madcap.

Do not mind the stupidity of others.

8 June 1934

*

Dear Mother,

The Divine Consciousness descends, fills the earth and penetrates deeply. It is sure to bring about the complete recovery of the earth.

You have worked out many things in me within these few days; You have given me Your patience, quietness and peace, an energy that works and works and a firm faith in the infinity of time.

Yes, the certitude of the Victory gives an infinite patience with the maximum of energy.

Always with you.

9 June 1934

*

Dear Mother,

I do not find it difficult to deal with F. I believe that I can exert a good influence upon her and bring her back to You. Arrange that we may come in contact with each other under the pretext of work or anything You like. I know that if I go, I am surrounded with Your love and protection. I dare to do so because You have kept me in the protection of Your love.

It is true that the divine protection is always around us, but it works completely only when we are faced by dangers which were unavoidable; that is to say, when doing some work for the Divine if dangers suddenly rise on the way then the protection works at its best. But to take up some work that is, after all, not at all indispensable and not even surely useful and which is extremely dangerous, counting on the divine protection to save us from all possible consequences, this is a movement which is like a challenge to the Divine, and the Divine will never agree to it.

I will explain myself — if it were indispensable that you should learn her work (which is, in fact, not only not indispensable but absurdly useless) and if F was the only person who could teach you (which is not the case, because H knows almost as well as she does) then we could overlook the very real dangers that await you by meeting F regularly, and this meeting could perhaps, with the Divine’s help and protection, have some good results for E.

But to pretend to learn the work only with the purpose of acting on F’s character, is putting a worm of insincerity in the very seed of the action and can only have disastrous results.

With love and blessings.

10 June 1934

*

Dear Mother,

The work at the Dining Room is being done and it will always be done; the cupboards, floor and cloths there are cleaner than at any other place. But something else must be done now: we must rise above falsehood and our false nature.

Yes, this is the important thing. Once falsehood is conquered, all these difficulties will go.

22 June 1934

*

Dear Mother,

Formerly, the wood pieces bought for cooking used to take a long time to burn — it was slow cooking; but the fire from these wood-shavings is quite strong and cooks quickly. Personally, I feel that food cooked under a slow fire is good in taste and good for the digestion also.

I am tasting the food both morning and evening and find it quite good in all ways. As for the fire some things need quick cooking, some need slow cooking. In the last case you might add a few pieces of wood to the shavings in order to keep a slower fire.

Mother, I would like to know who are the persons having the stomach ache, for I may be able to trace something. The water used for cooking is always filtered and passed through a piece of cloth. Since a very long time, we clean our pans and vessels with ashes only — fine and sieved. Is soap required?

No, soap is not required and I am sure that nothing is dirty. As for the people who had stomach ache they are of several kinds and most of them are not taking food from outside, but it may very well be the change of weather and that they have caught cold in their stomach. There is nothing to worry about, I am sure.

24 June 1934

*

Mother,

Today I was threatened with clouds, dark clouds; but now all that has passed away quietly. Mother, forgetfulness of Your Loving Presence, even for a few minutes, brought such a deathlike condition — it was quite unbearable. I felt so relieved when it passed away.

I do not understand how clouds can come to you now and am quite sure that they cannot remain at all. You must have caught it from somebody. Be careful to always keep the living Presence and Protection around you when you speak to people.

With all love always.

26 June 1934

*

Mother,

I worked with C or rather I replaced him for a few minutes. I felt so happy to see him. You have joined us as friends for Your work and taken us to such a state of conscious understanding, knowledge and love that misunderstanding, disharmony, intolerance and anger have no place.

What you say is quite true. There is a deep and true Consciousness in which all can meet in love and harmony.

28 June 1934

*

Mother,

The 14th of July [1] is coming. The roads on both sides of Aroumé will be filled with crowds of people and there will hardly be any space for people to pass, especially in the evening. I propose that the inmates finish their dinner early, a gate-keeper be put there all through the day, and the gate be locked from inside at 7.30 p.m. I do not fear the public rowdiness, but it is better for us to be on our guard.

Yes, it is better to be on guard. It may even be better to close completely the front gate (except for letting in and out the cart) and to open the door of the waiting room on the rue Francois Martin, with somebody keeping that door. Moreover the terrace of Aroumé will be a wonderful place for watching the fireworks. All those who want to see them must be allowed to remain there and go away together by the back door when all is finished. When they are gone M will bolt the door.

A suggests that the ladies need not go for their food that evening — it can be sent to their rooms in tiffin boxes.

I do not see at all the necessity of these precautions, if things are arranged as I have explained. Moreover, some of the ladies may like to see the fireworks and if they go and come with somebody to accompany them, there is no possible danger.

1 July 1934

*

My dear and beloved Mother,

Today I was very badly disturbed — the disturbance of all those ladies was rushing upon me. I refused to listen to anything; I said to myself: “The Divine is the Truth; the same Divine element is in all. See that, live that. Harmony, love, peace and happiness is the life of the Ashram.”

I am happy to see that you have kept the right attitude and remained unshaken by these superficial and silly storms.

Always with you in the love and the protection.

6 July 1934

*

Mother,

The serving room has become a place to read the newspapers. Can it be allowed? Had there been the works of Sri Aurobindo or Your “Prayers”, it would be all right. But novels, monthlies and dailies — how can they be read there?

I suppose it is difficult to interfere in this matter. If the readers don’t feel we cannot impose it upon them.

7 July 1934

*

Dear Mother,

It has always seemed to me that I do not know the meaning of Bhakti. But like a river, my entire being flows and flows towards You. This is all that I know, Mother, and I wish that it may flow more and more, rise in floods, break all limits and disappear once and for all into Your Love.

This is bhakti and nothing else.

10 July 1934

*

Dear Mother,

When the servant K comes to fetch the empty tiffin-boxes, he opens them and eats anything that is left or takes it away. I have asked Amrita to tell him not to open the tiffin-boxes at all: his business is only to remove them. A will speak to him tomorrow.

What happens to all the food taken back in the tiffin-boxes? Is it distributed (and first to the servants working in Aroumé) or is it thrown away? If it is not distributed I do not see why this poor man should not eat if he is hungry. Most of the servants refuse to take the food that is left; if one takes it why refuse it to him? Perhaps when the boxes come back to Aroumé all the food is mixed up and becomes uneatable. All this is to be seen carefully, before deciding anything.

14 July 1934

*

Mother,

The ants trouble me too much; they cover up the butter in my room. I have no jar or bottle, so I keep the butter in the butter-tin itself.

For the butter you have only to take a deep dish filled with water, you set an empty tin in the middle and place your butter on the top of the tin.

18 July 1934

*

Mother,

M does not feel inclined to give cow-dung. He asked me: “What will you do with it?”

I said: “I shall mix cow-dung, sawdust and charcoal dust, and prepare balls for fuel.”

“From where do you get the charcoal dust?” he asked.

“From S,” I replied.

He told me: “I ask and ask him for it, but he does not give it to me. If you give me charcoal dust I will give you cow-dung, as much as you want.”

Mother, if You want to give him charcoal dust, certainly it can be given.

The charcoal dust is absolutely indispensable in the balls if you want them to last long and give good heat without having too bad a smell. But S has much more charcoal dust than you can use; in fact there was one time when he was giving or throwing it away. So there will be surely enough charcoal dust for the balls and to give to M also. If you need a word written for S, I shall give it.

20 July 1934

*

Mother,

I am not so sure of getting plantains. If they are available, they will be the plantains You saw today, kept until tomorrow. If they are not available, shall I return without them? And I might put a notice written on the slate in Aroumé: “No plantains in the market.”

It is difficult to put up such a notice if there are actually some plantains in the bazaar. It is only if truly there are none that you can say so.

22 July 1934

*

Mother,

Will the day not come soon when I work for You, my dear Mother, and You rest completely on Your sofa; You bring down the Divine unmanifest and we work and manifest You.

This is a point which is impossible for me to answer just now. With all love and blessings always.

23 July 1934

*

Dear Mother,

All submission to Thee, all love for Thee, a complete merging, a total disappearance in Thee. Today an unconditional surrender of my entire being rushes out in floods to Thee.

Yes, my dear child, I know that your surrender is quite sincere, and you know also, I am sure, that my trust in you and your future is complete.

All love and blessings to you, always.

23 July 1934

*

Mother,

I got 200 plantains quite unripe. I am distributing them tomorrow morning with a hope that inmates will preserve them for one day and then eat them.

Perhaps you could send a notice saying that the plantains are unripe and have to be kept as nothing else was available in the market.

24 July 1934

*

Beloved Love,

Surely I know Your love, Your affection, Your trust in my future — it is bright, brilliant, luminous. May all my love be for You, Mother.

Look in front of you with a wide, quiet, strong peace and advance steadily. All will be all right.

With love and blessings.

25 July 1934

*

Mother,

My consciousness is getting changed. I see and realise Oneness, Union, Harmony. You are in each one of us and You shine in all. I feel You, Mother, Your Love and Your Light.

It is your own consciousness that is growing and changing, and it is very good.

All love to you, my child.

28 July 1934

*

My dear Mother,

The entire adhar must be perfectly strong — quiet, at rest, in peace, unmoved, undisturbed, steady, perfectly balanced — before the Divine Realisation takes place.

Yes, all this is quite correct and it is indeed this deeper Peace that must establish itself in you.

With all love and blessings, always.

29 July 1934

*

Mother,

Yesterday K took R’s mother to Aroumé. In the godown she asked H: “Are you married? Where is your husband? Have you got a child? How big is it?”

How imbecile!

K told H: “Do you understand what she says! May I tell you?”

H replied: “I understand, no need of your speaking.”

Mother, it would be better not to have visitors when we are at work; and nobody should be taken to Aroumé at the time of serving and eating. They must arrange with me previously.

Quite right.

A notice can be put up to this effect, that Aroumé cannot be visited without a special authorisation of the Mother and previous arrangement with Dyuman as for the hour of the visit.

With all love and blessings.

4 August 1934

*

Dear Mother,

A of the Washing Section asks me to help him. He says: “The Mother has written to me to be very careful about the flies so they may not gather, etc.”

Yes — flies are very dangerous, just now more than ever.

When the Washing Section is working it puts the inmate’s vessels in water immediately; but when the inmates go for their food at late hours, their dishes remain in the open and flies gather on them.

No dishes must be left in the open as an attraction for flies. If they cannot be washed at once, they must be dipped in a tub full of water — this is very important.

It is better, these days to wash every day with “chlorure de chaux” the floor of the kitchen, the serving room and the dining rooms. The serving tables too.

8 August 1934

*

My Beloved,

D prepares syrup to put in Your juice out of the ordinary sugar supplied by R. Would it not be better to use the Taikoo packets of China sugar for You?

It is not necessary; the other one gets quite clean by the boiling and filtering.

My dear child, I am always with you in all love, protection and trust.

16 August 1934

*

Beloved Mother,

All Love to You. May things be more quiet, more calm, and may You have a full rest.

In the present condition of things at large, we must be satisfied, I suppose, with the inner rest which is always there, untouched by any exterior turmoil.

With love and blessings always.

17 August 1934

*

Mother,

What to do about the potatoes and onions asked by the ladies? I have not been able to find a solution, though several times the idea has passed in me to buy them from Madras.

There is cholera in Madras too, worse than here. I would rather they did not use onions as, of all vegetables, it is the one that catches most any infection.

18 August 1934

*

Mother,

I am informing the persons who cook for You about the onions. What shall we do for the kitchen then?

They must not be kept but used soon after buying, peeled only at the very moment of use (this is very important) and very well boiled.

Always near you, in the help and the trust.

19 August 1934

*

Mother,

The beauty of the seasonal vegetables: [the disciple lists the ingredients of two pumpkin dishes]. The things are fresh and good and cheap.

It is all right provided there will not be pumpkin at each meal.

23 August 1934

*

Dear Mother,

H read the note of D for the white pepper. She told me: “Why buy a bottle! Bring the white pepper, I shall grind it as fine as a bottle of Morton pepper ground in London. It will be quite fresh for the Mother.”

If it is truly not too much work, certainly I like better to have it prepared at home.

30 August 1934

*

My dear Mother,

At D’s kitchen I saw the potatoes and told her: “These cannot be used for Mother.” When they are going to rot, they become soft, and she calls them flowery potatoes. I explained to her the whole thing.

If it is a question of the uncleanliness of the market, I wash and rinse the vegetables required for You in water mixed with a few drops of vinegar.

You are quite right and the market vegetables are far superior to what she gives us, especially the brinjals which seem to be made of straw.

31 August 1934

*

Beloved Mother,

There is nothing that can stop my union with You. Boils or no boils, nothing can prevent me from merging into Your Love. I am experiencing daily that You are bearing me in Your arms and heart. Love, love to Thee, dear Mother.

Surely these boils will soon go and you will be quite well once more.

All my love is there to work this out.

4 September 1934

*

Mother,

Why so sudden a change in my condition, I wonder? I was quite in a normal state this morning, and in the twinkling of an eye it all got changed and I was before You in a changed condition. Whatever it may be, I have learned many lessons today, Mother. The movements that were loose and scattered have become controlled and concentrated. Mother, in spite of falls and blunders, with a certitude to become as You wish.

There is no fall and no blunder and I do not know why your condition got so much changed. But if it is for the better I am very glad. Of course one has always something to learn and a progress to make, and in each circumstance we can find the occasion of learning the lesson and making the progress.

If you feel more concentrated than you were, it is a very good thing, especially if it is a concentration on the Divine, wanting more and more to avoid all influences except that of the Divine and to accept to be moved only by the Divine’s will and no other. You said today that it is the end of making remarks to one another on people. Surely the day when the inmates of the Ashram will stop making among themselves remarks on the others, when all gossip will stop, it will be a blessed day and our work of realisation will be made much easier.

What you see, what you observe, you must keep for yourself and say to nobody except me.

Once again, be the giver of example to the others — show them how a true sadhak must be.

I trust that you will do it and all my love and force are with you for this accomplishment.

11 September 1934

*

Dear Mother,

Surely You will tell me if Your trust in me gets shaken, if Your love is not responded to.

You have called forth this being to live in the Ashram in the Light of the Divine, with the head filled with the Presence of the Divine, the heart filled with Your Love, the vital filled with the dynamic Force of the Divine for the execution of the Divine Will.

O Mother, O Lord, may You possess this being, may it come forth and live exclusively in the full splendour of Your Love and Light and Truth.

This is my prayer to the All-Gracious Divine.

Your prayer is heard, your ardent aspiration is receiving the proper response. Our trust and love are always with you and our Light and Consciousness to enlighten, transform, perfect the whole being.

With all our blessings.

11 September 1934

*

Dear Mother,

One thing surmounts all difficulties in me: it is that my faith, confidence and trust are never shaken. This condition of faith is solid and unbreakable; it is an eternal faith, a loving present from the Divine. I am sustained by a vast faith in You, my loving Mother, and in my beloved Sri Aurobindo.

Yes, it is your faith and love that carry you through all difficulties to an ultimate Victory.

With all my love and blessings.

14 September 1934

*

Mother,

I am quiet and happy. One prayer: may this hostile attack pass away and let all of us remain sound.

My dear child, be sure of our trust and love. Our help and protection is over all so that all trouble may come to an end.

15 September 1934

*

My dear child,

I do not understand how what you propose can help. The work you are given, the life you live must be the work and the life of a sadhak, not that of a coolie. If you were treated or lived like a coolie and not as a sadhak, this work could never be done by you.

Moreover I do not see how your renouncing the things I give you could in the least cure the discontent of A and those like him.

The true attitude is neither to be an ascetic nor to indulge in desire. The true attitude is to take in all simplicity what I give, to be perfectly satisfied with it and neither to ask for more nor to refuse what is given. This is the true example to give, the one that can help the others towards a better understanding of their duties as sadhaks.

Nothing can cure A except getting rid of this making desire and the satisfaction of desire the principle of his life.

Now, if he truly wants to stop the cleaning of the kitchen vessels, I suppose that you will be able to manage in another way. But first you must ascertain from him that he truly wishes to give up that work.

Remain my child, simple, quiet and content, and all will be all right.

5 October 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Let me tell You, my dear Mother, I am completely quiet all through, though there are direct accusations against me, and I feel happy to inform You that a better understanding is coming.

It is bound to come if we stand firm in the right attitude.

My beloved Mother, I accept You, I receive You, I have You in my heart always. My dear Mother, may Your Love manifest.

Yes, I am with you always, in the heart of your heart, in unshakeable Consciousness and Love.

11 October 1934

*

Dear Mother,

I heard that D, B, N and G have all made accusations against me. But that does not matter. I am quite happy — happier and more firm and quiet than ever before. There is one thing that has given me quietness and kept me at rest: Your confidence, Your Love, and my faith in Your Love.

Dear Mother, the entire thing is ending and I have full hope that there will be better understanding and a little more peace.

So long as all these women are living in the vital consciousness — as they do — they are bound to quarrel, to be jealous, envious, spiteful, depressed, and the rest. The best is not to pay much importance to it — because in fact it has none. You set things right, the next day they go wrong again, because the seat of their consciousness is not changed. Even if they turn to the Divine, they will turn in the same spirit and with the same reactions: competition, strife, anger, jealousy, spite and the rest.

It is the consciousness that must change its seat and get out from the vital to a higher or deeper place.

When they come to you, you can tell them that all these stories have no importance whatever, that they are the ordinary reactions of the ordinary life and that surely it is no use coming here to live in that ordinary way. They must make an effort to rise to a higher and truer, to a more disinterested and unselfish consciousness and there they will see that all will be all right for them.

As for you, I am happy that all this turmoil left you untouched. Indeed it must be so more and more and you must yourself look at all these things from the light and equanimity of a spiritual consciousness filled with the Divine Presence and Love.

Our help and trust are always with you.

12 October 1934

*

My dear Mother,

This morning, when H and P were frying the balls for vegetables, this thought passed in me:

We come here to stay. Suppose we are put to the test? We are put in a big pan filled with oil beneath a very strong fire, and we have to sit in the pan, calm, quiet, unmoved and completely at rest. Those who pass the test are allowed to take up the Yoga.

It would scarcely be a test. The moral courage and endurance are often much more difficult to get than the material courage and endurance.

15 October 1934

*

Dear Mother,

My task is more difficult now. When A comes to me, he hardly speaks about the work at the Granary. But he can freely talk on subjects unnatural to me: the world, its curiosities and many other things. I am really puzzled over the matter.

Let him talk, you need not answer. Simply keep living in you the thought of the true consciousness and the will that he should awake to it.

18 October 1934

*

My dear Mother,

During the monsoon rains the servants failed to show up and we inmates volunteered to distribute the food and carry the dishes to the other inmates. Shall we not go on like that?

Yes, it will have to be done. People cannot go without food.

21 October 1934

*

My dear and beloved Mother,

I am happy because I am always supported and carried by You. So often the workers come to me and play a drama and fall into gloom. But I am happy, my dear Mother, so the gloom passes away from them and happiness and peace pervade.

Yes, it is very good — happiness is as contagious as gloom. And nothing can be more useful than to pass on to people the contagion of a true and deep happiness.

25 October 1934

*

Dear Mother,

My entire being remains more unmoved than before, more unshaken, more undisturbed, more unclouded by circumstances, conditions and gloom.

Yes, this is good — and this equanimity and poise must go on increasing until perfection.

Our help, love and trust are always with you.

26 October 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Not a pleasant information: this evening at 6.00 I broke the porcelain handle of the window-spring. I am very very sorry for this unpleasant incident.

It does not matter, they will replace it by a brass one — it is truly a very small incident without importance.

Always with you my dear child, bringing you peace, help and protection with an unshakeable love.

28 October 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Surely Your Love is unshakeable and always You love me. Surely I shall advance with You, as fast as Your Love permits. I am once more firmly poised on a better plane than ever before. After a little shaking and crying my equanimity has become more strong and unshakeable — because of Your unshakeable Love.

Your love fully answers to mine.

Yes, my dear child, it has, indeed, been a true and great progress and your feeling of having emerged in a new light is true; rather it is a new light which has descended in some parts of the being still obscure and brought there a Certitude.

Love is, in truth, the Victor.

29 October 1934

*

Mother,

M took no food last night, this morning and this noon. Is he not well?

I know nothing about M not eating, but perhaps it is in protest because I made him remove plants which he did not want to remove (the plants were injuring the foundations of Cocotiers house). But now if the men also will start a hunger strike when I do not do exactly what they want me to do! then … Perhaps you might speak to him and ask him why he did not eat. Do not mention my supposition — let him say what he has to say.

30 October 1934

*

My dear Mother,

A few days ago S put a demand on me: “Come to Canal House daily.”

I told her, “It is not possible.”

Then she said, “Once a week.”

I replied, “That too is difficult. All the same I shall try but it will not be regular.”

“I want to come to you,” she said.

“All right, at 11 a.m. when you come for your flowers.”

I have not said, “Do not come to me,” but when they try to bind me tight, I always find it very difficult.

She has passed through a difficult time and old movements have come up again trying to drag her back to ancient errors; that is why probably she was wanting to see you.

But surely she will be all right again after some time.

You are right in letting nobody catch hold of you, it would be very bad in all ways.

With love and blessings always.

7 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

S of the bakery came to me this evening and told me: “Why do you give us hard bread now? Why do you keep the stock? You can give us fresh bread daily.” I explained to him the problems of the rise and fall in consumption each day and the need to keep some stock.

I suppose things can continue as they are now. But do you not think it would be fair to give to S and the bakery people a loaf of fresh bread every day? They have all the work and hard work too; they must at least eat their own bread when it is quite good.

9 November 1934

*

Dear Mother,

S is again badly disturbed. When I am frank, there is difficulty; when I remain silent, there is also difficulty. Give me a middle path, such as Buddha found.

Do not worry — whatever you do will always be criticized. So the best is not to pay any attention to what people say and to go on one’s own path according to the highest light one can get.

With all love and blessings always.

10 November 1934

*

My dear Love,

Physically, I am much better; the throat also seems to be better. I hope to be quite all right.

Let the light, the force, the consciousness flood your whole being and give you the strength to throw away at once the attack on your body.

Always with you.

11 November 1934

*

Dear Mother,

I had a little fever today and the throat is had also. Perhaps it is due to a sudden change of weather and it will be quite all right in a day or two. My dear Mother, I do not accept this fever or this cold. It has to go away.

Certainly it must go at once. But why not have your throat painted by P as he did it for you before?

Do you have something warm to cover yourself in the night? If not tell me, I shall give you a rug. It is in the middle of the night that the weather becomes cold.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

12 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

The condition of the vegetable market is exceptionally poor. Nothing can be found in quantity for us. Prices have gone up more than double and for certain vegetables 5 or 6 times.

For the money we must accept the necessity of the expense, but we must be strict about the quality of the food. We cannot give bad or spoilt things.

13 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

M told R: “Why not ask the Mother to get biscuits prepared for your son in our Bakery?” R told me: “Will you ask the Mother and take her permission to get the biscuits prepared for the boy? I shall pay you the money.” I did not answer him.

I told M: “Do not make such statements. We do not do such things, it is altogether new. We shall have to write to the Mother first before we take up such things.”

It is quite impossible to tax the Bakery people with such extra work and to do business with their work.

14 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

You have told us: “I have come to fight and conquer.”

Accept me, my dear General, as Your humble soldier. I carry Your banner of Truth and Light. I accept no defeat.

A decisive Victory is crowned upon You, my dear Mother. Divine Love is the Victor.

Yes, my dear child, you are my good warrior and you will have your share in the Victory.

With love and blessings always.

16 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

The last two days, when I was on the footpath of Aroumé, I got a rising of temperature in my body and a bad head; this morning it was worse and I was pushing and pushing it out.

Today I cleaned M’s bottle with sweets and was bringing it to You from Aroumé. I held it tight with a consciousness that it must not fall. It did not slip, but jumped out of my hand; twice I grabbed for it and the third time it went out of my hand onto the stone steps of Aroumé and broke into pieces.

The bottle itself has no importance, but why these attacks on me when I go to Aroumé? It did not stop there. Some hostile force wanted to send me away from the Ashram, it wanted me to tell You: “Mother, I want to retire; make me free from Aroumé and the Aroumé workers.”

My dear Mother, the hostile forces are taking a little pleasure in troubling me, but I accept no defeat, I do not become weak; I am up and up and on and on, forward with full strength, zeal and confidence in myself and in You and in the final Victory of the Divine Light.

Yes, fear not.

The attack is not on you only but on the whole place, because of the approaching darshan.

We have only to say — in perfect peace — to these adverse forces: what you are trying to do is perfectly useless — you can in no way interfere with the victory of the Divine.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

19 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

In all love for You, I disappear in You, and You alone live in me. My Mother, I am Thy child.

With all love to you, my dear child, I take you in my arms and keep you in my heart.

20 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

This evening I wished and wished for a being to come, a being who has risen above all lower nature and is completely merged in the Divine. My dear Mother, there are such beings somewhere above; may they come down and serve You and manifest Your Love and Consciousness.

If they took a body, they would at the same time take upon them the human nature and all its difficulties.

27 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

My entire nature is changing and will change more and more and reach its perfection. I wish to be a happy transformed being, only so that I may be at Your service.

It is true that you are advancing rapidly towards the goal My love is accompanying you on the way.

28 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Today S tells me: “I want to work with a winnowing fan also.” The day before yesterday she definitely told me: “Only husking and nothing else.” When she goes on with her whims, it is rather difficult to go to the others and make changes in the work.

One thing I wish to know: do You want her to husk and do all other work?

What can I say when she agrees to one thing and the next moment she wants another one.

30 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Mother, my Mother, may the Divine Peace descend upon earth. May the Divine Peace descend into each heart. It is only in Peace that the Divine shall manifest and spread the glory of His Divinity.

My Mother, I ask for Peace, Peace and Peace.

Yes, Peace is the indispensable basis. Our peace, love and blessings are always with you.

30 November 1934

*

My dear Mother,

I read Sri Aurobindo’s notice about You. I read it again and then read it once more.

My Lord, the Mother has no rest; may She have some. Lord, grant that wherever I go and move and work, there may be nothing but peace and happiness.

My dear Mother, this is my humble prayer to the Divine: may You have rest.

Just now, I am resting quite all right. Surely the best way to help is, indeed, to be peaceful and happy. And if peace and happiness were spread in the Ashram much of the work would be saved.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

1 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

I am quiet, happy and filled with Your Love, the Love that is a great victorious force.

Yes, love is the great Victor.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

2 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Ah, the moment we remain fully conscious and vigilant, all our difficulties vanish — they cannot stand! It is impossible for them to face the flaming fire of the Divine. Grant me full consciousness, complete vigilance and that flaming fire.

Surely you will have more and more the divine fire of progress and purification burning in your heart.

With our love and blessings.

3 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Happy am I that You are in my heart; Your Love and Light surround me.

Yes, I am always in your heart and the peace, protection and help are constantly surrounding you.

With love and blessings.

7 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

This evening at 8 p.m. a very strong giddiness came in my head and began to make me unconscious. I sat down for a few minutes and it passed away.

Why do such things happen? I know why: in 1935 we enter the Eternal Consciousness, a consciousness of complete peace, joy, harmony and happiness. In order to obstruct this, such things come.

To be quiet and fearless is the condition in which these adverse forces can do no harm at all.

Always with you.

8 December 1934

*

Mother of my heart,

Awaken the unawakened parts in me. Make me integrally conscious of Thy Presence, the Presence which will lead me to an integral and perfect union with Thee and make me live as a brilliant portion of Thyself.

Yes, your prayer will be granted.

Always with you, day and night, in the action and in the rest.

With love and blessings.

10 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

D has taken so many photos and there is now an album. People ask me: “Where are you?” I answer:

“In the heart of the Mother.”

I have only one place, and it is Your heart.

My dear child,

Well, you have lost nothing from not being photographed because the photos are far from good!

And surely it is better to be in my heart (where you actually are) than in an album …

18 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

S has not taken her evening food, for reasons she knows. I do not, but most probably I am the culprit.

I do not think you are the culprit. I must be the culprit because she wanted to embroider a crown for me in gold and I said that I had no gold thread that I could give, which is the plain truth.

All these moods are absurd, and the best thing is not to mind them at all. A perfect equanimity is the strongest power.

19 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

May S have submission and love for the Divine, may she be filled with gratitude, may she progress in the sadhana.

I shall add: may she have a simple humility, because that is what she needs most.

The Divine Grace is infinite. O Mother, grant me a perfect receptivity. I give myself to the Divine.

Yes, my dear child, it is with the widening of the consciousness and the one-pointedness of the aspiration that the receptivity increases.

23 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

I don’t know how far it is true, but I feel that I am a being who has come down upon earth and taken up the human form only to manifest the Divine Will. I am eternal, unborn and immortal.

Let me tell You, after having this consciousness I feel myself untouched by anything and I find the strength of the lower life completely broken.

Your consciousness is quite true and I am happy you have come to realise this. Keep this consciousness in all humility towards the Divine because such is the condition of an integral realisation.

Our blessings are with you.

23 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

May You rest, and the best way of giving You rest is for me to rise above the lower nature and progress in the Divine Light so that I may live only as a spark and ray of the Light.

If each inmate determines to do this and progresses, surely, my dear Mother, You will have more rest and ease.

You are quite right, the only thing that can give me rest is that each one should take the right attitude and progress.

I am much better today.

With love and blessings always.

25 December 1934

*

My dear Mother,

Seeing You this evening, this prayer arose in me so fervently: “O Lord, may my Mother get completely cured tonight.” Surely had we been devoted to You, a collective prayer and aspiration would have arisen, instead of the sneezing, yawning and coughing. How nicely we receive You! You appear on the steps, and we begin this noise.

My dear Mother, may a collective and concentrated will be created, a will consecrated to the Divine for the manifestation of the Divine Love.

My very dear child, yes it is quite sure; if many could think and feel like you, things would become so much easier and so much time would be saved!

All love to you.

27 December 1934

*

Mother,

C says the light in his section is too high. A says the light in his washing department is too dim. Others say the light in the dining halls is too dim. They ask me to put in more powerful bulbs.

The bulbs in the dining halls cannot be changed. The two other things have been arranged.

The kitchen has two bulbs. I think one can be put aside and used only when necessary.

It is better not to take away the bulb. It can create some mischief in the electricity.

c. 1934

*

Mother,

A takes extra bread and gives it to the gardener and his daughters. He gets slices from the tiffin-carriers of others and this too he gives to them. If he asks for more slices, it is secretly for this purpose. I do not think we can allow such things to develop.

Give him the number of slices he used to take and nothing more. If he asks why, you have only to answer, “Mother’s orders.”

c. 1934

*

Mother,

People are complaining about milk spilling in the tiffin-carriers. When the carriers are opened, we fill them like this: bread comes first and we put it in the bottom pot. Then come the vegetables; we put them in the next pot. Last of all conies the milk and it goes in the top pot. Now when the carriers are sent off on the cart, the milk sometimes drops down by the jerks of the cart and spoils the vegetables and bread. So people have begun to ask for the milk to be served in the bottom pot. This means at least four times the labour and time for the workers.

In my heart I feel that if we give food, why not give it in a better condition? But my mind refuses to yield; it says that those who are so particular should come and take away their carriers themselves.

Mother, please decide for me.

It seems to me that it is only a question of organisation of the work. Why not have all the pots of each tiffin-carrier spread in a row, in the order in which they have to be placed afterwards, like this: 1 2 3 4 (1 is top, 4 is bottom)?

Logically, 1 must contain bread

2) “ “ vegetables

3) “ “ rice

4) “ “ milk or curds

Each thing is served in the corresponding pot as soon as it is ready (that is to say, bread first, vegetables afterwards, etc.) and the tiffin-carriers are remounted only when all is served, which allows the milk to be put at the bottom.

I hope I have been clear in my explanation about how to deal with the tiffin-carriers. Of course two minutes’ practical demonstration of how to do it would make it clearer and easier to understand. If something is still obscure, I shall call you and explain how to do it. The only objection you can make to my proposal is the space needed to spread 50 to 60 tiffin-carriers. But perhaps it is quite possible to manage the required space.

c. 1934

*

My dear Mother,

The old plantain vendor has vacated the market and a new man has opened a shop now. This morning the old vendor sent the plantains directly to us and he wants to continue this way. But when I went to the market I saw the new merchant. He will bring the rate down to 10 annas per 100 plantains; this includes home-delivery and the selection is ours. The old vendor was charging 12 annas for 100, plus coo-lie charges.

It is better to put them in competition with one another, not only for price (I do not see why we should pay more than 10 annas when we can have them at that price) but also for quality. And for that we must try the new man and see how he behaves with us and what is the quality of his goods.

1 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

D is suffering badly from cough and has a fever, so she has become weak. I think perhaps, it would be better if she does not move out much and takes rest.

The remaining at home brings depression and it is the worst thing for this illness — but she must not do hard work, and remain in the sun and the open air as much as possible.

3 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Today K cried and cried for one hour in my room, for reasons I do not know.

If only she wrote about it and said the reason — if there is any — of such an upsetting, she would be cured at once.

5 January 1935

*

Dear Mother,

J is so disobedient that he breaks the Dining Room discipline at each and every step. He allows M to take home food in the D. R. bowls. She has been given a tiffin-carrier, so there is no reason why the D. R. vessels should go out.

Of course, it is not good for the D. R. vessels to go about like that. But I suppose, in this case, it is a choice between a break of discipline and the shouts, screams and tears of M!…

7 January 1935

*

Dear Mother,

Serving food to the inmates after fixed hours: for the late-comers, breakfast goes up to 10.30 a.m., lunch up to 3.30 p.m. and dinner up to 9.30 p.m. There are nearly 40 late-comers. And they go on asking for slices of bread. People take more slices on one day and the next day they return them. What shall we do with the slices afterwards?

Dear Mother, money-lending is also going on in the Ashram! I thought that You alone deal in money.

Yes, people are irregular, fanciful, unscrupulous, undisciplined, disobedient … but there is only to keep a steady, quiet will and to be patient — all that will come to an end, one day.

I am always with you in your advance towards realisation.

7 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The condition of milk: we are not sure of receiving the required amount of milk in the morning, yet people come forward to take 2 or 3, even 4 cups of milk in the morning. This makes the D. R. workers nervous and anxious about the noon-time distribution of milk. Suppose I get 3 cups of milk for the whole day, and I begin to take 2 cups at one time — it creates a disturbance in the distribution for the D. R.

I understand that it is very difficult for the people who serve and that the inmates are very exacting — but on their side is it not that the servers are anxious more for their own convenience than for that of the others?

My dear Mother, I ask for more patience, more quietness, more peace and for a more perfect equanimity.

Yes — for the growth of equanimity one must learn to see things from many points of view and especially from the point of those who oppose us — not in order to agree with them but to understand better their point of view. Let the peace and a quiet strength always inhabit your heart and your head.

11 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Make me constantly a sadhak of the Yoga. May I remain a sadhak all the time and not only when I come to You for Pranam.

Indeed this is a very important thing for everybody.

With all love and blessings.

11 January 1935

*

Dear Mother,

So often I receive things from You. An orange, some butter, a biscuit or a cake are daily gifts.

Yes, I am sending all these things to you with the idea of making your body quite strong.

Our help and protection are always with you.

13 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

We tried to bring S to the Dining Room for his food, but he insisted upon the tiffin-carrier and he got it. A the same. So too G, who has a brother and wants to take food for him as well.

One more candidate for a tiffin-carrier: D who complains that if he goes to the Dining Room he meets M and B, and he does not want to see their faces! … I have answered nothing to his demand. You will do according to the possibilities.

18 January 1935

*

Dear Mother,

On this coming Wednesday, we are thinking of preparing Halwa. Now that it is a routine dish, shall I try it once without cashew nuts and raisins?

Will it not be a little tasteless?

19 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

G’s brother has gone to Madras, so G is sending a small girl to Aroumé to fetch the tiffin-carrier for him. His brother was a big man and after going to Gujarat he has become still bigger!

I don’t know if the man is too big but surely the girl is too small to do that work.

21 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A wave of threats — such as going on hunger-strike and not attending the meditations — has entered the men-folk from the ladies!

Many men did it long before the women began.

At 9.15 a.m. I saw D jumping at the compound wall of the Governor’s House to pluck some flowers. He plucked or rather robbed a bunch of flowers.

This is extremely serious. You must tell him that A went to prison for a similar thing.

This is how we bring troubles for us and for You! I am much pained by that.

I hope you have told him that it must never be done. If he does not listen to you I shall have to write to him that if he does it once more I shall send him away from the Ashram.

21 January 1935

*

Dear Mother,

My love for You is too little, too shallow. My self-offering and devotion are too flat and full of turmoil. My consciousness is too clouded, not clear and transparent.

My dear Mother, I know this, yet I know also: there is a certitude of Victory and Realisation.

It is all right to see the imperfections and deficiencies but only on condition that it brings a greater courage for a new progress, an increase of energy in the determination, and a stronger certitude of victory and future perfection.

Always with you.

21 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I have deceived myself and You all along; I am filled with imperfections and lower impulses. I boasted of my purity, but now I see that it was all boasting, full of pride and ego.

Dear Mother, make me vividly conscious of all my defects and imperfections. I lose neither courage nor heart nor strength. My strength is You, and in You I rest.

Everything will be all right in time. There is only to keep up a patient aspiration and an unfailing confidence in the Divine Grace and its assured victory.

Always with you.

23 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Y saw the cupboard to be repaired and told me: “This is quite the old pattern; even if I repair it, it will not be safe. Ask the Mother for a new one.”

I told him: “I have no heart to reject the old one.”

He said: “It is your economic nature that goes on using the old one. Everybody is giving away the old furniture and is asking for new.”

My dear Mother, let us use what we have. This attitude of Y is a very big drain of the Ashram energy.

Yes — it is quite a wrong attitude.

24 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

K told me: “Sometimes when the flow of Light comes down from above, I say: ‘Not now, let me finish this work. —

I said: “Never do that. Receive it, welcome it, allow it to come. It is the physical consciousness that wants to have its own old nature.”

Surely what you said was right. Moreover with a little practice the light can be fully received and still the work go on. But this condition comes later.

With all love and blessings always.

28 January 1935

*

My dear Mother,

An Aroumé servant asked for half a day leave for tomorrow morning. I told A I need a replacement, but it seems he does not have sufficient hands and cannot spare a man. If a servant comes to do part of the work, it is all right. Otherwise, we can manage with what we have quite easily.

It is better to insist a little with A — the difficulties come from inadequate organisation and by insisting it obliges them to make an effort and the difficulties get solved.

6 February 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Now You know H’s absurdity, for she has written to You what she wanted to do today. I am happy that she is now free from that.

Sri Aurobindo has just read her letter to me — you did well to console her. These ideas of incapacity are absurd, they are the negation of the truth of progress. What cannot be done today, will be done another day — if the aspiration is there.

6 February 1935

*

My dear Mother,

H has gone into a state of depression and despondency. To imagine, to invent, to justify and assent to falsehoods as the Reality and Truth — this is a chronic disease with many of us. May this nature of purely vital ignorance and physical stupidity disappear from the Ashram.

Surely it will be a very good thing when all these ignorant depressions are chased away.

7 February 1935

*

My dear Mother,

What’s the matter in the Dining Room? Why do we take pleasure in coming into conflict with each other? Is there even one day that has passed peacefully until now? Why do we seek for power instead of consecrating ourselves at the feet of the Divine?

Save, save us, O dear Mother.

There is only to be patient — all that will pass one day. Perhaps in the state of their present consciousness they would find life too dull without quarrels.

Since yesterday I have been thinking of taking up the serving and distribution of food.

I do not think it is possible. I do not like that you should be bound by a regular work like that one. The rest would suffer.

My dear Mother, grant me an absolute loving consecration to Thee. Make me Thy humble and docile servant. And wherever I am asked to serve, give me gentleness and peace. Teach me to be Thy docile servant.

Surely you will do more and more perfectly your service to the Divine.

9 February 1935

*

Dear Mother,

I am often called a “miser” because of my resistance to outer suggestions. I am a miser! If I become generous and lavish, as the inmates want me to be — which is absolutely impossible — we must put aside not 16 thousand rupees for food but 30 or 40 thousand rupees. How shall we do so?

You are quite right and I do not find you a miser.

If I listened to what the people say, we should have been ruined long ago.

My dear loving Mother, make me more and more true and faithful to Thee. O my dear Love, may the Divine Grace alone manifest.

You have chosen the right path. Do not mind what the others say. In all love and trust.

10 February 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Today I experienced that wherever I turned my eyes, I found You claiming all; I left all, ran to You, Mother, called You, threw myself at Your Feet, and I had all, and You.

This is a very good experience.

My dear Mother, always Thy child, make me Thy child, a true child.

Yes, my true child whom I keep always in my arms.

12 February 1935

*

My child,

Did you ask H how the work will be done if she leaves it? It is not fair to take up such a big responsibility and drop it like that, in a fit of bad temper.

20 February 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A display of tremendous energy: the lady workers of Aroumé worked from 5 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. This is not the first time; once they worked from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. at a stretch.

O my dear Mother, let the energy be consecrated to the Divine consciously; let it be a pure self-giving to the Divine.

Yes, with consecration the work can be done much more easily and happily. But nobody must be asked a greater effort than what he can do.

27 February 1935

*

O my dear Mother,

I am becoming more quiet and peaceful. It is peace and equanimity that have made my work easier and simpler and brought goodwill where there was bad will.

Yes, let the peace and the quietness settle more and more in you and everything will become easy in your work.

Always with you.

9 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The Aroumé servants are obedient and willing workers, never absent without informing me previously. Even when they are ill, they come and take leave. I think it is the result of my kind and gentle behaviour with them.

Yes, I am sure that servants behave according to the way they are treated.

10 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The negligence of C and A today reminded me of past cases where I and my fellow workers were treated like butlers and couriers. Happily, it passed away very quickly. We may not be close friends, but surely we have to cooperate fully in the work.

Yes, it is good to turn a difficulty into an occasion for a new progress.

With love and blessings always.

12 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

No doubt bad suggestions of every kind come and present themselves before me; but just as the clouds pass away and the sun remains unaffected, so does my condition.

The only saving factor is this: Your Love has penetrated into all the corners of my being. And it has gone deep down: there is a constant remembrance of You, my dear Mother. It is that which pushes me onward and carries me forward towards the goal.

Yes, my dear child, my love is always with you, around you, in you, and the protection, the help, the blessings never leave you.

14 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

What should my attitude be towards H in her disturbances?

My dear Mother, let there be no attachment in me for others; let there be purely a goodwill and a heart filled with loving consecration to the Divine. If help or consolation comes from me, or rather through me, let it be purely a divine work.

Yes, it is like that that the help becomes true and effective.

To do at each moment the best we can and leave the result to the Divine’s decision, is the surest way to peace, happiness, strength, progress and final perfection.

With love and blessings always.

15 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A complete reliance upon the Divine Grace alone gives peace, happiness and joy. That is because the Divine Himself takes up the devotee and carries him or her in His arms.

Yes, the Grace is infinite for one who sincerely trusts the Grace.

Always with you, my dear child.

15 March 1935

*

Dear Mother,

What about R? What work will he do? He has not spoken to me about anything.

He has not been accepted as a permanent member and that is why no work has been given to him. He is married and has children and he wanted to bring the whole lot here. He has always lived on G’s charity. We do not need this kind of people here.

21 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I heard today that due to somebody’s ungratefulness the eyes of Sri Aurobindo have big red marks. My only wish is that the day may never come when You have them.

I also might have been ungrateful to You…

No, you have never been ungrateful and we know you will never be.

With all trust and love always.

21 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A full trust and confidence in the Divine Love saves a sadhak from all dangers and difficulties and gives him happiness, peace and joy.

My dear Mother, grant me a force that brings an integral and complete self-giving to the Divine.

Yes, it is a sincere self-giving that saves one from all difficulties and dangers.

With love and blessings always.

28 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

L was getting suggestions that she would become mad. It seems that many people said to her: “Why do you laugh so much?” — even when she was not laughing. I told her: “These are suggestions thrown upon you; you are not like that. On the contrary, it is such a nice thing, this laughter, a sort of great release and liberation.”

Yes, she must not fear — it is all stupid suggestions and you spoke quite well.

31 March 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I want You to interfere in all my movements, whatever they are; and Your interference will be promptly responded to with love and submission, with an earnest will to change as You would like. I want You, I seek for You day and night, night and day — for Your Light, for Your Consciousness, for Your Force.

O Mother, come into my entire being, my smallest cell, the tiniest drop of my blood. Come, my dear Mother, and make the whole being Your seat.

My dear child, with all my love I take you in my arms as my own child and assure you that you will become more and more mine.

3 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

We have to find somebody for the washing and wiping of vessels. I do not know who it could be.

It seems to me that the only solution is that A should work himself, instead of throwing all the work upon others.

6 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A big disturbance is hovering over the kitchen. Twice it appeared a few days back, but it was controlled. P has accused me directly of being unfair. I tried to explain to her each time, but the roots have not disappeared.

The best is to ignore all these petty things. To want only what the Divine wants in us and for us is the only important thing.

6 April 1935

*

Dear Mother,

I thought I had a very pure relation with the inmates, but today I see that it was all humbug. There is a still greater purity to manifest and to live.

When I go deep down and analyse myself, I find the lower vital impulses, the animal impulses of ordinary human life and its instincts. These things have no strength to make me act physically but I understand now that they creep in and govern the lower vital nature in a very subtle polished form.

Yes, these things were to be seen. It is good that you have seen them; but now there is only to be quiet, happy and peaceful in a steady will that all the nature should be enlightened.

6 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Blessed be the day when there will be peace, gentleness, kindness and the manifestation of Love.

My dear Mother, may the Divine manifest.

I would say: may the world become aware that the Divine is manifesting!

8 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The kitchen has not yet finished its troubles, and now the serving section has begun.

We are not trained to resist all evil, nor disciplined enough to persist after the Truth, nor cultured enough to live a quiet and happy life.

Yes, the suggestion of disturbance and dissatisfaction has become very strong and many respond to it; but we have only to keep quiet, very quiet, more and more quiet as an answer to the growing restlessness and stand calmly until the storms are over.

It is only a perfect Peace that can overcome all these excited fits …

With all love and blessings always.

9 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

G made a big fuss this afternoon. She was crying so loudly in her room that people could hear it on the footpath. I was passing that way, I too heard it and went straight upstairs and called to her: “G, keep quiet! It is enough. Keep quiet!”

She became silent and I went away.

Yes, you did well to interfere. We cannot tolerate these fits of hysteria — they turn the Ashram into some kind of asylum!

11 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Water supply: Aroumé consumes a good deal of water for drinking, cooking and washing. If it happens again like today that there is no water from the taps for many hours, what shall we do? We shall have to use the well. The water will be fetched from it, boiled, passed through a cloth and used for cooking, drinking and washing vessels.

It is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to use the well water (even boiled) for drinking — the well water of the town is contaminated by infiltrations — this means typhoid and cholera — and for cooking also it is impossible because the well water has a filthy taste and smell.

12 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

S bought some things last month and did not pay for them. Today A gave me the money to pay on her behalf. After that I began to think: so many people are buying things in their own capacity. Do they all pay cash or do they remain as debtors? Can they not be stopped!

I have tried several times but never succeeded and the result was only that they began hiding things from me, which made their case much worse.

13 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Feeding animals in Aroumé: crows, squirrels, etc. come in a very big number. They not only eat up what is thrown to them by S, but also what is put for drying in the sun. When they eat up raisins and cashew nuts and spoil the sugar and such things, it is too much. I feel we should stop this feeding and lessen the number of animals in Aroumé.

Now that they have taken the habit of coming it may be difficult to stop them, but you may try.

21 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

More peace brings more Light, and that sets everything right. O Lord, more peace.

Yes, it is in peace that the knowledge and the power can manifest.

Always with you.

24 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May all atoms and cells and parts of my being open to You, receive You, contain You. May You alone be the Sovereign Master. This is all my wish.

Surely it will be fulfilled as I am always with you.

25 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

How is it that I read nothing, learn nothing! Some people learn languages, some learn painting, some learn singing; many read books on yoga and some are typing out Sri Aurobindo’s articles in “Arya”.

All that is for people who have a restless mind and need some mental occupation.

How is it I do nothing? This becomes a riddle to me at times, and I have no solution except this: it does not matter, let me have my Mother; it is quite sufficient if I have Her.

This is surely the best.

Always with you, my dear child.

28 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

In advancing towards the realisation there might come difficulties. I pass them over as the Mother’s child; I begin the sadhana as a child of the Mother, I advance like that and even in fulfilment I remain Thy child, my dear Mother, a child of eternity.

Yes, you will always be my dear child and thus you will reach the realisation.

29 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Tomorrow I am finishing the medicine for boils. May this be the last medicine for me. O body consciousness, open yourself to the dear Mother and get yourself filled with Her Love.

Yes, there comes a time when medicines are no more needed, but that means that the body consciousness is quite opened to the force from above and that a strong unwavering will is established in the material.

With all love and blessings to you, my dear child.

30 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I have seen this: the Ashram has no hostile forces; it is filled with the Mother. It is only when we open to these hostile forces, calling them in, that they come and disturb us. If we remained calm, quiet and open to the Divine alone, the life of the Ashram would undergo a very rapid transformation and there would be peace, joy and happiness.

This is quite true. The peace and the happiness are always there.

With you always.

30 April 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Peace and an unshakeable equanimity are the firm basis for happiness, joy and progress towards the Goal. May it increase in me, in all of us in the Ashram.

Our love and blessings are always with you, establishing equanimity as an indispensable basis for the Realisation.

2 May 1935

*

O my dear Mother,

My heart is filled with gratitude that You brought me here. You fished me out of the lower nature and kept me in the bosom of Your eternal love.

O my dear Mother, teach me to love Thee, to surrender to Thee; teach me to be Thine, more truly Thine.

Yes, I am keeping you in my arms and surrounding you with my love which united to your aspiration will take you to the goal.

6 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

In Aroumé there are a good number of people having moods; none can say when these moods will come — they come without any reason.

Moods are all over the Ashram — they come from the obscurity and bad will of the physical mind. When the physical mind will consent to open to the light all these moods will disappear.

With love and blessings always.

11 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Too frequently I meet people in their difficulties and bad conditions. In this state I go deep down within myself, and my being rises in a great and fervent prayer to You:

O my dear Mother, make me more and more selfless, completely selfless, filled only with Your Purity, Peace, Consciousness, Love and Light.

I am always with you and you will never call me in vain — our peace, love, help and protection will always answer to your call.

13 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

There is misuse of filtered water in Aroumé; people are taking too much water in their tumblers and then throwing it away. No external rule can alter the situation; there has to be a change of consciousness and a complete consecration to the Divine.

Surely you are quite right — but we have to provide until the change of consciousness takes place!

Herewith a notice that can be put in Aroumé and also here near the filter.

Always with you.

14 May 1935

*

Dear Mother,

When anything happens to the body, it loses courage at once and becomes weak, helpless and full of fear. In one word, there is no peace and equanimity in the body consciousness. Not only the body but the entire consciousness gets clouded and veiled; there is no remembrance of the Divine in the physical consciousness and it is this that catches the illness and prolongs it.

Yes, this is quite rightly observed — but to have become conscious of it is a big step towards a successful transformation of the body consciousness and the victory over illness.

My love and blessings are always with you.

15 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Unless the body consciousness opens and receives the Divine Light, Peace and Consciousness, nothing of permanence is achieved. The body is the base, and upon that base the Divine has to work and construct a building. However much the vital and the mental are open and receptive, nothing can be said to be permanent if the body is not stable.

I am glad that you had the experience of the necessity for the body to open and to receive the divine Light and Will, as the mind and the heart does. This will do much for the increase of the resistance to illness and the capacity of keeping good health.

I am always with you.

15 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I am always given to Thee and to Thy Work. Make me more quiet, make me rest in full peace amidst these hundredfold activities. I have to learn this more and more, and You have to teach me. Teach me, my dear Mother, to be more and more Thine.

Yes, I am always with you, teaching you the true action and the true consecration.

19 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The most important thing for me to do is to remain quietly happy, consecrated and concentrated on You, and to do what has to be done very sincerely and devotionally, not worrying about the future, but quietly aspiring very humbly before You.

Yes, this is the right attitude and the most sure way.

Always with you in an affectionate trust.

27 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

What did I see this evening when You were looking at me from Your window? I saw that my chest was as transparent as glass and that You were seeing Your own image there.

My dear Mother is always in my heart for eternity. My Mother, my Mother, my Mother.

This is a very beautiful and true experience. I am happy you had it. Yes, I am always in your heart — for ever with you.

28 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I fail to understand why there is so much antipathy against me in the Aroumé workers.

I do not think it is so bad as all that.

Three days back, as soon as I entered Aroumé gate from the market, a force ran through my neck, saying: “It would have been better if you had died.”

Do not listen to all this rubbish. It does not come from the Aroumé workers, but from some hostile force that wants to upset you.

Yesterday when I was taking my lunch, a force wanted to send me away from Aroumé: “Go away, go away, you are not wanted here.”

Same explanation as above.

And now M tells me: “I shall not be able to cooperate with you in this way, nor shall I be able to work with you.” I do not even know what “way” he means.

My dear Mother, all is left to you. I rest happily and go to bed.

Yes, be quiet and do not worry about all that.

It is the same forces which want to make you believe that your co-workers hate you and make the others believe that you hate them. The mistake is to believe these forces — one ought always to answer them: No, it is not true, it cannot be.

Always with you, my dear child.

30 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I thought that as I have grown bulky, I might not be able to work physically. But I find that I can work with a sustained energy, quietly and with a balanced mind. And I think You are quite happy to see me working.

Yes, I am very glad to see you working physically and am sure it will do you much good. I am glad also that your body is getting a little less thin. It was truly necessary to fill the holes!

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

30 May 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Today I heard A and P quarreling. Afterwards, P told someone: “Prison life is easier than to work with A.”

Would it not be better if you spoke to P? If he is not satisfied, it is better for him to tell it frankly rather than to complain hidingly.

Always with you, my dear child.

1 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I have spoken to P very clearly: “Give dumb service; utter not a word even if there are whips on your back.”

If you mean that there must be no quarrels it is quite all right. But he must feel free to tell me what he has in his heart.

“Work can never be done if there is no discipline! The Mother knows very well the person in charge of the work, and those who work with him have to follow his instructions.” And he has agreed to that kind of work.

Let us see, my dear Mother. I wish that dumb service should be given to You by all of us.

I wanted you to tell him also that if he has any complaint to make or if he is not satisfied with his work, it is to me that he must freely say so.

My love, blessings and trust are always with you, my dear child.

2 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I, who was so social and friendly to all, am becoming more reserved day by day and relate to others only for the work or for business. Often the suggestion has passed in me that even with those I am somewhat free with, I should relate just for the work.

This is not necessary nor even advisable. You must feel free to speak to them and help them when they need it. Go on with them as you do — it is all right.

Grant me the strength, my dear Mother, to remain quite faithful to the Divine Will.

Yes, the strength is always with you to be always faithful to the Divine Will.

2 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

There is not a single worker in Aroumé who has not shown his or her bright side of love, devotion and service to the Divine. That is the light which shines in each of us; that I adore and through it I always feel in harmony with the inmates. That is what I put in front with my dealings with them.

Good.

Difficulties each of us have, some more, some less, but it is foolish to have contempt for someone having troubles. On the contrary, a sympathetic heart must go out to them in all goodwill and kindness, to help them out of their difficulties.

What you say is quite right and with this attitude there is no doubt that, sooner or later, the difficulties will vanish.

All love and blessings to you my dear child.

4 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The work in our courtyard garden: as you saw, I can do good work as a coolie also, and though completely soiled with earth all over, I can remain Your child.

I was very pleased to see you enjoying your work. I hope you will rest very well this night and your body will get stronger and stronger.

I feel that it would be good for us inmates to do some sort of manual work — but the wish must come from within our hearts.

Yes, it is when it comes spontaneously from the goodwill of the heart that it is helpful in all ways.

I am quietly happy, with a greater confidence that the Divine Will is always victorious. The increased confidence gives me more strength, quietness, peace, patience and a force that serves the Divine Will.

Yes, with the growing confidence comes the growing force and the growing capacity to receive it.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

6 June 1935

*

My dear, dear Mother,

I am happy with an increasing daily experience: My Mother is in my heart. She who supports me, guides me, loves me, She is the soul of this body and much more than that.

My dear Mother, I love You with all my heart.

Yes, you are truly in my arms, arms of love that always keep you close, very close to me.

6 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

At work two parties have formed — the quarrels go on daily and the smallest thing becomes a mountain. Both parties are quite dissatisfied with me because I do not take sides, I hear nobody and I put forth my case of peace and quietness.

What you are doing is quite all right. The most important thing is to keep an unshakeable quietude and peace. One day or another it will act upon them.

Desires, desires, have they no end? Yes, they have, the moment we turn towards the Divine and quietly aspire for Him, giving ourselves completely and sincerely to Him.

Yes, you are right. Keep a constant faith in the Divine’s final Victory.

7 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Where You are, I am. And I have no place to go except into Your loving and affectionate consciousness.

Yes, my dear child, your home is here and I am always with you.

7 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Beloved of my heart, soul of my body, whatever I am, good or bad, whatever I have or am going to have — all is Yours, Yours alone.

Given to You completely, my dear Mother.

Yes, you have given yourself and I have accepted your gift with trust and love, and I am always with you, my dear child.

10 June 1935

*

Mother, my dear Mother,

Grant me a complete faithfulness to You and Your work. Never let me accept the idea or suggestion: “Mother, I want to go; let me go.”

Surely such a monstrous idea must never cross your mind — it is unthinkable for my love.

11 June 1935

*

O my dear Mother,

You are my dear Mother; dearest of all, loveliest of all, You are my eternal Mother. It is the Divine’s Will that I, a human being, shall turn into an eternal child of Your eternal Love. May it soon be fulfilled.

Yes, you are my true child, and I trust you fully. There is no possible doubt about reaching the goal — the Victory is certain.

11 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

There are many difficulties at work, but it does not come into my heart to send any worker away from Aroumé. I am satisfied with them, one and all; and I am confident that in spite of all these quarrels we are arriving at a consciousness where there is unshakeable peace and happiness and harmony.

Surely this must be hoped and willed and worked out.

My dear Mother, my prayer to you: may the day come soon.

Yes, may it come soon. All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

14 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Things are becoming difficult to manage in Aroumé. The worker: want to do things according to their wish and a sort of negligence has come into the work; there is idleness, laziness, indolence, unwillingness etc. Sincerity is getting clouded everywhere.

Today a thought runs on and on in me: O Mother, tell me, how much am I responsible for this condition in Aroumé and the quarrels between the workers?

I do not see in what way you are responsible for that.

So often in recent days I was going to get entangled in the network of bad disturbances, but as yet I have resisted it firmly. Now I ask for Your help, a help that completely removes all the disturbing elements from the co-workers, so that they may turn towards You.

Those who are sincere I can help and turn them easily towards the Divine.

But where there is insincerity I can do very little. And as

I told you already, we have only to be patient and wait for the things to become better. But surely I do not see why you should get disturbed and in what way your disturbance would help things to be better. You know by experience that there is only one way of getting out of confusion and obscurity; it is to remain very quiet and peaceful, firm in the equanimity and to let the storm pass away. Rise above these petty quarrels and difficulties and wake up once more in the light and the power of my love which never leaves you.

15 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

In all clouds, all difficulties, all obstacles faith in the Divine is the only guide, strength and protection. It is faith in the Divine and love that save a sadhak and carry him beyond the dangers to a life of immortal bliss.

Fortify my faith, O my dear Mother.

Yes, never let anything cloud your faith in my love for you and in my constant presence and help. And rise high enough above these difficulties which try to seem big, so that you may see them as they really are, that is to say, very small and insignificant.

Always with you.

15 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Once more I am out of the clouds of confusion and obscurity. A firm quietude and equanimity and a reliance upon the Divine has dispersed them. The Divine is my strength and force, and I live for the Divine alone.

Yes, my child, it is quite true that the Divine is the sole refuge. With Him is absolute safety.

My love and blessings are always with you.

16 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I have received a letter from H. I think that you also must have received one of the kind.

Yes, even two. I find this little girl truly selfish and heartless to behave like that just on the eve of your birthday.

O my dear Mother, this is nothing but an attack directly upon the Ashram kitchen on the eve of my birthday. The kitchen ought to have rejoiced, but alas, now it is gloomy and dark. We laboured for years — and what a letter I receive!

O dear Mother, may she be shown the right path and the right attitude.

We are trying our best — but …

My dear Mother, as the Divine wills.

Let this day be for you the day of complete liberation from all that is not the Divine, let it be the day of your absolute, integral consecration to the Divine.

Our love, blessings and help are always with you and today they will be with you in a special way.

18 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May the entire Ashram rise above, high above the ordinary human nature, may it consecrate itself to the Divine Will and live for the Divine alone. The Divine is the Supreme Reality for the Ashram.

So may it be!

Always with you to give you strength and peace, light and love and to build in you an unshakeable equanimity.

18 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

This year is a year for a very deep and high progress for the Ashram. All those who are open to the Divine will move forward towards the goal.

And I humbly and quietly aspire to be in perfect union with the Divine Will.

My dear Mother, my heart is flowing with goodwill, good heart, sympathy and a constant prayer for Peace.

Yes, my dear child, your aspiration and your prayer will be fulfilled. Surely this year the Ashram will make a big step towards Peace and Harmony — and your union with the Divine Will will become more and more perfect.

19 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Make me an instrument of Truth! In Light and Truth and Consciousness alone can one hope to be a true and faithful instrument. Remove unconsciousness, enlighten the hidden parts of my being, bring them to the Light. Let my whole being be directly under the influence of the Light.

I am always with you, my dear child, surrounding you with light and consciousness.

21 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Grant me a sincerity which discerns the truth and upholds it, which discerns the falsehood and throws it out. It is simple sincerity that will purify my love for You, strengthen it, make it wide, vast and deep, and bring my being into a complete union with the Divine Consciousness — You. Increase the simple sincerity in me, around me, in the Ashram. This is my prayer to You.

It is, indeed, a very good prayer, deserving to be fulfilled.

With love and blessings always.

23 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

We tried our best to get good wheat suitable for our bread, but we could not find it. If we can add fine flour, which comes from America, would it not improve the bread? The market prepares the bread from that flour alone.

No, it will not do. J has sent two samples of bread, speaking of them as if they were raw and bad for serving — but I find them both quite good and not at all to be rejected. It is to be seen that now the servers do not go to another extreme and waste the bread!

25 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The sword of Damocles hangs over our kitchen. We shall have to remain alert, watchful, full of force, quiet and patient. My dear Mother, I am full of confidence in the divine Victory.

Yes, as you say, one must keep up the entire confidence in the Victory of the Divine — and this general Victory will include in itself the personal victory of all those who will have kept faithful and confident.

29 June 1935

*

My dear Mother,

There is an adverse force in the Ashram that goes from inmate to inmate and it wants only to destroy. When inmates leave the Ashram, it does not go; it only becomes more violent. If the inmates remain faithful and sincere, it is bound to go in one second.

I ask for the wrath of Mahakali, the intensest love of that warrior Mother, to chase away this obstinate force and free the Ashram from our everyday trouble.

The wrath of Mahakali manifests from time to time and acts all right, but the effect of it does not last because those who answer to the adverse force do not truly want to be cured. They are not sincere.

We have only to remain quiet and confident, unshakeable in our faith and trust in the Divine’s Grace.

1 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I worked hard today in our courtyard garden and had a new vision: as humans are beings, so also plants are beings, and they too respond in proportion to one’s love and affection for them. And if a sadhak with insight develops this, it will be a great help in the evolution of Nature.

Yes, plants have a consciousness of their own; they are very receptive and respond quite well to the force.

Always with you my dear child.

2 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

If there were even a little sense of gratitude in the hearts of the inmates, no one would dare to tell You: “I am leaving.” May the Ashram inmates learn to be grateful and how down in gratitude to the Divine.

Yes, my dear child, you are quite right — but gratitude is a virtue of the psychic and very few people live in their psychic consciousness.

5 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The physical work done in our courtyard these last few weeks has given me a very nice training. But I saw people looking at us with contempt when we were soiled and working; it has given me a better understanding of where they stand. I wish we would realise that physical work is in no way inferior to meditation. In fact if we think of the manifestation, work will surely be an important factor for the new creation.

There is no doubt about that.

I am always very happy to see you work physically. A good material work not exceeding normal capacities, is most useful for keeping a good physical and moral poise.

13 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I had a disturbance, but it has passed away and I find that a greater consciousness has taken its place. It is the consciousness of peace in the vital, and it comes from You.

Yes, I had seen that you were not in your normal condition, but as you had said nothing, I could not speak. I hope that it is quite gone now and that you have recovered your true balance and equanimity.

Always with you.

13 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I fully understand H’s difficulties in the work, but I find no solution except that both the persons involved must rise above the ordinary nature and open themselves to the Force of the Divine. Her proposal to be relieved from the kitchen work cannot be accepted. I wish that the clouds may pass away.

Of course H cannot leave the kitchen. What you say is quite right; it is only by rising above the lower nature that all these petty things can be mended.

My beloved Mother, Peace in Aroumé, Peace in the hearts of all in the Ashram. For a beginning, I promise You that on no day will You find me not in my normal balance and poise of equanimity. Given to Your Love and Peace.

Yes, I feel sure you will always keep a good balance and poise, and equanimity will grow in you more and more.

My love, blessings and peace are always with you.

14 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I did not go for marketing today, but I had a long sitting with You during the Pranam after many months. There I realised more clearly that in truth we all belong to You and our true nature is one of Your peace, love, harmony and joy. I know for certain that one day we shall rise above the nature of quarrels, envy, hatred, jealousy, arrogance and pride.

Your experience is true, the essential nature is peace, harmony and love. I hope all will realise it one day.

I am always with you.

14 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

This too is a training for me: to see how far I stand detached from circumstances, untouched by the jealousy around me and true to the Divine.

Yes, the only thing you have to do is to remain quiet, undisturbed, solely turned towards the Divine; the rest is in His hands.

17 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

As long as the being does not depend upon the Divine alone, there can never be peace, joy and happiness.

Yes, this is true; it is only in union with the Divine and in the Divine that harmony and peace can be established.

Always with you, my dear child.

20 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Beloved of my heart, always Your Love has protected me. Today I had the worst kind of attack and again Your Love saved me and gave me a new push towards the realisation of integral peace and equanimity.

Yes, I know from early morning that you were disturbed and my love did not leave you for a minute all day.

I am glad, very glad that you have recovered your normal condition.

21 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Now I have a friend and co-worker — it is You, my dear Mother. Even if the whole world goes against me, yet I know I have a friend in You. A friend, a guide, a Mother, all in one, and our union shall increase day by day.

Yes, this is quite true and I am glad that you have come to understand it fully.

21 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

G has informed me that she is again getting bad ideas; but she is not weak and has taken her food regularly. She is quite strong and keeping quiet.

It is all right, but if S and the others made less fuss about these “bad ideas” they would get them less often!

22 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Here is a desperate letter from G addressed to me and also partly to You. It is nothing but the usual accusations against Your love and the absurd notion of falling into the sea and killing herself. I have answered her letter at some length.

My dear Mother, nothing will happen, rest assured! I shall remain quite alert, and I hope it will soon be over.

Your letter is quite good and nothing more need be said.

Let quietness and calm be with you, not only in the depths but also in the surface consciousness, as I am indeed always with you.

30 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Let me tell You very frankly where I am most attached. I am attached to You more than to anybody or to anything.

Let the parts in me which are not attached to You — the parts which have gone astray — return to You; it is only then that they will have true peace.

Yes, this is true.

My dear Mother, completely left to You.

Yes, I know that you belong to me and that is why I am sure to take you to the goal.

31 July 1935

*

My dear Mother,

[Several problems in the Dining Room described]

For all the problems I have mentioned, teach me to surrender more and more perfectly to the Divine Will; an integral surrender to the Divine Will alone can bring peace, joy, happiness, force and vastness.

Take it all, my dear child, as a test for your equanimity and advance with courage and confidence.

I am always with you.

2 August 1935

*

My very dear Mother,

Today I had a very true experience: While returning from the market this morning, the thought passed in me: “P is a big man in the outside world” and I felt a kind of dissatisfaction somewhere in the vital. Then You appeared before me and showed me: “Look here, here you are.” You carried me on Your arm close to Your heart.

Yes, it is surely better than to be a “great man” for the outside world!

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

11 August 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Sir H saw Aroumé and looked quite pleased and satisfied; he also took away 3 loaves of bread. He shall have to pay a heavy price for that, and I shall not be satisfied if it is less than 3 lacs rupees. If he can give a loan of 99 lacs to the government, surely he can also give to You a good and decent sum.

He went away without giving a single rupee! and I believe he does not intend to give anything — only sweet words, that is all.

My dear Mother, it looks to me as if the disturbance in me has gone. Once more I have regained my normal balance of peace and happiness. I was feeling that my disturbance will pain You much more than any loss of money, and that brought me to my senses very soon.

This is good. Indeed the loss of money is of small importance, but the loss of equipoise is a much more important thing.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

20 August 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Let me tell You that whoever opens himself to the Divine Love feels You very very concretely as the Mother. There comes a humility, a gentleness and a complete surrender and consecration to You.

I am always with you, keeping you in my arms.

Let nothing, no circumstance, no person, disturb you.

26 August 1935

*

My dear Mother,

B tells me: “When I take haricots, I get stomach pains; so all along I have taken only the water and thrown away the haricots.” Dear Mother, if You like, they can be prepared a little more watery.

Better keep them a little more watery. I think we shall have to give up haricots when this provision is over, as there are too many people who imagine that they cannot digest them.

My dear Mother, sleep is coming to me more now — it is due to the exhaustion of the nervous system after the Darshan rush.

Yes, sleep well and as much as you can, it is very necessary.

I am always with you.

28 August 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May my sincerity increase and pervade my entire being. That will bring a greater consecration and surrender to the Divine, leading to an integral union.

Yes, my dear child, sincerity is the key of the divine doors.

Always with you.

31 August 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May the wideness and depth of Thy seat increase in my heart; may it be Thine, Thine integrally.

Yes, I am always seated in your heart, consciously living in you.

1 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The Ashram had a dish from M on Monday, an extra dish on Wednesday, soup on Thursday and a fine dish of cabbage on Friday. My beloved Mother, for all this may a sense of gratitude arise in us — this is my prayer.

It seems that this night, between 9:30 and 10 o’clock, some people were speaking against C’s bathroom door while she was inside unnoticed. One person was saying something to this effect: how is it possible to work with such bad food? And another one answered: you ought to write to the Mother.

4 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Yoga in the cave is easy, but Yoga in life is altogether a different thing. There must be sincerity to the core and absolute self-giving to the goal.

I do not believe that sadhana in the cave is easy — only there the insincerity remains hidden, while in life and action it is revealed. You can look like a Yogi in a cave but in life the humbugging is more difficult, because you have to behave like a Yogi.

Always with you, my dear child.

6 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May the day draw nearer when all the reports of disturbances stop and You are informed only of galloping progress and flights of the being towards the Divine. Blessed will be that day.

It is in a great peace that I am waiting for that day, the peace of the certitude of Victory. You must enter that peace, my dear child, and let nothing affect you. It is only when we are not affected that we can always do the right thing at the right time and in the right way.

Love and blessings to you, my dear child.

6 September 1935

*

Dear Mother,

H is sending a letter to You tonight. My reading on the subject: there is selfishness and a very cruel vital, quite intolerant, arrogant and proud. It wants to control and subjugate others.

Yes, all that is true, but it is only part of herself, and the other part is quite courageous, sweet and steady.

Let us hope she will soon recover her true being.

7 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The D. R. workers often have second or third works at different places. They have their main job, and in their free hours they do other things. It should not be otherwise, but it would be better to have a few full-time workers rather than many part-time workers.

People can’t do all day the same work; it is most taxing on the nerves and after some time they get tired, depressed, discouraged, speak of suicide, etc., etc.

Even in ordinary life it has been recognised that for the sake of the work itself, a complete change of occupation for a few hours every day is most useful.

Always with you, my dear child.

13 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

We have been preparing bread for 3 years or more according to this proportion: 1 kg of wheat for 3 loaves (25 kg for 75 loaves). Since last August we have been using 35 kg for 75 loaves — the difference is 10 kg per day. This difference has always pained me.

As the bread has not risen well recently, the consumption of loaves in the D. R. has increased. It is not that the stomachs of the eaters are asking for more food, it is insincerity and a lack of discrimination on the part of the people eating the food.

The loaves are surely much bigger than those we used to have before (I am seeing them every day). But I have no objection to that. After all, apart from the milk, the bread is the most substantial food we are giving, and I do not think it would be fair to reduce it. I think the chief reason why people are eating more bread is because the bread is much nicer than it used to be.

I must say that before we took up cattle, we never separated the bran from the wheat — it went into the bread.

It makes the bread a little too heavy to digest. I have said to give this small amount of bran (only 4%) to the milkmen.

My dear Mother, grant a simple sincerity in the entire being, a sincerity which keeps the full light and consciousness and accepts only the Truth.

The greatest enemies of a perfect sincerity are preferences (either mental, vital or physical) and preconceived ideas. It is these obstacles that must be overcome.

I am always with you to lead you to victory.

15 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

To me it appears that all troubles start from unconsciousness. Desire is the first-born child of this unconsciousness and it can manifest in any form, mental, vital or physical.

What you say here is quite true.

Peace is the base of all Sadhana, and it must pervade all the being.

This also is true.

My love and blessings are always with you in the certitude that you will overcome all difficulties and reach a full and luminous consciousness in a perfect union with the Divine.

15 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

It is a fact that I have a dear Mother always with me and in me and around me, leading me to the Eternal Consciousness.

Yes, it is indeed a fact — I am always with you, my dear child.

16 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A faith and confidence enlightened by Your love and light has grown since I was quite a small boy and it is still growing more and more.

It is good to have this unshakeable faith — it makes your path easier and shorter.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

16 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Can the rice bran go to the milkmen, as the reheat bran does?

Yes, all right.

And the very small bits of rice also? In the Ashram we have no use for them.

Can’t the very small bits of rice go to the birds that are in the cage. I suppose they would like them.

17 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I do not understand what was wrong with the previous arrangement of providing wheat flour for the bread. I would get news of the amount of bread consumed at night and would inform the bakery the same night. Now J wants the information in the morning, whereupon he will ask M for the amount of flour required, tell me how much is needed, and then I shall send the wheat. I have agreed to this new arrangement, though I know that it will trouble J, the mill, the granary, Aroumé and me.

I cannot understand in what way it will trouble? Once the thing is properly arranged it can work quite smoothly. In fact it is I who have suggested this arrangement and I never thought it could create trouble.

But if you have a simpler way to arrange things let me know it.

My dear Mother, peace, more peace for me and the Ashram. This is my only prayer to You.

Yes, truly it is badly needed. Without peace the simplest thing makes at once a big fuss.

My dear child, let the Peace be manifested in you more and more constantly and integrally.

My help and presence are always with you for that.

19 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

ask for “justice” from You. Here is my appeal! O Lord, the human mind is too ignorant, too obstinate and obscure. May the Divine Grace be granted to it in order to set all things right.

Yes, it is the Divine Grace that must be prayed for. If justice were to manifest, very few would be those who could stand in front of it! My love and blessings are always with you.

19 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May the flame of aspiration he steady and one-pointed, may it rise up and up to the Divine and rest only there. May the aspirant see, hear, speak, feel nothing except: O my Divine Lord, O my Divine Mother, may Your Will be fulfilled.

Yes, it would be a fine achievement.

Always with you, supporting you in your efforts, my dear child.

20 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May the personal ego vanish and the Divine Will pervade everywhere.

Yes, my dear child, you will always find me with you, in you, for this great achievement.

21 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

H has had one of her usual disturbances. She wants me to tell You on her behalf: “I have given up hope, I have nothing in my fate except destruction.”

Yes, unhappily there is a vital love in her for you — it is that that has disturbed her balance, aroused in her this violent jealousy and brought upon her, as a consequence, all these fits of depression. But now no drastic or cutting way can lead out of the difficulty. It is by a growth of the consciousness that this entanglement can he solved.

My dear Mother, may my vital consecrate itself more and more to the Divine, open itself and be a perfect instrument of the Divine Force.

Yes, a complete, absolute consecration of the vital to the Divine is the only solution.

Always with you, my dear child, in your effort of progress.

21 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

One of the greatest accusations against me is that I side with H and am partial towards her. There is a liking for her, but she has earned it; she has worked hard, done what I told her and taken up many responsibilities. If I had not been with her, she would have found it all too difficult.

Because of the accusations she is breaking with me now and then, not coming to see me. Yet the closeness and intimacy are increasing. If required, I will stop speaking with her in a friendly manner and cut off all connection with her.

No drastic measure of that kind would be of any use. On the contrary it would make things worse. There is much to say on the subject and there are several points of view. It cannot be solved in such a simple and cutting way. But it is impossible for me to explain all that here. And I am waiting also for the consciousness in each one of you and in all to become more clear and complete. Meanwhile there is only to be very patient.

My dear Mother, I am quietly happy, with only one wish: may I open to the Divine Light more and more.

Yes, my child, my love and blessings are always with you to give you the consciousness and the light.

22 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

As far as I understand, H knows fully well that she has a vital attachment for me and that it brings troubles to her. Several times she has spoken to me about it, saying: “If I turn towards the Mother and if our relation becomes pure, all my difficulties will come to an end.”

I feel that she is conscious of the defect, but at the same time too weak, lacking a firm will and confidence.

There is only to be patient. It will become all right with time — when the vital will be convinced that there is no hope for its desires.

My dear Mother, may the fire burn more and more, may it rise in a steady flame and meet the mother-fire. All the rest will be done in due time. The flame that meets the mother-fire will bring down the mother-fire and that alone is capable of creating a new life. I shall have to wait quietly for that fire to descend.

Yes, keep the fire burning steadily and wait quietly for the sure result.

My love and blessings are always with you.

23 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

At this moment a question comes to me: how is it that my head at once gives a money value to everything? Only if the money allows it, do I think of proceeding further!

It is all right. We must avoid as far as possible all wastage. Always with you, my dear child.

24 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Give me a very, very quiet head, for it is into a quiet head that the true knowledge and consciousness will descend. Then there will be a true action and a worthy expression of Your true instrument. Beloved Mother, a very, very quiet head.

Yes — it is true, a very, very quiet head is indispensable for a clear understanding and vision and a right action.

My consciousness is always with you to give you a quiet head.

25 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Today I saw that my body is strong and that it can work; it is good that it does not remain slothful.

My dear Mother, may peace and quietness increase in my physical.

My dear child, I am always with you, and together we will fight the battle and win the victory.

Do not worry about the reactions of people, however unpleasant they may be — the vital is everywhere and in everybody full of impurities and the physical full of unconsciousness. These two imperfections have to be cured, however long it may take, and we have only to work at it patiently and courageously.

Always near you, supporting and guiding you.

27 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Jealousy prevails in Aroumé. Here I give You a letter from G and one from H. I have answered them both.

Jealousy comes from a narrowness of the mind and a weakness of the heart. It is a great pity that so many are attacked by it. Your answers are all right.

My dear Mother, what a fine instrument the dark forces have found! Jealousy spoils the entire life, the entire sadhana and brings troubles of every kind. Dear Mother, may it get rooted out.

The only answer is a quiet and luminous patience in the manifestation of the truth and in the consecration to the Divine.

28 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Whatever the circumstances may be, my heart shall always remain turned towards You in all love and consecration and confidence.

Well, surely when unfaithfulness prevails all around it is the time to be truly faithful and to stand untouched and unmoved in the storm.

Love and blessings to you, my dear child.

29 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Money can always come to the Ashram in showers, provided that the sadhaks are devoted and consecrated, faithful and sincere. If a sadhak says today: “Mother, I want to leave”, and tomorrow: “Mother I want this and that”, I feel that money cannot pour in. The Ashram has to turn more and more inward in pursuit of the Divine if it wants to manifest the Divine in all its richness.

What you say is perfectly true, but there is also the divine Patience which waits for the obscurity to vanish.

In humbleness, my dear Mother, I am at Your feet, at Your disposal, always for You, an eternal gift.

Yes, my dear child, I know that you are mine, and it is with full trust that I take you with me on the way.

30 September 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Wheat drying finishes on Saturday. The coolies are showing fatigue from carrying the bags of wheat up and down. But there are only two more days of this work.

You must be careful not to overburden them. If they get sick I shall have to bear the consequences.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

2 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Ah, where is the stability! And the work! Where is the work? It is not even half the work that we used to do in this compound.

Equanimity — equanimity. It is the only practical answer to all this confusion which is bound to come to an end one day.

My dear Mother, pride challenges the Divine Grace whereas humble consecration and self-giving call the Divine Grace; then it becomes effective and protects. By becoming humble and giving myself to the Divine I lose nothing. May the shallow “I” become a portion of the Divinity.

Yes, humility and sincerity are the best safeguards. Without them each step is a danger, with them the victory is certain.

My dear child, humility and sincerity will take you to the goal.

3 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

It is my earnest wish to have good relations with one and all. Hardly a day has passed in which I have not cried within myself about my disharmonious relation with M. I never meant it to turn out like this.

Do not worry or be impatient. All the disharmonies will disappear, but it must be on the true basis of a settled luminous consciousness leaving no room to the play of the ego.

My love and blessings are always with you.

5 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I shall not be in a hurry for harmony, but it is not pleasant to remain in conflict, inner or outer, with someone; it brings so many difficulties into the work.

Surely we must always want the peace and the harmony and work for it as much as we can — but for that the best field of action is always inside ourselves.

Love and blessings to my dear child.

6 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Let the play of the ego disappear completely. In my case, I know very well that there is pride, arrogance, likes and dislikes. There is also a part of me that wants to be big and great — it is ambition.

My dear Mother, may I become a humble doer of Thy Work.

Yes, my dear child, in truth, sincere humility is our safeguard — it is the surest way to the indispensable dissolution of the ego. Always with you on the way.

6 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The other day when I wrote to You about saving expenses if there is war in Europe, I meant this:

Milk: one cup instead of three. Not three plantains but one. No washerman at all — we can wash our own clothes. No servants. No pocket money — people may not go to the theatre or cinema or buy all sorts of things for pleasure.

Surely if France or England entered the war we would be obliged to do that. For the moment it is not yet necessary.

9 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Confidence in the Guru is the key to Victory. Lack of confidence brings complete failure. Confidence, confidence, may an utter confidence in the Divine increase in the Ashram.

Yes, it is so absurd to ask for help and yet to have no trust! On the contrary with confidence everything becomes so easy. Always with you, my dear child.

12 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I am quietly happy, yet the fire in me is becoming more and more intense every day. May a deep quietness and Peace remain behind the intensity of the fire.

Yes, the true Agni always burns in deep Peace; it is the fire of an all-conquering will. Let it grow in you, in deep equanimity.

Always with you, my dear child.

13 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May the Divine Patience grow in me. True patience can grow only in the true knowledge and consciousness and in full confidence in the Divine.

If the mind remains more quiet in front of circumstances and happenings, the patience will be more easily increased.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

15 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May peace and confidence come into the exterior being, may the mind be filled with quietness and trust in You, in Your words and actions.

It is only love that can understand and get at the secrets of the Divine Working. The mind, the physical mind especially, is incapable of seeing correctly and yet it always wants to judge. It is only a true sincere humility in the mind allowing the psychic to rule the being, that can save human beings from ignorance and obscurity.

Always with you, my dear child.

16 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

In these monsoon rains and winds, the cart goes for food distribution thrice a day. The servants give more service than their due time (9 hours), get drenched three times a day and yet not a murmur from them. I feel a happy relation with them.

Yes, it is very good, The servants may be given a tip after the rain is over. You might give it to them yourself as an encouragement.

Recently K is getting very troubled by what people say about her. Often the idea enters her head: “I am bad, I am unfit”, etc.

Yes, I will tell her not to mind what people say. In fact I do not know why she is attaching so much importance to all that — so long as we are pleased with her, it ought to be sufficient.

18 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I am sorry to inform You that S is reading some letters of K and H to You. S told the contents of them to G, and G told me.

I am not at all sure of G’s reports, as I told you already many times. Nothing can be decided or judged on what she says, as her statements are not reliable.

It is better to drop all these accusations made by G or others and not to attach much importance to all these rumours which are, at the best, always one-sided and prejudiced. S may or may not have said these things but one cannot act on the reports of any of these women against one another.

It seems evident that S is bent upon doing mischief.

She is not the only one who does mischief and from that point of view many others — including G — are just as bad as she is.

S has created turmoil in the atmosphere of the Ashram, and all against You and me. Against You in the sense that she says You are a puppet in my hands! What a shame!

Do not get so excited — are you sure of the truth of all these rumours and reports? In almost all human beings is not falsehood always mixed with truth?

Given to You with all sincerity.

My dear child, I know the sincerity of your consecration; that is why I want the peace to come in your mind and also this quiet, patient wisdom which prevents one from jumping to hasty conclusions and judgments.

Always with you, my dear child, affectionately.

18 October 1935

*

Beloved of my heart,

May there be for me a complete identification with Your Will, Your consciousness, Your work.

Yes, the identification with the Will and Consciousness is growing steadily and thus you will become more and more aware of my presence.

20 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I have always observed that whenever there is some heavy work or extra work to do, somebody or the other falls into a bad depression and it increases the work. The attack of depression comes either directly or through others. I have to remain firm, quiet, unshaken and full of confidence in the Divine.

Yes, when there is an attack it is general and always the blows come on all sides. But the more it strikes the more we must remain calm and undisturbed.

22 October 1935

*

Dear Mother,

I have just returned from H’s place. Thrice she tried to run away and thrice I chased her and forced her to go to her room. The reason for this seems to be something between her and N.

It is good that you have obtained some result — let us hope that it will be a lasting one. Yes, those who live in their ego live constantly in an ugly drama. If people were a little less selfish things would not be so bad.

Meanwhile we must meet all these adverse circumstances with patience, endurance and equanimity.

All love, trust and blessings to you, my dear child.

25 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

About the present conflict in the Dining Room. As far as I understand it, the reason is this: the workers want to have freedom of action and they feel suffocated under my pressure.

It is not under your pressure, it is under the pressure of discipline. These people refuse to be disciplined and that is why there is such a confusion.

Forgive me for the wrongs done by me in the D. R. and the Ashram.

I see no wrongs to be forgiven.

26 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

J feels “very weak, unable to stand”. Those are the very words he told me this evening. Now he has caught a bad cold.

He wrote also to me telling me his condition. We have stopped the hard work, his energy has relaxed and this is the result.

I too have caught a cold and my nose is running, but I suppose it will be quite all right.

What is this! You must throw that away immediately.

27 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

If there were even a few in the Ashram whose physical consciousness could readily receive the Divine Force and allow it to be effective in its working, I feel that a greater part of the illnesses in the Ashram would be pushed aside, and there would be sounder health.

May the body consciousness awake, give itself completely to the Divine and allow the Divine Force to work out its Will.

Yes, what you say is quite right. It is of the greatest importance that the body consciousness should open to the Divine; that alone can put an end to all these illnesses rising in the Ashram.

Always with you, my dear child.

28 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

Teach me to rely more and more on You.

In the peace and the inner silence you will more and more become conscious of my constant presence.

30 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The cold in my head is bad now; I took green “pastilles” from P and I may ask him for a few drops of oil in the nose. But this is the last time I am thinking of taking medicine. The next time the body should take up the true attitude and depend only upon the Divine Force.

The power that the body must get is to be aware of the illness at the moment of its coming and to reject it before it has time to settle in the body. But once the illness has caught hold of the body, then we must by one means or another help the body to recover.

Always with you.

31 October 1935

*

My dear Mother,

This evening M told me: “The moong dal is not clean. Will you get it cleaned by your granary workers?” I thought: “This is too much for me and there will be no end to it!” Also the people asking for Prasad are increasing and M is actively canvassing them!

All the above is purely from the viewpoint of discipline and organisation. But when I see things from a wider angle, I feel totally different: discipline too is progressive; what is good today may not hold good tomorrow. There will be a change in our outer life as a result of our inner progress and the descent of the consciousness from above.

My dear Mother, both these viewpoints are placed before You, the former arising from the egoistic mind, the latter from a wider mind, humble before Your working.

A harmonious combination of the two attitudes, each one working at its place and time, is the right thing.

N asks me to tell you that she no more wants to go home in the afternoon and she is ready to do the work that is needed in the kitchen. This is the result of a true progress in her consciousness and it has to be encouraged.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

1 November 1935

*

My dear Mother,

May I know You more and more as You are, and not as I think You are.

Surely, my dear child, you will know me more and more as you become more and more conscious of my presence near you.

4 November 1935

*

My dear Mother,

G informs me that she gets fever now and then, and it troubles her much. The only thing that I feel about all our fevers is this: let us turn ourselves to our Beloved, the Divine. So long as we have not turned ourselves fully, we shall have to endure the consequences patiently.

Surely all these troubles come from a resistance somewhere, something that opposes the work of transformation.

5 November 1935

*

Beloved of my heart,

May I get more peace and quietness under all circumstances and push forward vigilantly and patiently.

Yes, my dear child, let the peace settle more and more in you, especially in your physical mind and rely more and more on my love and blessings.

12 November 1935

*

My dear Mother,

R tells me that soup from boiled greens will be the best for S’s stomach condition. It would be cheap and a tonic also. He wants one cup in the morning and one cup in the afternoon. This means we shall have to prepare it twice a day.

Is it not possible to prepare it once a day and keep it warm in a thermos? As for the “greens”, you must be careful about what you buy — some greens, called in French épinards et oseille, would not at all fit the purpose as the water in which they are cooked must always be thrown away because it is dangerous, even poisonous.

19 November 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I tried to lift the piano, just to see its weight. I could lift it, but I got a jerk in my joints at the waist, so I quickly left it. I kept a very concentrated quietness and the left-side joint got cured immediately but the right-side joint is still paining.

I am very sorry you lifted the piano in spite of my telling you that 6 strong men were needed for that work. What do you call the “joint” — I hope you have not caught a hernia. If you have still pain in the morning, you must have yourself examined by Dr. M, explaining to him what you have done and what happened.

Hoping that all will be all right, with love and blessings.

26 November 1935

*

My dear Mother,

A need for a complete quietness, even in my exterior consciousness, has arisen now. Inside there is always a force, but to make it more effective in its manifestation a complete quietness in all the being is the immediate need.

Yes, quietness, quietness, a calm and concentrated strength, so quiet that nothing can shake it — this is the indispensable basis for the integral realisation.

With love and blessings always.

7 December 1935

*

My dear Mother,

The D. R. lady workers have become such a nuisance: they have begun to spoil the D. R. in many ways. Any number of ladies are now eating 6 to 8 slices of bread. And when they cannot eat them, they take them home, asking for more and more. Then just at the time of work they all fall ill or have some other work, so they cannot do the work in the D. R.

It is all quite true, but there is only one answer: patience and compassion.

9 December 1935

*

My dear Mother,

One conviction has always remained unshaken in me: man or no man, sadhak or no sadhak, the Divine shall manifest. The Truth exists by itself, the Sun shines because it shines.

My dear Mother, may my exterior nature get deepened by my interior faith; may the intensity which is inside come out and remain in the exterior being.

Yes, the truth consciousness must pervade all the being, dominate all the movements and quiet the restless physical mind. These are the preliminary conditions for the manifestation.

Always with you.

13 December 1935

*

My dear Mother,

As a faithful and devoted soldier of Truth, it has always been my one effort to please You. Had each one been making an effort to please You and be faithful to the Truth, the goal would have been nearer to us.

Yes, this is quite true.

In humbleness and simplicity, I bow down to You; may Your work be fulfilled.

Yes, my dear child, I am quite pleased with you and appreciate fully your efforts, aspiration and fidelity.

All love and blessings to you, always.

17 December 1935

*

My dear mother,

This short disturbance has given me a good lesson; it has taken away a covering of ignorance and ego and left behind a luminous soul. May it shine more and more luminously.

Yes, all obscurity must go and leave the being fully opened to the light.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

21 December 1935

*

My dear Mother,

M has put forth a proposal to get the milk in the morning in two trips instead of one. The dairy servant would have to carry the milk can on his head in the dark. The Aroumé servants would have to be made free for the first boiling, which would disturb the kitchen work. Since it is only a matter of a few days, I do not see why so many people should be inconvenienced permanently.

M is much displeased with me because I do not agree with him in his ideas and he is insisting on them.

You are quite right in this affair and it is quite unreasonable to ask for these two trips. But M is very sensitive — he is getting more and more nervous. He says he has lost his peace. He needs affection and kindness. I suppose if you approach him in a friendly way, things will become all right.

23 December 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I am puzzled over the relation between the D. R. workers and me; the whole misunderstanding today burst out after my appearing at the D. R. to help them for lunch.

You need not bother about what they think or say. Do quietly what is to be done and leave the rest to me.

All love and blessings to you my dear child.

24 December 1935

*

My dear Mother,

I take the present circumstances at Aroumé as a test of my confidence in You. Under no circumstances must I lose my balance or my concentration on You.

Yes, let us become more and more strong, quiet and patient. All this confusion is bound to come to an end.

Always with you.

28 December 1935

*

Dear Mother,

Soybeans. Since You have had a lot of soybeans in Japan tell us how to prepare them or how to take out the soybean milk.

In Japan it was never prepared at home. The various preparations are generally bought ready-made. So I do not know at all how to prepare them.

All love and blessings to you my dear child, and a happy new year.

2 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

D is angry — I have no idea why. But I am thinking of going to her and talking clearly about the work: how much she is to do and where.

Wait a little before going to her — she is not yet in a mood to answer reasonably and she might do some mischief with H.

It is the same with P — I wish to be clear.

These women are not governed by reason and logic. They decide one thing and the next moment do another.

5 January 1936

*

Dear Mother,

P and D have become more and more unwilling workers. They shirk the work as much as possible.

It is their nature — until the nature changes nothing more can be expected from them.

My dear Mother, may the field of my work be a place for sadhana, may my entire being remain consecrated to You both from within and without.

To arrive at a true, integral and perfect equanimity is certainly a very great sadhana. I am always with you to lead you on the way.

10 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

It seems that the physical mind has now seen how to stand back during attacks in calmness, quietness and peace, given to the Divine alone. I wish it would put into practice what it has seen.

Yes, when it has understood clearly it is bound to put it into practice.

Always with you my dear child.

19 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

May I learn to give myself to You.

It seems to me that you have already learnt. My love, blessings and trust are with you, my dear child.

19 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

A new force of transformation is descending; we have to keep quiet and allow it to do its work effectively. My dear Mother, I pray for quietness and to remain fixed on the Divine. Adverse forces might try to harass us, but may we remain consecrated to the Truth.

Yes, in the quietness you will feel that our force, help and protection are always with you my dear child.

21 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

It is the right poise in full equanimity that gives one a clear consciousness. I ask for the right poise and an equanimity full and complete.

Yes, poise and equanimity are the things needed. My help and consciousness are always with you to take you to this conquest.

23 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

In the beginning of August 1933 the number of inmates was 120. Since then the number has remained between 135 and 150. But the work we used to do in those days we are not doing now. We are not willing to work, so we are obliged to have more and more workers. We did not grow within, which brings about the clashes we have with each other. If more inmates had worked in peace and harmony, we would have been much nearer to the goal.

It is because the forces are working in the subconscient which is, in its nature, full of unwillingness and laziness. We have now to wait patiently until it gets transformed.

24 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I wish with all my heart to be docile, calm and quiet and to serve You in all humility and in full harmony with all. I have always left myself to Your guidance.

This is my humble prayer to You: May Your wish be fulfilled; may the Divine Light manifest and the darkness and ignorance vanish.

My dear child, I know you and your aspiration well, and I trust you and appreciate your consecration.

My love and blessings are always with you.

24 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

E has sent this chit to the D. R.: “Henceforth no tiffin box for me please.” Tomorrow I shall see him after seeing You, if required.

Yes, he has just written to me that for so many years he has been eating that he is tired of it and will eat no more! I have written to him that I have said to send him his food as usual and I expect him to take it. It might indeed be better if you go to see him.

Affectionately.

25 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

In the market I generally walk on the footpath. Several times I have been able to avoid accidents. Our negligence, hurry and carelessness always bring troubles — too much for You. May we learn to be quiet, careful and on guard always.

Yes, we must never give a chance to the adverse forces to do their mischief — they take advantage of the slightest unconsciousness. Always with you, my dear child.

27 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

The work of preparing luchis did not trouble me. What troubled me most was to see people who hardly ate anything else, finish all the luchis or, in order to take them home, took slices of bread. That night we decided never to give so much to eat at one time, but to give special dishes as side dishes. Still I do not understand how so many people got sick. For the first time I feel the seriousness of the responsibility of a hundred and fifty stomachs!

If they behaved normally without vital upsettings and greeds their health would be all right.

My dear Mother, completely given to You with a prayer: Peace, peace, peace in the Ashram, peace in each and every heart.

Yes, peace is indeed a very much needed thing and without peace nothing can be achieved.

Always with you, my dear child.

31 January 1936

*

My dear Mother,

When I stand up for the work, not caring for personal things, the result is that everyone finds me “severe, strict, unbearable, iron-fisted, hard as a rock”. The present condition at work is becoming more and more of an impasse. In desperation I sometimes speak out: “Either drive me out or these things must change.”

People will always talk like that when there is a discipline to be maintained. You ought not to mind it as you have my love and trust.

1 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

How can I be more and more useful to You? Grant me a complete consecration, illumine my entire consciousness, purify it so that it may be an instrument worthy of Your Love.

All depends on the progress of the consciousness and that is coming steadily.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

3 February 1936

*

Dear Mother,

This morning there were two accidents in Aroumé, almost on the same spot, with an interval of only a few minutes. The servant Krishna fell down and sprained his wrist. Then K fell down and sprained her ankle. At the same place, a year back, G fell down and got a sprain.

Yes, it is a kind of thing that happens sometimes. A suggestion settles somewhere and goes on trying to realise itself.

4 February 1936

*

Dear Mother,

Today Your flask of soup came back full. Perhaps You missed it or You may have been too busy. I drank it all with Your trust.

No, I did not miss it but did not feel like taking soup at that time and along with the flask I sent a very affectionate thought and the wish that you would take it all.

6 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

When I saw H’s hair quite dry today, I asked her: “Have you no oil?” She replied: “No.” I know that H has nothing to keep her head cool; she washes it daily since the last few days, and this is not good for the hair.

I was just preparing some hair lotion to give her. But you must tell her that I had decided to give her hair lotion before you spoke of it.

7 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Whatever may be the causes of M’s anger, let him remain calm, quiet, fully controlled and self-restrained; let him not burst out.

Surely it ought to be like that and I told him so when he came to see me. I told him that the first thing is to remain quiet, composed, peaceful — he simply answered that it was impossible for him — and I had nothing else to say.

With all my heart I wish for the growth of the movement that has taken place in me: to remain quiet under any circumstances, to turn to You and call Your Peace.

Yes, let this movement grow in you and a great strength will grow also to face all difficulties.

Always with you, my dear child.

10 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Today I was very sorry, so sorry that I could not tell You during the day about the misbehaviour of the D. R. workers. One thought was in my mind: “I have failed miserably in serving the Mother, I am unfit and useless for the D. R.”

Whatever it may be, my dear Mother, I live in Your trust, which is my constant companion even in deep sorrow.

I do not see why you should be sorry because the people of the D. R. misbehave. You cannot be responsible for their character. And if they choose not to change their ways and refuse to progress, it is surely not your fault. So you must not listen to the wrong suggestions speaking of failure and unfitness, and remember always that I am quite satisfied with you, your progress and your work.

14 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Darshan is coming, but I am having a strong reaction against eating and preparing food. Today the preparing of luchis was Mère play and not much work, but still I am tired of eating.

Tired of eating? When you have so many people to feed! It is not the time for this kind of reaction. I was glad to see that all these outsiders will have a good impression of our cooking.

Many Aroumé workers have the impression that I tell H everything. It is false.

What do you care about the impressions they have? Let them think whatever they like, it does not matter.

They accuse me of knowing all the Ashram gossip and passing it on to her. In fact I know nothing of all this.

What does it matter!!

I wish with all my heart for harmony, peace and a clear understanding with the kitchen workers.

This peace and harmony and clear understanding can be possible only when you will remain perfectly untouched by false accusations and strongly peaceful yourself in front of them.

18 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

L has sent a note to me: “I cannot continue to help M in washing plantains — I am very weak and feel very tired.”

Yes. Once more she has gone wrong — and by diminishing her work she will become weaker and weaker. It is the work done heartily that was keeping up her health.

19 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

M lost his temper on the 20th and 21st over nothing; at each step he shows that he wants to rule and govern.

Did you hear him yourself? Were you there when he lost his temper? He is quite capable of doing it, but as a rule never believe the reports of anybody.

22 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

D speaks of having her work back — so I understand from her chit.

Why that particular work and not any work that is to be done? If people could stop speaking of the work as their work it would put an end to a lot of trouble.

26 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

This afternoon I felt a conspiracy in the atmosphere formed by hostile forces to trouble me through the Aroumé workers and send me away from here. But, dear Mother, I know that nothing can send me away, for I am in Your hands.

I know that nothing can take you away from here — but the best is to attach no importance whatever to these suggestions and also to the bad will of the workers. If you remain perfectly calm and quiet, these attacks will lose all their strength.

With love and blessings.

27 February 1936

*

My dear Mother,

My mind has become very active. It catches all sorts of nasty suggestions, two of which are prominent: “Relieve me from Aroumé” and “Can’t You manage to send me away from here?”

What is this nonsense. Surely you will not listen to that!

I do not think that any part of my being will ever accept them, and yet I pray for Your help and protection.

Yes, the help and protection are always with you — but you must quiet your mind or get out of it, look at it from above and control all these absurd suggestions.

Always with you my dear child.

2 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Whatever the suggestions may be, I know that they are all hostile influences trying to disturb the sadhana. The work at Aroumé needs a very clear mind and vital, free from all likes and dislikes.

When the mind is struck by such adverse suggestions, you must not get nervous or fear but consider them as Mère nonsense and push them away as you would push away a fly or a mosquito and then remain very quiet until the attack is over.

All love and blessings to you my dear child.

2 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I am getting a negative reaction from the workers about the special dish they have to prepare on Wednesdays. After each cooking of this kind, I find unhappiness, disharmony and bitterness among the workers.

Perhaps it gives them more work and they dislike it. It can be stopped if it is a source of difficulties.

When will a largeness and vastness come into the mind and heart? When will a good feeling come and not the feeling of a scorpion bite?

This can come only when the consciousness of the workers will shift from the mental-vital to the psychic.

5 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

How is it that P has learnt to utter such ugly things about You? Why such a grudge! Where is the reason for dissatisfaction? She has freedom in work, freedom to move about where she likes. In the kitchen she was required to be exact and regular — but now!

The more a mind is ignorant, the more easily it judges everything it does not know or is incapable of understanding.

12 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Here is a letter from Y. As far as I know, he is not the only one who has contempt for the Ashram food — there are a good many. What Yogic and non-Yogic food is, is a mystery to me.

The non-Yogic food is the food very rich or very spiced and, of course, all animal food — but this is just the kind of food we are not eating.

14 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Whenever I have been stiff, harsh, stubborn or rough, it was all ego. And I see before me many people, both men and women, hurt by that ego. I ask Your Grace for pardon. May my consciousness grow and become a part of Your Consciousness.

Yes, my dear child, your aspiration is sure to get fulfilled and your consciousness to unite with the Divine Consciousness. Always with you

16 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

It is a pity that G refused to accept help from P, who offered her help purely out of goodwill. I found G selfish in refusing the offer.

Yes, P had offered to prove her goodwill. But G wants to be obeyed and fears that P will refuse to obey her. This is the substance of her yesterday’s letter.

Now G changed her mind and she says that they will work together.

If she tries in a true spirit of conciliation it will be good.

My dear Mother, people are unsatisfied with the food. Was it not good?

It was very good.

Were there not a variety of dishes? Was the food not clean and well cooked?

All was all right.

Then why were people unsatisfied?

Because it is almost a principle with most of them to be unsatisfied.

According to them we are not spending enough for food and because of economy we are not giving the proper food, etc., etc. You have read Y’s note to you — he wrote a much more violent letter to us, and so many of these letters we have received! I felt quite disgusted with it. And what I meant is that I do not want the kitchen workers to take any extra trouble for such ungrateful people.

I pray to you with a quiet force of aspiration for a complete victory over these lower vital and physical forces of desire etc.

Yes, all these lower movements have to be conquered if ever anything divine is to be established upon earth.

All trust, love and blessings to you, my dear child and faithful worker.

18 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

What shall become of the soup? People are always complaining about it and about the vegetable we use for dinner after straining the soup. It is cow’s fodder for them. Shall we stop it?

No, this soup is very good and wholesome. It is better to continue.

I have received the nickname “miser” from those nearest to me. My one consolation has always been Your trust. And whenever I have been called this name, I have gone within me and found that my being is sincere and stands purely for You.

Yes, it is true and you are not at all a miser. Simply you are not wasteful — people cannot tolerate that; they want to waste and waste and waste always (naturally so long as it is not their own money that is concerned).

19 March 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Many days back I gave S cumin seeds to clean, but she returned them immediately without cleaning them. I saw sand and other foreign matter in them and sent them back to her. The next day she told me: “The Mother has asked me not to clean the cumin much; it is to be thrown away.” I kept quiet for a time and then said: “Do as the Mother has said.”

She sent me the cumin a few days back through N, saying that it was too difficult to clean, that she could not do it. I answered through N that she had to take a few grains at a time and spread them and thus it became easy. I showed N what I meant by doing it before him. I never spoke of not cleaning much and still less of throwing anything away. Now what N has exactly told her, I don’t know.

30 March 1936

*

Dear Mother,

I told D: “Mother is putting you in Soubou House. Now, no more of this refusal to go — it is all too much.” He could not take it rightly and began to shout. But in the afternoon, I found him a little cooler.

Yes, they do not seem to realise at all how completely unyogic is their attitude.

8 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

What a pity, some people have begun to call the Ashram food “the night soil of the dogs”. It is a wonder to me how such expressions come out. I may be managing badly, H may be cooking badly — but we should have some common sense and some deep regard for You in our consciousness which could never allow such ungrateful expressions to come out.

You are not managing badly and H is cooking quite well. But some people are wonderfully ungrateful.

Always with you, helping, supporting and trusting you.

13 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Let me tell You very honestly, wherever A has worked he has been treated kindly; nobody has treated him as kindly as You have, and yet he has proved himself ungrateful to everybody. If he finds happiness elsewhere, he can go; but I think he will not.

Each one carries his capacity of happiness in himself, but to tell the truth, I am convinced that those who cannot be happy here can be happy nowhere.

Personally, I was happy nowhere before, it is only here that I am happy. Since 1924 not a single doubt has passed in me. My Mother is the supreme Truth — this remains unchallenged.

Yes, my dear child, you are mine and I am always with you, present near you and in you.

14 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

How is it that my co-workers think so badly of me that I am deprived of even an ordinary human courtesy! Things are getting worse. Perhaps there would be a lighter air if I were not there.

Do not take these things so much to heart. If you give them no importance they will have none — and if a man truly misbehaves it is he who must feel for it, not you.

My dear Mother, completely given to You.

Let this consecration be for you the means of a complete liberation. My help and protection are always with you on the way — my dear child.

22 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

H is going through a bad disturbance, but the cause is not known; she does not want to speak. May her normal consciousness come again to the front, the consciousness that feels the loving Presence of her dear Mama.

Yes, surely it is not good when there are already so many difficulties, to open one’s door also to disturbance. At the time of the battle the soldiers are expected to pick up all their courage and endurance.

Always with you, my dear child.

28 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I understand that we have come here and are allowed to stay here with the clear understanding that we accept Your word, Your guidance and follow You in every way. This is the simple beginning of Yoga.

My dear child, I wish that many would think and feel like you — it would make things so much easier!

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

29 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

My Yoga means a complete union with You and I know not any Yoga except that.

Yes, my dear child, you are mine completely and I am always with you, around you, in you.

29 April 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Bushy the cat has quietly brought her kittens into my room and put them under my table, just near my feet. I wish she would go to her room.

You can try to remove them, but generally cats are very obstinate.

1 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Yesterday great sorrow and sadness rushed upon me with the idea that no one can work with me and people have to leave the Ashram because of me.

It is surely not because of you that some people are obliged to leave the Ashram. It is because of their own defects.

But the mood passed very soon, leaving an aspiration to depend more upon the Divine than upon anybody or anything else.

Yes, this is the true attitude.

2 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

G said to me in a cutting tone: “Who sweeps the back of the ladies room in the D.R.? It is so dirty — since the last four days no one has swept there.” I kept quiet; but when I went to check I saw that is was as clean as it could be and it is swept every day.

Did you tell her: “I went and saw and it is quite clean. Why do you say that it is dirty? Remember what Mother has said: first sincerity and truthfulness.”

5 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

How many bottles of chloride of lime solution will be needed for Aroumé daily? Will You give me an estimate so that I can ask for it accordingly?

It seems to me that one bottle of solution per day ought to be sufficient. It is very corrosive and I do not think it is good to use it in too big a quantity.

7 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

The Ashram has very few loyal and faithful workers devoted to You, workers to whom You are the sole and unique reality. Yet with a full confidence in the Divine I go on. The Divine knows how to manage affairs better than any human intellect. The only thing one has to do is to open oneself to the Divine.

Yes, my dear child, it is quite sure that everything will be arranged for the best finally.

All love, trust and blessings to you, my dear child.

8 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

M has stopped working in the kitchen and B is trying to do the same. H, N and S are the only ones left to work there. I pray for peace, peace, peace.

Well! The fewer the number the greater the chance of peace, I suppose.

9 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

May each successive year in the Ashram be a year of greater and deeper consecration to You.

Yes, it will bring you closer and closer to me in the true and deep relation.

Always with you, my dear child.

11 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Today is the day when You first saw me and allowed me to stay in the Ashram as a permanent sadhak. You gave me a new life. In utter gratefulness and devotion I take refuge in You, my Divine Mother.

May the spirit of submission, surrender, faith and sincerity grow in me more and more.

These years have brought upon you a wonderful change and yet still a greater change will come until you have reached a perfection of consciousness and union.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

12 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

When disturbances or bad suggestions come, my being clearly speaks to them and says: “If I submit myself to you, you gain strength and enter into the atmosphere. Go away, you have no place here.” And they do go away. By calling the Divine Force and remaining completely quiet and undisturbed, the bad force is sure to go away defeated.

Yes, this is just the right attitude that is sure to bring the victory. My dear child, I am always with you and my strength is constantly in you.

13 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

K is now quite unable to eat and feels sick. Is her nausea not due to the weakness that must have come by her not eating for so long?

Certainly it is that and purely nervous, and the less she eats the more she will be unable to eat.

She says: “Look here, I have full strength in spite of not eating.” This I do not believe. The attitude in her letter to You does not seem to be quite good. If she does not want to eat in the D. R. she can eat at home. But it would be good if she would take at least one spoonful of food.

Yes, her attitude in this is not helpful — she has not sufficient trust to overcome her own fixed idea and she does not open to the Force that would give her the capacity of eating and overcoming this attack.

H too boasts of her strength in spite of not eating. To me it looks all false.

You are quite right.

She could wreck her body if this condition gets prolonged, and there would be complete chaos in the work.

Yes, what you say is quite true — but the mischief is that both H and K do not accept at all what is told to them, on this subject at least.

May the physical consciousness open more and more to the Divine Light and come under its direct influence.

Yes, it is the only solution.

My love and blessings are always with you.

20 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

These attacks on the body are travelling from one person to another. No, it must not be; let us force it out of the atmosphere. In the Kitchen H and R are sick; in the Granary it is K and P; in the Canal House D. What does this attack mean? Does it intend to wreck the whole organisation? No, it cannot be, my dear Mother. In all confidence I open myself to the Divine Force and invoke it. It will do its work.

Yes, the more the attacks are violent, the more we must have a strong, quiet and unshakeable faith.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

25 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

There is an adverse force which moves around in the Ashram and now it is coming out on the material plane. This force has to be conquered or thrown out, and the best way to deal with it is an absolute sincerity and an unshakeable adherence to the Divine.

Personally, I feel that the adverse force should be dealt with in such a way that P may get freed from its clutches. In the Granary there have never been white ants before. The wheat bags have remained intact for six to eight months. But since P has picked up this negative mood, plenty of white ants have come under the planks.

As you say, it is the adverse force itself that must be conquered and destroyed, otherwise it will always find people to manifest it.

28 May 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I have learned that M is arriving on the fourth or fifth of June.

Yes, he is coming back — but if you do not mind, I like much better that you should keep the work of sweeping the terrace. I like the feeling of having you there early morning. He can clean the shutters of the meditation hall.

Always with you, my dear child.

1 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

H wrote You a letter asking if she could help in the Granary when needed, till a good and trustworthy worker is found.

We have indeed received a letter from H — but we do not think it is wise to mix works like that. Her responsibility is in the kitchen and must remain there alone. Otherwise a big strain could be created in her and her health would suffer much.

The number of persons not doing Ashram work is increasing and increasing. Perhaps they think it is a good sign of their sadhana.

The progress in sadhana comes from the rectification of the inner and outer attitude, not from the nature of the work one does.

2 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

M told me that when P was working upstairs, he used to sit and meditate near the door opening to the glazed-tiled terrace when Sri Aurobindo was reading letters to You. This seems to me a very objectionable thing. Perhaps that is why You were not feeling well.

Exactly so. He says he heard but was not listening — but of this I am not at all so sure.

4 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

My conviction is that with one K and one H we can very easily feed the entire Ashram. If both join together, the Granary, Kitchen and Canal House will be child’s play for them. And above that, they will move about as if they have no work at all and give you pieces of embroidery as they are doing now.

Let them come definitively out of all mental, vital and physical troubles and then it will be possible.

5 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Last night M told me about A: “He feels that his body is completely wrecked and that it will not recover. If he takes up any work, it will immediately be broken again.”

Nobody asks him to take up work — and the doctor has forbidden him to work. So …

To me it seems a pity that he does not have confidence in the Divine Grace.

Ninety-nine per cent of his illness is pure imagination.

6 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

H got burnt in two places today, although blisters did not form. Last year she had violent attacks on the vital; now they are coming on the physical. She seemed much discouraged today, but my feeling is that there is a quiet and steady opening of her physical consciousness to the Divine. She must rely on You completely and quietly go on.

Yes, if she keeps quiet inside and calm outside all these attacks will have to stop.

10 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

May we not trouble You, may we not keep You engaged over a crumb of bread, a rag of cloth, a pen nib or a little broom. May the whole field get cleared of the devil and we go forward towards a perfect union with our dear Mother.

Yes, what you say is quite true and it will be indeed a great thing when this condition will be established in the Ashram. All love and blessings to you my dear child.

10 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

In spite of P’s note saying that she would not go for work, she did go. But there was all the anger possible against me.

The poor girl is suffering very much from big boils — this is the cause of the bad temper.

14 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Our sadhana is passing through a stage when unshakeable steadfastness is necessary. May we remain calm and quiet in this period and cross over the obstacles of the dark and ignorant physical nature.

Indeed it is only the calm and luminous peace of a higher consciousness that can conquer these difficulties.

15 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

It is not possible for me to leave the work or to leave You. This much I know, that even in a disturbed condition I shall serve You up to the last.

I am quite convinced of that, and I have full trust also in your capacity for Yoga.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

16 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

H is full of sorrow and despondency. But I have noticed that sweetness of the heart and kindness have not left her.

It is a pity she has stopped writing — I think it was helping her to keep open to the force and the influence.

17 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I feel that in the last few days I have been crossing the difficulty that Sri Aurobindo found in me. But there is a new will, a greater self-giving to the Divine and a firm faith.

Yes, my dear child, from the point of view of your spiritual progress the past year has been a very good one and I expect the beginning year to be still better. Indeed the Light has to come down in the lower nature, in the subconscient and bring there the knowledge and the right attitude — and it is bound to come.

Always with you, my dear child.

17 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

With all my heart I wish for peace, happiness and harmony in the Ashram. This is my humble prayer on the eve of my birthday: let jealousy, disharmony and anger pass away and peace be established in every heart.

Let this year bring you the power of being constantly aware of my Presence for, indeed, I am always with you, in all trust and affection.

18 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

The coming year is a year of a great promise — a promise for victory. In solemn faith and courage, peace and quietness I enter the year. Victory to Thee, my dear Mother.

Indeed, let this year that begins bring for you a perfect peace and an unshakeable equanimity. Our love and blessings are and will always be with you, my dear child.

18 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I can see in my being the resistance of some forces of the subconscient. But there is nothing to fear; knowledge is also there, coming to check them and achieve the victory.

Yes, the Light is slowly but surely coming down in the subconscient.

Always with you my dear child, closer and closer.

19 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Let nothing come in my way to You. Let nothing stop my progress towards You.

Nothing can stop your progress except your own will — and this cannot happen.

21 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

H’s cold has worsened and she had a high fever; she took no food today. She is obstinate in not writing to You.

I am very sorry for the cold, very sorry that she did not eat and also very sorry that she refuses to write.

21 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

May H turn herself fully towards You and allow the Force to act on her. May her thinking mind be quiet.

The Divine Grace is always with her, but she must open to it and learn to receive it fully.

She has not written tonight, and I am sorry for it. I so hope that she will get all right soon.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

It seems that she has written. I had not seen her letter.

24 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Somebody has taken my umbrella from Aroumé and left an old one in its place. A has put a notice on the board, but no news as yet.

Now we have the name of the owner put on the umbrella so that such a thing cannot happen (B is in charge of that). If your umbrella does not come back, you will ask for a new one.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

29 June 1936

*

My dear Mother,

From my very boyhood, my attitude has been one of disgust towards life and its things. But now I accept all life and whatever things come from You.

Yes, I am in the things also and that is why they must be treated with care.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

2 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

The cause of the outburst between M and L was nothing of importance. If we do not rise above personal feelings and stand for the work, how is the work to be done!

It is the control over oneself that is the first thing needed, and especially the control over one’s tongue! If people could learn to keep silent how many troubles would be avoided!

3 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I do not understand the troubles in the D. R — there are angry outbursts for nothing.

The spirit of quarrels is still in the Aroumé atmosphere. Unless the workers make an effort to throw it away, it will always attack them and create some mischief or other.

10 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

There are plenty of thoughts suggesting my failure both as a sadhak and as a worker and of my being unfit and unworthy.

You know that these thoughts are quite wrong and come from a hostile force. All thoughts of that kind must be rigorously driven away, for to receive them is an unfaithfulness towards the Divine.

The child does not worry about his growth, he simply… grows.

Love and blessings to my dear child.

15 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

N asks me if K can occasionally roast brinjals in the kitchen after the cooking is over.

If it brings no inconvenience at all, it can be done, but if it is to create any inconvenience or extra work I do not want it.

15 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I have this hope for the descent of the Light into the lower nature and into the subconscient on the 15th of August.

Yes, my dear child, the Light will descend sooner or later and it is bound to enlighten the subconscient. My force, love and blessings are always with you — helping you to conquer.

16 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Until now it has never happened that I have lost money. But the money is stolen; even before I came here to my room it had been stolen. It looks to me like somebody is making mischief.

It is unconscious movements from the subconscient which allow this mischief to happen. But when these movements come to the surface they can be enlightened and then the mischief has no more hold.

Always with you.

19 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I saw M delivering a long speech to L and it did not look pleasant. L told me afterwards that it was about the Ashram lemons — they are small in size and without juice, etc.

I suppose there is only to pay no attention to his speech. The best thing is not to answer, not to discuss and not even to listen! …

These are the days for peace; I pray for peace and some tolerance.

When the heart and the mind are at peace the rest naturally follows.

26 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

What is the matter with N? He looks all right, he moves about and yet he is unable to go for his food!

As far as I know it is a dangerous illness: laziness. And G also.

G is truly unwell with fever, etc.

30 July 1936

*

My dear Mother,

C’s friend is coming tomorrow evening. Perhaps he could help us work in the Dining Room for these busy days before Darshan.

I know nothing about him; we shall see. But it seems difficult to bombard him with work as soon as he arrives, unless he asks for it himself.

My dear child, my force and help are with you, I am always present near you and in you, so that you may pass through these busy days with a quiet and concentrated strength.

4 August 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I asked the Bangalore vegetable vendor to get more cabbage on the 12th, but he got it this week by mistake. So we will serve vegetables for 4 days: Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday.

Will it keep up to Monday? The cabbages get rotten very easily. It seems to me that it would be safer to make the dishes of Thursday, Friday and Saturday bigger and to use them all within these 3 days.

Again, how shall we cook them — in curry or make salad?

I think the visitors will like curry better than salad.

My dear Mother, I hope that we shall pass these busy days quietly. No doubt attacks will come to me, yet I have eternal hope.

To be calm and quiet is the first necessity, and for that do not worry too much about details during these days. I am sure each one will do his best and more can be asked from nobody. Evidently this “best” must progress and become better but that takes time and cannot be expected at once.

Always with you, my dear child.

5 August 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I spoke to B about work and he will give an answer tomorrow. So he told me.

He wrote to me saying that he was accustomed to do very light work and to be at the head, but, of course if I order him… etc…. We are writing to him that he need not join the work at all.

11 August 1936

*

My dear Mother,

S is not drinking her milk but preparing curds from it. She may prepare it for You, but I think she should not do so for N and me. If things go on like this, we shall have a second edition of M for cooking.

I think she is too unsteady to go on cooking for a long time. Her health is not quite good and she is feeling much troubled about it. That is why I am lenient to her little fancies.

6 September 1936

*

My dear Mother,

This noon food for 69 persons was sent to their rooms.

I have nothing to say, if you want to do it — but I find that it is those who are doing nothing all day who ought to go for their food in Aroumé.

20 September 1936

*

My dear Mother,

S is under nobody’s medical treatment, it seems, yet he is able to walk in the hot sun to the other end of town to search for manure. Then what is the need of giving him food at home?

Yes, he must come to Aroumé to eat or take his tiffin-box away. All those who are not ill or very busy (with some exceptions, of course, like A, D, R, etc.) ought to eat in the D. R. or to come to fetch their tiffin-box themselves.

21 September 1936

*

My dear Mother,

In regard to the need for coolies, You told me that if I informed C a few days in advance, he could give me the Building Service people required. But what if I suddenly need somebody for only a few minutes?

It is more difficult for the B. S. to give a coolie for a very short time than for half a day. The work of each workman is arranged on the previous evening and told to him before he goes.

It creates always a confusion to change that afterwards. Moreover just now a new building is started and it occupies almost all of the workmen.

24 September 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I am very badly constipated since a few days. And that does not allow me to take my food properly.

You ought to take an enema, but to eat less because of constipation does not help, on the contrary.

All love and blessings to you my dear child.

25 September 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I wish the day would come when You can use me as an instrument in worlds other than this material world. You go into other worlds, worlds of the subconscient, and fight there and conquer and spread the kingdom of light. Is it not possible for us to be Your soldiers even in those dark lands?

There is nothing impossible in the realisation of what you are asking for — a patient, strong, steady and absolutely sincere aspiration can conquer all obstacles — but it takes time.

Always with you.

3 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I shall try my utmost to change myself. I have understood the hints that Sri Aurobindo gave in his answer to H. I give myself to You for a change in consciousness.

The change is certain; it is only a matter of steady patience and I am always with you to help you and protect you on the way.

6 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

There is a rivalry between A and S — each claims to be the head of the Granary. One comes and tells me something and the other comes and tells me something else. How to pull on, dear Mother?

You might remind them that both Yoga and work suffer by such miserable little currents.

10 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Dr. B will talk with H about her treatment tonight; there is some fear in her mind. The same fear was in K. All these people may be talking and gossiping on the subject and supporting the fear in one another. This whole recent wave of illness in the Ashram is perhaps due to this fear and nothing more.

You are quite right. It is all due to fear and nothing else. It is a wave of fear and falsehood that has passed over the Ashram and each one is answering according to his or her nature. Very few are those who can stand firm on the rock of their faith and trust in the Divine and reject the wave altogether.

11 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

It is my humble confession that a wave of fear and falsehood attacked me. This wave wanted me to be very angry with H. But to all the suggestions and attacks of the hostile forces, I had one answer: “It is impossible; I know all of you very well. How can I be faithless to the love of my dear Mother?” And in gratitude my heart took shelter more and more in Your Love.

I am indeed very happy to hear that you have passed successfully through the experience. Your answer to the attack was the right one. You have only to keep up this attitude and after several attempts the attacks are bound to stop.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

12 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

C wrote me a letter. She wants to come here and is thinking of using a trick. She will agree to marriage on one condition: that her family allows her to come to Pondicherry before the wedding; then she will not return to Gujarat. She puts this trick idea before You and asks for Your advice.

I do not approve of tricks like that — they can only bring trouble.

13 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

L goes to Aroumé and wipes vessels in the morning. She told me: “I shall not be able to go in the evening because my body is not well.” The need for her was in the evening, but that she has now refused. Here is one more person whom we are “making ill by heavy work”. Those are her words; that is why I have accepted her terms. I know that after some time she will ask for work.

Do not give it.

Then I shall send her to You.

Yes, they seem to be all like that. They ask for work, insist on having it and if anything goes wrong with their body they accuse us of killing them with work!

21 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

It would help if You could see H and talk with her and let her say freely her things about the kitchen and the cooking. Then You can directly answer her and the horizon will get cleared. It is now three months that she has been struggling over this and that.

My dear child,

I have seen H; she was very nice and spoke quite frankly. She told me that she was not feeling happy but did not put any blame upon you for it; she accused only the weakness and restlessness of her mind. She expressed only one wish for the work, that you should not leave the decisions to her. She wants you to give her exactly what is needed and to tell her plainly what is to be done. She told me repeatedly that she would feel very much relieved if you did that. It seems that you used to do that before and it is only recently that you have changed your ways. I saw clearly that she feels too weak to have more responsibility than that of carrying out your instructions, and it seems to me that she can be given satisfaction on that point.

She did not mention the fact of your telling me that she had finished her work and consequently I saw no necessity to show her your books. It seems to me that very easily everything can be all right.

28 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

When You ask me about something, how should I answer You? I was not pleased with my answer today. Not only today but almost always I feel a shortcoming.

The best thing to do is to give me the correct, precise and complete information about the matter. It is what I am asking from you, to have a ground for my decision.

Love and blessings to my dear child.

30 October 1936

*

My dear Mother,

What shall I say about M’s disturbance today in the D. R.? The reports differ and I wait for a little more clarity. In any case a life of peace and harmony is also worth living, and anger thrown out falls back upon the thrower and clouds his soul.

I know nothing more silly than this habit of always quarrelling — it is miles away from Yoga.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

5 November 1936

*

My dear Mother,

This evening’s meditation has resulted in a great renunciation of the past. My soul has gone to the future and given itself to You to be a perfect instrument in

Your hands for the new creation that You are bringing down upon the earth.

Yes, it is the future realisation that counts.

My being gives itself to You in all devotion and faithfulness.

And the gift is received with my heart’s best affection. Always with you, my dear child.

7 November 1936

*

My dear Mother,

A weak point is opening in me: I am becoming over-sensitive to the slightest thing and my first reaction is: “Send me away, relieve me from this work.” My faithfulness to You does not in the least tolerate this weakness, and yet I cannot deny its presence. Some months back You told me: “You have not taken full refuge in me; there is something which is not yet worked out.” This is true, and this is what brings up all the trouble from the subconscious.

My very dear child,

It is a very great progress that you have become conscious of this weak point in you — for now it will be relatively easy to overcome it.

The first step is not to identify yourself with it — to consider it as some wrong influence from outside, something to be pushed away. And if in spite of that it touches you, call me, call me ceaselessly until you are cured. At the same time it will give strength to the weak point and you will see that little by little it will become strong.

Always with you, certain of the victory.

11 November 1936

*

My dear Mother,

I wish to become humble, very humble and sincere.

Yes, my dear child, You will have this great boon of humility and sincerity.

All love and blessings to you.

14 November 1936

*

My dear Mother,

My horoscope says that I shall be friendly towards nobody; even my friends will abuse me and give me up. But this prediction will prove wrong; there will be peace in my heart, sweetness in my speech, gentleness and harmony in every expression. My entire being will live in the Divine, for the Divine and by the Divine.

Surely, by Yoga the horoscope can be mastered — we are no more bound to it — and we can change our nature as well.

Surely, you are my child and will become so more and more perfectly.

All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

19 November 1936

*

My dear Mother,

A very humble confession. Since 1911 I have denied the sex-instinct in me, refused to accept it. There was a very strong will in me which simply controlled it, crushed it, pushed it out from the surface consciousness. Yet for all the negation it was there, acting in some form or other.

My dear Mother, my being now accepts its past silliness and in all humbleness it opens itself to You.

May this blot be removed and my entire being be Yours.

I am very glad that you have found it out. This is a very great step towards the cure.

Always with you, in the effort and the success.

2 December 1936

*

My dear Mother,

Truly I am a pretender and a hypocrite. I showed myself to be what I was not and brought a good many troubles to You by my behaviour, especially because I have to work mainly with ladies. Would the solution be to remove myself from the field of work?

No solution at all. It is not you that you must remove but the difficulty. The weakness must be overcome and my force will be with you and do what is necessary to remove altogether the obstacle, if you let it do so.

My entire being has become grateful today. I was put to a real and true test. If I were not placed in such close contact with the ladies, I would not have found out my weakness. But I must confess, I could not remain sincere to the core. I hope that it is not too late.

Surely it is not too late and the victory is certain.

In spite of all this, I have always felt some unknown protection around me, even before I came here.

Yes, the protection has always been upon you. All love and blessings to you, my dear child.

3 December 1936

*

My dear Mother,

May I remain given to You.

There is surely no question about that — but surely also you could not believe that sadhana could be done without facing some difficulties. As your aspiration is sincere, whatever was in the subconscient standing in the way of the Divine Realisation, has come to the surface in order to be transformed. There is nothing there to make you sad or depressed — on the contrary you ought to rejoice over these occasions to make progress and never forget to lean for support and help on my love, force and blessings.

15 December 1936

*

My dear Mother,

The clouds passed away this morning and once more I find myself in the consciousness of zeal, courage and confidence.

I am very glad about this good news, glad but not astonished for I expected as much.

Love and blessings to you, my dear child.

16 December 1936

*

My dear Mother,

The year ends and a new year begins. May the new year bring to us God-realisation.

Yes, the Light must illumine the consciousnesses and the shadows of Ignorance must be dissolved in all.

Love and blessings to my dear child.

30 December 1936

*

Since months I am tasting the food and find it truly very good — sometimes it is simply perfect.

Always with you, my dear child.

1 January 1937

*

Dear Mother,

We have a woman-coolie in the Granary who is unable to cope with the work. It was decided by You to get a man in her place. K’s choice is either M, B’s gardener, or R who has worked at the Granary before.

M is our best gardener; what would happen to the gardens if he was taken away from that work?

As for R he is one of the very few (4 or 5) coolies who know the concrete work. He will be quite indispensable for the new building. I have asked the mason (a reliable man) to bring us somebody for the Granary work. Strong and honest and if possible knowing already something of the work. I have insisted on these points.

2 September 1937

*

Dear Mother,

Here is the food that we have served this noon for the Ashram. Will You take it? And if You find it worthy of Sri Aurobindo, will You give it to Him also?

The food is truly excellent. I am keeping it for Sri Aurobindo.

4 September 1937

*

Mother,

…But what does P mean by rules! I have not exerted any rule on him. In any case, my going to the Prosperity stops from now.

I do not understand what you mean by saying that your going to the Prosperity stops from now. The Prosperity is not P’s property. He is there only to keep the things and to distribute them and his personality has nothing to do in the matter. It is I who give the things in Prosperity, it is from me that they are received and to stop going to Prosperity because P is not always pleasant to deal with, is to give an undue importance to his person. I thought I had explained that to you already.

Now get out of your own feeling, step back into a more objective view of things and imagine that somebody — rightly or wrongly — thinks that you have ill-treated him and declares: “Now I will no more take food from the D. R.” What would you say to this?

Dear child, my love.

Undated

*

Mother,

There are plenty of moods and fancies among the inmates, many unnecessary harassings. I undergo all possible pinchings, tortures and troubles, but our goal is something else — it is the Divine Life.

You are quite right in not allowing the moods and fancies of the people to affect you. You must soar above all that in the constant feeling of the Divine’s Presence, Love and Protection.

With you always.

Undated

*

It is true, my child, that Nature is very brutal in her ways, but it can’t be one of my squirrels that has been eaten, as they have come for food just now…

It must be the babies that get caught like that, those who have, as yet, no experience of life and of its dangers.

But surely we can hope for a world in which the aspiration for unity should not translate itself into a devouring instinct.

Undated

*

Faith is the condition to be frank with the Divine.

A complete frankness with the Divine will allow your faith to be steady.

Undated

[1] French Republic Day.

Series Two. Correspondence with Champaklal

Born on 2 February 1902, the Gujarati disciple Champaklal Purani first met Sri Aurobindo and the Mother on 1 April 1921, when he was nineteen. Two years later he settled permanently with them in Pondicherry. From the beginning Champaklal worked closely with the Mother and assisted her for the next fifty years. He also served Sri Aurobindo as a personal attendant for about twenty-five years. During the last two decades of his life, he travelled extensively in India and abroad. He passed away on 9 May 1992 at the age of ninety.

Champaklal’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1930 to 1973.

*

Mother, I am really attached to my family a lot and especially to my father. Would you please write down for me whatever you said this morning because it has helped me a lot? Though I am not fit to be your child, by Thy Grace all is possible. Thy Grace is my Mantra. I want to be your faithful child and nothing else. May all the parts of my being be yours.

Take advantage of the circumstances to get rid of all attachment to the members of your family.

You must learn that you have no more brothers, sister, father, mother, except Sri Aurobindo and myself, and you must feel free and unconcerned whatever happens to them. We are your whole family, your protection, your all in all.

I am waiting for the day when I will say very proudly that I am your faithful child and I want nothing but you; all the parts of the being will ask only for you; nothing will remain mine; everything will become yours.

Yes, this will be one day.

c. 1930

*

Champaklal,

The offering of your physical being will perfect your skill in works.

Your skill in works will make perfect your physical offering.

2 July 1931

*

Champaklal,

1) Be always faithful to the Divine in your heart.

2) Let nothing interfere with the absoluteness of your consecration or stop your progress which has been up to now quite satisfactory.

3) Take the present circumstances and the coming back of X as a test and face it victoriously.

4) Be vigilant.

12 February 1932

*

For 1932

To Champaklal

Peaceful confidence in the mind, cheerful devotion in the heart, firm resolution in the vital, quiet energy in the body.

13 February 1932

*

G does not come for pranam in the morning. Is this a higher state in his sadhana? If he does not go out of his house one can understand, but I see him going about with others as usual.

How can to abstain from Pranam be the sign of a “higher state of sadhana”?

It is simply a fancy of his mental and vital pride.

20 September 1932

*

I have done this picture without anybody’s help. How is it? Will I be able to learn?

To learn means months and months of study before any picture can be done; studies from nature, drawing first for a long time, painting only after.

If you are ready to study hard and regularly, then you can begin, otherwise it is better not to try.

6 January 1933

*

Mother,

Tea was given to N on 24 February. This morning he came at 9.10 and asked for more tea. He wants it before noon. He said to me that he has taken permission from Mother. Shall I give it to him or not?

He asked for the tea but I did not send my sanction. I had told him to write a letter to Sri Aurobindo and he has not yet done it. As soon as he sends his letter, he will get his tea.

16 March 1933

*

My child, your work is what it has always been, worthy of the trust we have put in you and you need not worry at all about that. But be very careful to let no influence diminish your confidence in me and allow nothing or nobody to separate you from me.

9 March 1934

*

Mother,

When I came up at 8.30 p.m., S was sitting on the stairs facing the door which opens inside. He asked me whose footsteps were being heard? Who was walking inside? I said to him that I did not know. Mother I would like to know whether my answer was all right.

Yes, certainly, they have no right to ask.

15 March 1934

*

The chit for an orange for Seetha, which Mother left for me on the 23rd, was wrongly read by me. I read Sudhir in place of Seetha. As I happened to meet the Doctor I showed him the chit and asked him to read it. He read it and went on insisting and at last convinced me that it was Sudhir and not Seetha. I trusted him thinking that he knew better English and was used to reading Mother’s handwriting in his notebook which he sends to her, giving information about sick people. But when I received another chit enquiring about the orange for Seetha I learnt my mistake.

That is how people (the doctor in this instance) make mistakes by having preconceived ideas in the mind. He jumped at once at the idea of Sudhir having an orange — so he saw all the reasons possible for reading Sudhir — and also all the impossible reasons.

April 1934

*

P was telling me that if Mother’s portrait of me is left as it is, it may fade away and that it would be better to have it fixed with fixing solution. I like to know from Mother what she would like me to do.

No, it will not fade; it is pencil, not charcoal and there is no need of fixing it.

4 February 1935

*

Ma chère Mère,

What did you see in me this morning? After Pranam, when I looked at you, you did not smile at all. Why?

Mon cher enfant,

What I saw in you was as usual very good and it seems to me that I smiled as usual also — at least that was my intention. But if I was not smiling, it must be that I was still deep inside as during meditation. With my blessings.

14 February 1935

*

Champaklal,

Les cartes sont très jolies. [The cards are very pretty.]

I am sending one back. I would like you to draw a rose in the corner.

With love and blessings always.

18 February 1935

*

To Champaklal with our blessings.

Your flowers are very pretty. Surely I hope you will do some more.

25 April 1935

*

Champaklal,

I am very much astonished by your questions. Are you not here to serve the Divine and are you not actually doing it? It is when you are doing it in all simplicity and full-heartedly that you are nearer to the goal.

Beware of hostile suggestions or dangerous talks which make your mind restless and blind your consciousness.

Our love is always with you.

26 May 1935

*

Mother, this picture I have done without any help.

It is a good attempt (the sky is rather heavy).

Love and blessings to my dear child

8 October 1935

*

Mother, I tried to draw [the flower] “Light without obscurity”, but could not succeed; the flower is spoiled.

It is not so bad. If you give a little shade of crimson lake it will be quite all right.

1935

*

X wants to learn music. Can she learn from a violinist from the town?

Surely not violin; the way in which violin is played here is simply offensive. And to learn true violin, one must begin to learn when 8 years old. But if she finds somebody to teach her the Veena it is all right.

29 August 1936

*

Champaklal,

Nowadays I am always late and in a hurry and I am not giving you time as I used to. That is why I want to see you for a few minutes tomorrow. But instead of seeing you at 1.30 as N said, I will call you in when I have finished with A at about 2.15.

It is just to increase your receptivity that I want to see you all alone and quietly.

With love and blessings

4 February 1938

*

For the past few months I get the idea of going from here. Is it from you? If it is Mother’s wish I can go.

Your ignorant child, Champak, with Pranam

No, it is a hostile suggestion trying to send you away because your presence is most helpful and necessary.

I hope you will dismiss this wrong suggestion altogether and think no more of it. Your place is near us and you must stay here.

With our love and blessings

19 April 1940

*

The generosity of your absolute self-giving will bring to you the revelation of the generosity of the Divine’s Love.

30 March 1948

*

BIRTHDAY MESSAGES

Red lotus — Symbol of the manifestation of the Supreme upon earth.

White lotus — Symbol of the Divine Consciousness.

2 February 1930

*

To Champaklal,

Let this year be a year of progress and transformation — one more step on the way leading to the Divine Realisation.

2 February 1930

*

To Champaklal for his birthday.

The things which seem most difficult, most improbable, and perhaps even most impossible, become wholly realisable because Thy Presence is our assurance that the material world itself is prepared to manifest the new form of Thy Will and Thy Law.

With my blessings

2 February 1933

*

This year make an effort to achieve equanimity.

2 February 1940

*

This year you must wholly overcome and throw out the hostile suggestion that has been harassing you, rejecting it in such a way that it will never come back again. Your home, your place and your fulfilment are here.

2 February 1941

*

In front of the repeated attacks from the enemy you must keep your faith intact and endure till the Victory is won.

2 February 1942

*

Let this year be for you the year of a complete opening and of the breaking of all limitations.

2 February 1943

*

Let this year bring to you the true faith — a faith that no darkness can obscure.

2 February 1944

*

I am glad to he able to say that your openness and your receptivity have increased during last year. Do not stop now and let them become perfect in the year to come.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1945

*

My dear child, now I can call you in truth my dear child as I feel you quite close to me having taken shelter in my arms for good — and you are welcome there with all my love.

2 February 1946

*

My dear child, that which I had foreseen last year has proved to be quite true and this relation of the Mother and the child has much grown in reality, intensity and deepness.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1947

*

My dear child,

Let your receptivity increase this year, to the extent of giving you the power to fully utilise the force that is at work for restoring perfect good health in you.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1948

*

Sri Aurobindo’s love and blessings on the occasion of your birthday.

2 February 1949

*

My dear child, now it is time for the faith to become truly active and to stand unshaken against all contradictions. Have the faith, the true faith, that you are cured and the cure is bound to come.

My love and blessings.

2 February 1949

*

To my most faithful child, the keeper of the true remembrance, I give today the assurance of my full confidence. I did not write in this book in 1950 because it was to be the most important year of your life, the year that has put a seal to what you were and opened in front of you the door leading to what you will be: a true and complete child of our Lord whose presence here is more total than it has ever been.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1950 and 1951

*

Patience

Perseverance

Endurance

Faith and an

Unshakable courage …

…We are approaching the goal.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1952

*

A steady progress and a clear understanding of what you must be. These are the gains of the finished year.

Now there is only to continue.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1953

*

In 1940 Sri Aurobindo wrote to you: “Tranquillise and widen your consciousness” and I insisted on achieving equanimity. Many things have happened since then, much progress has been done and yet these things remain still to be fully realised. Let these be accomplished during this year that begins for you. A silent equanimity both inside and outside will be a great achievement for you.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1954

*

This time it is a year of true progress which has brought you nearer to the goal and much closer to me.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1955

*

My dear child,

I can repeat what I said last year — but this time the progress is much bigger and the closeness to me much more true and intimate. You have advanced on the path at a great speed — and I can only tell you, continue.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1956

*

Bonne Fête!

To my dear child.

You have continued, and this time the progress is much more concrete and complete. I have the strong feeling that I can rely upon you and this is very comfortable.

Let this progress spread to the body now and give you good health steadily.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1957

*

To my dear child —

One more year;

one more step towards perfect service in a total surrender. With my love and blessings.

2 February 1958

*

My dear child,

This year, the Grace has arranged circumstances in such a way that you are closer to me than you have ever been — and all through you have proved most reliable and effective, always ready, always there when you are needed, always doing what needs to be done. I am happy to tell you that on your birthday.

With my love and blessings

2 February 1959

*

Champaklal, my dear child,

I am glad to be able to say that you are progressing steadily. As you yourself remarked, your consciousness is growing and with one more effort you will soon emerge in the light and become wise.

This one more effort is the control of speech … let it be the boon from the Grace for this year!

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1960

*

Champaklal,

My dear child,

Bonne Fête!

Few words are needed.

All is going on well.

Steadily we are advancing towards the goal, and you are keeping pace with me.

My love and blessings.

2 February 1961

*

Champaklal,

My dear child,

All is well. You are progressing rapidly — there is only to continue steadily and the way will open before you more and more clear.

My love and blessings.

2 February 1962

*

Bonne Fête!

Champaklal, my dear child

The way is wide open and it is an artistic one, a fine way of expressing your soul, which will become more and more clear and powerful with the inner growth and flowering of your heart as a sincere expression of your eternal Soul.

With love and blessings.

2 February 1963

*

Champaklal, my dear child

A big step has been taken, a great change has taken place, the presence of your Soul is clearly felt not only in what you do — which is steadily progressing — but in what you are.

This is a decisive year for you, heralding the realisation. With my love and blessings.

2 February 1964

*

Champaklal

This year, I feel clearly that you have become a part of myself.

For ever love.

2 February 1965

*

Champaklal,

Let this year see the advent of the true joy of working in the Divine’s Consciousness.

With love.

2 February 1966

*

Bonne Fête!

To Champaklal

With love and blessings

The illness has come like a test and gone like a purification carrying away all that was standing in the way of the joy of an integral consecration.

2 February 1967

*

Champaklal,

I am happy to say that you are my true child and becoming more and more so.

2 February 1968

*

Bonne Fête!

Champaklal,

Let the full Light be with you in a silent adoration.

With my love and blessings.

2 February 1969

*

Bonne Fête!

To Champaklal the faithful,

With love and blessings for a happy, healthy and useful year in light, joy and love.

2 February 1969

*

Bonne Fête à Champaklal!

From Mother to Champaklal

Love

Peace

Strength

Silence

Consciousness

2 February 1970

*

To Champaklal

1st Prize of Faithfulness

With my full love

Bonne Fête

Blessings

2 February 1971

*

Bonne Fête

To Sri Aurobindo’s and Mother’s Champak

One of the hundred [1]

With my love, appreciation, trust and blessings for ever. En route vers la Realisation.

2 February 1972

*

Bonne Fête

To Champaklal

With all my love and confidence and my blessings to reach the goal.

Let us all be eternally grateful to Him who has shown us and shows us constantly the way.

2 February 1973

[1] A few days before his birthday, the Mother gave Champaklal a card with a quotation by Sri Aurobindo: “I do not want tens of thousands of disciples. It will be enough if I can get a hundred complete men, purified of petty egoism, who will be instruments of God.”

Series Three. Correspondence with Dilip Kumar Roy

Born on 22 January 1897 the Bengali disciple Dilip Kumar Roy joined the Ashram on 22 November 1928 at the age of thirty-one. When he came, he was already a renowned singer; the Mother left him free to sing and write during his thirty-three-year stay in the Ashram. He left the Ashram in 1951 and started an Ashram of his own in Pune, where he lived until his passing on 6 January 1980 at the age of eighty-two.

The Mother’s letters to Dilip cover the period from 1931 to 1951.

*

Dilip,

For God’s sake come back to your common sense.

I never said that I would see you no more. Sri Aurobindo asked you only to be patient, and as for the “silent expressionless love” he is not conscious of having written to you anything of the kind.

Now, about my “grudging” smile — I will tell you what I said to Sri Aurobindo when I met him today at 1.30. Relating what happened in the morning at pranam, I told him, concerning you: “There is a letter of Dilip to you and I do not know what he writes, but I can assure you that when he (Dilip) came to me this morning, I gave him a good, long blessing and my best smile.”

You can understand that I felt somewhat astonished when I heard that my best smile was a grudging one. Are you quite sure that you did not look in your head at what you imagined would be, instead of looking at my face? …

Your going away is quite out of question. I want you to remain here because I know that it is here — and here only — that you can and will be happy.

Why do you ask for my love? Is it not long since you have it already?

17 November 1931

*

Dilip,

Why do you speak of “the ultimate human disappearance of the Mother”? I have — I assure you — not the least intention of disappearing or vanishing, humanly or otherwise, and those who care to see me with their physical eyes can feel quite at ease on this point.

If you permit, I would advise you never to listen to what sadhaks say — especially advanced sadhaks.

29 December 1931

*

Dilip,

I have felt and been moved by the sincerity of your letter. Do not be too sorry. In a way what has happened was for the best since it has led you to take a firm and decisive resolution which must help you greatly to get rid of this trouble. Be sure of all the help I can give you.

I will call you again as soon as this flood of departing people has diminished a little. Meanwhile, “bon courage!”

18 August 1932

*

Dilip,

Without waiting for Sri Aurobindo, I answer your letter at once, because truly I cannot make out what is the matter. …Nobody is displeased with you, neither Sri Aurobindo nor myself; we did not dream of it a single moment. Before you wrote yesterday, I had repeated to Sri Aurobindo what I told you in the morning and when he read your letter he saw that you had not understood me, so, in his answer, he explained what I meant. Did you read his letter? If so, it must have been very hastily. Please read it again carefully, quietly, several times if necessary, and you will see that you have no ground to think that we are displeased and to despair, but on the contrary good reasons of being full of life and joy, as all I wanted to convey to you is that you know the Divine and have His Presence in His Ananda form, in spite of your thinking to the contrary.

So, I expect you to cheer up at once and to write informing me that the clouds have dispersed and the sun is shining bright once more.

21 September 1932

*

Dilip,

You can be reassured — it is quite certain that Sri Aurobindo cannot make such a mistake! As he says that you are sure to succeed it means that you will succeed and become quite a good yogi after all.

Don’t let troubles and difficulties depress you. The greater the difficulties, the greater the victory hereafter. Why did you not come for the pranam? You are mistaken: I did miss you, I said to you again and again: “Dilip, come, come.” If you had looked within you would have heard my voice.

1 November 1932

*

Dilip,

I am very sorry you did not come yourself with the money, as I would have had an opportunity to tell you that your impression of this morning was Mère imagination and a bad one too. I can assure you that I have been at pranam time exactly as I am every day, but I noticed sadness and dissatisfaction in your eyes, so it must be the very expression of your own eyes which you saw reflected in mine, — but it was not mine.

You ought to drop altogether and once for all this idea that I get displeased — it sounds to me so strange! If I would get thus displeased in the presence of the human weaknesses, I would certainly not be fit to do the work I am doing and my coming upon earth would have no meaning.

Do give up once for all this idea of defeat and this gloom which is so contrary to the inner truth of your being. I want you to pick yourself up and be perfectly cheerful and confident for your coming birthday.

I hope to see you entirely yourself again this evening from the roof and tomorrow at pranam and to have a happy and intimate talk with you on Monday.

14 January 1933

*

Dilip, (I almost feel inclined to add: big child!)

You are quite mistaken. I enjoyed your music very much; indeed it was quite beautiful. But as I am to see you tomorrow, I was keeping the subject for then — as I have some rather interesting details to give which I think will please you, but would be somewhat too long to write. I can also explain better these things orally, give them with the voice a life that the pen can’t give. But I never expected that you would take such a short silence for a sign of indifference — as this was extremely far from my consciousness.

Till tomorrow then, joyfully.

P.S. I leave it to Sri Aurobindo to answer for himself — but meanwhile I can tell you that he praised your music very much.

20 March 1933

*

Dilip,

Why didn’t you come yourself with the money? I would have seen you for a few minutes and told you something interesting and helpful as an answer to your letter of this morning. For in speaking it would have been better than anything I could write. At pranam time I felt that you were still depressed and thought that I would try to pour on you some of the Divine forces. I was looking at you for such a long time and it was Divine love that I was pouring in you with a strong will that you should become conscious of the Divine Presence in you and see all your sorrows turn into Ananda. I saw to my great joy that you were very receptive to all these Divine forces and absorbing them without resistance as they were pouring down! …

When I read your letter and saw that you thought you had received only some human kindness it struck me that it was only a misunderstanding of the mind, almost a question of vocabulary that was standing in the way, and if you could see this all or most of your doubts would disappear for ever and with them your painful difficulties. For what I was pouring in you was not Mèrely human kindness — though surely it contained all that human kindness can be at its best — but Mahalakshmi’s love, Mahasaraswati’s care, Maheshwari’s embracing and enveloping light. Do not think of Divine Love as something cold or impersonal or distantly high — it is something as warm and close and tender as any feeling can possibly be. It does not abolish whatever is pure and sweet in human love, but intensifies and sublimates it to its highest. It is this love that the Divine has to give and that you must open yourself to receive. I think if you realise this, it will be easier for you to pierce through the mental veil and receive what you are longing to receive.

7 September 1933

*

19 December 1933

Dilip,

I am sorry you spoke to V instead of speaking to C as I had suggested. C said and repeated that there is no true objection at all to your going back to the Trésor from this very day if you like. It seems that there had been already a discussion on the subject between C and V, before you came to me, C saying that you could very well move in and V making all sorts of objections.

This quarrel is most regrettable; I have never given authority to V to decide when you can or cannot go back to your rooms, and when I have said that you can go I do not see how anybody can say a word to the contrary.

I agree with you that too much money has been spent on that house, and it is C’s opinion also. He was telling me that very thing not later than yesterday; but you will allow me not to follow your reasoning about princes. A house is made nice not for the sake of its occupants but for its own sake, and those who are to live in it have no reason to feel shy or uncomfortable about it.

So, I hope you will brush aside this unpleasant happening and take all measures to move tomorrow to the Trésor as you told me you would do.

19 December 1933

*

Dilip,

What a beautiful bedcover you have sent me this morning! It is magnificent and has given me twice the pleasure, especially because it is the first time you are giving me a personal present.

You may be sure that I am very appreciative of it; I see it as an excellent omen for our relations in the coming year, starting on the 22nd of this month.

18 January 1935

*

Dilip,

After reading your letter now, just a word to tell you that you are mistaken. I actually missed your presence at pranam and am sorry you did not come.

If you had listened inwardly you would have heard me calling you.

17 April 1935

*

Dilip,

I am sending you the translation of “Mahakali”; it was a very interesting thing to do.

Regarding the song of the boy Krishna, I was not really worried — but now you have reassured me altogether.

With our blessings.

19 November 1935

*

(Regarding Dilip’s singing at the Government House, Pondicherry)

Dilip,

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

It was magnificent and our guests were enchanted. Your Mahakali has been a triumph.

30 November 1935

*

Dilip,

Just a word to tell you that I am very touched by your decision and I will take this opportunity to rest as you are asking me to do.

You may be sure that my force is affectionately with you and will always be there in your effort towards the spiritual heights.

P.S. I would ask you not show this small note to anyone since I would rather not reveal my feelings.

27 December 1935

*

Dilip,

I just opened your letter and read: “Today Mother at pranam was very cold” and stopped there rather amused.

No, I was not very cold — I had a cold which is not quite the same, and I was struggling with it. I thought you were aware of it. Anyhow, now that you know …

20 January 1937

*

Dilip,

I was with you in thought at the time of the music. I hope you are all right now as a beginning not of a few months but of many years of non-depression — depression of the consciousness is worse than dispersion of consciousness, so do be energetic to throw it away when it comes.

Blessings.

25 November 1937

*

Dilip,

It was a very good prayer and I received it at the time, a good part of it in the very words you had used. I’m also glad to know that you felt something of my answer; it shows that the inner connection is growing and that is a very encouraging sign.

Blessings.

26 November 1937

*

Dilip,

All right — you can have the old friend Baron (I am glad he is here for a time) and also “le Directeur de l’Instruction Publique” and his wife.

Blessings on you and the music!

4 December 1937

*

Dilip,

That is all right. I approve your answer about going in March. I hope that you will succeed in all the objects which you have enumerated. You will receive our full help for that.

Indeed you have much progressed both as to the grumbling and in other directions. Yes, one does change and the complete change is sure.

What you said to S about N’s death was quite the right thing.

Our love and blessings.

8 December 1937

*

(On 24 November 1938 Sri Aurobindo fell in his room and fractured his right leg. For the next three years, he stopped almost all his correspondence with disciples. During this period the Mother answered Dilip’s letters on Sri Aurobindo’s behalf as well as her own.)

Dilip,

I have communicated your letter to Sri Aurobindo. He asks me to say that he is afraid it is not possible; until the doctors declare the knee cured only those who are necessary for attendance and service are admitted. If this rule were not kept there would be many demands on Him and likelihood of pressure and fatigue. So for the present at least it is not possible to say yes.

He sends you his blessings and along with them are mine.

1 December 1938

*

Dilip,

I am very sorry but in the present circumstances it is impossible for me to see anybody as I must be always free to go to Sri Aurobindo if at any time my presence is required.

As for M I have no objection to her staying alone with you. But it is quite impossible to give a room to S in the Ashram. In view of what happened to him last time it should be clear that for himself also it would be most risky and undesirable.

Blessings.

3 December 1938

*

Dilip,

I don’t know what has been reported to you. I simply meant that if M sees that you are supporting E in her resolutions to remain here she is likely to yield more easily. I certainly do not want you to quarrel with M, only to use your influence to persuade her.

I read your letter privately to Sri Aurobindo.

Blessings.

3 December 1938

*

Dear Dilip,

When you came to the staircase after meditation, I could not tell you anything because there were too many people around. But I wanted to express to you our deep and warm sympathy and also our appreciation of your attitude in this painful affair.

Our blessings are always with you as well as all our affection.

5 December 1938

*

Dilip,

You say that I don’t love you, this is not at all true — but it is inevitable in the present circumstances that my time and attention should be concentrated on Sri Aurobindo and this is a thing which all those who reverence him must surely find quite natural. Neither you nor others should allow yourselves to think or even feel unconsciously that this preoccupation is due to want of love.

Sri Aurobindo asks me to add that it is not at all a fact that we feel your presence a burden or that you are unable to do this sadhana. You should not allow any temporary difficulty to affect you with this feeling or lead you to a hasty decision of this kind. You have already made much inner progress and you have only to stand firm for a greater progress in the future.

Sri Aurobindo sends you his love and blessings to which I join mine.

P.S. I read your letters to Sri Aurobindo alone and never show them to anybody.

15 December 1938

*

Dilip,

You may be sure that we shall not dismiss you rudely or otherwise. I am sorry you still feel the push to go, but I think you will not find it in you either to leave us permanently or to leave the yoga.

Our love and blessings.

16 December 1938

*

Dilip,

Of course it was only an untrue dream. I never thought for a moment of asking you for more money after all you have given with a generosity and loyalty I fully appreciate.

As for the departure, it is difficult for me to say anything. It goes without saying that we will be very sorry if you go. But how to stop you if you are so unhappy here?

About the suicide, you are aware that we do not approve of it because we know that it is no solution for the difficulties, on the contrary it is bound to increase them and to throw the departed being into a very miserable condition.

I would so much like that instead of thinking of death you would pray for the removal of the last obstacles and the descent of an all-illuminating peace and joy.

Sri Aurobindo asks me to express his great regret at your decision and the necessity you feel to go. He asks you not to make it as a final decision but to keep the door open in yourself for return and happy emergence from your difficulty.

In all circumstances his love and affection will remain with you. You know that it is the same with me.

20 January 1939

*

Dilip,

Nobody sees Sri Aurobindo except the doctors and those who come for personal work and attendance. If you have heard to the contrary it is quite false, so you must put away from your mind the idea you built on it that Sri Aurobindo has no longer any love for you, nor allow these things or any sense of isolation from us created by them to make you go.

Your dream is also part of the same unreal building.

If you decide to go to A’s place to get some relief, we have no objection.

We shall certainly welcome you back whenever you wish to come — the sooner the better.

Love and blessings.

20 January 1939

*

To Dilip,

With my best wishes for your birthday and my affectionate blessings.

Love and blessings from Sri Aurobindo.

22 January 1939

*

Dilip,

I have just read your three letters to Sri Aurobindo. He is glad to see that you are beginning to recover from this attack. He is very glad that you have seen how unfounded is the doubt of our love for you and that the ideas of death and suicide are not at all called for. We hope you will never allow this doubt and these ideas to take hold of your mind again.

As to the advice you ask for regarding the best course for you to take, the perception expressed in your third letter seems to us the best. To keep yourself occupied with music and writing is always good; for your nature finds there its inborn occupation and that helps to maintain the vital energy and keep the balance.

About sadhana I should like to ask you why not do sadhana through your music? Surely meditation is not the only way of doing sadhana. Through your music bhakti and aspiration can grow and prepare the nature for realisation.

If moments of meditation and concentration come of themselves then it is all right; but there is no need to force it.

I hope you will soon recover your full energy and poise and the clouds pass from you.

Be always sure of our love and help and blessings present with you.

23 January 1939

*

Dilip,

We quite agree to your going to A for a short time and you can go with our free consent and blessings.

24 January 1939

*

Dilip,

I read your letter to Sri Aurobindo and he has seen your poems. The translation of “The Soul” especially is fine.

We give our blessings to the poet and to A’s wife and to S.

For M blessings are only possible when she has undergone a sincere repentance.

Love and blessings.

9 February 1939

*

Dilip,

I was glad to read B’s letter; it is beautiful as all his letters are. I have also received one letter from him today.

Certainly you can sing tomorrow and my love and blessings will be with you.

22 February 1939

*

Dilip,

Sri Aurobindo thinks that it is not possible for us to intervene by a wire in a political matter of this kind. At most you might write to him (S) your private opinion about the best course for him to take in these painful and difficult circumstances.

With love and blessings.

24 February 1939

*

Dilip,

It is only tomorrow (Monday) that I can read your letter to Sri Aurobindo and then we shall answer.

This is only to tell you that we will surely not ask you to go.

Our love and blessings.

12 March 1939

*

Dilip,

We were very glad indeed to read your letter. We shall certainly give you all the help possible to carry out your resolution and the aspiration behind it. I feel sure that with an earnest and sustained effort you will conquer and effect the opening for which you have been striving and preparing so long.

Our blessings are with you in your aspiration and endeavour.

With our love.

13 March 1939

*

Dilip,

Here is A’s letter. Once more we assure you that we shall have no objection to your going to Hyderabad for a short time if you decide to do so.

Our love and blessings.

18 March 1939

*

Dilip,

The Rs. 10 are quite welcomed …

Glad that your work is going on nicely.

Our love and blessings are with you.

2 April 1939

*

Dilip

The translation of Mirabai’s song is good. The “with” is possible but perhaps “for” would be better.

Blessings are given for the two objects for which you ask them.

“It is strange” will do very well for the title.

You can, of course, come tomorrow after the meditation, for blessings.

With our love and blessings.

27 April 1939

*

Dilip,

I have only this to say about the matter. From the point of view of the sadhana it is much more dangerous to go to Tiruvannamalai than to go to Sylhet for giving evidence …

Our love and blessings.

P.S. You can show this letter to B.

10 November 1939

*

Dilip,

Our help and force are with you for the new year of your life.

I am sure that with persevering and sincere aspiration the barrier you feel and the internal difficulties will melt away.

With our love and blessings.

P.S. Here are a few candies from France.

22 January 1940

*

Dilip,

What is this strange rumour about our stopping darshan? There is no truth at all in it. We have no intention of vanishing as we do not believe that it can bring in “peace and light” …

As for your sadhana you had developed a true bhakti and an opening of psychic perception. Keep that and it will bring you what is necessary. Meditation is difficult for you still because there is not yet a sufficient quietude in the mind substance. But that too can come in time.

Don’t let these opposite things come in; keep your mental state bright and clear, which is the best condition for experience.

Our love and blessings.

P.S. Sending back the papers with our force.

6 February 1940

*

Dilip,

I am quite ready to shower my grace on this A, but I do not consider it advisable for him that he should come here. I don’t believe half-a-minute “darshan” can change these habits. We have had bitter experience about them already, that they resist even a psychic opening …He must first have the sincere will to change.

I intend to give an interview to C if he remains sufficiently long after the “Darshan”.

Our love and blessings.

16 February 1940

*

Dilip,

Our love and special blessings will be with you for the singing tonight and the “darshan” on the 24th.

22 April 1940

*

Dilip,

I am not aware of being “better pleased” if you did not go to Madras for the records. I quite approve of your going.

For this S the difficulty is always the same, accommodation; if she can stay in the same room as R she can come.

For K there is no difficulty as he is going to stay in a hotel.

The poem is very good.

Don’t worry about Hitler. No asuric force can stand eternally against the divine force and the hour of his defeat is bound to come.

With our love and blessings.

27 May 1940

*

Dilip,

Yes, you can come this afternoon on the staircase at 5.45 for pranam and to sign the cheque.

I shall give you then some flowers for H and U.

I have felt all this time your loyalty and faithfulness and have deeply appreciated your feelings and your attitude.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

18 June 1940

*

Dilip,

You are sure to get back the poise, for the progress you have made remains and will come uppermost again.

In these days when lots of people come from outside, there is always some restlessness and disturbance brought into the atmosphere and some disturbance of the poise may easily take place — but it will come back.

Our force will be with you and our help and protection.

With our love and blessings.

20 August 1940

*

Dilip,

Of course you can come up after meditation tonight for pranam and signing the cheque.

It is certainly not at all true that I don’t care for the sadhaks and their sadhana. Why should the world conditions being bad make me cease to care! It would be rather a reason for insisting more on a quick spiritual realisation as the only way out of the impasse. You should not believe in what you hear from people; such constantly nasty and disturbing things are being said which are quite untrue. You are not so empty of the inner surrender as you now think. Cast away your doubts; you had a very long period without them which gives a certainty that you can get rid of them altogether.

All our help and force will be with you.

And our love and blessings.

8 October 1940

*

Dilip,

I will speak to B about the repair of the cane chairs. There will be no difficulty.

Don’t let yourself be worried by people and their ways. You may be sure that our love, blessings and help are always with you.

10 November 1940

*

Dilip,

We were very glad to read your letter of this morning and to hear of this fine experience — for there can be no finer experience than this state of true bhakti. It is a real and great progress that you have made.

As for Colonel P and his wife I gather that they have not as yet asked to come. It might be better to let the wish to come rise in them of itself.

3 January 1941

*

Dilip,

Your programme is all right. We will remember your prayer on your birthday. When you are informed of the time of your broadcast do not forget to let us know; we wish to listen to it here.

With our love and blessings.

c. January 1941

*

Dilip,

With my best wishes for your birthday and my blessings

22 January 1941

*

Dilip,

Yes you can go after the “darshan” and we approve your programme and our blessings will go with you.

You can send our blessings to H.

Love and blessings.

c. February 1941

*

Dilip,

We read your letter only today as yesterday there was too much hurry of the first.

I am sending the three flowers with blessings.

Glad to hear of your good experience in the dream as also of the experience of descent you had the other day. The inner being is evidently awake.

With our love and blessings.

2 April 1941

*

Dilip,

Certainly you can come tonight after meditation.

I am sending a flower for U with the enclosed written blessings. As for the dream she must not rely upon that, as it is likely to be a mental formation. My force and help are with her but these wordings cannot be from me.

Who is this L? If it is B’s wife I cannot send her a flower as it is sure to be misinterpreted. If it is the niece then also it is not prudent to send a flower as I don’t want her to come here.

With our love and blessings.

Until this evening!

Sri Aurobindo is keeping U’s letter to read it.

8 April 1941

*

Dilip,

Evidently this world is a bad one but change is its law and as it can hardly be worse than it is now, we may hope that it will soon become better. Old movements obstinately recur and make the sadhana difficult but you have made more progress than you allow yourself to believe and the attainment may be nearer than you think.

Our help is with you and our love and blessings.

I am sending four flowers with blessings.

8 May 1941

*

Dilip,

Yes, it was altogether right. This experience and the result it brought are a great step towards spiritual freedom. Every rejection of desire and attraction brings one nearer to the Divine.

With our love and blessings.

18 May 1941

*

Dilip,

I am sending herewith the four flowers with blessings for S and his daughter, for H and for R.

Music follows the rule of all things on earth — unless they are turned to the Divine they cannot be divine.

With our love and blessings.

25 May 1941

*

Dilip,

We do not think it is necessary for you to go to Calcutta for these records; it is much trouble and effort for what is now a very small return. If at any time you feel like going then you can certainly go with our full blessings.

Don’t worry about the difficulty in the meditation. In the end you will come out of it with the consciousness of a spiritual progress made.

With our love and blessings.

2 December 1941

*

Dilip,

You should make it a rule never to listen to this voice or accept the suggestions that come with it. It is clear from where it comes; it is a voice of untruth, the voice of the adversary which comes to almost everybody who follows the way of yoga, suggesting doubt and denial and incapacity and defeat. You must meet it always as you did this time. You should also reject such suggestions as those about your being a hindrance and going away for that reason; it comes from the same source and has no truth and indeed no substantial meaning that we can discover. Also you should not attach much value to what you hear — as “we want people to stand on their legs” and therefore cannot help. Certainly we want people to have strength and courage to go through, but we know that they need our support.

The special help you asked for in your other letter will be with you.

Our love and blessings.

17 December 1941

*

Dilip,

Don’t allow your mind to worry you too much about the difficulty of surrender, and don’t conclude from it that your nature is unfit; surrender is always difficult for everybody, especially surrender of the mind. Keep a quiet will for it and it will come in time.

On the eve of your birthday let the blue light of hope always burn in your heart.

With our love and blessings.

18 January 1942

*

To Dilip.

With love and special blessings on the occasion of his birthday.

“A few consecrate all of themselves and all they have — soul, life, work, wealth; these are the true children of God.” [1]

To one of them.

22 January 1942

*

My dear child,

You can always be confident of our love and sympathy through everything and in all circumstances. Be sure that we understand fully your difficulties and your will to overcome. Your sincere effort is bound to prevail and, I hope, soon. Believe that when trouble does come our reaction will be sympathy and support and nothing else.

Our love and blessings.

30 May 1942

*

My dear child,

I must say that I did not expect such a letter from you. I cannot make out what is the ground of your complaint. Is it because for the last week or so having a bad cold I was obliged to keep a little aloof in order not to pass it on to others? Is it because, very hard pressed by increasing work and equally increasing people, I have not been able to give as much time to each one as I used to before? But surely that does not mean that my love and care for each one has diminished or changed. Why do you make a personal case out of a state of things that applies equally to all? I have no intention of making you suffer at all and in fact I do not see why you suffer at all — for indeed there is no true basis for such a suffering.

Sincerely hope you will realise the childishness of your reaction and soon get once more in contact with my love and blessings that never fail you.

P.S. As for the work you can do as you feel, best remembering that when work is concerned no special likings or disliking for people must interfere in the accomplishment of one’s duties.

1 June 1946

*

My dear child,

I see no good reason why you should leave this place which, after all, has been your home for such a long time … You speak of a “house-problem” but as I have no intention of giving your house to anybody else, I do not see how your departure can ease the problem…. As for helping you in all circumstances, of that you can be sure and it is only your receptivity that can put a limit to this help.

With my love and blessings.

9 April 1947

*

Dilip,

Read carefully your letter and understand quite well your point. But I do not see how I can replace you so far as Indira is concerned. She needs you and you alone can give her the help she needs. Of course I am always with you and will still more be with you — of that you can be quite certain.

With my love and blessings for you and for her.

P.S. I can add that I am quite sure you will always do the right thing in connection with her.

27 December 1950

*

My dear child,

You must not be depressed or sad. You know that Sri Aurobindo has not left us and that he will be here tomorrow [2] as usual.

With my love and blessings.

20 February 1951

*

To Dilip with blessings,

Let the divine Grace do the work through you and the work will be thoroughly done.

My love.

16 March 1951

*

Dilip,

Sri Aurobindo has made our realisation independent from all world circumstances, and he always considered you as part of the realisation; so there is no true ground for depression.

I expect you to shake it off, with the help of my love and blessings.

28 April 1951

*

My dear child,

Here is what I have just heard from our Lord for you:

“No fears, no anxiety, no doubts, I am here.”

With my blessings.

27 June 1951

[1] This sentence is taken from the Mother's introductory message for the 1941 edition of Prayers and Meditations of the Mother.

[2] 21 February, the Mother's birthday and a darshan day.

Series Four. Correspondence with Tara Patel

Born on 9 August 1912, the Gujarati disciple Tara Patel joined the Ashram on 21 November 1929 at the age of seventeen. The Mother called her “Little Star”. She worked first in the Dining Room and then in the Mother’s Kitchen and the Embroidery Department. She lived in the Ashram for eighty-two years, until her passing on 12 June 2012 at the age of ninety-nine.

Tara’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1932 to 1942.

*

Tara,

It would be good if the kitchen was cleaned thoroughly once a week or at least once in a fortnight. Will you take the charge of this work? I am sure that A is ready to help you.

You will let me know what day you have chosen for the cleaning.

22 September 1932

*

Tara,

If you feel tired, it is better to stop the paper work in the evening for a few days. We have informed D. You must not overwork yourself.

7 October 1932

*

My little Tara,

Why did you not send me tonight your usual note in English? I would have been pleased to receive it.

With love,

16 December 1933

*

My dear little child,

You have sent me a nice necklace with many sweet words. I am sending you another one with my love and blessings.

25 January 1934

*

My little child,

I have received your nice letter so well written and the bag on which you have made such nice embroidery.

Yes, I agree with you that your mind must become quiet and peaceful and I hope it will happen soon.

With love and blessings.

16 March 1934

*

My dear little child,

The three handkerchiefs are so pretty and nice …and what a sweet little tomato!

With all my love.

29 March 1934

*

My little child,

What people say is not true. I have given the charge of the work (and that only partially) to J only for the time of D’s illness. As soon as D will get quite strong he will take back his work and you can always ask him all you want about the kitchen and the Dining Room work.

Certainly you can ask for the bowls from the Building Department.

Be quiet and happy, my love is always with you.

Blessings.

10 April 1934

*

Little star-child,

Such a fine handkerchief you have sent me and made for me, my dear little child. I shall take it with me for pranam, this morning, and you will place your head upon it to receive a special blessing of love.

24 April 1934

*

Little star-child,

Do not worry about this morning’s kitchen incident. You had no bad intention against T and this is the most important.

27 April 1934

*

Love and blessings to my little star-child.

Do not worry, all the obstacles will fall away.

27 April 1934

*

My little star,

Be quiet and courageous and do not lose confidence; all the difficulties are bound to come to an end one day.

With love and blessings.

2 May 1934

*

My dear little star,

It is always our weaknesses that make us sad, and we can easily recover by advancing one step more on the way.

With love and blessings.

12 May 1934

*

My dear little star-child,

I received the three beautiful roses, what fine smell they have! They are quite like the soul of my little child.

Love and blessings always.

25 May 1934

*

My dear little child,

Indeed what a nice little bird you would make! But your soul is already like a bird and flies to me whenever it wants to see me and then goes back to you bringing from me love and strength.

26 May 1934

*

Dear little star,

I heard that you have finished the nice handkerchiefs, so to you also I shall say how pretty they are. Sri Aurobindo has taken his two in his room.

With love and blessings.

3 June 1934

*

My dear little star,

You see the little light is still burning very well to meet my love and blessings.

5 June 1934

*

My dear little star,

Yes, you will become more and more quiet and happy; your mind also will be calm and silent and nothing more will disturb you.

With love and blessings.

June 1934

*

All love and blessings to my little star whom I keep always in my arms.

16 March 1935

*

My dear little star,

Yes, all my love and help will always be with you to keep you in a happy and peaceful condition. If wrong suggestions come do not listen to them and call me to help you in chasing them.

With our blessings always.

22 June 1935

*

My dear little star,

I am sure you will do your best to remain quiet and happy and have no doubt about the success of your endeavour — our love, help and protection are always with you.

23 June 1935

*

My dear little star,

I am glad you are feeling all right now. The great thing is indeed to be quiet and to remain quiet — when the quietness is established the happiness is sure to follow.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

24 June 1935

*

My dear little star,

I am happy you have taken the decision to have patience until the end of August at least. I truly hope you will feel in a condition to come to me on your birthday.

My love is always with you, I so hope you can feel it…

4 August 1935

*

To our dear little star,

Our best wishes, love and blessings for her birthday and many happy returns of the day.

9 August 1935

*

“Mon cher petit”, my dear little star,

It was indeed a very good and intimate meeting we had yesterday. You are truly my dear child, “my little one”, and uniting our strength, I am quite sure we shall overcome all that tries to disturb our sweet intimacy.

My love and blessings are always, always with you.

10 August 1935

*

“Mon cher petit”,

I take you in my arms and keep you on my heart with love and blessings.

18 November 1935

*

Mon cher petit,

I would like to have news from you, won’t you write? Our love and blessings are always with you.

5 December 1935

*

Mon cher petit,

Sri Aurobindo has written to you but somehow the letter has got lost. He will write to you again this afternoon.

With our love and blessings.

28 December 1935

*

Mon cher petit,

Take refuge in my love and blessings which never fail you.

1 January 1936

*

Mon cher petit,

If you have some difficulty to overcome or something to say, do not hesitate to write.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

4 February 1936

*

My dear little star, “mon cher petit”,

With all my love and affection I answer to your prayer and take you in my arms on my heart, so that you may find there protection and peace.

My blessings are always with you.

5 February 1936

*

Love and blessings to mon cher petit — what beautiful handkerchiefs you have done for me!

17 April 1936

*

Love and blessings to my dear little star — I hope the finger will soon get cured.

22 June 1936

*

Mon cher petit,

What a wonderful piece of work! I was truly moved when I received it.

All love and blessings to you, my little star.

17 July 1936

*

My dear little star,

I have a very nice work for you if you wish to do it. A chaddar (upper cloth) is needed for Sri Aurobindo on the 24 November. Will you do it for him? D will give the size and the cloth.

Love and blessings to mon cher petit.

11 September 1936

*

Dear little star,

Such a long time without a line from you! Will you not write to give us news?

Love and blessings to mon cher petit.

3 October 1936

*

Love and blessings to mon cher petit,

Won’t you go for a walk on the seashore with L daily? It would be nice…

21 October 1936

*

My dear little star,

Yes, the peace must come down, pure and sweet and settle in you to never leave you.

Love and blessings to mon cher petit.

15 November 1936

*

Dear little star, mon cher petit,

My protection is always with you and nothing bad can happen. But you must take the decision to shake off the fear and then my force can work fully.

With my love and blessings.

27 October 1937

*

My dear little star, mon cher petit,

You are already sleeping with me and that is why you must not be frightened because I am always there to protect you.

Love and blessings to my dear little star.

31 October 1937

*

My dear little star, mon cher petit,

If the treatment gives you a relief, even if it be temporary, it might be better not to drop it altogether …

My love and blessings are always with you.

6 November 1937

*

My dear little star, mon cher petit,

If you have finished the medicine for your arm, you need not take anything more. As for taking medicine to become tall I do not advise you to do it as it may not be safe.

Love and blessings to “mon cher petit”.

7 November 1937

*

My dear little star, mon cher petit,

To say that your cooking is bad would not be fair. At most what I can say is that it is not always equally good, but bad it is not, and some dishes are quite successful. It may be that a period of inner difficulty has passed over you, but you are bound to come out of it stronger than before. When the inner difficulty is removed the cooking will be as regularly good as it was before.

Love and blessings to “mon cher petit”.

24 December 1937

*

“Mon cher petit”,

It is not correct to say that I have dropped you — I never did — only I had to wait for your physical consciousness to be ready to open itself again.

I think you will understand me better if I speak to you, so I shall see you on the 25th Tuesday at 1.45 p.m.

Love and blessings to my dear little child.

21 January 1938

*

“Mon cher petit”,

It is very good that you have become conscious of the mistakes and defects of the nature. Once you are conscious it is always possible to rise out of them and to change the nature. My help will always be with you for that.

Love and blessings to my dear little star.

23 January 1938

*

Mon cher petit,

About the embroidery: the time in which it is finished does not matter. You can take all the time that is needed to finish it, but I do not want you to overstrain your eyes by too long embroidery work.

I cannot answer your question in the way you put it, because I make no difference between work and yoga. Work itself is yoga if it is done in a spirit of dedication and surrender.

Love and blessings to my dear little star.

25 January 1938

*

Mon cher petit,

It is not that you cannot do the yoga; you were doing it all right at one time. The difficulty is only in the physical mind where the resistance you speak of has a strong hold. If you can keep very quiet, not upset or discouraged and allow our force to work from behind the mind it will after a time eliminate the obstacle.

Love and blessings to mon cher petit.

3 February 1938

*

Mon cher petit,

I told you already several times that I do not approve of your going. Do you believe that by insisting you will make me change my mind? I will tell you again and again:

1) I do not approve at all of your going.

2) I do not approve also of your jealousy which is baseless and meaningless and the best thing to do is to overcome it by thinking a little more of your work and a little less of yourself (I told you the same thing already once). I am not of the same opinion as you about the work you are doing, I find it quite useful.

3) I still hope that you will pick up some courage to overcome the present difficulty and to come back to a normal condition in which you can do your work quietly without disturbance.

My love and help are always with you — you have only to remember them and you will easily find them.

Blessings.

20 June 1939

*

Mon cher petit,

I am quite satisfied with your work, both with the quantity and the quality and all I want is that you should go on like that. When I speak of the work, what I mean to say is that when you work in a satisfactory way you ought to feel at peace and happy.

My love and blessings.

21 June 1939

*

My dear child,

Do not make mountains out of small things. All this has no importance whatever and ought not to disturb you or your work.

I hope that by tomorrow you will be quite well and that you will do your work as usual.

My love and blessings.

24 August 1939

*

Mon cher petit,

It is very good of you to offer your services at this time that there will surely be the need of them. I will let you know what can be done; meanwhile if any good idea comes to you for the work you can inform me of it.

My love and blessings.

13 September 1939

*

My dear child,

Now times are difficult for everybody. There is war and everybody suffers.

Those who have the immense privilege of being here quiet and in safety must at least show their gratitude by discarding all petty quarrels and silly grievances.

Everyone must do his or her work conscientiously and earnestly, and overcome all obscure selfish movements.

My help, love and blessings are always with you.

27 September 1939

*

My dear little star,

I have not yet decided on what work to give you — but I appreciate your wish to do the work in the right spirit and I will look for some occupation that will help you in your resolution.

My love and blessings.

15 February 1940

*

My dear little star,

I am glad to hear that you are getting better and I hope you will soon be quite all right.

It is not because of the past — let the past be past and no more think of it! — that more work was not given to you; it was because I did not want to make you tired. Now that I know you are better D will give you more work, and when I shall have something to be done I will give it to you also.

The curtains you did are quite well done; they are put in place since the 24th.

With my love and blessings.

29 April 1940

*

My dear little star,

Well if you are sure that the servants are robbing, it proves that they are not properly supervised and you will have to look to it more carefully.

My love and blessings.

19 July 1940

*

My dear little star,

You must not be sorry or depressed. I am quite satisfied not only with your work which is excellent but also with your spiritual progress.

If somebody has told you otherwise, do not listen to what this person says, because it is not true.

With my love and blessings always.

26 October 1941

*

My dear little star,

I trust you fully and know you are capable of fulfilling quite well your responsibilities. As for the difficulties and deficiencies, everybody has some and one is here to overcome them. This is the meaning of the sadhana of works. Moreover I know nobody to whom I could entrust this responsibility — so I must ask you to go on courageously with your duties, keeping all faith in the Divine and relying only on the Divine’s help and grace.

With my love and blessings.

6 January 1942

*

My dear Mama,

It would be better if somebody helps me in embroidery. If you prefer to give the whole work to someone else than me, I have no objection to it.

Can you propose somebody who could help you? I do not see how it could be given entirely to somebody else. Even if you could not do at all embroidery yourself you would have to supervise and see that it is done properly.

Among those who know embroidery several have not much work just now and could help you. But I do not know with whom you would like to work. That is why I ask you to suggest one or two names.

Love and blessings to “mon cher petit”.

Undated

*

O my dear Mama,

Mama, I pray and pray and pray to You. Come, come, come, O my sweet Divine Mother. Come spread thy light in the heart and make it bright, for it is full of darkness.

Surely, dear little star, you will become all luminous as it is the nature of a star to be.

My love and blessings to mon cher petit.

Undated

Series Five. Correspondence with Ambu

Born on 14 June 1909, the Gujarati disciple Ambu (Ambalal Desai) came to live in the Ashram on 19 May 1928 at the age of eighteen. The Mother affectionately called him her “Baby”. His main work was cleaning the Mother’s kitchen vessels, but he also worked in the Granary, nursed invalids and collected flowers. Later he was the Ashram’s hatha yoga teacher. Ambu lived in the Ashram for sixty-four years, until his passing on 18 April 1993 at the age of eighty-three.

Ambu’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1933 to 1941.

*

I do not want the work of slaves; I want the work of free people who work because they feel benefited by it and for whom work is a source of joy and strength.

Whatever you cannot do in that spirit, it is better not to do.

11 January 1933

*

My lovely Ma,

I have inner eyes, but where are they? O my Ma, show me my inner eyes and how to open them.

Your inner eyes are in you as the tree is in the seed, let them grow.

18 December 1933

*

The design is the symbol of the descent of the Divine forces and the answer from the material world. The harmonious combination of both produces the four things I have written on the drawing: Divine Love, Light, and Life manifested in a Divine Perfection.

7 February 1934

*

O my Ma, lovely Ma,

Since two days I have been thinking: “How the hostile forces are playing with me and using me as their instrument.” But O Ma, I can’t stop their attacks. Only thinking. And through this thinking, sadness and depression are trying to come.

What is this temptation to fall once more into depression! I was so happy that you had surmounted that. The more the attacks are strong, the more we must keep firm in our position of complete trust in the Divine.

Always with you, loving and protecting.

March 1934

*

Baby,

I am there, don’t you know? Quick, open the curtain of the superficial consciousness and you will clearly see me.

With love and blessings.

10 March 1934

*

It is good that you could overcome the attack. A victory in that domain is always the promise of greater victories.

With love and blessings.

15 April 1934

*

Baby,

Dismiss the sadness at once; it is not a good friend, you must not make a companion of him.

I am always near you with love and blessings.

17 April 1934

*

To my Baby,

Let all the clouds, depressions and bad sensations disappear, to never come again. Let this day be a new birth and a new opening to the Divine’s Light and Love.

With special blessings.

24 April 1934

*

My Baby,

If you keep on being happy steadily, you are bound to recover from the weakness also.

With love and blessings.

4 May 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Let the clouds go and go for ever. The sun of happiness must shine so bright that they will be at once dissolved.

With love and blessings.

12 May 1934

*

(Written beside the sketch of a blue bird)

My dear Baby,

I am so happy that you have overcome the depression and wrote such a nice prayer. Yes, the purity will be yours and the happiness also, and here is the blue bird flying to you in all affection.

My love and blessings are with you always.

13 May 1934

*

(Written above the sketch of a swan)

Dear Baby,

Here is your soul (or rather its image) swimming happiness, strength and purity towards you.

With my love and blessings.

15 May 1934

*

I am happy to see that you have decided to send the bad suggestions away. With them almost all of the mischief will go. With love and blessings.

16 May 1934

*

My dear Baby,

There is no impossible miracle as an answer to a constant and sincere aspiration.

With love and blessings.

17 May 1934

*

My dear Baby,

When I go up, I always want to take you with me and try to pull you up; why do you not follow? …

With love and blessings.

18 May 1934

*

My dear Baby,

I did not intend to ask from you something that you cannot do. If you truly let yourself go in my arms without resistance, I would take you anywhere, that is to say, into the Peace, the Strength and the happiness for which you are longing.

With love and blessings.

19 May 1934

*

My dear Baby,

We shall light a big fire in which all the difficulties will be burnt down and only the pure gold of happiness will remain.

With love and blessings.

23 May 1934

*

Dear Baby,

It is quite possible, if you have a great liking for this picture[1] and you look at it very often, that you may make the substance with which it is done more plastic and receptive. Then it will manifest better the force hidden inside it and consequently its appearance will be improved.

With love and blessings.

24 May 1934

*

My dear Baby,

How can I remove a curtain that I have never put there? You must open your eyes (like the baby cats!) and then you will see.

With love and blessings always.

26 May 1934

*

There is no message more beautiful than the assurance that the Divine Grace never fails those who trust in It.

With love and blessings.

27 May 1934

*

To my dear Baby,

Cheer up! The weakness is simply a bad habit of the body and the depression a bad habit of the heart. There is no truth behind them.

With love and blessings.

4 June 1934

*

My dear Baby,

When a box is full you can put nothing in it so it is useless; it is much better to be like an empty box which can be filled with all the treasures of the divine Love and Light.

With my blessings.

6 June 1934

*

Surely, my dear Baby, I do not want to leave you in darkness and sorrow and I am pulling hard to get you out of “hell”, but let me catch hold of your hand and do not slip away.

With love and blessings.

24 June 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Happy to hear that happiness has come back to you. Don’t let it go any more, hold it tight.

With love and blessings.

27 June 1934

*

Yes, my dear Baby, it is rather important to get a steady faith, otherwise there is no end to the troubles. And the help is always there, you have only to make a proper use of it.

With love and blessings.

13 July 1934

*

Happy to hear that my dear Baby is happy. Happier shall I be if he becomes still happier…

With love and blessings.

14 July 1934

*

My dear Baby, I am keeping the one anna piece as a souvenir of a day when you have written that you are happy.

I am so happy when you are happy.

With love and blessings always.

21 August 1934

*

My dear Baby,

I hope your happiness does not depend on any exterior reason but on an inner opening.

With love and blessings.

24 August 1934

*

I am not at all angry and want only that you should be always happy and contented.

With my love and blessings.

15 September 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Do not resist the force that is working in you to make you happy. Open freely to it and you will see that all uneasiness will go.

With love and blessings always.

18 September 1934

*

My dear Baby,

I am not forgetting you, I am not throwing your letters in the wastepaper basket … and my force, love and blessings are always with you to lead you out of your difficulties.

25 September 1934

*

Yes, my dear Baby is sure to get purified not only in his body but in his mind and vital also.

With all love and blessings.

28 September 1934

*

O Ma,

…I am not going to write more, but, O Ma, let X know who the inner divinity is. Explain to him about Thee and my Father.

O Ma, save him, save him!

Yes, my dear Baby, we are trying our best and have full hope to succeed. The right attitude and the aspiration of his true friends can help him much in the circumstance.

My love and blessings are always with you.

9 October 1934

*

My dear Baby,

If you remain always happy, the body will get all right in time.

With love and blessings always.

23 October 1934

*

My dear Baby,

If you remain happy, the desires will not be able to catch hold of you, they will go away.

My love and blessings are always with you.

25 October 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Keep steadily your happiness and peace is sure to come, sending away the restlessness.

With love and blessings always.

26 October 1934

*

I hope the “blind Baby” will soon open his psychic eyes and follow the mind no longer.

My love, help and blessings are always with you to obtain that result.

28 October 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Fear not, be not anxious, surely one day you will feel any presence and recognise me as your true mother always with you to help you with her love and blessings.

29 October 1934

*

My dear Baby,

That my words are making you happy now, is surely a great progress and I am glad of it.

My love and help and protection are always with you.

30 October 1934

*

O my lovely Ma,

Thy Love, Help and Blessings are with me. They are Thy nurses. Thy nurses are with me, but Thou art not with me! Thou keepest me with Thy nurses for care and Thou runnest away.

My dear Baby,

My “nurses” are myself; I do not see how you can make this distinction.

So now I shall say — instead of sending you my love and blessings — I am with you.

30 October 1934

*

My dear Baby,

I was not at all angry. I was simply joking. Can’t you recognise a joke? I am so glad to hear that the happiness is steady in you now.

You can send your book. I shall see if I can write in it as you ask me to do.

With love and blessings.

1 November 1934

*

Yes, my dear Baby,

I am always in your heart bringing peace and certitude. I am always above your head pouring down Light and Ananda and I shall penetrate all your cells with an unshakable happiness.

With love and blessings.

6 November 1934

*

(Early in November the disciple sent to the Mother a bound notebook and asked her to write something for him every day in it. For the next six months, she wrote one page a day for him. Often she chose a sentence from one of the world’s scriptures or from the works of various thinkers and sages. This book of sayings was later published under the title The Lesson of Life. In the following letters these sayings are sometimes mentioned.)

My dear Baby,

I have not waited for your heart to open. I have settled there already. Follow the advice of Saadi: contemplate your heart steadily and you will find me there.

With love and blessings.

8 November 1934

*

My dear Baby,

I am very happy to see that, in spite of what you say to the contrary, you have become somewhat wise and are able now to reject the wrong suggestions.

You must know that these sentences I send you, convey to you my love and blessings accumulated since centuries.

Always near you.

13 November 1934

*

My dear Baby,

I meant that throughout the ages, by the mouth and writings of all the wise people, it is always the same eternal knowledge, the same eternal love, the blessings of the same eternal Consciousness that manifest and express themselves, and again now go to you when I write:

Love and blessings to my dear Baby.

14 November 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Fear not, all struggles come to an end, all headaches go and the fire inside can be changed into a powerful means of progress, throwing down the resistance which is the cause of the pressure.

The force, the love and the protection are always with you. Blessings.

15 November 1934

*

My dear Baby,

It is not I who have given you the “blindness and dullness” as you call them, it is the obscurity of the material world which I have come to fight and conquer…

With love and blessings.

16 November 1934

*

Very good, my dear Baby, you can make a shield of my love and an armour with my protection.

With blessings.

16 November 1934

*

Ma,

Today I have suffered too much. My body is breaking. In my chest I feel too much weakness.

Do not believe that your body is breaking; it is not true, your body is very strong and will be quite healthy as soon as the inner quiet and poise of your vital being will allow it to remain calm, balanced and restful.

19 November 1934

*

My dear Baby,

Your resolution to be a warrior against the forces of depression and sadness is an excellent one and you will always find me by your side for this good fight.

My love and blessings.

22 November 1934

*

My dear Baby,

There is some inner part of your being where there is no struggle, take refuge there and you will be at ease …

With my love and blessings.

3 December 1934

*

Shake off the uneasiness — think of something nice — remain my faithful Baby.

With my love and blessings.

13 January 1935

*

Ma!

What is the “Dhammapada”? What does it mean? It was written by whom?

The Dhammapada is the book containing the teachings of the Buddha (Cakya Muni). “Dhammapada” is a Pali word which means the foundation of the Law.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

15 January 1935

*

(The disciple asked the Mother about a sentence she had written in his notebook: “It is said in the Ecclesiasticus: ‘I am the Mother of pure love and of science and of sacred hope.”)

My dear faithful Baby,

The Ecclesiasticus is one of the Hebrew sacred books (not part of the Bible) and in the quoted sentence, it is the Mother speaking of herself.

With love and blessings.

20 February 1935

*

(In the disciple’s notebook the Mother wrote: “Thales has said: ‘Wherever you find movement, there you find life and a soul.’ “The disciple asked:)

What does “movement” mean — any kind of movement? It is better to explain the whole sentence.

Yes, any kind of movement, even in a plant. It is a way of saying that the divine consciousness is everywhere.

With love and blessings to my very dear and faithful Baby.

19 March 1935

*

Baby! …

Before inferring that I have done this or that, with no other basis than your own imagination, you ought to think twice and not forget that you have promised to be faithful.

28 March 1935

*

My Love,

What is the meaning of “service”?

The work that is done not for oneself but as a disinterested offering to the Divine.

With love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

29 March 1935

*

Ma,

Who was Hermes?

Hermes Trismegistus is the name given by the Greeks to a great initiate who founded in Egypt the occult science and was deified under the name of Thoth thousands of years ago.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

6 April 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Why do you call yourself an unlucky fellow? Is it so unlucky to have come here? Let this eighth year bring to you a constant happiness.

With love and blessings always.

19 May 1935

*

My lovely Ma,

My body is very tired and my mind also. I feel weakness in all the limbs.

My dear faithful Baby,

I am very sorry to hear that you are so tired. Either you must take rest, or you must see the doctor and let him give you something to cheer you up.

With love and blessings always.

22 May 1935

*

My Love,

To rush a little less is possible and also not possible, because I started the work and now I must finish it. Only a few days are left.

My dear faithful Baby,

Yes, I suppose you are right. Now that you have begun it is difficult to stop before the work is finished. But let it be finished by the end of this month and after that you must truly “rush less” and not get tired as you are getting now.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

27 May 1935

*

My dear faithful child,

The doctor says that you ought to lead a quieter life, to take more rest and more food. Will you not try to do so?

With our love and blessings always.

7 June 1935

*

(For the disciple’s birthday)

My dear faithful Baby,

Let this day be a very happy day and the first of 365 very happy days.

With love and blessings.

14 June 1935

*

O my Love,

I am feeling uneasiness in my nerves. I feel weakness. My limbs are tired.

My dear faithful Baby,

How can I not be sorry when I hear that you are unwell? And what to do to give strength to your nerves? It is only quietness, inside and outside, that can make the nerves strong.

My love and blessings are always with you.

22 June 1935

*

O my Love,

Quite happy. Very happy. But during the day some moments pass that are unbearable. In the heart I feel uneasiness.

My dear faithful Baby,

When you feel uneasy, do one thing: take the notebook in which I have written so many sentences and open it at any page. I am sure you will receive therein the answer you need.

With love and blessings always.

1 July 1935

*

To my dear faithful Baby,

Not displeased, but astonished that X’s will should have more weight with you than mine … Love and blessings.

3 July 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

You are not ungrateful and unfaithful, but if you were to go it would be an act of very great unfaithfulness and ungratefulness, so I am quite sure that you will not go.

My love for you will prevent you from doing it and my blessings will carry you safely through the darkness and make you recover your happiness and strength.

5 July 1935

*

My lovely Ma,

I feel depressed.

It is the arrival of all these outsiders. Don’t worry and keep quiet inside as much as you can and the depression will go.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

8 August 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Not depressed! Once more opened to my love and blessings, is it not?

11 August 1935

*

If you want me to help you, you must let me know what is the matter.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

24 August 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Keep faith and courage, the trouble will soon be over and then you will recover your normal condition, happy and strong.

With love and blessings.

29 August 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I see no reason why you should not be happy. Happiness is sure to come when you will become conscious and master of yourself.

My love and blessings are always with you.

4 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am so sorry to hear that your body is suffering. Yet I hope you will soon recover.

Love and blessings.

5 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am not at all displeased with you, but I am sorry that you feel yourself sunk down in despair. I wish you would make a strong effort. If you make a resolute effort, you will surely come out of it.

My love and blessings are always with you.

8 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I quite understand that you need rest and I would fully agree if you took a few days rest. But I fear the rest you need is not physical; it is your heart, so to say, that needs rest — and that rest, are you ready to take it?

My love and blessings are always with you.

9 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I meant by rest, real rest — separating yourself from all contacts that trouble and exhaust you and resting inwardly in me.

It is ignorant to speak of death as a rest. By dying one does not enter into rest; consciousness continues and the same feelings that one had in life. If you died with these feelings of trouble and despondency in you, they would continue after death with greater intensity. Nothing would be gained by that.

To be free from these things you have to overcome them in life here and that can only be done by throwing away their cause.

My love and blessings are always with you.

10 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

How much I wish that all this unhappiness and uneasiness should come to an end! But won’t you unite your will to mine?

Love and blessings.

12 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Take refuge in your faithfulness, trust my love and blessings and you will feel better.

15 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

You know that my help is with you to overcome the difficulties and my love and blessings to give you strength and courage.

18 September 1935

*

Love and blessings to my very dear and very faithful Baby.

Now rest, rest, rest and gather a mountain of strength and energy.

19 September 1935

*

It is the natural consequence of the sudden diminution of work.

Be quiet and all depression will go.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

20 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am quite sure that you might say many times: “I am happy”, and truly be so.

Love and blessings, always.

28 September 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Would you not take some cod-liver oil? It might help your nerves to recover. If you agree, ask some from the doctor. Surely we must find a way of making you recover your energy.

With love and blessings always.

9 October 1935

*

O my lovely Ma,

Do not be angry or displeased because I tell Thee sincerely what I feel.

I have no faith, I have no contentment. Always I feel that Mother is not taking care of me. Really, Mother, I have no hope.

One part of me knows that what I write is absolutely wrong. But between that part and me there is a distance of more than a thousand miles.

My dear faithful Baby,

Yes, it is the usual conflict between the ego and the soul and it is that conflict that makes you tired, in the same way as it is the absence of faith that takes away from our help a great part of its efficacy. I am not angry, my love and blessings are with you.

22 October 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

You must not lose hope in the recovery of your body. You are so young, it is sure to become strong again. Keep faith and confidence, it will help to bring the recovery soon.

Our love and blessings are always with you.

22 October 1935

*

My dear Baby is a faithful Baby. I love him very much and I know he loves me also.

Certainly it would be very sad if your body lost its health and indeed very sad also if you joined the troop of those who abuse us.

But are these two calamities quite unavoidable? Still I do not believe so …

My love wishes to keep hope and my blessings try to help you.

I knew quite well that you were late for the pranam and sorry for it.

24 October 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am quite convinced that to go away from here would not in the least improve the condition of your body.

Love and blessings to you.

2 November 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I hope you will courageously go through the struggle and win the victory over depression, gaining back a lasting happiness. My force will always help you in the fight whenever you ask for it.

Love and blessings to you.

9 November 1935

*

If you feel so tired, I suppose you will have to stop doing work.

I hope you are not taking less food.

All love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

12 November 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I hope you will feel more and more at home here in my love and blessings.

17 November 1935

*

O my lovely Ma!

For two days the idea of going away from here is giving me trouble. I have a strong desire to go. The idea rises up in me strongly: “Once I have to go, I ought to go. This place is not for me.” Ideas of this kind are coming. They make my head hot and restless and trouble me.

I fear these bad ideas are the present X has given you in exchange for all the care and trouble you have taken for him. These ideas are falsehoods; you must not listen to them. Your place and home are here in my love and protection.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

29 November 1935

*

O my Love,

What wast Thou saying to me at Pranam time?

I was telling you not to be sad because of passing friendships and unlasting loves — that you can always take refuge on my lap and feel at home in my arms.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

4 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Surely you must be successful in your fight and the bad ideas must run away.

My love and blessings are always with you in the struggle for the Victory.

9 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Keep firm on the side of your soul. The struggle is sure to pass away and the peace and joy will be more firmly established than before.

My help, love and blessings are always with you.

10 December 1935

*

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby who must be full of faith.

12 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I understand quite well your case and am full of sympathy, but… what can be done? The only thing I can do is to help you to overcome your desires if you have the will to overcome them.

Love and blessings always.

15 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I do not see how to go and suffer more can be a solution of the problem …

At least here you can be sure of my love and help.

With my blessings.

16 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

There is between us a bondage of true affection which is stronger than the desires and the dissatisfaction, even the restlessness. I do not think it is a fear of the kind you mention that keeps you here, it is because deep down in your heart there is love for Sri Aurobindo and myself.

And there also you know that we love you.

17 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

You have done for me much more than you believe. I know that you are trying your best to please me and get over the depression, and I am sure you will soon succeed.

My love and blessings are always with you.

29 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am so sorry to hear that you are unwell. Are you still following the treatment?

Love and blessings.

30 December 1935

*

My dear faithful Baby,

You are very generous and the box is very fine but I am quite sure that you are in need of such a box to put all sorts of small things in it and I would be very pleased if you kept it. So I am sending it back to you with my love and blessings.

P.S. Do you not think, as you are feeling so often unwell, that it would be wiser to resume the treatment and continue it patiently for some time at least?

2 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Remember the Gita — let your chariot be driven by the Divine and you are sure of the Victory.

Our love, blessings and help are always with you.

13 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Let me light in your heart the fire of the conquering will and the acuteness of the struggle will disappear.

My love and blessings are always with you.

14 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I hope the mind will soon be able to throw away the sadness and the depression and the happiness will be complete.

My love and blessings are always with you.

16 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

The eyes which can see and recognise me are eyes of the heart, not those of the head.

My love and blessings are always with you.

19 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Yes, I know that you love me and I also love you very heartily. But it seems to me that it is not me whom you cannot make happy — it is yourself by thinking all sorts of things that are not true; for it is not true that you have been unable to do something for me. On the contrary you have always been useful and in some cases truly helpful — and when you manage to be happy I am fully satisfied.

If only you could feel my love and blessings that are always with you …

22 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

No condition is ever lasting, even the bad things come to an end. We have only, when there is a storm, to keep quiet and be patient — the storm will stop and the happy sun will make its reappearance.

My love and blessings are with you to help and strengthen.

23 January 1936

*

You must write what you have to say — and be sure that I will always understand you — even if I do not answer.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

27 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

No, I have not any impression that you and X are constantly practising “asanas”. Y simply told me that you were both experts in that art and that he had seen you taking the most difficult postures.

Love and blessings, always.

29 January 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am not at all angry, I am only sorry not to be able to pull you out of that condition.

My love and blessings always.

1 February 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

All I ask you is to be still patient for some time more.

With all my love I am trying to help you.

7 February 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

If you are so very tired will you stop the granary work for a time and take some rest?

With my love and blessings.

15 March 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I have no intention of being cruel and with all my heart I wish to pull you out of your difficulties. But to change the outward nature needs time and perseverance. So you must be courageous and have patience.

Never doubt my love and care.

3 April 1936

*

It seems that you have been again very tired today. I would like you to stop your work for a time.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

9 April 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I do not understand what you mean when you say that you have “betrayed me and deceived me” and also I do not see in all that any clear reasons why you should go. But I am very sorry that you are thus harassed by these mischievous suggestions.

My love and blessings are always with you.

13 April 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am not at all displeased but a little sorry because of your bad health. Anyhow I hope it will soon be better. We are informing the doctor that you will go to him today.

My love and blessings are always with you.

17 April 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am very happy to see you at pranam and meditation and so very happy that you are getting better.

With love and blessings always.

21 April 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am quite sure that all your weaknesses will leave you one after the other in due time.

My love and blessings are always with you.

22 April 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Do not worry and keep patient — all the clouds and depressions will go little by little and never come back again.

My love and blessings are always with you.

23 April 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

The steadiness also will come in its time, and along with it the peace and the happiness. There is only to be patient for a little time more.

My love and blessings are always with you.

24 April 1936

*

It is not the physical consciousness, neither the vital nor even the mental that can recognise. It is only the psychic when it wakes up and comes to the front. Your psychic has recognised me long ago and it is that that keeps you here. For your usual consciousness it is still behind the veil, but now you must tear open the veil and you will see.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

19 May 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

X has given me your note to him. Be sure that I fully appreciate the kindness of your intention in writing to him; but, to say the truth, the way in which he or any other sadhak makes pranam to me must remain a matter between him and me and no one can intervene. Nor could any intervention in a matter like that be at all helpful.

Love and blessings.

22 May 1936

*

It is not your own feeling, it is a suggestion that comes from outside. You have simply not to pay any attention to it.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

3 June 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Surely I am helping and will continue to help you until you have found me seated in your heart.

With my love and blessings.

28 September 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

All this climbing down the scale of weight is not very satisfactory. I hope next time it will be better.

My love and blessings are with you.

5 October 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

No wonder that you are depressed. It is that you need rest and I expect you will take the rest you need.

With love and blessings.

7 October 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

This sensitiveness to the suggestion of fear is surely due to nervous strain and fatigue. With a little rest and perhaps some medicines from the doctor, all that meaningless fear will vanish.

Our love, blessings and help are always with you.

9 October 1936

*

My dear Baby,

If you fear me, how can I help you? Yet my love and blessings are with you.

27 October 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Don’t be discouraged. Let your heart of hearts remain firm and steady in its faith. Try to take refuge there — the storm will pass away.

My love, help and blessings are always with you.

7 November 1936

*

Is it not interesting to succeed in difficult things?

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

7 November 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I know that you are trying your best and I appreciate very much your effort. On my side, my love and help are with you to lead you to Victory.

Blessings.

9 November 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Persevere in your will to reject the attack and you are sure of the Victory.

My love, help and blessings are always with you.

10 November 1936

*

Indeed, my dear faithful Baby is truly courageous, and courage is sure to win the victory. I am happy for it and send him my love and blessings.

13 November 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Do not mind the struggle, do not let it make you sad. This struggle is unavoidable but it is sure to come to a happy end. Just now you are progressing very nicely.

Love and blessings to you.

21 December 1936

*

My dear faithful Baby,

When I spoke of progress I did not mean a diminution in the struggle but an increase in your receptivity. Since a few days I felt you more open to my force and I could work in you more easily.

Love and blessings to you.

22 December 1936

*

My lovely Ma,

You have given me the work of picking flowers and giving flowers to people when they need them. I have been doing all this as best I can. Now X, who has been given only the work of garden organisation, has begun to interfere and give away flowers himself.

Don’t you think he ought to refer people to me and say, “It is his work”, for harmony and accurate results? When I told him this, he said, “Complain to Mother and I will answer her.”

Evidently all these things have to be adjusted and I shall see to it. But during these days, when the Ashram is filled with visitors, it is surely not a time for quarrels but for work done harmoniously in a spirit of collaboration without insisting on personal considerations.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

21 November 1937

*

To my dear faithful Baby,

Let this 12th year which begins for you be the year of illumination.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

19 May 1939

*

To my dear faithful Baby,

My special blessings for his birthday.

As for the work I am somewhat embarrassed because there are many places where you can do useful work. But is there nothing that you would do with more pleasure?

My love and blessings.

14 June 1939

*

My dear faithful Baby,

I am not at all displeased with your work and I ask you to go on doing it as before. I told you myself that I wanted you to be free so that if you were needed to help someone or another you would be able to do it.

As for the plucking of the flowers I must ask you not to climb on the “realisation” tree nor on the champa; we shall have to wait for the flowers to fall down to pick them up.

I hope the clouds are quite gone now, with my love and blessings.

7 May 1940

*

Mamma, my Life,

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will finish 31.

Mamma? I want to ask you something. A few years back you told someone, as far as I remember, that I am near to you from within but far far away outwardly from you.

I do not remember having said anything like that, but of one thing you can be sure, it is that you are much closer to me now than a few years back.

I know you have no time, but it comes in my mind so I am asking you: When will you see my asana postures?

I am thinking of asking you to come tomorrow for the “asanas”. The best time for me is 6.30 p.m. when I have finished on the staircase, before going down for meditation. As you are coming tomorrow for your birthday, you can come up and instead of going down you will come in with me and show me your postures in my room.

With my love and blessings.

13 June 1941

*

Mama,

What shall I ask you on my birthday? I don’t know. I can’t think. I can’t pray. Give me what you wish. That is my wish-prayer-desire.

Let more and more love grow in me, let me be Thine, Thy faithful baby, Thy eternal baby, Thy eternal smiling baby.

My dear faithful Baby,

Let the year which begins for you today bring you the fulfilment of your highest aspirations.

With my love and special blessings.

14 June 1941

*

My dear faithful child,

You are not taking too much freedom, you are not behaving badly, you are not misusing my affection and kindness. So remain happy and do not worry.

With my love and blessings.

29 September 1941

*

UNDATED LETTERS OF THE PERIOD 1934-1936

The red lotus is the Avatar.

The white lotus is the Divine Consciousness.

*

In a prayer you ask something from the Divine — in a meditation you contemplate and express a truth.

Love and blessings to my dear faithful Baby.

*

Ma, what is perfection?

To be exactly what the Divine wants of us.

*

O Ma!

Ananda, Peace, Purity in me so I can do as Thou wishest. What must I do so I can become helpful to Thee?

Receive fully what I give you; like that you can help me in my work for you.

*

The great secret for receiving is to give oneself. Give yourself unreservedly to the Divine and you will receive fully the Divine’s Love and Happiness.

*

You say that you want to become conscious of my presence in you; is it not your goal?

*

First you must want it, and then you must try again and again to concentrate deep inside your heart.

*

Open your mind like a silent cave and I shall come in there also.

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Surely you must feel that I have come … prepare a nice quiet place for me in your mind and I will always remain there.

With love and blessings.

*

It is because you allow the discontentment to come that you cannot feel the presence of “Mother” who is always with you, helping, protecting and loving.

*

O my lovely Ma,

Often in the day my faith gets shaken. My days are passing in struggle. Thy love and presence I forget.

Yes, you must steadily push away all that stands between you and me, like doubts and restlessness and depression. And then you will feel my constant presence, which is a fact.

*

Ma! First push out sadness and depression. Establish Thy Ananda, Peace and Happiness…

Keep firm and courageous — the attack will pass and you will feel quite well once more.

I am always with you.

*

O Ma, Your Peace! Give me strength to fight against hostile forces. O Ma, come! Make the way…

Let your trust in the help grow and the struggle will soon be over.

*

Yes, if you remain steady and throw away the attacks, they are obliged to leave you and finally they will come no more. Just look carefully and listen silently and you are sure to find me there, in the quiet stillness of your heart.

*

This is quite a good resolution. Yes, we will stand and fight together and conquer these bad enemies: sadness and depression. They must not be allowed to approach you anymore.

*

I also cannot understand why you allow yourself to be in that condition. You must try to become more conscious and less passively open to anything and everything that wants to catch hold of you.

Shake off this unpleasant state and recover your true condition of happiness.

My help and love are always with you, but you must make use of them.

*

My dear Baby will be entirely happy when he will listen to truth instead of listening to falsehood and believing the false things that people tell him against me.

My love and blessings are always with you.

*

I did not mock, I did not laugh. I smiled as usual with all my affection. Is it that something is tormenting you that you felt in that way?

*

Ma, come into my mind. Purify my mind, live within it, make it wide, fill it with Thy thoughts.

O my lovely Ma, Come! I can’t keep patient. When will it be all right? O Ma, come!

Why so much hurry? You are progressing well now. Be a little more patient and all will be soon all right.

*

…suddenly I awoke and jumped from my bed. At this moment I heard a fierce sound outside. My body began to tremble. Again I went to bed but still my body was trembling. In the sleep also I felt unwell.

You are quite right in not getting upset, but you must overcome the fear also. You must learn not to be frightened by anything; and when fear tries to approach you, you must think: “My Mother is with me, what harm can happen to me?”

With love and blessings.

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Do not lose courage. One day the Light will catch hold of your body and all your miseries will go.

*

Why do you think that your body is weak? If you are sure that it is strong, it will become quite healthy and strong.

Love and blessings

*

There is no question of your breaking down. Be fully confident: you will reach the goal.

*

Lovely Ma!

Give me your finger and lead me…

I am quite ready to give you the help not only of a finger but of the full hand.

*

Come to me in your sleep, my dear faithful Baby. You will be always welcomed.

With love and blessings.

*

My dear faithful Baby,

Yes, rest with your head on my lap and my love in your heart.

*

Do you not know that your happiness is me? ...

[1] Which picture is not known.

Series Six. Correspondence with Parichand

Born on 30 October 1904, the Bengali disciple Parichand Kothari joined the Ashram on 11 November 1934 at the age of thirty. During the first few years, he worked as a gatekeeper, librarian and English teacher. Then in 1938 he began working in the garden of the Ashram’s main building. For the next fifty years he was head of that garden and head also of the Ashram Garden Service. He lived in the Ashram for fifty-six years, until his passing on 27 August 1991 at the age of eighty-six.

Parichand’s correspondence with the Mother is arranged in two parts, “Sadhana and Life” and “Gardening Work”; it covers the period from 1936 to 1961.

*

SADHANA AND LIFE

Mother,

Sometimes the vegetables in the Dining Room have an unpleasant taste, but I am eating them in spite of it in order to break old formations and achieve an equality of taste. Is this what You wish me to do?

Certainly it is indispensable to break down the narrowness and limitations of taste — the vegetables that taste bad to you others find excellent.

c. 1936

*

Mother,

In Your prayer of 7 December 1912, there is the following sentence: “Thy Peace is in me, and in that Peace I see Thee alone present in everything, with the calm of Eternity.” Does the phrase “the calm of Eternity” refer to “I” or “Thee”?

It is not so clear-cut as that. It is the atmosphere in which the experience takes place.

In Your prayer of 5 December 1912, there is the line “Thou, nothing but Thou, without any analysis or any objectivising”. What is the exact meaning of the word “objectivising”?

To consider nothing as being outside the Divine and oneself.

1936

*

Mother,

We are having some difficulty in understanding the true meaning of the following sentence in Your prayer of 17 May 1914: “The first, as though the power of the prayer would not be complete unless it were traced on paper.” One makes one’s prayer with the help of words, but is a written prayer more powerful than a spoken one? Please clarify the meaning of this sentence.

One should never read this book as if it were giving general rules. Each experience recorded there is a particular case. Moreover, the very form of the sentence implies that it is a particular case, even an exceptional one. These are subtleties of form that no one with a good knowledge of French could mistake.

From the occult point of view:

1) Something formulated in words is more powerful than something only vaguely thought.

2) Something spoken aloud is more powerful than something formulated in words.

3) And lastly, something written is more powerful than something only spoken aloud. But this concerns an occult action exclusively.

c. 1937

*

Mother,

Half an hour, from 10.00 to 10.30, does not seem to be enough time for my work on the “Visions”. I can work until 11.00 if You permit it. But then I will not be able to join the meditation because I will be on gate duty.

I don’t think it would be good to give up the meditation, which is an opportunity to immerse oneself again in the true consciousness.

c. 1938

*

Meditation is a time of recollection during which one should renew one’s offering, one’s dedication, one’s surrender to the Divine. It is important for the poise of the day not to miss it.

c. 1938

*

Mother,

This evening during meditation I felt a sense of suffocation and dizziness on two occasions and I thought that I was going to faint. This sensation interrupted my meditation twice. I noticed that my trust in You was wavering; otherwise nothing could interrupt my meditation. I have felt a similar sensation in the past, especially in the midst of a large crowd or in a room too full of people.

Perhaps this dizziness comes precisely because the room is too full of people. Wouldn’t it be better for you to sit outside in the open air?

c. 1938

*

Mother,

When the outer nature becomes too restless and the spontaneous peace and concentration are lacking, any effort on my part to concentrate turns into a kind of tapasya. Various suggestions are coming to divert me from this effort, saying that this attitude of tapasya is not as effective as an effortless state. But it seems to me that this effort, this tapasya is necessary so long as the outer nature is not purified. Please give me some direction.

Both are necessary and each comes in its own time.

c. 1938

*

Mother,

Something in me says that You should not be disturbed by my asking questions about unimportant things. Is this suggestion true?

It cannot be said that it is either false or true, for each case is different. A general mental rule cannot be true. It is only through the inner contact that one can be guided with a certain sureness. In any case, it is better to ask too many questions rather than too few.

c. 1938

*

Mother,

Questions in plenty have been cropping up about work and my inner attitude, some clearly and others vaguely. One part of me says, “Catch these questions as best you can, even the smallest ripples, and put them before the Mother.” But another part suggests, “That the Mother won’t like because She has very little time to spare. Wait until things become clearer from within.” But in following this latter suggestion, I have sometimes committed blunders which would not have been done if I had referred to You.

What attitude on my part will smoothen Your purifying work?

A general attitude of quiet opening to the Light and the Force is more important than to go into details. Always remember the will to surrender, the precision in details will surely come afterwards.

My love and blessings.

c. 1938

*

Mother,

You once told me that the impulses or suggestions which strike the mind first when one sets about doing something were the right and true ones. But so often the perverse forces of the mind and vital lie in wait and bring about a great confusion. As my discernment is not yet clear and sure, I feel I should refer these first intuitions to You physically, in writing, in order to do away with any chance of distorting the movement.

But will this not involve going into details, which You told me is not so important at present as a general attitude of quiet opening? How then can this going into details be avoided?

It is the inner attitude of surrender and consecration which is the most important and must be kept all through day and night, if possible.

The physical referring to me by writing must come only occasionally as a control of what has been received in the inner silence. That is to say, if you have asked a question and received an inner answer and you are not quite sure of the exactitude of your perception, you can write to know from me the truth about it.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

While at work, unpleasant vibrations keep my mind and heart unsettled and perverse movements blind my vision. Sometimes I feel that I am pushed not by impulses coming from You but from undivine sources, and yet I cannot clearly discern the right from the wrong. Mother, because of the dark forces still reigning over my nature it will take time to turn it into Your instrument.

It is in the quietness of the mind that the discrimination between the forces can come. Keep your mind silent and most of the problems will be solved.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

There is a growing tendency in me towards lessening rather than increasing work — doing less work but in a better and more careful way. Mother, is my attitude right or is some wrong idea activating me?

Yes, it is all right, better do well than do much.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

The constant push to activity after activity has now given place to a tendency to inaction. Exhaustion follows after a little work and the body sinks down forcefully. No zeal, no conquering will. How can I shake it off for good?

Most probably it is only a period and it may leave you soon. But do not worry about it and remain quiet. It is the best way to quicken its departure.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

The day before yesterday I took tea and other preparations at X’s and just after tea I drank a glass of water. That night I could not sleep until 1.00 a.m. The next day and today I suffered from a dry cold, uneasiness, heaviness, feverishness and a slight headache. Are these not due to my accepting tea without Your permission?

No, not for that — most likely it is due to the cold water on the hot tea.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother divine,

Although my mind says that even if the Mother gives no reply to my letters I should not despond in the least, still my vital shrinks and sinks a little. It craves for some stimulant and tries to cloud the mind. Today I have felt a sort of dryness and laxity.

I pray, O Mother, let me know inwardly or outwardly where I stand and let me fulfil Your intention. I want to be Yours, my Mother, take me up.

You must not worry — depression and anxiety are the result of a hostile influence; they must be rejected at once. It is not by a mental brooding on one’s own mistake or [sentence incomplete]

c. 1940

*

Mother,

Some parts of my nature are in turmoil. Is it due to some wrong attitude or to subconscient upsurgings? By Your grace my inner poise is intact, but my outer nature is still subject to heaviness, weakness and unrest. I aspire to know how to get over them.

Ignore them and turn your attention elsewhere.

24 December 1945

*

Mother divine,

In spite of enough physical movement, my constipation persists and there is a consequent lethargy in the body. Since my inner consciousness is still subjected to the body, there is often a depression in the vital and mental parts. If a purgative such as Milk of Magnesia is taken, this disturbance may be avoided. But that will mean dependence on an external aid. Moreover, I doubt whether You approve of taking purgatives.

Mother, I humbly and earnestly pray for Thy guidance and uplifting Grace so that I may be able to shake off these morbidities and become a strong, glad and illumined servitor of Thee.

Take the Milk of Magnesia at once and also the resolution to be (and not to become) “a strong, glad and illumined servitor”; there is no need of waiting any longer for that.

My love and blessings.

9 September 1946

*

Mother,

The past failings and falterings of my nature, its insincerities and faithlessnesses, occasionally cut me to the quick. Should I pay any attention to them?

It is better not to brood over these things. A simple detachment is the first step towards liberation.

My love and blessings.

c. 1946

*

Mother divine,

Month after month, year after year pass away, yet no decisive opening is made in my being, no definite change in my consciousness. Sometimes my heart shudders at the thought that there is something wrong in my attitude, that there are certain perverse habits in my nature which oppose a sweet, devotional, childlike psychic relation with You.

Today I feel a strong urge to approach Thee, O Mother, for enlightening me on the real nature of the opposition and showing me a rapid way out of this tangle.

The smallest change in the nature, especially in the physical, needs a very long time to be realised — so the first condition is to be very patient.

My love and blessings.

9 April 1947

*

My sweet Mother,

Should I also get my hair cut for marching in the Playground? If so, should I simply get it bobbed or clipped closer?

Bobbed is all right.

31 January 1949

*

Mother,

Dr. X proposes that on the day of Y’s operation (Friday) and one or two days after, Z and I should arrange to remain by turns in the hospital both in the daytime and at night. He says You have permitted it. Should we act accordingly?

Y is very frightened by the perspective of the operation. Consequently I advised him not to get operated.

c. 1949

*

Mother,

These days I meet with a difficulty. Special food preparations are widely prevalent and occasionally I am requested to partake of them. Sometimes I refuse, sometimes I find it hard to do so. But whenever I accept I feel a prick of conscience. What should be my attitude?

It depends mostly on the people who invite you. I cannot give a general answer.

My blessings.

18 March 1950

*

Mother,

X and I were surprised to hear that Y wrote to You for work due to our pressure. I proposed his name to You because I was impressed by his words; I thought he had no objection to taking up the work. Now I hear that You are displeased with our moves. I am not quite conscious of my faults, but it seems I was wrong in my judgment. I pray to You for pardon for any wrong done unconsciously.

I have never shown or expressed the slightest displeasure for your moves. Beware of what people may say or express in my name because usually it is disfigured.

In any case do not worry. Everything will be all right.

With my love and blessings.

25 May 1961

*

GARDENING WORK

In preparing the bed of the third plot, it may be found necessary to cut away some roots of the trees.

This is not possible. No roots of trees must be cut.

Apart from that — if the trees are respected, you can prepare these plots.

Blessings.

1938

*

I explained the whole thing to Z today. Of course this poor Service tree has already suffered much by the last storm and I do not wish to inflict any more difficulty upon it — but in this case it is not the main point. The objection to putting the eucalyptus plant there is that as the Service tree has already grown roots there, especially when some fresh good soil is put, it will grow some new roots much stronger than those of the eucalyptus plant, suck all the nourishment out of the soil and leave the eucalyptus plant starving if not even crushed out of existence.

Hair roots can be cut if indispensable but in small quantity and not often.

Blessings.

1938

*

One “Engine” rose plant, received from Calcutta last November and transplanted early in January, was growing nicely, but now the leaves have crinkled and turned blackish. Liquid manure was twice applied within nine days.

I suspect the liquid manure to be the culprit in almost all cases. In France the first thing taught to those who look after rose plants is that liquid manure and in general all unfermented manure must never be used.

9 April 1938

*

In the summer many buds become weak, malformed and discoloured. Is it not good to nip them?

You may try on one and see the result.

Do You approve of restricting the number of buds, shoots and fruits so that the remaining ones may be more vigorous?

It is in the choice of those to keep and those to remove that lies the difficulty.

14 May 1938

*

In the summer we are accustomed to seeing the tips of branches drying, foliage losing its greenness, shoots lacking in vigour, leaves crinkling and plants presenting a weak and sickly appearance. The mind suggests that this is more or less inevitable in places like this where for almost six months the hot season prevails. But something in me counters this suggestion and says, “Plants can remain quite fresh and full of life throughout the year if one knows how to keep them. If proper precautionary measures are taken, climatic changes can have no influence on the plants and it is not indispensable for them to undergo such suffering. Certain plants may take rest in summer, growth may be held in check for that period, but no trace of suffering will be visible.”

Certainly, if the necessary care is given the plants need not suffer. Blessings.

28 May 1938

*

…This incident has brought the following suggestion to me: “Put the umbrellas over the plants at 11 or 11.30 a.m. and take them off at 2 or 2.30 p.m. This will be enough protection from the sun. Let the watering also be regulated.” I pray for Your direction.

From the point of view of the rose plants it would be evidently better — but what about you?

4 June 1938

*

In the pit unused croton compost is kept. Along the wall and behind the kitchen there is palm compost.

I hope all this is not smelling and making the house uncomfortable.

13 July 1938

*

These rose plants are under the shade of the mango tree and around them foliage plants have been put to provide shade and yet admit diffused light. I am keeping the soil of these plants always moist and on very hot days I am thinking of watering the plants in the afternoon and syringing them in the morning.

Take care not to water too much, the plants may get rotten.

29 July 1938

*

The rain is often so violent that it may be better if they [rose plants] do not receive it directly.

29 July 1938

*

Mother,

In X’s house, there is a bael-fruit tree. It is a thorny tree, with some branches at the bottom which are in the way. X suggests cutting the bottom branches and allowing the tree to spread at the top; it is now about ten feet high.

It seems always a pity to cut branches — will it not spoil the tree? — while the convenience cannot be very great.

Blessings.

1 September 1938

*

Mother,

The thirty rose plants in Red House present a most sickly appearance. Even those shifted there from Vigie House are worse than before. One reason for the sickliness of these plants may be their being too near the sea. The moist and saltish air constantly blowing from the sea may have an injurious effect upon them. But is this the real cause? If so, shall I remove them at once without waiting till they are gradually transplanted?

Surely it is the neighbourhood of the sea that is harmful. It is better to remove them as soon as possible.

12 September 1938

*

Mother,

While top-dressing the rose plants, we very often come across roots only an inch or so below the surface; the roots come practically to the surface. In such cases we cannot provide the plants with sufficient manure and soil unless we damage the roots.

I feel that I should not allow the roots to be cut, but the question of nourishment comes in. I am, of course, applying bone meal to almost all the plants. What else can I do?

The roots must be coming at the surface because when pushing downward they meet with the obstacle of the pot. Is it good to bury the pot in the ground like that? I always heard it was not as it favours the growth of worms.

In this connection I should like to know if You approve of the use of chemicals such as sulphate of ammonia, sulphate of potash, super-phosphate of lime, etc. in the case of rose plants. I remember reading somewhere that such chemical manures should be used very cautiously, otherwise they may spell disaster. So I have refrained from applying them till now. But if You permit me to apply them, I shall inform You of the chemicals prescribed by the Rosarians and also the dose to be given.

It would be better to know first if these chemicals are at all recommended for the rose plants by the experts.

Blessings.

15 September 1938

*

Mother,

In Y’s proposal, which was submitted to You yesterday and which You have approved, we see that we shall start the work with our own supply of manure and that of a few private houses.

You gave us two alternatives. One was to arrange for the manure supply separately; the other was for the Garden Service to take the whole charge of the manure.

We should like to know which of the two You prefer.

I have no preference for any of the two solutions. It is the way in which it is worked out that is most important. Whatever can be done in good organisation and harmony, avoiding carefully all wastage and all quarrels, will have my full support.

Blessings.

17 September 1938

*

Mother,

Certain rose plants are apt to suffer from excessive moisture, either due to bad drainage or to the texture of the soil used in transplanting. It becomes necessary for such plants to be sheltered from the rain. This means shifting them to sheltered places each time it is raining or there is a chance of rain and bringing them back for sunning when the sky is clear. Do You like this?

I thought that plants did not like to be carried about too often …

17 September 1938

*

Mother,

Now and then the squirrels gnaw away mercilessly at the tender shoots of the rose plants on the Prosperity and Rosary terraces. Today I found a number of shoots lying on top of the pots and on the roof. How can I prevent the squirrels from this ravaging?

It seems impossible. Z tried all sorts of things and never succeeded. We are freely feeding these beasts to diminish their devastation, but without any result.

26 September 1938

*

Mother,

There is a general complaint against one of our gardeners, A. Though young and healthy he is dull in intellect, lazy in habit, prone to idle away his time and apathetic in the work entrusted to him. Moreover, he has expressed his dissatisfaction with the pay he receives and is sometimes irreverent in his attitude towards us. How to mend his habits or effect a change in his nature?

This is perfectly impossible. For a sadhak it is already a big job to change his outward nature; how can you expect it from an ordinary uneducated man?

4 October 1938

*

Mother,

While X was taking rest after his mid-day meal, he saw two paid gardeners, N and M, proceeding towards the broken branch of the sandal tree. M first tried to break a piece out of it but failed. Then N began cutting the branch with his knife when X caught him red-handed. On cross-examining these gardeners and also R, X came to know that R and N had tried to cut bits in the morning also. What do You advise us to do?

A good scolding from Amrita and a warning that if they begin doing again such things, they will be dismissed.

19 October 1938

*

Mother,

Some difficulty has arisen in connection with the heap of manure purchased yesterday. We settled the manure price at Rs. 7 mainly on the owner’s assurance than it will be at least seven carts of manure. We also thought that the heap would be seven carts, if not more; but now we find that the heap has come to four carts only.

The owner sent a bearer to collect Rs. 7 from us, but we have paid only Rs. 4 and have written to the owner. “We settled the price at Rs. 7 on your giving us the assurance of getting seven carts but as we got only four carts we hope you will have no objection to accept Rs. 4.”

We have taken a signed receipt of Rs. 4 from the bearer. If the owner comes or sends a man for the settlement, should we try to cut the price or give him Rs. 7 as settled with him?

If he insists on getting the Rs. 7, I do not see how you can refuse. When you arranged the bargain, instead of giving a lump sum for the heap, you ought to have said R. 1 per cart.

Blessings.

25 October 1938

*

Mother,

Today at noon two goats entered into Santal House and mercilessly ate away the tender leaves and shoots of four rose plants. It is a pitiful sight. A month’s labour spoilt in a few minutes. We shall henceforward try to keep the doors always shut and ask the inmates to do so. One of the doors has no bolt to lock it from outside. Can we ask Amrita to get it done?

Well, I have repeatedly said that gates must remain closed. You can ask Amrita about the locking arrangement.

28 October 1938

*

(Regarding differences of opinion among members of the Garden Service Committee)

My decision is that you should all give up your selfish egoistic reactions and face the problems in the spirit of true sadhaks, from the yogic point of view.

Especially Y seems to have made a point to contradict and discuss all that the others have decided. I do not approve of this attitude.

And I will repeat what I have said in the Words: When people quarrel all of them are wrong.

Blessings to all.

June 1939

*

Mother,

You have asked us to stop discussing and quarreling. Accordingly we have dissolved the daily evening meeting of the Garden Service from today. Is it all right?

Yes, at least for the moment — and until the minds have become quieter and the vital reactions are more under control.

Blessings.

29 June 1939

*

Mother,

We wish to inform You that although X had been looking after our Garden Service manure in the capacity of general supervisor, it seems that he has no special experience in this line. We therefore thought of giving charge of this section to X and Y together. But Y fears that there might remain some chance of disharmony in this combination, so we propose instead to entrust the charge to Y and Z.

I do not approve of this kind of fear. Each one’s duty is to abolish not only all quarrels but also the very idea that they can take place.

1939

*

Mother,

In submitting to You this shocking report about the plants I feel like writing something. My heart has borne without much shock the death of an appalling number of plants. This is due, I have often felt with pain, not to a settled calm and equality but a deep-rooted tamasic indifference, insensibility, callousness and apathy. If some day, by Your grace, O Mother, a drop of Your pure love gives a magic touch to my heart, the plants too will get back the elixir of life.

Time and labour have not been spared, but I fear that they have not been applied usefully and systematically. Daily twice or thrice I have paused beside these suffering plants and yet felt helpless in removing their suffering. What a pitiful state!

Among my inner defects are a confused atmosphere of mind and a lack of clear perception, conquering will, boldness in taking steps, sympathetic touch, and openness to the inner guidance. How can I get over these defects and be a more perfect manifesting instrument of Yours?

It seems to me that what has happened is chiefly the result of lack of experience — if you persevere in your efforts you will succeed.

My love and blessings.

July 1939

*

Mother,

The condition of the rose plants in my charge pains my heart whenever I go near them. I am ready to spare no efforts for their betterment if only Your will itself manifests more and more clearly and shows me the right way of nursing them.

So many plants have died without giving me sufficient experience! Tell me, Mother, what I should do to fulfil Your will more perfectly.

From the spiritual point of view, in your work, there are two defects that are to be removed. One is a kind of restlessness which compels you to try always new things and to make too many experiments — and the other is a certain rigidity in the mind which prevents the true inspiration from being properly received. Once these obstacles are removed you will more easily feel my force and my consciousness working through you.

With my love and blessings.

1939

*

Mother,

My inner being fails to form any decision about how to help my roses, but an immediate decision is called for. One suggestion comes: “When a plant is suffering, meditate upon it. The mind will bring many ideas, but quietly wait. If not at once, eventually the real cause will become evident if you draw near the plant and meditate upon it now and then.” Is this a right suggestion?

You can try the meditation but unless you quiet your mind completely it will not be of much help.

In connection with the grubs eating the roots of the plants, I can do two things: either free the mind from fear and develop an inner quiet and confidence in Your grace, or take precautionary measures such as applying soot-water, permanganate of potash etc. In the latter solution I have little faith, but I can do so if that be Your will.

Why this or that? Can you not rely on the Grace always, whatever is the exterior step taken?

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

About two months back I prepared some compost for roses with one part activated compost and one part garden soil. But in that compost, too, I have come across grubs. Thus although I have been washing plant after plant to make them grub-free, the grubs may have introduced themselves through the compost.

Mother, is it because I am afraid of the grubs that they appear so often? What should I do to keep the plants and compost free from grubs? Should I not banish these apprehensions and be rather careless of such things?

It may indeed be that by your fear and apprehension you actually attract the difficulties. An attitude of quiet confidence is much more helpful.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

The watering and sunning of washed plants and new plants from outside still perplexes me.

On 3rd October, we washed, thinned and watered one plant and put it under the shade of the mango tree. Six days later, it was watered again because the soil did not get sufficiently dry. It was brought a little out from the trunk and given three-fourths of an hour’s sun, but still under the tree. No eye opened, many leaves yellowed and fell.

From the 12th it began raining. The plant was brought farther out to get three hours’ sun, but from the 12th to the 23rd there was practically no sun, but on the contrary heavy showers. As a result of this rain about three-and-a-half dozen eyes opened almost at the same time, and many of them sent forth very tiny shoots. Thinking that the plant would not be able to nourish so many shoots, I nipped one dozen weak ones.[1]

On the 24th, the sun was once again bright and hot. I noticed at about 10.30 or 11.00 a.m. that some tender shoots had drooped. This I attributed to the sudden change of weather. I shifted the plant to a still sunnier position so that next day it got about four and-a-half hours’ sun — from 7.30 to 12.00 a.m. I noticed that some shoots had drooped again, but I did not give the plant any shade for two reasons:’ (1) The soil was still very wet and I feared root-rot if it rained again, and (2) I wanted to accustom the leaves to more sun and thought they would stand up. But what I saw at 1.30 was that some four shoots had wilted badly beyond any hope of reviving.’

Mother, I have given at length the after-treatment of one plant as an example, but I pray for Your direction applicable to all such plants because it is upon the after-treatment that their life and progress depend.

The above statements you make describe most clearly the mess that the mind can do when it interferes in plant life. How much I wish you could stop thinking! Then, I suppose, the plants will grow and be happy.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

Your reply to my letter concerning the after-treatment of washed plants has come as a revelation to me. It is my mental formations and suggestions that have not been allowing me to hear the small inner voice and distorting and disfiguring the true inspirations and impulses coming from You.

Mother, when it is Your will that I stop thinking I must do so. I pray to Your grace to remove the obstacles standing in the way. For the purpose of work should I not quietly and constantly look up to You for inspirations and follow them boldly, lending a deaf ear to all counter-suggestions? I feel that these two things are lacking in me: boldness and inner certitude. It is by Your grace that they will grow.

It is in quietness of the mind that you can get the certitude and the consequent boldness to act.

But before and above all, you must get this mental quietness; it is most important for both sadhana and work, inner growth and outer expression.

Aspire for silence and quietness.

The plant I referred to You has, I suppose, got sunstroke. As a result, a few more tender shoots have collapsed and a few thin branches are dying in spite of my giving shade to the plant after only two-and-a-half or three hours’ early morning sun. How to counteract the anxiety this is causing me?

Do not worry — the plants also need quietness to live happily.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

Now the roses cause anxiety to me whenever I draw near to them. Should I not throw away this anxiety? Should the least lowering of the consciousness be allowed in the presence of others because of this grave failure?

It is always better not to allow anxiety or depression to overcome you. A quiet, steady, confident will is the thing needed.

1940

*

Mother,

Remove all hindrances, accustom my being to commune more deeply with the plants and hear Your voice through them — otherwise I do not see any way to their improvement.

With much hesitation I am writing to You about roses. Suggestions of incapacity and egoistic persistence on my part have been coming now and then. If, due to my present state of non-receptivity in service to You, it is better that I hand over the charge of roses to X or anybody else, I shall gladly do so, even if the outer nature groans a little. Let the roses grow and be happy.

I do not want you to give up the work — but for the roses to grow happily you must not worry so much about them.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

Some suggestion discourages me from watering the roses lightly three times a day as advised by You. This has not been found profitable by me for two reasons: (1) It has not been systematically done and not at regular intervals; (2) I have gone on watering even when it was not necessary and when a day’s withholding would have done good.

I have thought of watering all the new plants according to Your method, rejecting any counter-suggestion as false. Is it all right?

If the method has not proved successful, why continue? It was not my method as I have never tried it myself. It was only a suggestion.

Blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

In Arogya House there is a rose plant which is growing nicely. Y told Z to bring it to Santal House, pluck the flowers and send them to You. Z will keep the plant under his treatment. Is it all right?

I do not quite understand why the plant is to be removed if it is growing all right? It is not good to move plants like that.

My love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

We do this shifting of all kinds of plants caladiums, maidenhair ferns, etc. — from Your garden without asking for Your permission, thinking that You will have no objection to this regular rotation. Is this idea in tune with Your will?

If the garden remains well decorated with ferns and other green plants I have no objection.

1940

*

Mother,

Out of fifteen mangoes kept by me for ripening in Cocotiers, two were found slightly eaten by cockroaches, thus rendering them unworthy of being offered to You. Another mango cracked when it fell from the tree and later got ripe. These three mangoes X and I tasted, following some impulse which was perhaps vital, for I felt some inner agitation when Y refused to share them with us. What ought we to do with such damaged or spotted fruits in future?

You can very well eat them, there is no harm.

With my love and blessings.

1940

*

Mother,

This evening I was shocked to hear from Z that You had expressed Your displeasure that none of us were present to supervise the work of the gardener who was found breaking off the dry branches of the Service tree and throwing them roguishly on the ferns below. But he was asked by me Mèrely to remove nests of insects and inject “Agrisol” into their hiding holes. The day before yesterday, when I saw him throw a twig which almost hit a fern plant I rebuked him and directed him to throw such twigs on the concrete floor. X also checked him once. That he acted against our directions proves that he is a knave; he cared little for the plants and thought of stealthily collecting fuel for himself.

Mother, should I take any step against the gardener?

Do not give this work any more to that gardener and if he asks later on for some favour (loan or leave) you can refuse saying that these are reserved for the workmen who are honest, obedient and careful.

Blessings.

26 January 1945

*

Mother,

Y wants me to see that Z gets the flowers and leaves he needs daily for distribution. Y does not like to have direct dealings with him on this matter because of some disharmony. I was not quite willing because of the existing pressure of work. But I pray to know Your will in this affair.

My will is that people should not quarrel.

Blessings.

5 January 1946

*

Mother,

There are a lot of dry branches on the Service tree in the Ashram. Can I have them removed?

Just now it is not possible because one cannot distinguish between those which are truly dry and those that have lost their leaves.

For beauty’s sake do You approve of our painting with green solignum a few dozen stakes that we use for supporting plants? We could get it done by our workmen?

Who says that it will look more beautiful? Not I.

My love and blessings.

29 January 1946

*

Mother,

For plucking night flowers such as “Faithfulness” and “Peace in the Vital” from various houses, I would like to send some paid gardener. Do You approve of it?

If you send servants to pluck flowers, soon you will have no flowers at all.

My love and blessings.

27 March 1946

*

Mother,

The Renuka House garden seems overcrowded and is kept untidy. One papaya tree is enough for the small place, but X is growing another. Then she has planted a branch of the tree “Psychological Perfection”, and this will soon grow big. Finally, she is, I suppose, growing more vegetable creepers than the place can accommodate.

Yes; and you warn her not to increase her garden any more because all the plants will suffer.

My love and blessings.

6 April 1946

*

Mother,

We have a small lawn-roller. Y wanted it for levelling the new playground, but I refused, saying that it was meant for lawns. He says he is going to make a lawn there. Should I issue the roller to him? I fear that it may get damaged by shifting, if carelessly done.

I do not advise you to lend the gardening tools to anyone.

My love and blessings.

2 May 1946

*

Mother,

Once I informed You of the regularly irregular attendance of a gardener named A, and the unsatisfactory nature of his work with us. This gardener is about one year in our service. Should we take any steps to rectify his habits?

To rectify the habits of anybody is not an easy thing — but he can be threatened with dismissal if he continues.

13 June 1946

*

Mother,

Z spoke to me about the lawn-roller. He said, “I told the Mother that I needed the roller for a day only. The Mother then enquired if any written permission from Her was necessary. I replied I would speak to you orally.”

Should I issue the roller to him, or should I refuse it, saying it is reserved for the Ashram lawns?

In this connection it now occurs to me that I would have done better if I myself had refused flatly and not consented to Z’s suggestion to refer the case to You. But as I was not quite sure of Your will, I could not do it with strength. I humbly pray to know for future guidance how I should have behaved.

Evidently if you had at once refused it would have been easier — but it is difficult to get rid of Z. I fear that now we will have to compromise. You can say that it cannot be lent but one of you will go and do the work himself.

29 July 1946

*

Mother,

Before writing to You I had a talk with Y about the roller affair. This morning I told him what You had written to me; sometimes I am free speaking with him. But I felt later that I ought to have kept to myself what You had written about Z. I pray to know if I acted on a wrong suggestion.

It is always better not to repeat to others what I tell or write to you.

My love and blessings.

30 July 1946

*

Mother,

About the garden inside the Ashram courtyard. May we temporarily arrange potted plants around the trunk of the Service tree for decoration till the last week of September?

No, it will not look nice, it is better as it is.

For beauty’s sake Dr. X once suggested covering with red earth the portion of the ground unoccupied by pots. Instead of red earth, I think red sand would be better. Do You approve of the idea?

No, it looks too artificial.

My love and blessings.

8 August 1946

*

Mother,

Under the Araucaria tree in front of X’s room, can we plant in its bed one row of “Generosity” plants and another row of “Caladium” leaves?

Is it not bad for the tree to plant these flowers below?

My love and blessings.

17 September 1946

*

Mother,

In dealing with our new young gardeners, who are somewhat arrogant and defiant, I experience a weak, timid and confused reaction in some parts of my nature. I have been opening these parts to Your force, praying for light and courage and strength.

It is in perfect calm that you can get unfailing strength.

With my love and blessings.

6 November 1946

*

Mother,

Yesterday there was a quarrel between X and Y. Desirous of harmony, Y wants me to convey some suggestions to X. He wants my mediation because a direct approach on his part may meet with a rebuff. I have been avoiding this because I find the task not only unpleasant and ineffective but in a way harmful. But I will refer Y’s suggestions to You if it be Your will that I should take part.

It is not, indeed, very good to interfere in these meaningless quarrels.

My love and blessings.

4 January 1947

*

Mother,

Yesterday when You came to the Cocotiers garden my mind was calm and glad, but later it was overshadowed for a certain reason. As the clouding effect still endures, I approach You for succour and guidance.

I heard from Z that his workmen were all present when You went to his farm. So also at Cazanove and Nanteuil. Thus when You came to Cocotiers and our workmen stayed on at the end of work, instead of going home, I did not object to their staying inside the garden.

After work, some of them went out to smoke without our notice and came back to foul the garden atmosphere. This incident caused trouble in me and then I felt that as the work was over I had better ask them to go home. But they remained, evidently in expectation of tips.

I pray to know the right procedure for future guidance. Also, will it be advisable now for me to tell them anything about the smoking affair?

There is nothing to say about the smoking provided they smoke outside the working hours and also outside the premises. For another time those who wish to stay may stay but they must not believe I will give them tips because I refuse to make this a habit.

My love and blessings.

8 February 1947

*

O Gracious Mother,

The number of workmen, permanent or temporary, is now sixteen. We can get satisfactory work from most of them only under strict supervision; otherwise they are prone to idle away their time, and the more the number of men the less the output. We need two more supervisors for better management.

For the moment I have nobody to give you.

The supervision of the workmen and the stores demands much of my time and attention. As a result the cultural and decorative side of gardening in the Ashram and Cocotiers does not get proper care and attention. A suggestion comes therefore to look for a sadhak to help me full-time, preferably a Tamil sadhak or Tamil-speaking one, and gradually entrusting him with responsibility.

Yes, if such a man can be found it is good; but for the moment I see nobody.

But there is another thing. Dealing with the workmen these days has increasingly helped to embolden my weak parts, to strengthen my nerves and to instil faith and courage in my vacillating heart. This seems to be a gain. So a counter-suggestion comes: “Continue till you find that no part shrinks or shudders even in the teeth of opposition.”

I ardently pray to know, Mother, which suggestion to accept in order that I may best fulfil Your will in life.

Do not plan in advance, do not decide beforehand, keep silent and do at each moment the thing that you can do while inside being concentrated on me.

8 May 1947

*

Mother,

Under the Araucaria tree in front of X’s room, may I plant “Sri Aurobindo’s compassion” plants? They are short-lived and surface-rooting and so will not be harmful to the tree, I believe.

I do not care much for plants and flowers under trees.

10 May 1947

*

Mother Divine,

There is something I should tell You in order to be free from all vibrations. Many of our 16 workmen, after the morning work, take their bath and food inside the Cocotiers Garden, then lie down there till they are called for work. Taking advantage of my absence, they may let in outsiders and create noise and other disturbances.

You certainly cannot leave the workmen all alone in the garden.

12 May 1947

*

Mother,

This morning when Y went to call the gardeners at 6.30 a.m., he found them all absent, although we had seen some of them sitting and chatting outside before roll-call time. They appeared five minutes later, at 6.35 a.m. When Y informed them that they were late by five minutes, one gardener complained, “Five minutes in the morning — how can it be late?” Another gardener joined him and they grumbled a little.

They were late again today; I suspect it was intentional, and they may try to repeat it.

Z told me that in the Domestic Service five or ten minutes’ lateness is not so strictly noted, but if someone is persistently late then he is marked so. It occurred to me that if the lateness is occasional, we too might ignore it. If we dissatisfy the gardeners for a few minutes delay, we may not get good work from them during the day. Y, however, seems to be more strict about punctuality in attendance.

I pray for Your guidance, Mother. I confess that I felt weakness and uneasiness in this connection.

It is always better not to make a fuss about small things.

My love and blessings.

11 June 1947

*

Mother,

About two gardeners still on trial: S has been absent without authorisation for ten days and M for thirteen days. Both not satisfactory in their work. (They might be working elsewhere.) We propose that their names should be struck off the roll. Do You approve of it?

You must give them first 3 warnings and notices and finally give them one month’s pay.

As one of these two gardeners is comparatively better, do you permit us to keep an opening for him in our service if he turns up? We have an order from You not to fill up the vacancy. If he appears in a few days, then we could consider his case.

I advise always to keep people unless it is truly impossible to do so, because if you send one away you are never sure that the one you will get in exchange will truly be better.

My love and blessings.

20 June 1947

*

Mother,

About the gardener, P. He is very irregular. He was dismissed last May, but our work-men went on strike, so he was taken back after he apologised, saying he would no more absent himself without authorisation.

This month he took two days of unauthorised absence. If I take him to Amrita, some drastic step will be taken against him, I believe. As this workman is very lethargic, we will not mind losing him. But I am not sure if You would approve of it.

It is no use dismissing servants and be obliged to take them back again.

27 June 1947

*

Mother,

Five gardeners of the same locality have been absenting themselves for the last three or four days without informing us. Only one of them, after two days’ absence, appeared yesterday to ask for three days’ further leave.

About this group we have a proposal to make. As they sometimes remain absent in a body, causing much inconvenience to our work, we would like to transfer two out of them to some other section — the two who are the most irregular and not always well-behaved. These gardeners will surely oppose this transfer and may even try to foment a strike, but that we are ready to face because our work suffers much when they remain absent together.

I pray to know Your will.

I am sure that not one out of ten of these workmen can be called honest and satisfactory, but it seems to me wiser to make the best out of the evil one knows rather than to run the risk of a worse combination.

With my love and blessings.

14 July 1947

*

Mother,

As you know two of our gardeners have remained absent from work since the 26th of last month without informing us. X got Your permission to send them away. One of them turned up for work this morning, after 18 days’ absence. Amrita has already given me his official letter of dismissal (referring there to an article in the Convention Collective), copies of which have been sent to the Labour Office and the President. This letter I will hand over to the man tomorrow.

This gardener, although he came from a communist quarter and belonged to a group of four other very undesirable gardeners, was not found by us unsatisfactory in respect to his conduct, work and attendance. So the suggestion comes: “Dismiss him and then after some days take him back on trial with a reduced pay.” But another suggestion says; “Do not take him back and give him no hope of further employment.”

I pray for Your decision.

If the man is a good worker why don’t you simply keep him in service?

My love and blessings.

13 September 1947

*

Mother,

A question has risen again in me. I pray for Your guidance. The gardener whom You have asked us to keep in service has already been given his official letter of dismissal. X had Your permission and Amrita had already informed the Labour Office and the President.

Now the dismissed man is again seeking work. May we safely and unhesitatingly take him back into service with his old roll-number and at the existing rate of pay, telling him: “As all of us have been satisfied with your work and conduct, we put your case before the Mother and got Her sanction for your re-employment?”

Yes, but you must add that henceforth he must prove that he is worthy of this treatment by remaining always very regular in his attendance and his work.

16 September 1947

*

Mother,

By Your grace, we have got rid of two undesirable workmen. But one still remains, the worst. He is a young but shrewd and mischievous boy. Other workmen soon may fall under his influence. I heard from Y that the man has even killed someone in a political party scuffle. Because of all this, sometimes when I want to curb his wrong movements, plainly expose his misdeeds, refuse him privileges or take steps against him, I feel a nervous shrinking and the suggestion comes: “Be careful. He may do harm to you, he may even resort to violence.”

So I open these weak parts in me to You, praying for courage, strength and enlightenment.

Quietness, calm, fearlessness.

My love and blessings.

2 October 1947

*

Mother,

The workman N served as a gardener for about 71/2 months, then left the work due to illness. His work was satisfactory, his conduct was fairly good, but his attendance was very irregular. Recovered from illness, he now seeks re-employment. We do not want to engage him because he was very irregular and is not very hardy.

He says he can get work in some Government department if we give him a certificate, and he has been asked to bring one from the Ashram. Should we give him anything in writing?

Yes.

If so, can I write in English as follows: “The bearer, N, worked as a gardener for about 71/2 months last year and then left the work on account of illness. His work was found by us satisfactory”?

Whenever a servant asks for a certificate, it must be given, unless the man has proved to be very unsatisfactory.

My love and blessings.

11 October 1947

*

Mother,

I approach You for the solution of a problem before me. Two gardeners were dismissed three or four months back. In spite of our repeated refusals, they persist in beseeching us for re-employment. On 1st December both appeared and, when refused employment, made an appeal for certificates saying, “Without certificates, we will not be given work by anybody.”

We did not issue them certificates when they left, because all of us found them unsatisfactory — at times very unsatisfactory — in respect to conduct, work and attendance. Should I tell them that it is not possible for us to give them certificates because none of us found them satisfactory?

Legally we have to give a certificate stating the kind of work they did (gardener for instance), the date of their entering the service, the date of their leaving the service. If you have nothing favourable to say, you write nothing, because you must not write anything that would prevent them from finding a job in another house. If you give me the required particulars I shall write down a sample of such certificates.

My love and blessings.

5 December 1947

*

Mother,

I have read some articles from the “Rose Annual” of 1925. But the idea came to me this morning that You would not like me to read the articles in the other issues and stuff my mind with a lot of information. If the idea is true, I shall see the pictures only and send the books back to You.

If you find some useful information in the book I do not see why you should not read.

1947

*

Mother,

Last year for Ayudha Puja, our workmen did not approach us for Sri Aurobindo’s and Your photos while doing the Puja. This year may we give them Your photos for worship, even if they do not of themselves ask us for them?

No.

Love and blessings.

9 October 1948

*

Mother,

The palm trees along Your windows are very dirty. Syringing them from below does not clean them properly. Will You permit me to syringe them from the roofs? The gardeners will supply me with water by ladder and I will carry the cans up to the top. Morning-time will be suitable. I pray for Your sanction.

I do not find it advisable with the present scarcity of water.

Moreover there is a risk of the water coming in the rooms through the windows. Let things stand as they are until the rain comes.

Love and blessings.

19 May 1950

*

Mother,

The gardener P has been in our service about nine years. This year he has again started absenting himself now and then on some excuse or other. He seldom takes my permission. Each time he is absent like this, I ask him to give his reason in writing and show displeasure and deduct from his pay. But he seems not to care for all these deterrents. Sometimes I am prompted to refer his case to the Labour Office, but then a counter-suggestion comes: “There is a general unrest. So better wait for an opportune moment.”

I pray for Your guidance.

All depends on the quality of his work. If he works well, be patient.

If the work he does is unsatisfactory, refer to the Labour Office.

Blessings.

6 April 1955

*

Mother,

I have to get three hundred pots made by Z for the winter season. He is busy making fancy pots and other things on a small scale. So I proposed to him to engage an extra potter for a few days and when the pots are ready, to fire them all at one time. Z is ready to do this, provided he gets money for the potter, fuel and clay — Rs. 25/- approximately. I pray for Your sanction.

What is this commercial spirit!

The whole of Z’s installation and work is paid by me — and his work must be useful to the Ashram. How can he ask for extra money for a work done for the Ashram? This is an intolerable attitude.

11 July 1955

*

APPENDIX

(Parichand’s Garden Service notebook of 1938 contains the Mother’s replies to the questions of three other members of the Garden Service. The concluding text is a general note she wrote to the Garden Service.)

It might be better to keep me informed if you make important changes, especially in the entrance garden and the mango tree garden under our windows. But if you speak of the flowers with their significance rather than with their botanical name it will be easier for me.

11 July 1938

*

Mother,

Do you have any objection to our using sulphate of ammonia and other such chemicals in liquid form in the main Ashram garden to accelerate the growth of the plants? They have neither any smell nor any colour.

I have no objection provided you use it moderately and with great care as it can destroy as well as accelerate.

11 July 1938

*

Can I remove the branches of shrubs which are overhanging and causing inconvenience to the inmates?

I cannot say yes or no, as all depends on the way it is done. It is not only the welfare of the inmates that must be taken in consideration but also the welfare of the shrubs.

18 July 1938

*

(Asked to choose between three methods of treating crotons, the Mother replied:)

It is by experimenting that one gets knowledge.

29 August 1938

*

Mother,

26 pots of caladium sent here by X are in a very unhealthy condition, due to being crowded together and kept in deep shade for too long. This has made their leaf-stalks too long; not being able to carry the weight of their own leaves, they have fallen and started rotting. To save the bulb and help new growth, I have cut all the damaged and fallen leaves and kept them in sunny shade, which they like. All the caladiums should be removed from there for some time and kept in a less crowded way and in semi-shade; otherwise they will all perish.

You must, by this time, have received my letter sent to the Garden Service and seen what impression all these poor cut leaves have made upon me. Some were evidently spoilt and faded but many were in perfect condition, fresh and strong, and surely did not need to be cut.

These caladium were brought purposely for the decoration of the N.S. garden. I like them very much as they are extremely decorative. It seems to me that they can be put in the N.S. courtyard at least for one month every darshan and also at the Christmas holidays and in between they can be kept in a more sunny place.

Blessings.

30 August 1938

*

Mother,

I am extremely sorry for having made this pruning mistake. It would not have happened if I had informed You beforehand and done it myself, instead of asking the paid gardener M to do this work.

Indeed it was a great mistake to give the work of cutting these leaves to a gardener. In future when such a work is to be done it is always better to do it yourself.

31 August 1938

*

Mother,

Here is a passage from G regarding the cultivation of Supramental Guidance in Matter (Hamelia patens): “It stands close clipping and trimming to any form; trimmed shrubs grown along side-walks or roads are of striking beauty. Hamelia makes a very good ornamental hedge, it is propagated from cuttings.” Shall I follow the advice?

I do not like clipped and trimmed plants, it looks too artificial.

3 September 1938

*

Fruits are better when they are plucked ripe. But this kind of fruit bursts very easily, so it may be better to pluck them a little sooner.

8 September 1938

*

In Deconzanet House the position is very sunny, but the atmosphere is stuffy and the cement floor gets heated.

It is no use putting anything there as the plants suffer.

13 September 1938

*

Mother,

Six palms and one “Purity in the mind” have come for repotting. They are pot-bound and their roots have enveloped the drainage materials. To take out the potsherd, charcoal etc. and put the plant in the next size pot, the lower portion of the roots will have to be cut. Do You allow me to do this?

Is it not possible to repot them without their roots being cut? With a little care and time it seems to me quite possible.

17 September 1938

*

Mother,

I could not start the transplanting of ferns as yet, but I should not wait any longer as the season is advancing. There are two methods for transplanting them. In both methods they recommend splitting up the fern clumps and planting them thinly, giving ample room for them to spread.

I have noticed that there are two kinds of growth, one like a bamboo clump and the other like the strawberry plant in which suckers are sent far off from the mother-plant. The ferns growing like a bamboo clump can be potted without entire removal of the old soil, but with the strawberry type I have found it impossible to do so. Last time I repotted a few of them by taking the plants out separately and trimming off all their dead stems, roots and broken leaves. Perhaps because of this they suffered a little longer, but after a few months they recovered. The long recovery period may be due to untimely repotting and a little rough handling.

Do You allow me to follow the above method? Or do You suggest any other method?

The only thing I insist upon is care, gentleness, consideration as you would have for a living being — for plants are living and they feel and suffer.

Blessings.

26 September 1938

*

Mother,

Water-logged and droopy-leaved crotons, caladiums and other plants are coming here for repotting from the main compound. I have tried repotting a few of them, but they have died. So I am leaving them as they are, using just enough water to save them from being bone dry. If after a few days I find some new growth in them, I intend to top-dress them. Do You approve of the above procedure?

Yes, when a plant is tired or sick give it rest for a few days, in a proper place, and it will recover. Repotting is always a blow and to give a blow to a sick plant is just the way of finishing it.

14 October 1938

*

Mother,

I find some difficulty in repotting without cutting the mould just a little. The mouths of almost all the pots are smaller than the middle, so cutting the sides of the moulds is necessary to bring them out easily. While doing this, some roots will necessarily be cut; to avoid this I have to break open nearly all the pots and also the tubs, because the mould in the tub sticks tightly to the sides and does not come out easily unless I cut this mould (with roots) from the sides just a little. Do You allow me to cut only that much in order to bring out the mould?

If there is no other way, I suppose you will have to do it — but I wish you would repot only those for which it is absolutely indispensable.

Blessings.

14 October 1938

*

Mother,

Y wanted some green mangoes from the Santal House garden and having got Your permission he took some twice or thrice. But the other day, finding very few in the tree, he asked me whether I would like to send them directly to you — ripe or unripe. I answered, “Whatever the Mother wishes.” But I do not know which You like better, ripe or unripe mangoes. Z is telling us that the Mother never takes ripe mangoes. I pray for your direction.

Sri Aurobindo eats the ripe mangoes. So it is better to keep the mangoes on the tree and to send them to me when they are ripe.

Blessings.

24 October 1938

*

Mother,

Every year at this time, we used to make cuttings and layerings of shrubs, crotons and other plants which can be propagated. Fearing that the mother plants may not last long, we feel a need to do this. Shall we do it this year also?

Yes, provided you have time to do it carefully. It is better to do a few with much care, than plenty in great haste.

29 October 1938

*

To the Garden Service

I have read X’s and Y’s letters of this day and take this opportunity to formulate two remarks that I have made since some time already.

When I founded the Garden Service it was to put an end to the old dictatorial regime of a single man at the head of the service with all its results of arbitrary decisions and fanciful rules. But I seem to have failed in my attempt, because instead of a single big state, there have been formed several small states each one under a ruler and all the rulers quarrelling among themselves. Indeed since the beginning of the Garden Service scarcely one day has passed without a quarrel being brought to my notice; constantly I was hearing of hot discussions and quarrels about the most insignificant matters, the smallest things, the most petty disagreements — and always these points of dissension could have been settled by themselves, without a word of discussion, if each one had done his work quietly, free from vanity, self-esteem and a domineering spirit.

As a result and in spite of much effort, work and labour the general standard of the gardens seems to have much gone down. At any rate the only garden I see physically — that of the main compound — is far from being what it used to be when at its best. For the past few days, when I walk on the roof, I am seeing with much regret the back garden of the Library House unkept, almost unwatered — as if nobody was supervising the gardeners’ work. This is said only as an instance and I am formulating no criticism of somebody in particular. It is the general spirit of the Garden Service that appears to be wrong and I fear that our attempt at democracy has been a failure. The remedy does not appear clearly, as yet. But as a transition it might be better to stop discussing, each one being busy with the portion of the work which is allotted to him and trying to carry it out as well as possible without attempting to impose his will on others. If in carrying out this programme some real problems arise they can be reported to me and I shall try to solve them.

Blessings.

28 June 1939

[1] Here the Mother put four exclamation marks.

Series Seven. Correspondence with Jayantilal

Born on 21 June 1913, the Gujarati disciple Jayantilal Parekh joined the Ashram on 28 December 1938 at the age of twenty-five. A talented artist, he made hundreds of paintings and drawings under the Mother’s guidance during his first decade in the Ashram. Then for most of the next fifty years he worked at the Ashram Press. In the early 1970s he organised the publication of the thirty-volume Sri Aurobindo Birth Centenary Library, and in 1973 he founded the Ashram Archives and Research Library. He lived for sixty years in the Ashram, until his passing on 26 January 1999 at the age of eighty-five.

Jayantilal’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1936 to 1970.

*

Mother,

I am sending you some art books for your opinion. I want to know your opinion about Cezanne and Van Gogh because they are praised so much by modern critics, especially Cezanne. One very good English critic, Roger Fry, calls him a divine artist, meaning perfect in some of his works.

The pictures by Cezanne and Van Gogh in the books you have sent are very beautiful (especially those of Cezanne). I shall return the books in one or two days — I want to look at them carefully.

12 March 1936

*

Such people are capable of turning towards the spiritual life; but their path is never without danger.

What you seek is always there ready for you. Let the psychic turn grow complete and it will of itself bring you to that for which you aspire.

My love and blessings.

15 February 1939

*

Mother,

What is the rationale of Divine Grace? Is not the Supreme Mother always ready with Her Grace for those who can call it down?

Yes.

Is it not true that most of the seekers after God cannot call the Divine Grace down, and yet they can receive it if someone, a guru or avatar, has once called it down within him?

Yes.

Can we conclude that the Divine Grace works best when it is established in the earth consciousness? Is it the aim of your endeavour to establish it permanently?

Yes.

Please explain to me the whole principle.

The Divine Grace cannot be explained through words and mental formulas.

Blessings.

7 April 1939

*

If you feel no true urge to paint, I see no necessity of your painting.

Blessings.

c. April 1939

*

Mother,

For some time I have been feeling that I ought to concentrate on some work. I feel like drawing and painting, so I have decided to devote some time daily to this work. The rest of the time I intend to devote to study. I will be always prepared to do whatever work you give me.

The drawing you sent is very nice. It is good that you have taken up again drawing and painting. If ever I need you for some work I will tell you.

Blessings.

12 May 1939

*

You can go to the lake. I like your sketches very much, some of them are extremely nice.

If I forget, remind me this afternoon of the pocket money.

Blessings.

1 June 1939

*

Jayanti,

Your way of approaching art is the right one and if you continue, keeping an absolute sincerity in your attitude and your attempt, you are bound to succeed.

There is something correct in your appreciation of oriental art, but it is incomplete. However we shall leave the subject for the moment, for I have no time to explain all that just now. As for Leonard de Vinci, Michel Ange and Raphael, I cannot put them on the same level. The two first are far greater than the last. They both belong to the world of creative force, Leonard with more subtlety and quiet, deep vision and purity, Michel Ange with more force and power especially in his sculptures which are incomparably magnificent. Raphael is more mental and superficial.

Blessings.

30 June 1939

*

Last night when I was about to sleep, my body from the heart above was filled up by some energy. I did not do anything but just observed. It lasted for only a few seconds. Two or three times it has happened to me and on the previous occasions it lasted for some minutes. I would like to know what this is. Is it an experience of the Kundalini Shakti? What is the best attitude to be adopted when under such pressure?

The best attitude is to be quiet and calm, and let the experience follow its course, observing it without thinking about it.

Blessings.

4 July 1939

*

S told me that you have given permission for the decoration of the meditation hall. I had intended to decorate only the room where you used to sit for Pranam, but I heard that you would like the whole hall and the area up the staircase to be done. This is a very big scheme. But K also intends to do the work and, if asked, S may join.

What I wish to tell you is this: to make the work harmonious and quiet, only one person should design the whole thing, and all others should work in the same manner. I would like to know if you have any subject in mind and how the thing should be done.

I agree that one person alone must design the whole thing, the others can join in the execution only.

I have no subject or scheme. I only wish that the decoration should be quiet from the point of colour and also of composition.

Do some sketches and projects, and send them to me.

Blessings.

31 July 1939

*

Mother,

Would it be good for me to devote more time to meditation than I am giving at present. I spend about two hours, morning and evening together. I am as yet not quite successful in meditation. My physical mind disturbs me a lot. It is so painful to find the mind working like a mad machine and the heart sleeping like a stone. Mother, let me feel your presence within my heart always.

The increase of time given to meditation is not very useful unless the urge for meditating comes spontaneously from inside and not from any arbitrary decision of the mind.

My help, love and blessings are always with you.

17 October 1939

*

Mother

The house I have taken up for my people belonged to a T.B. patient. I came to know this only after I had already paid for the house. But then we got the whole house washed and burnt sulphur in some rooms. In any case the thought that a T.B. patient lived here does not trouble me because he went away nearly six months back. But as some people have come to know about it and the suggestion of disease has been thrown out, I pray to you for the protection of those who will stay there.

As the house has been thoroughly cleaned and disinfected, there is no danger at all. People need not fear.

My blessings.

19 February 1940

*

Mother,

I wish to devote my time to decoration work, but before that I want to have a clear vision of the theme. Can you tell me how to meditate upon it? Who are the angels? What is their function in the cosmos? How can one come in contact with them? Are there books which can give a starting point?

Your questions are impossible to answer in brief.

I know no books that say anything of value on the subject

My love and blessings.

2 June 1940

*

Jayanti,

I think it is better if you concentrate on painting only as you have already made some good progress on that line.

If you do not like the atmosphere created by taking food with others I do not see why you should do it.

With my love and blessings.

13 September 1940

*

Mother,

My parents very often ask me to keep a few rupees for pocket money, but I have been refusing it because I did not want them to feel that I suffer here for want of anything. Do you think it desirable for me to keep a few rupees for some small expenses?

You can keep a few rupees as pocket money.

My love and blessings.

25 September 1940

*

Mother,

It seems that Dr. A has expressed his desire to take the painters of the Ashram to Gingee fort. I wish to let you know that I am not anxious to go; it is not with me a desire. I always wish to do what pleases you and so I kindly seek your advice. I wish you to express your opinion without reserve or hesitation. It is with me a greater pleasure to fulfil your wish and follow your words than to satisfy a desire.

It is better not to go; this kind of trip is not very wholesome for spiritual life.

With my love and blessings.

24 December 1940

*

Mother,

At times I seriously think about what my being wants. Why do I not feel the sense of a real being which has the delight of being and becoming? Why do I not feel any real interest in any creative activity? At times I feel an urge of the heart to seize something which can really satisfy my self, but the urge does not last long. What do you think my real being wants?

THE DIVINE.

I also feel that you are not quite satisfied with me.

Nothing of the kind. Each one has his difficulties and I am here to help him out of them.

My love and blessings.

25 February 1942

*

Mother,

Perhaps you have not found time to answer my letter. There was something in your look which I could not fathom today; it looked like a rebuke. If it is so, I do not know what the reason can be.

Nothing of a rebuke. I had sent what I considered as the most important answer through N and I expected you to acknowledge it — hence my look.

I may add that in all human relations there is always such a coating of vital attractions and impulses over what can be hidden there of a psychic movement that one is never too much on one’s guard.

Blessings.

11 January 1944

*

Mother,

For the last three days I have not been able to read the expression in your eyes when I come for Pranam. I feel you are displeased with me. I may be wrong, but if there is anything I wish you to tell me.

I am not aware of any change in my attitude towards you and also there is no reason for a change. The only thing I see is that I was thinking of S when you came and I was wondering how far you are informed of the state of affairs. As for being displeased with you, there is no sign of it anywhere and I can safely say that I am not displeased.

With my love and blessings.

5 September 1945

*

Mother,

My father wishes me to go and see him for a few days. He is an invalid and cannot leave his bed. Both his legs have become stiff and gradually the hands are also becoming like that. I have an idea that he may live only a few months more. In my mother’s case too I have a strong feeling of her coming death. I am very grateful to my father. He has proved an ideal father for me. He has given me the best of everything and has asked for nothing in return.

When I came to you, I had the idea that I would see my parents once before they pass away and that too to satisfy them. I am neither desirous nor anxious nor would anybody question me if I did not go, but this idea propels me. I will be very happy to do your wish.

You can go to see your father — but I would like you to go only when the school closes, that is to say after the 2nd of December, and come back before the first of January when the school reopens — as the lessons must not be neglected.

c. 1946

*

My dear Mother,

I feel I have displeased you. I am very sorry for whatever may be the reason for it. I am feeling very bad about it. I hardly need to tell you about my growing affection for you.

My dear child,

Don’t feel bad and don’t worry — I am not at all displeased. Others may have been a little upset by what seems to be a somewhat light talk, but I do not hold you responsible for it. It has become a habit in the Ashram to speak lightly and inconsiderately of many things that are beyond the usual understanding of people. It would need a great strength and endurance to resist successfully this influence. However I have hope that this strength and endurance will grow in all those of goodwill. Meanwhile my love and blessings are with all.

Be sure that I am quite aware of the growing love and devotion in you and they meet with the full response they can duly expect.

With my love and blessings.

22 September 1947

*

Mother,

I have come to a point when I do not seem to understand anything. I do not lack understanding in terms of words. What I lack is a sense of Reality, a force of Being and a direction. It is not at all a happy state of affairs.

You told me all that last night between 10 and 11, and as you were somewhat restless, I told you, “First of all you must be quiet.” The whole thing was very vivid and I appreciate the power of your thought — but I insist on the necessity of being calm and quiet. It is indispensable.

With love and blessings.

21 June 1962

*

Mother,

R says he does not know anyone who can do the exhibition work. He wishes to send out a notice informing the exhibitors that the exhibition will not be held.

I am very sorry for it.

It is a defeat of the will, much more than of the circumstances and it throws discredit on the Ashram.

Blessings.

14 February 1963

*

Mother,

May the Divine Mother give me the necessary force so that the following prayer of mine may become effective.

As a son of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, my greatest interest is in Truth. Let not the mountain of pride hidden in my nature distort in any way the movements of this Truth — the Glorious Sun. Lift me above smallness.

Do not let the view of the part hide the perception of the whole, and the details of one step obstruct the concentration on the Goal.

14 May 1963

*

Mother,

The world being what it is, we have to work under the existing conditions. Why not use the available conditions, gather strength and then endeavour to manifest the Divine Will in its purity?

But the very fact of living upon earth means that we “are using the available conditions”, otherwise it would be impossible to live.

Blessings.

18 March 1965

*

Mother,

Here are some of the painting proofs received from Calcutta. They are not very good. I am asking for some corrections to be made. A few more paintings are left to be sent to Calcutta. Can I ask P to carry them?

These proofs are not good. Why do you want them to do some more? They are simply spoiling the work and it is a big loss of time and money. Almost all of these pictures are unusable as they are and have to be remade.

I cannot agree to your giving them any more work to do. Blessings.

12 January 1966

*

I have been feeling for quite some time that I should limit my outward activity and confine myself to quiet work where I do not have to do so much running about.

I am facing some kind of inner crisis. My life is becoming aimless. A persistent dream warns me of my inner instability. It is an urgent necessity that I should achieve some inner poise and stability. The obscurity and heavy inertia should diminish.

If the Mother would permit me, I would like to be free from Press work. However I shall do as the Mother directs me. Kindly guide me.

If you leave the Press, the work will be ruined! As soon as I have a moment free I shall call you in the morning and we shall talk it over.

The more I go, the more I know that it is in work that Sri Aurobindo’s integral yoga is best done.

Love and blessings.

9 October 1966

*

Mother,

My mind is greatly perplexed; I do not know where I stand. The work we have taken up is huge, the commitments are many. What I have to do is not clear from outside or within. Every day the decisions are altered, new questions posed, the ego confronted with unacceptable situations.

I pray to the Mother that I may be released from the Press work till such time as I have some clear guidance or the Mother’s definite directions as to the work I have to do.

This is a personal crisis. I have no quarrels or complaints about people. I wish to keep my mouth closed and wait and learn to read the message of light that should appear before me. I pray for the Mother’s light.

It would be so good if you were not affected and continued the work just now that there is so much to do and the help of all is so badly needed.

If you want to see me, I shall be glad to see you, but you know that I am never alone and it is difficult to speak.

In any case, be sure that my love and blessings are with you always.

7 August 1969

*

Mother,

I am facing a personal problem and I pray for the Mother’s guidance. As yet, I do not have any sense of inner guidance. My days are not well spent. I am sticking on with the centenary work although I often feel I am not wanted or trusted, but I do not wish to be guided by any ordinary thought or feeling. I crave for isolation at times. I pray that I may have a surer feeling that I am doing what my Master wishes of me. Let my personal likes, dislikes and egoism not tarnish the purity of action or word. “Mother” has been my mantra and I take refuge in Her.

You are not only wanted but indispensable for the centenary work which would not be done properly without you. So I ask you to be patient and not to attach importance to the difficulties on the way.

Love and blessings.

3 May 1970

*

I feel very sorry that I have created the impression that I am pulling at money and diverting it from where it should go — the Mother. My attitude is that all wealth belongs to the Mother and we must use it as directed by Her. Wherever I have a say I do this, and I feel sorry that I have created the opposite impression. I write this to take a certain burden off my mind.

I do not know who has spread this rumour, but I can assure you that I know it is not true. So, do not worry and let peace settle in your heart.

With my blessings.

Undated

Series Eight. Correspondence with Prithwi Singh

Born in Bengal on 3 June 1898, Prithwi Singh Nahar, for many years a householder disciple, joined the Ashram on 27 May 1938 at the age of thirty-nine. During the next few years all seven of his children came to live in the Ashram. Prithwi Singh worked at first in the Ashram Library. Then in the 1940s, seeing the need to coordinate the sales of the works of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, he started the Ashram Publication Department and remained its head for nearly forty years. During this time he also did transcription, proofreading, indexing and translation work. He lived in the Ashram for thirty-seven years, passing away on 13 April 1976 at the age of seventy-seven.

Prithwi Singh’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1938 to 1967.

(Before joining the Ashram in May 1938, the disciple had to wind up his affairs in Bengal. In order to pay off some debts, he decided to sell a diamond necklace of his late wife. Then he thought of offering this necklace to the Mother. Unable to decide what to do, he wrote to the Mother for advice.)

*

Prithwi Singh,

I have just received your letter about the necklace. A wrote to his grandfather informing him about the sale of the necklace as a very good occasion and asking him to buy it for L. The old man replied that L was never moving out of the Ashram and what then could she do with the necklace unless it was simply to have it for admiring it. So you can see that my name never came into the matter. I would never have allowed them to ask it for me.

If you had no debts to pay off or if I were in a position to clear the debts myself for you I would have gladly accepted the necklace, but as it is it seems to me more reasonable to keep to your original plan of selling it.

Hoping all is well with you and the children.

Our love and blessings are with you.

P. S. Your furniture has reached safely and is placed in your room.

24 January 1938

*

Prithwi Singh,

I had advised you to sell the necklace because that seemed in the circumstances the most reasonable thing to do. But since you are moved by your inner feeling to offer the necklace to me, it is not possible for me to refuse it. There are certainly no motives of ego in what you express in your letter, but a very fine, delicate and psychic movement. So I promise you not to scold or chastise you when you bring the gift but accept it and the fine spirit in you which make the offering.

With love and blessings to you and the children.

2 February 1938

*

Prithwi Singh,

Well, I surely know very little of a human mother’s ways because I never dreamt of getting rid of one of my children by giving him or her something! …

Anyhow I had nothing of the kind in my mind and I had a fan put in your room because I knew that you were feeling hot — for, you believe that I have withdrawn, but it is quite a wrong belief — I am with you as I always was and know quite well your inner and outer condition.

If you were not hypnotised by appearances you would surely feel my presence living in and around you at all times.

With my love and blessings.

P.S. The fan is meant to make your room a little cooler — I hope you will use it for that purpose.

27 April 1939

*

My dear child,

Since several days I was feeling like writing to you that it might be better to speak to N about your health. I was hesitating to do so because I am under the impression that you are not very fond of doctors and medicines, but it is impossible to let your body fall into this bad habit of becoming weak. You did well to write as it has put an end to my hesitation, and now I would be very much pleased if you spoke a little to N about your body’s condition. Sometimes a very little push wakes up once more the receptivity.

My love, help and blessings are always with you.

27 June 1939

*

My dear child,

I quite agree with your way of looking at the problem and gladly grant your prayer of trying one year more to get out of the difficulty without calling in the medical atmosphere which — I must confess — is more often a hindrance than a help to the working of the Force. But you will have to keep me more often informed of the results of our attempt and concentration. Twice a week does not seem to me too much — I shall answer only if necessary.

With my love and blessings.

P.S. Is there anything to eat that you would find helpful? More milk? or some fruits? I ask you to answer very frankly.

29 June 1939

*

Mon cher enfant [My dear child],

Your description of the nature of your difficulty regarding your health is quite correct. It is the way in which the subconscient opposes the descent of the Force. But by a very patient and persistent endeavour it is finally conquered.

With my love and blessings.

24 July 1939

*

Mon cher enfant,

This is a very good sign that you are beginning to feel the effect of the Force in the subconscient; it indicates a true progress.

My love and my blessings are watching over you.

21 August 1939

*

Mon cher enfant,

The fourth slice of bread is fully approved, but it seems to me that you ought to take it without discontinuing the extra milk as I am convinced that the milk is helping in making your body stronger.

You can ask B to take away the fan until the next hot season.

The description of your experience is not quite precise enough (the nature of the touching, from where the kundalini rose to where) — but the disc of light would seem to indicate that you became conscious of the Presence in your centres.

My love and blessings.

7 September 1939

*

My dear child,

The collection [of coins] is indeed very well arranged and quite interesting. I am thinking of reserving a special shelf for it and then I will ask you to come and arrange the boxes on the shelf.

With my love and blessings.

6 January 1941

*

My dear child,

In the physical the joy of being is the best expression of gratitude towards the Divine.

My love and blessings.

16 June 1941

*

My dear child,

The ultimate victory of the Divine is certain beyond all doubt.

With my love and blessings.

6 April 1942

*

My dear child,

Your attitude towards work is the right one and I see no changes to suggest.

The work done through love and because of love is surely the most powerful.

With my love and blessings.

8 June 1942

*

My dear child,

I understand that it is almost impossible to keep one’s patience when hearing all the nonsense that certain people say here, and I cannot blame you for your hot reply, which, I must say, did not inconvenience me in the least.

With my love and blessings.

20 July 1942

*

I am sending you two French sentences written with your pen: “Seigneur, donne-nous le bonheur véritable, celui qui ne depend que de toi.”

[Lord, give us the true happiness, the happiness that depends on you alone.]

“Nous avanҫons sans hâte parce que nous somme sûrs de l’avenir.”

[We advance without haste because we are sure of the future.]

Undated (1942?)

*

(The disciple asked whether he should wear glasses. His letter ends:)

Please let me know what you think, Mother. I am stopping Agarwal’s medicine. I prefer to invoke your aid, as I have been doing; if I am able to open myself to your Force, a miracle might happen, as also if the Force wishes to act unconditionally. Otherwise what has to happen will happen and there is no reason for any regrets after one has received your blessings. I have written frankly so that you may give your decision without hesitation.

With deep devotion and pranams at Thy Feet.

I think that glasses will help you both outside and for your work, so I advise you to take two pairs, one tinted, one untinted; probably from England they will be more satisfactory.

With my love and blessings.

Undated

*

My dear child,

I truly appreciate the feelings and the consideration you have expressed in your letter, and I accept your proposal to write only once in two weeks — but you must continue to come for “pranam” every Tuesday, as you did last year.

With my love and blessings always.

4 January 1943

*

My dear child,

I am sorry you are still having these moments of depression. I hoped they were gone for good. You know that even when you do not feel me I am always with you. Keep this faith in you, and my presence will become a living fact.

With my love and blessings.

1 May 1944

*

My dear child,

I am glad to have read your letter. X[1] has already spoken to me enthusiastically about the new arrangement and the money they will return to you. All your children are a fine lot and I am very happy to have them here. To be truthful I must add that I love them dearly and their father also.

Of course, the books you mention can be ordered from England.

It is understood that whenever, for one reason or another, you cannot come to see me on Tuesday, you must come the following evening.

With my love and blessings.

3 August 1944

*

My dear child,

I hope you are giving no importance whatever to these silly talks about “spiritual nearness” and the rest. There is no truth behind it. No time to answer in details — but I must ask you never to judge on appearances and still less on what people say…

With my love and blessings.

6 November 1944

*

My dear child,

I did not even notice that you detained me. I always stand for a minute or two at that place concentrating upon you and others that might be there. So I have nothing to forgive and send you my love and blessings.

19 April 1945

*

My dear child,

It seems to me quite natural that the children wish to have a little privacy, and as soon as it is materially possible I shall fulfil their wish. Only one thing I shall say, that if the rest of the inmates were as your children are my work would be infinitely easier; they are among those who give me the least trouble.

With my love and blessings.

23 July 1945

*

Ma douce Mère [My sweet Mother],

S has given me Y’s and Z’s [2] monthly progress reports for signature. I had supposed that this business of guardianship ceased with my coming here, but I am told that you particularly want it and the whole thing is initiated by you. If that is so, I shall certainly sign the report. But it seems to me that the School is tending to become rather too officious while the method of real teaching is still very fluidic. The grading of students leaves much to be desired, but perhaps I am treading on forbidden grounds. In any case this monthly system would entail too much useless work for you, and the report could be easily made quarterly.

I had to take that step because of the carelessness, laziness and indiscipline of the children refusing to do their tasks and to obey their teachers. It is unfortunate for I would have liked to avoid all these commonplace measures.

P.S. I should confess to you that I felt sad at the use of the atomic bomb.[3] It was too heartless. I should frankly like to know from you, Mother, whether this feeling was right or wrong — for it was a regret felt for the action of the Allies, for those who had stood so gallantly against the barbaric onslaught of the Germans, those who had been on the side of the Divine — even though maybe not consciously. And it was also mixed with a feeling of sympathy for the Japanese in spite of all their savagery and dark treachery for which this swift retribution has overtaken them.

The atomic bomb is in itself the most wonderful achievement and the sign of a growing power of man over the material Nature. But what is to be regretted is that this material progress and mastery is not the result of and keeping on with a spiritual progress and mastery which alone has the power to contradict and counteract the terrible danger coming from these discoveries. We cannot and must not stop progress but we must achieve it in an equilibrium between the inside and the outside.

My love and blessings.

28 August 1945

*

My dear child,

I do not see that the Supramental will act in the way you expect from It. Its action will be to effectuate the Divine’s Will upon earth whatever that may be. On men Its action will be to turn their will consciously or unconsciously on their part towards the way in which the Divine’s Will wants them to go.

But I cannot promise you that the Divine’s will is to preserve the present human civilisation.

My love and blessings.

30 August 1945

*

My dear child,

In all opinions there is something true and something false. It is indeed a great and useful thing to be able to listen to the opinions of others without losing one’s temper and I am glad you have been able to do so.

With my love and blessings.

5 October 1945

*

My dear child,

I am very sorry for the recurrent illness; it evidently shows a lack of receptivity in the body, but no definite cause can be given to it, except a definite tendency to pessimism and despondency …

However I hope you will soon feel better, and send you my love and blessings.

10 March 1946

*

My dear child,

You did quite well to state your difficulties and that has not displeased me in the least. But you will allow me to say that, along with most of the human beings, something in you dislikes all sudden changes unless your own mind has itself decided these changes. So, in the present case, the best thing is to wait a little and see if, after becoming accustomed to the new arrangement, you do not discover that it has also its advantages …

With my love and blessings.

18 March 1946

*

Ma douce Mère,

With regard to Maria, I find that great apprehension persists in the obscure corner of the mind that the attack may be coming again as soon as the body has sufficiently recovered from the effects of the last attack. This is surely bad and not at all helpful in the process of elimination of this poison from the system. Only today I have discovered it. I pray that this may go away by your Grace, Mother; otherwise if the attacks continue at frequent intervals the body will go to tatters. May I accept with joy and happiness whatever be Thy Will for me.

With deep devotion I prostrate myself at Thy Beloved Feet and offer my grateful pranams.

Yes, the first step for all progress physical as well as spiritual is to eliminate all fear.

With my love and blessings.

15 January 1947

*

My love and blessings.

Catch hold of a deep inner peace and gently push it in the cells of your body. With the peace will come back the health.

20 April 1947

*

Ma douce Mère,

Thou who protectest us ever with Thy divine solicitude, Thou who art our Mother and Friend and Guide, Thou to whom we always turn in our difficulties, to Thee, O sweet Mother, I prostrate myself again and again with salutations of surrender. Humbly I kneel down at Thy Feet and with folded hands pray to Thee for the fulfilment of Thy Will in me — whatever that may be.

With my heart full of gratitude and devotion I offer my pranams to Thee and to my Lord on the eve of my birthday.

Thy child.

*

My dear child,

Sri Aurobindo sends you his blessings and I join mine with all my love on the occasion of your birthday. I shall see you at Pavitra’s place at 6.15 p.m.

2 June 1947

*

Ma douce Mère,

It is with great regret that I have to discontinue terrace darshan. As it is becoming terribly late for you in spite of the notice and as the Library now opens at 12, I have to go earlier to the dining room or not work at that time. Therefore poor Prithwi Singh has to make his exit except for a rare glimpse of you now and then by the vagaries of some happy chance. At this rate perhaps the Supermind, by the impact of its descending Force, will at no distant date throw me completely out into Nirvana or some impersonal Void or lull me into a somnolent sleep of self-oblivion. However, till that fate overtakes me, I prostrate myself at the sweet Feet of my beloved Mother and offer my pranams, however platonically it may be.

My dear child,

It seems to me that you have a very pessimistic view of things and especially of the working of the Supermind. However it is not quite my experience of it… but facts will speak better than words. Meanwhile I suggest that you should replace the morning “darshan” by an evening “darshan” and come up every day after meditation.

With my love and blessings.

Undated (1947?)

*

Ma douce Mère,

As K is insisting on his point in spite of your silence, perhaps it is better to give him a reply. — departmentally. I have drafted a reply which you will kindly change, Mother, wherever you think necessary. He thinks that by troubling you thus he will have his point: therefore I thought that it would be better to give him a straightforward reply. Also his constant reference to his offerings “all this money belongs to you” smacks of a typical Marwari mentality. Besides he is trying to exploit too much the money he has offered for the publication work. However, you will do, Mother, as you think best.

With deep devotion I offer my pranams at your Feet.

Certainly you can send the letter although it may be that K won’t like it. It may help him to see the problem through a new angle.

With my love and blessings.

3 February 1948

*

Ma douce Mère,

In view of the strong impetus given to games and sports and other aids for the development of the body at the present time, there is a general feeling that it is an indispensable part of sadhana and therefore those who are not taking part in it in some form or another have divorced themselves from the full action of the Force….

I have personally kept myself aloof from these activities, the overriding reason being bad eyesight, though in my younger days, for some years at least, I had done a lot of exercises, dumbbells etc. and some asanas. There is also certain temperamental disinclination.

Do not be anxious — there is no necessity of doing physical exercise for realising the supramental!

To explain in details what is happening now would take too much time — but one thing is certain: each one must follow his own line irrespective of what the others do and the goal is open to all sincere and steady endeavour.

11 June 1948

*

Ma douce Mère,

Yesterday a big glass pane of one of the doors at the farther end of the room where I work in the Library was broken by the boys while playing. The actual person K who had broken it while pushing aside a spinning top of another boy admitted it himself and cleaned the room full of scattered bits of splintered glass. Fortunately no one was sitting there at the time.

The children play and shout so lustily before S’s room that after ten or ten-thirty it becomes difficult to work. When told they move away a little farther, but again return after a few minutes and start their noisy game.

It is not the children so much as the parents who are more to blame. Their contention is that the Mother is looking after the children and they have no responsibilities ….

But I hope, Mother, that it may be possible to do something to prevent the Ashram building from being turned into another playground.

All that you say above is quite true — as for the children playing, we shall try to stop them.

With my love and blessings.

31 December 1949

*

Ma douce Mère,

I wanted to see you, Mother, because certain things were told in your name that had rather hurt me, I frankly confess. Naturally I don’t want to write such things. But I know you have no time and now it is no longer necessary. With a strong effort I think I have freed myself from that painful vibration.

My dear child,

I am not aware of having said anything that could give you the slightest pain — so I advise you not to listen to what people say — most of them take a very great pleasure in disturbing others; and when they have nothing nasty to repeat they invent.

With my love and blessings.

8 February 1951

*

Ma douce Mère,

I have received two bits of hair of our Lord. They are so precious and sacred that I should not keep them without your knowledge and permission.

I am sending the sacred treasure to you, Mother, through Dyuman and if you graciously return, I shall be very happy to keep it. But you will do, Mother, as you think best and whatever you decide I shall always be happy to accept knowing that it is for the best. They are in the envelope enclosed.

You can keep them, with my blessings and love.

8 April 1951

*

Ma douce Mère,

Last January — it was on the 3rd, I remember — when I was laid up with an acute attack of filarial fever attended with severe pain and shivering….

The same night I had a dream-experience, almost a waking vision. I saw two beings whose faces I could not see, two tall and sturdily built persons wearing what seemed to be heavy fur coats (later I thought they may be carrying on their backs a heavy load of herbs, as some light was gleaming out at times). They approached me and looked at me. I had no fear at all, but simply said, “If you have come from the Mother, you can do what you like, if not I have nothing to do with you whoever you may be. I firmly withdraw from your influence and you cannot touch a hair of me.” With that I was quietly taking your name and withdrew into myself. They talked a while with each other, I suspected they smiled at my remarks. They also drew something from behind their backs as the light gleamed. But other details I could not follow. Then they slowly left and I was fully awake.

Well, the only result I notice is that this time the fever and the swelling subsided quicker. But the filarial trouble is still there. The body is still unopen to the Force.

I am curious to know who they were, looking almost like twins riding on horseback. And in such cases what is the attitude to take? Obviously there should be no fear, but is there any particular way by which a sort of occult tact can be developed to discern the true nature of the embodied Force or the Being?

If there was anything wrong in the attitude I had taken, kindly let me know, Mother.

Your attitude was quite correct and the best one to have in the occurrence.

They might have been the Aswins, the twin riders, the healers.

With my love and blessings.

18 February 1952

*

Ma douce Mère,

Last night, with the experience of the rising of Kundalini, I saw near the heart centre a large serenely luminous crescent for quite a long while. The experience filled the being with strength and joy and a feeling of deep restful repose.

I now write to you of these things so that if there needs anything to be said, to be corrected or set right, you will please indicate it.

This is a very good experience, the luminous crescent meaning spiritual progress.

With my love and blessings.

10 November 1952

*

Ma douce Mère,

Yesterday, for the first time I had the experience of the ascent of Kundalini in the waking state, while I was sitting on the chair, meditating at 11.30 or so in the night. Long had been my aspiration for it, but however hard I might try I had never succeeded before. The Force was ascending from the heart centre to the head and it continued three times, each time as I concentrated at the heart. I could see somewhat the inside of the body, though it was very vague and opaque. In between I saw the open pen and the paper also on the table.

It was not a new experience, but what elated me was that it came in the full waking state. A feeling of strength, restfulness and an inner quietude still continues. The head is cool. But the difficulty is with the thoughts. Unless the mind can be stilled, the effects cannot last. Naturally I remembered you at the time and afterwards prayed to you. Then I sat two minutes at the Samadhi to offer my prayers to Sri Aurobindo and then went to bed.

I just write this to let you know of it, Mother.

This is very good and will surely have excellent results even on the condition of your body.

With my blessings.

Undated (1953?)

*

(The Mother met with the disciple on his birthday, 3 June 1953, and spoke to him about Sri Aurobindo’s passing in 1950. One week later he sent to her an account of their conversation. The Mother corrected one sentence of his account and returned it to him. Below is the corrected version of the account and the Mother’s comment at the end.)*

In course of my interview with the Mother which she had graciously given me on the 3rd, I spoke to her of an experience a few days before the passing of Sri Aurobindo. In a dream vision a Message had come from him which thrilled me to the depths as I read it and whose last sentence still rings clear in my heart: “I am going down, but I am soon coming up in a radiant form.”

The Mother heard it attentively and when I asked her if I could take it that the Master’s return is certain, she revealed to me the following wonderful happening. I note it down in her own words as far as I remember. She said:

“At 1:26 in the morning[4] when I was in his room, he was steadily coming out of his body into mine; it was so much that I felt a physical friction in the cells of my body; with it a great power entered into me and I felt capable of resuscitating him. But when I told him, he said, ‘No. It is purposely that I have left my body, I will not come back into it, I will return in a new body, the first body built in the supramental way.’” [5]

And she hastened to add: “But he did not tell me the time when he would return.”

Then I told her: “Certainly you know the time, Mother, but if I were to ask, you would not say it and I know it is good not to ask.”

She smiled sweetly.

I am sending you the corrected version — but it is for yourself alone and not to be shown to others.

With my love and blessings.

12 June 1953

*

Ma douce Mère,

About 4 or 5 days back during an experience of the ascending and descending force of Kundalini, I felt or rather saw a strong pressure of light pushing through the eye nerves to clean them as it were.

The effect on the external physical is not visible however; maybe the feeling is mere imagination, a sort of wishful thinking. It may also be that this kind of subtle action of your Force may take time to be effective on the material physical plane[6] Or it may be a complete misreading of the action of the Force which was for some other purpose. But I just write to you, Mother, because it was so vivid.

Keep quiet in your mind as much as possible and let the Force work. It is bound to have an effect although it may take some time before the effect can clearly be felt.

With my love and blessings.

18 May 1954

*

Ma douce Mère,

Somebody has told me of a sentence either written or spoken by you. I am writing it down here for verification. The wordings are such that it seems it must be from you. It is also in line with what had been long predicted in connection with the numbers 1 2 3 4 etc.-23rd of April 1956 in the case.

I shall be happy to know, if it has been said by you, Mother. Here it is:

“1956 will be the golden harvest of the difficult sowing now in the rocky soil.”

It reads more like A’s style than mine. I can only hope that it will be true!

With my blessings.

15 December 1955

*

My dear child,

Up to the night I did not know that you were not coming to the Playground for blessings. Otherwise I would have sent you a written word of blessings.

So now, a little late, but never too late, I tell you

Bonne fête! et Bonne année!

[Happy birthday! and Happy New Year!’

with all my love and blessings.

Let this year be a year of radical progress on all planes.

3 June 1956

*

Ma douce Mère,

I wanted to ask about two things:

Last time when I was with you upstairs on my birthday, there was a feeling as if time was not there. Not the experience of timelessness in the spiritual sense, but just a feeling that only I and You were there, and nothing and nobody else existed.[7]

It is exactly the experience I wanted you to have. I am glad for your receptivity.

Just for a few seconds, but an entirely new experience. I suppose it may be due to exclusive concentration on me at the time. But I don’t know. And in the evening at the Playground it was not so.

Another thing is about an experience I had on three occasions during meditation on the Playground. After some half-sleep unconscious state, suddenly as the consciousness became fully awake and alert, there was an exquisitely fine feeling or rather acute perception that every cell of the body was throbbing with a Force of Light in a vibrant stillness of the whole being. It was different from the experience of total silence I once had. It was, though lasting for a minute or two at the most, an awareness for the first time of the innumerable cells of the body and the action of your Force in them, pouring in them a stillness so luminous and thrilling that words cannot describe it.[8] What was it, Mother?

It is the experience I am giving during the meditation. So this also is quite correct and I am glad you were conscious of it.

With my love and blessings.

9 June 1957

*

(In the letter below, the disciple recounts the experience he had on his birthday.)*

I came before You with D — and I made my pranam. I had a feeling that I was kneeling before a divine Presence which was majestic, omnipotent yet gracious. It is only the Divine who can lean so understandingly, so compassionately on man.

It was then that I had a most strange feeling — I could not see Your Face[9] but I could see at least something of the form and the wonderful pose in which You were sitting. It was awe-inspiring, yet full of compassion and love. It was then that I felt strongly the Presence of Sri Aurobindo. Also when You caressed my head with Your fingers just before I came away, I had the same feeling that it was Sri Aurobindo’s hands with the added sweetness of the Mother-touch. Even now, as I recall the experience, I am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude.

Prithwi Singh, my dear child,

Your experience, on your birthday, was concretely true.

Sri Aurobindo was there to bless you and I am glad you have been aware of it.

With love and blessings.

17 June 1960

*

(Regarding the disciple’s attempt to translate Savitri into Bengali)

Prithwi Singh, my dear child,

If you want me to express frankly my view of this affair, I must say that I consider Savitri as untranslatable and will never encourage a translation of it except as a personal exercise for the sake of concentration on this unique marvel; but surely not for publication. That is why I cannot attach any importance to this contention.

With my love and blessings.

14 December 1961

*

Prithwi Singh,

Certainly you can continue the translation of Savitri for your own benefit and I am sure that the help from Sri Aurobindo will always be with you.

With love and blessings.

15 December 1961

*

Ma douce Mère,

The meditation given on the 15th of August [10] was very intense and deep. Just in the beginning I felt a deep silence as if someone was squeezing out thoughts. There was also a feeling as if at some great presence the whole Ashram became still and silent. I don’t know what it was but it lasted only for a short while. After some time thoughts began again to disturb the mind.

I just inform the Mother what I had felt on that grand day.

Sri Aurobindo immense and very concrete (in the subtle physical) was sitting over the whole compound during all the meditation.

28 August 1962

*

Ma douce Mère,

I would like to know about one thing.

It is said that a man has five sheaths or vehicles. The physical sheath falls away at the time of death. The vital and the mental get dissolved when the soul arrives at last at the psychic plane of rest where, in a trance sleep, it assimilates its experiences of past lives for a future birth. Now what happens with regard to the causal body — the supramental and bliss vehicles? Perhaps they are not dissolved, but do they detach themselves from the soul to join with it in its next birth or, as a cause, it is always there, even in the psychic world, so long as the individual retains his individuality and does not lose himself in the transcendence or in Nirvana?

I would like to know, Mother, about this thing.

Alas! as yet there is no supramental body formed! This has still to be realised.

23 September 1964

*

(Regarding the riots of 1965 against the Ashram)*

What has happened now does not seem to be due to the anti-Hindi agitation. Taking advantage of it some unsocial elements have simply turned it to anti-Ashram activities, but against the Divine they cannot stand. This opposition however shows that the time is near when even surface things will change. All this is happening to delay the inevitable destiny of earth. May the Mother’s Force be victorious over all obstacles.

Nothing can delay the inevitable realisation.

16 February 1965

*

(Written at the time of the Six-Day War between Israel and Egypt)*

Ma douce Mère,

The war in the Middle East is perhaps a direct result of the resistance to the Supramental working.

It seems, in Sri Aurobindo’s words, that “Rudra still holds the world in the hollow of his hands.”

In this connection I would like to know what attitude one should keep with regard to this developing Arab-Israel war. Whether our thoughts should be on the Israeli side or otherwise. Or we should be indifferent to the victory of either if none incarnates the Divine in its fight. In any case, I am sure it will not affect the realisation, as the Mother had once written to me, “Nothing can delay the inevitable realisation.”

Prithwi Singh,

Those who serve the Truth cannot take one side or another.

Truth is above conflict and opposition.

In Truth all countries unite in a common effort towards progress and realisation.

7 June 1967

*

Ma douce Mère,

I was struck by the power and intensity of Love when I saw You on my birthday. It was the same feeling when I received Your kind message on the Israeli war. All this has made me convinced, not mentally alone, but from the depth of my being, that the power of Divine Love is greater than the power of Divine wrath.

Now I will pray to be enlightened on one point. At present the working is going on with direct Supra-mental Force. Its immediate action on the world of selfishness, strife and disharmony is not encouraging. We see everywhere clashes; the world is going on in the old way as usual, perhaps worse. One is reminded of the old legend that the first thing that arose from the churning of the Ocean of Life was poison. Nectar came last. The action now looks to be similar. India is going on in the same old way, placating Pakistan and the Mussulmans and Russians.

One sentence in the Mother’s reply in connection with the Israeli-Arab war seems to me to be very ominous: “This is not the conflict that will decide the future of our civilisation.” [11] Does it mean that there will be another bigger conflict in which the present civilisation will be destroyed though the world will be saved? Or it means that there may not be any war at all and the fate of our civilisation may be decided by natural evolution of consciousness? But the last one seems very unlikely except that the complete transformation of the Mother’s physical will produce such tremendous effect everywhere that disharmony will become impossible.

I am particularly praying for an answer to this question as many, like myself, think that there is a possibility of another war that will decide the future of our civilisation.

It looks evident that if the transformation undertaken could be achieved in its totality, the necessity of another world-war would no more exist.

But purposely, for the sake of the work, the future is not revealed. So your question cannot be answered. Thus for everyone the wisest is to open oneself as much as possible to the force that is pressing for manifestation, to keep sincerely an ardent aspiration and an unshaken faith … and wait patiently for the result.

With blessings.

19 July 1967

*

What should we expect in music? How to judge the quality of a piece of music? How to develop good taste (for music)? What do you think of light music (cinema, jazz, etc.) which our children like very much?

The role of music lies in helping the consciousness to uplift itself towards the spiritual heights.

All that lowers the consciousness, encourages desires and excites the passions runs counter to the true goal of music and ought to be avoided.

It is not a question of designation but of inspiration — and the spiritual consciousness alone can be the judge there.

22 July 1967

*

Ma douce Mère,

I shall be very thankful if the Mother will please ask S to give a typed copy of the recorded statement of the Mother about the August Darshan. I will easily get it translated from the French.

What I have said to S, is not to be published. S is keeping a record of all I say about the body sadhana which I am doing now. But that record is not to be published, at least for the moment, nor circulated.

The parts of this record which are considered useful for others are published in the Bulletin under the title “Notes sur le chemin” [“Notes on the Way”].

Blessings.

12 September 1967

[1] One of the disciple’s children.

[2] Two of the disciple’s children.

[3] An atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima on 6 August 1945; three days later another was dropped on Nagasaki.

[4] On 5 December 1950.

[5] The Mother corrected this sentence to read as printed here.

[6] The Mother circled this sentence and wrote in the margin, “This is correct.”

[7] The Mother underlined the last half of this sentence, from “a feeling” to the end.

[8] The Mother underlined the last half of this sentence, from “your Force” to the end.

[9] The disciple’s eyesight was extremely poor.

[10] Sri Aurobindo’s birthday. The meditation took place around the Samadhi of Sri Aurobindo in the central courtyard of the Ashram.

[11] Words of the Mother I, CWM vol. 13, p. 382.

Series Nine. Correspondence with Indra Sen

Born on 13 May 1903 in the Jhelum District of Punjab, now in Pakistan, Indra Sen joined the Ashram in 1945 at the age of forty-two. For many years he was a university professor in New Delhi. As his first work, the Mother asked him to water flower-pots in the Ashram courtyard. Then she placed him in the newly-formed Ashram Press, where he worked for ten years. Later she arranged for him to teach a course in Integral Psychology in the Ashram school. He also established an Ashram centre in North India and helped to set up two Ashram orchards there. His final years were spent in the Ashram. He passed away on 16 March 1994 at the age of ninety.

Indra Sen’s correspondence with the Mother deals mainly with the running of the Ashram Press during the years from 1945 to 1947. At the end are several questions about education raised by him in 1965.

*

The composing section has a lot of work. Feeling the need of regulating the work of the new sadhaks who are learning, I told them that we shall take proofs only at the end of the day, between 4.30 and 5.30. Do you approve of it, Mother?

Is it not possible to teach them some teamwork? That is to say, can they not take up one thing to be printed — like the [New Year] prayers from 1933 to now, and each one will contribute to the general work so that the result will be a whole holding together? It is indispensable to teach them from the beginning to do a collective work in which each one plays his part; otherwise the whole thing will remain only as an interesting play for a few children.

13 September 1945

*

I assigned one or two of the New Year prayers to each learner and they have finished the job. The proofs are enclosed. There is a proposal to bring out the prayers in an 8-page booklet entitled “New Year Prayers (1933-1945)”. The model of the proposal is enclosed.

These prayers are a kind of historical recording of the psychological development of the world’s events for the last twelve years or so; they must be read in chronological order.

15 September 1945

*

[At the end of his report, the sadhak wrote:] Excuse me, Mother, I have dictated this report to V. since I am rather tired and my eyes are strained.

I do not want you to get tired — do not take too much work upon yourself and do not forget to take rest whenever you feel the need of it. It is indispensable that you should not strain yourself.

2 October 1945

*

We are planning to search the workmen as they leave the Press premises. I have the impression that you consider this desirable.

I quite agree to the necessity of this measure. But two points need to be settled:

1) I would rather if the measure is general and not only for those earning below Rs. 30 a month. A general measure is less offensive for everybody and the only secure one, for obvious reasons.

2) Who will do the work of searching? The present gatekeepers are too busy taking materials, etc. to attend to that.

You might speak to C about this. I have explained to him in detail what I mean.

10 October 1945

*

The employees of the Press had an interesting celebration at 4.00 o’clock. They worshipped your photo and Sri Aurobindo’s, offering flowers, fruits and some other eatables. It was all done in a dignified manner. I was surprised. But what moved them to do this? To please us?

The feelings of these people are always mixed because their consciousness is not very clear. In the present instance there is surely much superstition and calculation but also some genuine goodwill.

15 October 1945

*

I have written to P that you have permitted him and his wife to come here as sadhaks permanently and that you expect of them to be prepared for hard work.

It might have been better to let them know with some details what is expected from them before telling them that they are accepted — generally it is after a few months of trial that sadhaks are accepted as permanent.

18 October 1945

*

Confusions belong to our life, but I was not prepared for the one with D. The day before yesterday he showed me his request to Sri Aurobindo regarding the publication of the Hindi translation of your New Year prayers. I told him that he should have mentioned that the translation was not yet ready.

Yes, it would have been better to do so.

It appears he minded my saying so. Perhaps I said it too strongly. In any case I am very sorry for the confusion and hope it will be cleared up before long.

He said nothing to me about it. Surely the confusion is bound to disappear as you are both men of goodwill and cannot keep a grudge against one another. In any case my love, blessings and understanding are with both of you for restoring the best of relations.

27 October 1945

*

There is something else that makes me sad. Mr. P expects everything to go first class automatically, but under the circumstances it is not possible. I also am unhappy that Mr. P is abusing and pressuring the compositors. It creates a very tense atmosphere. I am sorry to have to write this, but I felt it necessary to state it to you while the thing is in its infancy and can easily be set right.

You did well to inform me about it, and I hope you will always tell me when something goes wrong.

5 November 1945

*

It took us about half a day to achieve a working arrangement in our new rooms. From tomorrow, I hope we will be able to energetically pursue the various jobs to be finished by Darshan. It appears we need to work on Sunday. Would you permit it?

If all the things you wanted to do for “Darshan” cannot be ready, it is better to do them slowly and carefully and have them ready later on. I think everybody needs a rest on Sunday.

16 November 1945

*

Two senior workers have asked for permission to attend the Darshan of the 24th. What reply shall I give them?

The workmen, servants and local people are admitted for “Darshan” on the 15th of August usually.

22 November 1945

*

Regarding the Darshan tips we will give to the workmen, I had a talk with Mr. P. He agreed to the proposal of giving 16 annas (one rupee) to those earning Rs. 30 or above per month, 8 annas to those getting between Rs. 10 and 30, and 6 annas to those getting less than Rs. 10.

I have always been for a uniform tip given to all.

27 November 1945

*

As a Darshan tip, shall we give a uniform 8 annas per person or 10 or 12? If we give 12 annas per head, we will spend about Rs. 25.

You can give them 12 annas each.

28 November 1945

*

I read X’s letter to you, which you sent to me. I must say that I felt sorry about the predominant tone of the letter.

Yes, I noticed it and because of it I hesitated to give you the letter to read, but I knew you would not mind it. Each one has his difficulties and shortcomings. We must be tolerant of the mistakes of others, as we expect them to be tolerant and understanding of our own mistakes.

4 December 1945

*

I wish to get a word of yours as a motto to be put up on the wall in the rooms of the Press. Will you give us a line of prayer and aspiration which will constantly remind us of the right attitude in work?

Let us work as we pray, for indeed work is the body’s best prayer to the Divine.

11 December 1945

*

I am not much given to sadness, Mother, but since yesterday I feel heavy at heart. I am pretty conscious of it, but am surprised it is persisting. I submit it to you to be cleared up in my mind.

A sadness of this kind comes always from a resistance somewhere in the being to the transforming force. With a more complete receptivity towards the divine Consciousness, all sadness disappears, to leave in its place a feeling of joy, trust and strength.

15 December 1945

*

In my inner reactions I have observed a tendency to expose a fault of nature to you, even with emphasis, because that is the only way of getting rid of it. I would not hide a thing from you, because you know better!

I am very glad of this, as it is indeed an indispensable condition for the working of the consciousness to be effective.

17 December 1945

*

There is a laxity of procedure in the Press work. It is sad to see that half-formed good habits among the workers are now being ignored and neglected. During Mr. P’s absence, I was anxious not to do anything that he would regard as contrary to his wishes. Now that he has returned, it seems that he and L would like to handle the whole Press by themselves. I feel superfluous and do not know what to do.

My dear child,

I am sorry but not astonished by what you have written. Much could be said on the subject, [but I do] not feel it would be […..] to do so.[1] However in a [general way,] although confidentially, I [would say] that when you were organising [things] in the Press, in spite of all the […] shortcomings and uncertainty [owing] to the lack of experience, on the whole there was the clear feeling of an effort to realise more and more my will and wish. Now this feeling is gone and replaced by the not less clear perception of somebody else’s will trying to impose itself. In such circumstances, my position is that of a witness watching and waiting for further developments and the proper time to act.

I wish you could take a similar attitude. Your presence on the spot will be of great help for information.

24 January 1946

*

Mr. P has talked to me a number of times about your decision to first take up the printing of C’s book and said that in your opinion it did not matter if the publication of the periodical Aditi was delayed. I must say I failed to see any sincerity in his argument. I know about his anti-Aditi attitude and his pro-C inclination. I felt definitely irritated listening to him. I aspire for the guidance of the Witness status.

My dear child,

The witness has only one thing to tell you in connection with this affair: “Look carefully, very carefully and honestly, inside yourself and you are bound to find a strongly pro — Aditi [view] and, as a consequence of the present circumstances, an anti-C attitude.” [It is only] when we are spontaneously [free from] preferences that we can see fully the truth of things and of events.

26 January 1946

*

Our sadhak-workers talk too much while working and at times forget to return the manuscript sheets. I have deliberately allowed a wide margin of freedom to them so that they might act out of their own sense of responsibility; but I am slowly realising that it is necessary to arrange things with mutual understanding and then firmly carry them out. I present this feeling to you for guidance.

Of course without discipline no good work can be done, and silence is a very good condition for work.

11 February 1946

*

V came to the Press and spent his whole day attempting to get the workmen to take up his work. His engaging us in talk was itself a loss of work. I could not help telling him that I did not feel happy about his demands for preferential treatment. In the same way, I told S on the first day he came that he needed your permission to come and on the third or fourth day I said to him very clearly that it was a harmful practice for people to come to the Press, walk about and cause distraction.

Quite good and you did quite well in letting them know that their behaviour is incorrect and unacceptable. Could we not put a notice at the Press which would once and for all discourage such visits?

4 March 1946

*

We haven’t yet made proper arrangements for sanitation and cleanliness. For example, the workmen go and smoke in the latrines.

It is very dangerous to smoke in the Imprimerie [Press]. Some “No Smoking” notices must be put at all places where they smoke or might smoke.

13 March 1946

*

Today Mr. P told me to organise the type stacks. This means keeping all types carefully, maintaining proper records, and so on. It is a very laborious task, leaving almost no time for anything else. He also told me not to take up any specific duty, but generally to act as his deputy. Nothing was decided, but I felt I had been tossed from pillar to post. I don’t understand, Mother, why Mr. P does not take back his former responsibility and let me go back to mine.

My dear child, do not do things which you do not feel like doing. I shall try to arrange things.

27 March 1946

*

I really have no special preference for work in any section of the Press. I find pleasure in going from section to section and learning the different aspects of the work. My thoughts contemplate the Press as a whole. If a more or less final arrangement is being attempted, here are a few relevant facts: [five points are listed].

My dear child,

Nothing as yet is decided; the situation seems to me rather confused and before I can see clearly my way in the organisation I will take no final decision. The consciousness is at work to bring out the Truth in the situation and it is bound to succeed one day.

31 March 1946

*

I am sorry to report something that the gatekeeper told me. M left the Press yesterday after 9.00 p.m. and he left the gate open, even after the gatekeeper insisted that he lock it; later he said that it was very dark, so he was unable to lock it. Thus the door remained open for 45 minutes till he came back. J said that this has happened twice before. I feel that in future M should not be given the key.

I thought it was understood that never the Press must be left unguarded; always one at least of those who live there must be there. If it is like that, the occasion of giving a key to M does not arise.

April 1946

*

A worker who was absent two days ago told me frankly that he had gone to attend the labour union conference. I asked him what had happened there and I showed sympathy for the workers’ aspirations. Then other workers collected around me and we had a good talk for about fifteen minutes. I explained to them the fundamental offers in your recent “Declaration”. [2] I was surprised that they had not comprehended it very well. In the end one of them asked how they could form a separate union of their own and where they could hold their meetings. I said that you might allow them to meet in the Press itself.

They have already formed a union of their own — they have elected a President and are holding meetings at a place lent to them by me for that purpose.

I felt quite happy to have had that contact with them. But it appeared that they needed a little guidance so that they may not get mixed up with the outside agitators and may realise the benefits of their contact with you.

Yes, it is good to speak to them from time to time.

9 April 1946

*

I am sorry to say that electric current was used last evening between 5.00 and 7.00. B told me that probably some printing was done after 5.00. Mr. P has been complaining about the electricity restriction during the last few days, but none of us thought he would actually infringe the rule and the effort to save electricity.

I am very sorry for this, not so much for the fact although it is bad enough, but for the spirit which is disastrous.

When Mr. P complained about something in the Advent that was printed in his absence, I told him that I had done the best I could and had sincerely tried to adhere to the style of the previous issue. I do not know whether you approve of my telling him firmly what I thought of the matter.

I fully approve of your answer.

When I spoke to him in this way he became apologetic. But I wish to be able to speak about such things with equality and without disturbance.

Yes, to keep quiet and be understanding is the most important thing.

10 April 1946

*

A little heat was generated in the Press today. L got upset over something Mr. P told him and he repeated over and over that he will not work here. Over any little difference, our first reaction seems to be to want to give up work. I feel that whatever our difference with anybody, big or small, we should not really think of giving up work. Is it correct, Mother?

Yes — it is this movement in the nature that runs away from a difficulty rather than facing it and conquering it.

17 April 1946

*

R has been complaining that people do not devote enough time to the Bengali section and therefore the works in hand are not making much progress. This morning Mr. P and I tried to find out from the sadhak-workers their reasons for not attending to the Bengali work adequately. Their reasons amounted to saying that they preferred to do French work and printing in the machine room. But D said that they feel dissatisfied with R’s treatment of them.

They all protested to me and do not want to leave the work they are doing and which they like, to go to the Bengali section. I will certainly not compel them to do a work they do not like to do. Moreover I cannot approve of decisions taken without consulting me.

R and his son are in the Bengali section already. The Governor’s speech in a Bengali translation must be printed soon. The Bengali section needs reinforcement. We seek your guidance and help.

Instead of bothering those who do not wish to change their work, he could take in the Bengali section S who is working now in the English section and will be more qualified in the Bengali section.

25 April 1946

*

Today D attempted to do a bit of editing of a manuscript. When the thing came to me, I did not know what the author had written and what D had added in between; but later D cleared up my doubts. I am sure a few days’ experience will tell him that he is attempting too much. I wish to know the best thing to do under the circumstances.

Continue as you do, it is all right. Each case needs a special solution.

30 April 1946

*

Yesterday D and I agreed that the work dockets prepared by him would come to me along with the manuscripts and I would give them to the compositors. Today he asked for a docket which was with me, saying that it was urgent and he himself would give it to the composing section. That appeared preposterous to me. I said that all he had to do was to make a note on the docket, “Wanted by such-and-such a date” and I would do the rest. He did not agree and said that in the future, as a rule, he will issue the dockets and manuscripts directly to the composing section. Kindly clarify who is to do that work.

It is almost impossible for me to answer your question, because these small administrative arrangements escape from my consciousness unless I am doing the work or part of it myself and in this case the things get no more arranged according to principles or fixed rules, but at each moment the necessity of the circumstance is seen in its truth and the decision taken accordingly.

1 May 1946

*

I feel very sorry that I took the work-docket incident so seriously and that you had to hear so many representations of it. This morning I was happy to read your note to me. I told Mr. P and D that Mother seems to suggest that D may be given the work he wants.

I must confess that I do feel a little confused and worried because just when we were settling down to our duties and responsibilities, some fresh sensational changes are being attempted. But I have become used to disorderliness and am prepared for all sorts of things.

You must have misunderstood me because I never intended that D (or anybody else) should have things his own way. I am not either against organisation and order. But as yet I have not been told in a clear and exact way the attribution of each one — or rather the reports do not tally — and meanwhile I am objecting to the mental movement that cuts things like with a sharp knife and says this is mine, that is yours.

2 May 1946

*

Many of our sadhak-workers do not come on time at 7.30 a.m. and 1.00 p.m. Naturally the work gets held up or suffers. I have proposed that we keep a register in which each one fills in the time and signs when he comes and goes. It could be presented to you each week. There was general agreement to the proposal, but it has not yet come into effect.

Yes, this can be usefully done.

8 May 1946

*

On a number of occasions I have found myself stuck up when D’s help is needed. I don’t know what to do under these circumstances.

Let him have his own ways… with a smile.

14 May 1946

*

(Regarding the Cabinet Mission Plan of the British Government to grant independence to India)

After listening to today’s broadcast, I was filled with gratitude towards the English people and then I thought of you and Sri Aurobindo, who have long worked for India’s freedom as a condition necessary for the spiritual regeneration of mankind.

It is not as much as we wanted but it is a starting point from which everything can come.

16 May 1946

*

M brought an order from Mr. P saying that all manuscripts must be carefully stored and he insisted that I countersign it. Later D came to me with that order and asked me about my signing it. When I explained why I signed, he flew into a rage and tore it up.

Yes, these incidents are truly very childish and there is only one thing to do — it is to laugh about them.

22 May 1946

*

Today Mr. P gave me Sri Aurobindo’s letter of the 13th. I find that it contains the following instructions for the future guidance of the Press:

1) There should be “no writing in the Advent or other of our journals embodying political, social or economical controversy”.

2) In a discussion or controversy, even on subjects like philosophy and art, “there need be no acrimonious debate”.

3) “Current Indian politics have to be avoided in our publications.”

Do you wish me to bear in mind these instructions when I look through the manuscripts and bring to your notice anything that appears to contradict them?

Yes, it is exactly that that is needed.

19 June 1946

*

Washing our hands is a problem since the washing solution does not clean them properly. The hands of those in the composing section get very black and dirty. Perhaps we can try the Ashram soap; even chips would do.

I do not think the Ashram soap is just the right thing for that but you can try. I only wonder if they will be able to spare so much as they are using the chips for the laundry.

They used to have in Prosperity a soap which would have served the purpose. It is called in French “Savon noir” and is made of potash instead of soda. You might ask from H if he still has some.

24 June 1946

*

Today I checked six forms and found that our sense of quality is increasing. In two forms of La Synthèse des Yogas, I found that the proportion between the inner and outer margins is not right. Before trimming, the margins are 5 and 7 ems; after trimming they would practically be equal. In fact, after trimming the outer margin should be about 2 ems larger than the inner one.

I hope this is only a beginning and our care for perfection will go on increasing until the standard of our production reaches a point worthy of Sri Aurobindo’s work.

5 July 1946

*

In regard to the separation of types, I felt that M had made only a partial representation of the matter to you. In my note to Mr. P, I aimed at supplying him with fresh data so that he might present it to you. But, Mother, in a situation like this, should one present fuller data in order to seek a fresh decision from you?

It is always right to throw more light on a problem provided it is done in a quite objective manner with a scientific attitude and not as a personal reaction for the sake of discussion or contradiction.

15 July 1946

*

We will have a combined meeting of the French and English sections tomorrow at 3 p.m. Here are some papers for your perusal.

These rules for breaking up words at the end of lines apply only to English. In French the rules are almost opposite. In French the words must be cut in syllables regardless of meaning.

17 July 1946

*

In making suggestions to you about the Press, I sometimes feel that my mind has been moving in an unfortunate manner which would not have your approval. I seek directions from you that would help me to identify the mistake in my working and put myself in right relation with you.

So far as I see, there is nothing that can call for my disapproval. Your feeling must originate in a rather tense and confused atmosphere still prevailing in the Press. Misunderstandings and quarrels are always unfortunate as they prevent the Grace and the Force from working freely, thus creating a feeling of frustration and uneasiness. Mutual understanding, tolerance and goodwill would help much to remove the resistance to the spiritual action.

20 July 1946

*

During the last few months I have had alternating periods of faith, surrender and aspiration and periods when these qualities were put to a test. During the test I have not come off as well as I would like. When I have felt you severe and harsh, I have not entirely succeeded in retaining the perception of your goodwill and love. I believe that when you are severe and harsh, your goodwill and love must be more intense. I earnestly pray that my perception of it may become an abiding experience.

My dear child,

I am somewhat astonished to hear that you have felt me sometimes “severe and harsh” because I am not aware of having shown towards you any severity or harshness. I may have in certain circumstances to act with force and decision in order to counteract wrong influences but that in no way alters my love and compassion.

26 July 1946

*

The proprietor of the Sandhanam Press came here yesterday with a proposal to form a press owners’ union or association. Are you in favour of such an association and of our joining it?

As a measure of defence towards the workmen it can be useful. But it was very clearly stated that we must keep entire freedom regarding the inner functioning of the Press. I must be free to make any change in the organisation if I find it necessary without having to refer to a committee or an association.

9 August 1946

*

Unfortunately there was an incident of theft today. A compositor was found at the gate at 11.30 a.m. carrying two pictures of Sri Aurobindo and yourself concealed beneath his clothes. The President of their union and other compositors were witness to it. The accused is under suspension from tomorrow. Meanwhile I await your orders. Should he not be dismissed?

For the theft, I advise you to call with some solemnity the President of their association and speak to him telling him, “This is a disgrace for your association; all those who belong to the labourers’ associations and syndicates must give the example of excellent work and perfect honesty, etc. etc. which is a fact among the communists” and after that you can ask him what he thinks the man deserves as punishment. For me, I advise a good warning, make him pay the price of the photographs he has taken and will keep, and tell him that next time he is caught stealing something he will be dismissed.

12 August 1946

*

Here is the application of the compositor to rejoin the Press. May he be allowed to join the Press upon payment of one rupee for the pictures he took? May he be paid 50% of his wages for the days he was suspended; this would be a concession to him more or less?

I had said immediately that he had to be taken back into service, asking him only to pay the price of the stolen pictures. As for his pay we may have to pay all if we claim the one rupee or else to give him 50% of his wages and not to claim the one rupee. Both things (one rupee plus 50% deduction) seems to me rather too much.

17 August 1946

*

My health depresses me at times. Periodically there are breakdowns when I feel too weak for movement and action. Would it be of any use trying some medicine? So far I have not tried any treatment, except lithine, Brahmi (an Ayurvedic herb) and lemon juice. I had hoped that the trouble would go away by the working of the higher force and my prayers to you. Is there anything that you consider necessary?

Surely the action of the force is far more effective than any medicine. But sometimes in the physical consciousness, or rather the body consciousness, the faith is not sufficient to secure a sufficient receptivity and in that case, to help this receptivity, some treatment or some medicine may be required.

13 September 1946

*

I returned from you in the morning with the feeling that I was still considered guilty of changing the page headings of Savitri. The fact is, I have no authority over anybody; I can plead with a colleague, but I dare not get even a glaring mistake corrected by myself. Even to get that inner title page composed, I virtually had to obtain D’s consent to it. Divine Mother, I cannot tell you how unenviable I find my position in the Press.

Well, this is unexpected! …

This morning when you came I showed you that I had chosen for the inner page the one you had arranged because I found it good and what was rejected and corrected was the correction M confessed he had done and I could not agree to because it was bad. I sincerely thought you would be pleased to see that your choice had been approved and maintained. I am truly astonished that you did not notice this fact and you left me with the feeling that I was still “considering you guilty”. This is a perception I never have; in fact I never look at the work in that way and the notion of guilt enters seldom in my consciousness. For me the work, the thing done, stands in itself by itself, very independent from persons. I judge the work in itself for itself quite independently from the person who has produced it and for the sake of whom I can never change my perception of the value of the result obtained. I fear I have not been able to make myself clear but I hope that little by little I can make myself understood.

I am sorry all these events have unduly translated themselves in your consciousness by sorrow. I say unduly because you ought never to doubt my love and solicitude for you and my blessings.

16 September 1946

*

I heartily recognise that the one right attitude towards you is one of absolute surrender and submission. It follows that when I do not understand things, I should silence the questionings of my mind rather than indulge them. My strongest inclination now is to dismiss my questions outright and submit them all to the sovereign remedy of absolute surrender. Is it the right approach, Mother?

My dear child, the best and truer attitude is much more a conscious, willing, loving collaboration with the Divine rather than a dumb and blind submission. It is even this fact that is at the origin of the liberty to wander away from the path with, as its consequence, the condition of the world as it is. It is freely that the divided consciousness must choose to turn to the Divine and to follow His law.

17 September 1946

*

I am glad that R himself will dispose of the leave applications of his workers. I wish that others too would deal with their section workers like this. Reactions sometimes arise in the section heads when I send round some general information, but previously, when I did not do it, many of them missed being informed of things in a regular way! At the moment I feel the need of withdrawing, attending to my work in the type stores and being relieved of general responsibilities, which are irksome to others. I hope you approved of my dropping the designation “Deputy Director” in signing the report yesterday.

Titles in my view are of quite a minor importance. More of a play than of anything serious and most often it has very little connection with the true position that each one occupies in a work.

October 1946

*

The descriptive note appended to Words of the Mother needs a change. The sentence “The book has been happily made available .. .” could have been used when the first edition was published, but it cannot apply to the third edition. I have rewritten the whole note and present it to you. It is rather long, but the last paragraph can be easily dropped.

I am not very fond of descriptive notes, but if it is considered indispensable, I have nothing to say.

7 October 1946

*

At midday I have been resting at the Press in a room that is rather stuffy and smelly. For the last two days I have gone back home for food and rest. I may have to do this regularly until a more suitable place is found.

I heard that the room that has been built purposely for you is ready now for occupation. Why do you not put your things there and use it for rest? It is for that very purpose that it has been built.

23 October 1946

*

On this Kali Puja day when you appear to us as Mahakali, my heart surges up with one prayer: May I realise that Mahakali’s “blows beat what is rebellious in [our] material into strength and perfect truth, hammer straight what is wry and perverse and expel what is impure or defective”.

My dear child,

Tonight I gave petals of the Divine’s love because no love is greater than that of Mahakali for her children.

24 October 1946

*

Since the composing work has been taken up by R, I have much free time and I request you to give me some other work.

I do not want to give you too much work and overburden you as at once your health suffers. But in case of emergency I will not forget your proposal.

7 November 1946

*

Through each crisis in the last few months, I felt sustained and carried forward. I passed through some hard experiences with a fair amount of joy. But now I seem to break down a little too easily. I approach you as a disciple for protection, compassion and help. Gracious Mother, I wish that R would no longer test me. I do not think it is right for me to deal directly with him; I find my body and mind breaking down.

It is long since I warned you not to deal directly with him.

I cannot request you to make the sadhana comfortable, but I badly stand in need of help, a gracious help which will enable me to go through the fires which beset my path.

The help and protection are always there, but much depends on the receptivity.

15 January 1947

*

I would like to know whether the psychic being is not absolutely a witness like the Purusha of the Sankhya system. It is relatively inactive when it is not developed, isn’t it? All this is not very clear to me.

It is not at all a question of theory, and the traditional notions of philosophy do not apply to something as true and living as the psychic being. Just as two physical existences do not resemble each other, two psychic existences do not resemble each other either — there are as many different psychic lives as there are beings. But in most human beings who are not conscious of their psychic being and whose actions are not guided by it, the psychic presence is like that of a witness, more or less conscious, more or less awake, which does not intervene in the course of outer events.

7 March 1947

*

The President of the Workers Union was found smoking in the latrines. He says he cannot work without smoking. What should we do?

I told you at the beginning that it was better to let them go out on the street to smoke.

Let me repeat, in order to be clearer, that it is better to give the workers one or two five-minute breaks (all together and at a fixed time) to smoke on the street. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon.

11 June 1947

*

At times I feel like bathing in the sea. I would like to have your clear indications on this.

This sea is not safe; there are water-pockets that are very dangerous and several people have drowned. Moreover, there are a lot of jellyfish whose sting is bad and even snakes that are poisonous. That is why I want to build at the Parc à Charbon a sea-water swimming-pool where one could bathe without danger. If people simply want to take a dip without leaving the shore, there is a very beautiful beach off the Parc à Charbon which can be used for that.

13 June 1947

*

I thought that the danger with the workers had passed, but after listening to everything you said, it is obvious that the situation is very serious and that each of us must be absolutely sincere and faithful to the Divine Will, yours and Sri Aurobindo’s. Mother, I want to be a true soldier of the Divine and I humbly ask for your clear direction in order to overcome the difficulties that are present in my nature. Free me from my hesitation and reserve.

Keep your sincerity alive in yourself, and from day to day, whenever it is necessary, you will receive the indication you need to guide you on the path.

12 September 1947

*

I would like to understand the nature of a child. The day before yesterday you said that right from the age of three, more or less, a child’s psychic being is “in front”, but as a result of intellectual education it is pushed behind by mental formations. Is it possible to educate a child by keeping the psychic being always in front?

Yes, it is possible, provided the educator himself remains always in the psychic consciousness.

Isn’t a child mainly a vital being?

He is vital in the sense that the mind is not sufficiently developed to govern — it is the vital that has the upper hand.

19 September 1947

*

EDUCATION IN INDIA

(In 1965 the Government of India sent an Education Commission to the Ashram in order to evaluate the educational aims and methods of the Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education. The following correspondence of the disciple is related to the visit of this Commission.)

For Mother’s approval:

Whether we may prepare a programme of going round and seeing things for the Education Commission, primarily centred round the idea of a national system of education for India.

Our aim is not a national system of education for India, but an education for the world at large.

July 1965

*

Sublime Mother,

Our aim is no exclusive national system of education for India but an essential and fundamental education for all mankind. But, is it not true, Mother, that this education, because of India’s special fitness (by virtue of its past cultural striving and attainment), is India’s privilege and special responsibility towards herself and the world? At any rate, this essential education is India’s national education to my mind. In fact, I regard this as the national education of each great country with characteristic differentiations peculiar to each nation.

I wonder whether this is correct and Mother would endorse it.

Yes, this is quite correct and part of what I would have said if I had had time to answer your questions.

India has or rather had the knowledge of the Spirit, but she neglected matter and suffered for it.

The West has the knowledge of matter but rejected the Spirit and suffers badly for it.

An integral education which could, with some variations, be adapted to all the nations of the world, must bring back the legitimate authority of the Spirit over a matter fully developed and utilised.

This is in short what I wanted to say.

With blessings.

26 July 1965

*

Basic Issues of Indian Education

1) In view of the present and the future of national and international living, what is it that India should aim at in education?

Prepare her children for the rejection of falsehood and the manifestation of Truth.

2) By what steps could the country proceed to realise this high aim? How can a beginning in that direction be made?

Make matter ready to manifest the Spirit.

3) What is India’s true genius and what is her destiny?

To teach to the world that matter is false and impotent unless it becomes the manifestation of the Spirit.

4) How does the Mother view the progress of Science and Technology in India? What contribution can they make to the growth of the Spirit in man?

Its only use is to make the material basis stronger, completer and more effective for the manifestation of the Spirit.

5) The country feels much concerned about national unity. What is the Mother’s vision of things? How will India do her duty by herself and by the world?

The unity of all the nations is the compelling future of the world. But for the unity of all nations to be possible, each nation must first realise its own unity.

6) The language problem harasses India a good deal. What would be our correct attitude in this matter?

Unity must be a living fact and not the imposition of an arbitrary rule. When India will be one, she will have spontaneously a language understood by all.

7) Education has normally become literacy and a social status. Is it not an unhealthy trend? But how to give education its inner worth and intrinsic enjoyability?

Get out of conventions and insist on the growth of the soul.

8) What illusions and delusions is our education today beset with? How could we possibly keep clear of them?

a) The almost exclusive importance given to success, career and money.

b) Insist on the paramount importance of the contact with the Spirit and the growth and manifestation of the Truth of the being.

August 1965

[1] The manuscripts of this entry and the next are damaged. Words or ellipsis points in square brackets have been supplied by the editors.

[2] In a “Declaration to the Workers of Sri Aurobindo Ashram”, the Mother spoke of “the special relationship that exists between them [the workers] and me”. She said that she would “receive with goodwill and sympathy” all the requests of the newly formed syndicate of Ashram workers and “act for the best according to the reasonableness of the demand”.

Series Ten. Correspondence with Surendranath Jauhar

Born on 13 August 1903 in the Jhelum District of Punjab, now in Pakistan, Surendranath Jauhar first met the Mother in December 1939 at the age of thirty-six. Though he continued to live in New Delhi, he visited the Ashram regularly. Many of his family members came to live in the Ashram. In 1956, with the Mother’s blessings, Surendranath founded the Delhi Branch of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram and its school, the Mother’s School in Delhi. During the last thirty years of his life, Surendranath developed the Delhi Ashram and its school and also established a centre near Nainital in the Himalayas. He passed away on 2 September 1986 at the age of eighty-three.

Surendranath’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1951 to 1972.

*

Surendranath,

Never forget that you are not alone. The Divine is with you helping and guiding you. He is the companion who never fails, the friend whose love comforts and strengthens. More you feel lonely more you are ready to perceive His luminous Presence. Have faith and He will do everything for you.

27 September 1951

*

(The disciple asked the Mother about the future of the Sri Aurobindo International University Centre (later renamed Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education), inaugurated in 1952. In reply she sent the following letter:)

Surendranath,

I am perfectly sure, I am quite confident, there is not the slightest doubt in my mind that this University, which is being established here, will be the greatest seat of knowledge upon earth.

It may take fifty years, it may take a hundred and you may doubt about my being there; I may be there or not, but these children of mine will be there to carry out my work.

And those who collaborate in this divine work today will have the joy and pride of having participated in such an exceptional achievement.

With my blessings.

28 May 1953

*

Gracious Mother,

Some regular authority is very essential to carry out the work of the Ashram at Delhi, and open a bank account and sign various letters and documents concerning the affairs there.

Without this, Mother, the position is always difficult and ambiguous. Indirect ways have to be adopted to carry out the work. Sometimes, I am put in an awkward position and a lot of harassment is caused.

Mother, I pray for your kind decision.

Praying for thy kind grace and blessings.

Thy child.

Surendranath,

I see only one way; it is that you should keep in your hands the financial management of the whole affair. Two separate accounts must be opened in a bank of Delhi; one for the Ashram and one for the School, and both accounts will be operated by you.

And naturally you must have a voice in the matter of School expenses.

Blessings.

25 August 1960

*

Surendranath,

You are hereby authorised to carry out the work of Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Delhi Branch and all its activities and those of the Mother’s School; at the same time you are authorised to open a bank account and sign all letters and documents in this connection.

You are authorised also to act as my representative for all the works of Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Delhi Branch and those of the Mother’s School and you are directly responsible to me in all these matters.

Blessings.

4 September 1960

*

Surendranath,

If the Ashram, Delhi Branch, is to fulfil its office of receiving guests on their way to Pondicherry and back from here, it must present the advantages at least of a decent hotel, that is to say, reasonably comfortable accommodation, cleanliness, sanitation, good hygienic food and proper service.

Counting that you will do the needful for it.

I send you my love and blessings.

4 September 1960

*

Gracious Mother,

I wanted to tell you that in compliance with your instructions, I have been trying hard and making serious efforts to make some reasonable improvements in Delhi Ashram to give it a better look and provide minimum facilities and comforts to the visitors. I was continuously working on these before I left.

Shabby constructions and the floors of the kitchen and the dining block and the latrines and bathrooms have been completely changed.

All shabby and old tin sheds have been removed and new concrete roofs have been put, walls have been plastered, cement concrete floors have been laid. All these now give a good and respectable look.

Some constructional changes and adjustments have been made in the residential building to provide more amenities. The entire main Ashram premises have been white-washed and colour-washed and all doors and windows painted.

Now when I return I have to work on suitable furniture and respectable crockery and utensils etc.

Mother, I can assure you that henceforth visitors will get much better facilities and I will do my best for progressive improvements.

Gracious Mother, this has all cost near-about seven to eight thousand rupees in these few months and perhaps another three to four thousand rupees will be spent in completing the work and the scheme in hand.

Mother, water is still a serious problem without which many improvements suffer and the work cannot be properly and gracefully carried out.

Praying for your Grace, always, I am your child.

I am very glad to be able to send you visitors now whenever the opportunity comes, and feel sure that now they will be quite satisfied.

With my love and blessings.

1 April 1961

*

Gracious Mother,

J stayed out of the Delhi Ashram perhaps for about eight months with one H, his Divine Collaborator as he always calls him. He was living there under great pressure and in most dirty conditions. He was badly sick and reduced by 18 lbs.

I had a dream and I went to him and brought him back to the Ashram on 1st January 1967. He was so happy. He accepted it as a miracle and grace. He said that he did not have courage to come to us as he was thinking that we had given him up for good and will not accept him back.

Mother, he is mad after politics, which of course he does not accept. He is conducting a “Poorna Swaraj Movement”, working very hard, begging for funds, etc. In spite of all their serious efforts, they are unable to meet even their own living expenses. Of course J is now living with us as your child without any payment. But someone is also supporting him with Rs. 100/- per month for his personal expenses.

Praying for your kind grace,

Your child.

I am glad you are feeding the poor man — often I felt sorry for his miserable condition.

Love and blessings.

18 May 1967

*

Gracious Mother,

Mother, you know that J is conducting a “Poorna Swaraj Movement”. He has been writing and insisting upon us all to help and collaborate in this movement. He says that he is doing all this work under your instructions and command and he has shown to us that you have written to him “Go Ahead.”

He further says that he is doing all this work under command of “The Master” Sri Aurobindo who has said in the postscript chapter of “The Ideal of Human Unity” that his work must be carried on by us to save the world from the crisis and fulfil the Master’s desire.

Mother, as J is living in the Delhi Ashram he is always anxious to put his viewpoint to the visitors and everyone else. In that case what is our position? What should be our attitude and how should we act and behave?

Praying for your kind grace.

Your child.

Each one is free to conduct his life as he thinks best and to say what he believes to be true.

The only thing we can do is to insist on the fact that the Ashram has nothing to do with politics, has no political views and no political activities — that is all.

18 May 1967

*

Gracious Mother,

We would like to translate into Hindi “The Great Sense” by S and also get the same printed here as a small pamphlet, mostly for free distribution but we will fix the price also for sale. Mother, kindly let me know if you can graciously permit us to do the same.

Praying for thy grace and blessings,

Your loving child.

Provided the translation is good and keeps the meaning intact, it is all right.

Blessings.

14 December 1969

*

We (human beings) are not living for the satisfaction of our ego; we live to fulfil God’s Will. But to be able to perceive and to know the Will of God, we must be without desires and without preferences. Otherwise we mistake for God’s Will our own limited ideas and principles.

It is in the wide peace of an absolute and devoted sincerity, free from fixed ideas and preferences, that we can realise the conditions required to know God’s Will; and it is with a fearless discipline that we must execute it.

3 April 1971

*

To Surendranath,

I will be always with you.

With love and blessings

21 July 1972

*

Undated

All nations must unite in a common effort for a common progress.

Undated

*

Undated

Life could be quite simple and easy if man’s mind did not introduce in it so many useless complications.

Undated

*

BIRTHDAY MESSAGES

Without heroism man cannot grow into Godhead; courage, energy and strength are among the very first principles of the divine nature in action. — Sri Aurobindo

Bonne Fête!

To Surendranath.

With love and blessings.

13 August 1963

*

Bonne Fête!

To Surendranath.

With my blessings for this year to be a peaceful and luminous one, and my love.

13 August 1964

*

Bonne Fête!

To Surendranath.

With love and blessings.

He who lives to serve Truth is not affected by outward circumstances.

13 August 1966

*

There is a Supreme Divine Consciousness.

We want to manifest that Divine Consciousness in the physical life.

Bonne Fête to Surendranath.

With love and blessings.

13 August 1969

*

No joy can be greater than that of serving the Divine.

To Surendranath.

With love and blessings.

13 August 1970

*

Above all preferences we want to be at the service of the Divine.

Bonne Fête!

To Surendranath.

With love and blessings.

13 August 1971

*

Bonne Fête!

To Surendranath.

With love and blessings to smooth the way.

13 August 1972

*

MESSAGES FOR SRI AUROBINDO ASHRAM, DELHI BRANCH

(The first message below is the inaugural message. The rest are anniversary messages, with one exception.)

Opening of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram.

Delhi Branch.

Let this place be worthy of its name and manifest the true spirit of Sri Aurobindo’s teaching and message to the world.

With my blessings.

12 February 1956

*

No institution can live unless it is progressive.

The true progress is to come always closer to the Divine.

12 February 1957

*

Teach us to be really sincere in our effort towards the Truth.

23 April 1957

*

Truth does not depend on any external form and shall manifest in spite of all bad will or opposition.

Blessings.

12 February 1966

*

Gracious Mother,

At this juncture we very much need your help, a powerful message from you to inspire all of us who are working here.

Therefore, once again I pray and beg of you that a command from your side may graciously be sent to us to lift us up.

Praying for Your Grace and Blessings.

Thy child.

Be more eager for truth than for success.

Blessings.

12 February 1969

*

MESSAGES FOR THE MOTHER’S INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL, DELHI

(The first message below is the inaugural message. The rest are anniversary messages.)

A new Light has appeared upon earth. Let this new School opened today be guided by it.

Blessings.

23 April 1956

*

Teach us to be really sincere in our effort towards the Truth.

23 April 1957

*

Let yesterday’s realisation be a springboard for tomorrow’s achievement.

23 April 1958

*

Let us prepare ourselves for the new life that is manifesting upon earth.

23 April 1959

*

The best students are those who want to know, not those who want to show.

23 April 1966

*

The Mother’s School.

Sincerity.

23 April 1967

*

The measure of the sincerity is the measure of the success.

23 April 1968

*

The Future is full of promise.

Prepare yourself for it.

Blessings.

23 April 1969

Series Eleven. Correspondence with Maude Smith

Born on 17 May 1910 in the United States, the disciple Maude Smith joined the Ashram on 25 March 1953 at the age of forty-two. At first she worked in the Ashram Library and then for the quarterly journal World Union. In 1965 the Mother placed her in charge of the Ashram Book Stock. Around this time she also became manager of the quarterly journal Equals One. Maude lived in the Ashram for forty-eight years, until her passing on 30 December 1991 at the age of eighty-one.

Maude’s correspondence with the Mother covers the years from 1955 to 1970.

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

You have talked to me and explained many things about humility and openness, about the things in me that hide you from me, about confidence and letting go. But it is very hard for me to be patient and wait gladly and let you do the sadhana. Yet I feel that if I can ever surrender completely to you, it will bring a great sense of relief and peace and joy.

You told me recently that I don’t need to seek you within, for when the being is ready you will reveal yourself. You told me that I can’t even aspire, because aspiration is something given. Are these things true? Because in class and in the books, you and Sri Aurobindo are always saying that we must aspire.

There must be some omission in the mental transcription, because as it is put here it is not quite true — at least one aspect of the problem is missing.

It must have been a reaction against an excessive reliance on aspiration alone.

Then last week you said, “Surrender, too, is given.” I asked, “Then is there nothing I can do but wait?” and you answered, “You can do nothing. Everything is given. But you must try. Try to aspire, to pray, offer and open. Try to surrender, remembering that it is not your efforts that will avail anything. All is given; still you must play the play; you must try.”

Obviously all this was said to relieve an excessive tension of the will — but it is only one aspect of the problem.

Help me, Mother, I pray. Teach me what I need to know. Open me to thyself and bring me to thee.

With love and devotion and joy, I offer myself at your feet.

A more smiling confidence in the Grace would surely lead you sooner to peace and joy.

With my love and blessings.

c. 1955

*

My dear child,

I considered, from the beginning, that you had given materially all you had, and that from that point of view your surrender was total — the rest comes little by little with the growth of the consciousness.

I accept the pretty little vase you gave me yesterday as a symbol — but I wish you should keep all the things you are using or can be of any use for you, as in our yoga we are not expected to deprive ourselves of the necessities of life.

With my love and blessings.

15 January 1956

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

Should I ask for a servant to come three or four hours a week to clean my room? I have always preferred not to have a servant in the house, but nowadays I have no time for cleaning. Or should I take housecleaning time out of my library or exercise hours?

It seems to me that to bring a servant inside your house is not quite advisable. But also to take time out of what is reserved for exercise is not at all advisable … some other arrangement?

Love and blessings.

25 November 1956

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

I cannot believe that in the Integral Yoga the darkness and ugliness and suffering I have been immersed in for almost three years are necessary. Nor do I believe that it is beyond the power of the Divine to help. Only, something is dreadfully wrong somewhere.

In our last interview you said I should stop doing sadhana. [1] The partial stopping I have done since then seems to be ineffective, so now I shall stop completely everything that to me means sadhana (going to you at balcony, going to class and meditation, reading, marching, seeking guidance, trying to be quiet and relaxed). Little good seems to come from these things anyway.

I never told you to stop any of these things which are, on the contrary, the indispensable frame of the life here as they are the means through which I am working to help the inmates in their inner and outer life. There is surely some misunderstanding of what I can have said and on the contrary I wish that you should continue all that in spite of all the resistance you can feel in your lower nature, as it is the best way of conquering this resistance. For instance I expect that you will attend this evening meditation at the playground and I hope you will benefit by it.

If life is all a game of hide-and-seek instituted for the Divine’s delight, naturally the more difficult it is and the longer it takes, the greater the delight. So why should I expect anything more than just enough help to keep me in the game?

This is only a way of saying and need not be taken too literally.

I did not come here with the idea that this way is so difficult that the goal can’t possibly be achieved in a lifetime. But if things must be that way, I shall try to resign myself to it, I shall do the work given me to do and put far behind me as a foolish and mistaken ambition the dream of aspiration, childlike trust and joyous self-giving, of peace, light, oneness, and of the yoga as a means of becoming an instrument worthy of service to the Divine.

It is not an ambition and far from being foolish it is the right aspiration and the right attitude which must one day be fulfilled.

With my love and blessings.

19 January 1957

*

Look at the Sun and not at the darkness, and the darkness will melt to an insignificant fly…

Love.

23 July 1957

*

Mother,

A year ago you said you wanted me to be quite free from M, and not let him push me, to do only what I saw was to be done. Now he wants me to type a screen version of Adam and Eve which he is preparing. It seems to me that this play is entirely unsuitable; it is full of ugliness and horror that much outweigh the little bit of human aspiration for a better future. I’d rather not have anything more to do with it.

Quite right.

But is this the kind of non-cooperation which you meant by what you told me? How can I pass judgment on everything he may ask me to do? After all, I am only a secretary.

Certainly you have not to submit to M. Your surrender must be to the Divine alone.

The day before he left he asked me to take the responsibility for seeing through the press the compilation Food and Life. I was astounded at his asking me, for I was dead tired after almost a month of nursing him and preparing food for him, and I was behind in all my other work. I felt a need for a time of quietness and a chance to “possess my own soul”.

This is quite right.

I felt I should not let him push this job onto me. Yet he was a sick man and had no one else to turn to — how could I refuse? I stopped and called for your help. Then the sense of the Presence came so strong and warm and assuring that I felt you must want me to accept this new job. So I said, yes, I would do it. Was I right?

No. You ought not to have accepted.

What did the Presence mean?

To give you the strength to refuse by remembering that you belong to the Divine alone.

It would have been wiser to ask me about it before giving an answer.

Now I must ask you not to do this work and to take for a time a much needed rest.

7 October 1957

*

Mother,

I found a suggestion in your book On Education about how to deal with vital rebellion and depression: “At these moments one must remain quiet and refuse to act.” Do you mean what these words say? What happens to one’s work etc. on such days?

This is a misunderstanding. The sentence in French was clear enough. I meant that at these moments of depression and revolt, no fresh decision must be taken under the impulse of the wrong movement — but practically one must go on with the usual routine quietly and undisturbed.

Mother, can’t you tell me whether or not I should persist in my efforts until success comes?

YES, undoubtedly.

You have often said we should persist stubbornly, tirelessly: “Do it ten times, a hundred times, a thousand times.” But I am always prevented from doing this because, among other things, you once told me to stop doing sadhana, relax and take a holiday. (You didn’t say for how long.)

This was only for a time to relax.

Something within stops me from persisting, but I don’t know whether it is you or some hostile force or my own laziness.

Surely it is not me.

Why do you have to be so unapproachable? I can’t talk to you, I can’t write to you. Many times I have tried but am stopped by a feeling of its utter futility.

Why not write? I have not banned writing and am always ready to answer any reasonable questions.

With my love and blessings.

8 October 1957

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

I am so grateful for your letter, for your touch, and for the warm, sweet feeling that I belong to you again.

I’m sorry to bother you again, but I’m still con fused about the matter of persistence; the question has troubled me for so long that I feel I must get it straight this time. Here is an example of what I mean:

Just now I’m interested in concentrating in the heart; I also feel the need of a change in my attitudes. Should I continue to work on these two things [2] persistently until the inner doors open or until I see that my attitudes have changed? Or if my interest wanes and something I read or something you speak of in class awakens an urge in me in another direction — such as remembering the New World, stepping back, controlling my thoughts, etc. — should I drop what I’m working on now and take up the new direction?

The best is to keep all these aspirations living in your heart simultaneously, ready in the background and insist on this one or that one or several at a time when they become prominent in the consciousness. The idea is to be able to follow all without rejecting any, in an all-embracing movement.

At the Playground the evening before I received your letter, thoughts came to me which I felt must be your answer:

“When there is not sufficient support in the will or the nature for a certain movement to continue, it is dropped and the work is shifted to another angle. But your mistake has been in feeling failure and discouragement because of it. You should just keep aspiring and wait until another urge comes. Trying to force yourself is the wrong thing.

“It is like growing plants: you cultivate them a little, fertilize them a little, water them a little, each activity in turn. You can’t give a whole season’s water at one time. Or it is like climbing a steep mountain. You grab at bushes, stones, anything to help you climb. And if the next time a stone gives way under your hand, that is no sign that the first use of the stone was a mistake. Everything you try, even once, is a help, a step forward, a progress. But if a thing doesn’t continue to help you, you mustn’t give up or get discouraged — try something else. “

Indeed this is a mental translation of what I tried to make you feel and can be used until a better one comes to replace it.

This of course means to persist, but not at any one particular thing. Was this from you?

Yes, in its essence.

Should I do this way?

Yes, but to understand truly you must as far as possible avoid the cut and dry mental rigidity.

With my love and blessings.

13 October 1957

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

There is something I need to ask you about M before he comes on the 1st. Should I confine my work with him strictly to New Horizon work or should I also do other things I have been doing for him — such as personal and business correspondence, running errands, taking care of him if he is ill?

You might help him as he badly needs it — but not to the extent of taxing your own health.

Another question: What should I do with the suggestions that come to me about various things in the Ashram? When I dust my shutters, I think how windows could be made so they could be more easily cleaned. When I watch the doctor cut and fold gauze for small bandages, I figure out how ready-made plasters can be prepared by his helper to save his time. When servants come to the library who don’t know how things should be done, or why, I work out a brief course of training which new domestic servants might be expected to pass.

Suggestions of this kind are always useful. You can make them to those in charge, leaving them free to make or not to make use of them.

Mother, I have given up taking exercise because almost always I was so tired I had to drive myself to do it, and you have told me so often not to push myself. Shall I wait till I have enough quietness and equanimity that I am not constantly fatigued by violent emotions, assuming that when the time is right you will give me the urge to take up exercise again?

Yes.

You spoke once in class about consciously aspiring so that each physical movement involved in our work and other activities may help towards our bodily strength and harmony. Should I try to do this instead of exercise just now?

Yes, provided it does not become an obsession.

My throat infection still bothers me. I went to Dr. N because it was not getting better. After several days of his treatment it seemed better, but now it is as bad as ever. I don’t know whether it is serious, but I’m not going to him again unless you tell me I should. After all, if disease is caused by inner disharmony, I don’t see the sense of going to a doctor about it. I shall go back to depending on your help alone, praying for your healing, purifying Force, and aspiring for confidence in it and openness to it.

If you can do this sincerely, it is surely better.

With my love and blessings.

19 November 1957

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

The realisation has come to me that silence has nothing to do with the absence of sound, but is something in itself, a positive quality almost living and vibrant, almost visible, part of the essential nature of things.

Quite correct.

Everything I see — clouds, leaves, flowers, walls, clothing, people, food, the cells of the body — all are silent, and in that silence they do their work according to the law of their nature. The effect of their movement — the rustling of leaves, the striking of hammer on steel — is something quite apart from this silence which is in the nature of the things themselves.

Sometimes I feel like a person alone in a silent world. For a short time I felt that in a few things, especially trees, there was an intense joy of silence and I also could feel that joy.

Mother, O Mother, I aspire to become aware of this silence in myself and, if it be the truth, as myself.

Good.

A long time ago, when I was trying to find you within myself, you seemed to say that if the inner road was blocked I might try the outside path for a while — opening myself to beauty and wonder, joy and laughter, as when I was a child. But I was not able or not willing, and I kept crying and pounding at the locked inner door, closing my eyes and my heart to all the things around me which I had always loved.

But Mother, my windows are all on the outside, and the Divine is universal as well as immanent. Surely if I remain open and sensitive to these things which you are showing to me in a new light, responding to them with joy or simply observing them with the wide-open, quiet eyes of a little child, not only will I find you in them, but in the right time and way the inner doors also will open.

Quite true.

All is in your good hands. I trust myself to you utterly.

My dear child,

Your experiences are excellent and quite on the right track.

Go on opening your eyes and your heart to the whole world and you are sure to meet the Divine there.

With love and blessings.

18 January 1960

*

Gracious Divine Mother, Mother of Radiances,

Is it possible that in a former life I found You — found the Self, became a free soul? Is that what You meant when You said in an interview long ago that there is a contact with the psychic being which my mind refuses to acknowledge; and again that I have already surrendered and my heart is joyful and ecstatic? Might that also be why so much of this life has had to be lived before I could “remember”?

My dear child,

Yes, you are a conscious and living soul, come back upon earth to do the Divine Work.

With my love and blessings.

3 March 1961

*

Mother,

Here is my offering — some little paintings on cards. They are not as gay as the others, but this time they came this way. Are they too simple? Would you prefer the painting in a particular place, at the left, for example? Are the sizes suitable? Please tell me any way in which I can make them more useful.

They are all very nice and useful. Variety is good, I’m not for a fixed rule — and as they are they bring a touch of joy. I shall be glad to utilise them.

With love and blessings.

23 September 1962

*

Mother,

I have always been able to sleep at night, almost from the time my head touches the pillow. But now sometimes I lie awake for two or three hours before I can go to sleep. I don’t know why.

How to use this time of quiet? I have tried many things — calling You, Your Force, the peace, trying to go inside, trying to go upstairs and sit with You, trying just to be quiet inside. But nothing comes from anything I do, only a constant train of thoughts which are often depressing.

What is to be done?

Adopt any of these methods (the one which is most easy and spontaneous) but go on with it steadily even if it has not any immediate result, go on night after night — one night either you will have an experience or you will fall asleep (both good).

With my love and blessings for a progressive new year.

24 December 1962

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

Everything in my being wants to give itself to You. Why is there no way, no help? Why can’t it be now instead of in some vague indefinite future! Many times I have asked You, in interview, in writing and in prayer about now, and You have never answered. Why? I am not “expecting great results in a short time”, I ask only the minimum essentials — and it is no longer a short time; it is ten years!

I do not see why it could not be now, immediate. It may be much closer to realisation than you believe.

With love and blessings.

11 January 1963

*

Mother,

How can I keep on? I can’t live in the old world — it gets more difficult all the time — and there is no way for me to live in the new world yet.

Sometimes quietness comes and I can work happily, but then I feel guilty to keep on calling You, thinking I should just trust You instead. I have tried that for months at a time, tried to let You do everything. And then I always remember Your message about the importance of faithfulness, plasticity, surrender and self-giving. I recall the time we talked about the “baby kitten” way and I asked You, “Then I don’t have to do any sadhana at all?” and You answered, “Do what your heart demands.” Ah! Mother, that’s just it — that’s just what I can’t do and what is so necessary.

All my attitudes are wrong. I seem to be closed to the Light and the Force that are pouring down, to the Love all around me, to the world of Delight — and I can’t see any way to begin changing things.

Mother, what kind of game is this where there is never any solution, where everything I do is wrong, and doing nothing is also wrong, and there is no way to surrender!

Yes, if you could just he simple and spontaneous, and not look at yourself all the time criticising and judging what you do — leave the criticism and the judgment to the Divine — it is not your business.

You are much closer than you think — it is just one personal door to break open without personal effort.

With love and blessings.

15 March 1963

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

Is this hunger that I feel so much of the time aspiration? When I told You about it in an interview long ago (although then I think I described it as a homesick feeling), You turned Your head away as if in disgust or impatience.

I am not conscious of having had disgust or impatience at anything you told me.

So because of that, and because year after year this hunger was never satisfied, I felt that it must be a wrong movement, a vital desire or demand or impatience, and so I fought against it, tried to quiet it, surrender it, forget it. And since I could never do that, but was only tormented by it, I have hated it and myself and the sadhana.

But lately it has occurred to me that perhaps this hunger is aspiration, aspiration being done in me rather than my doing it.

Certainly hunger is aspiration; the only important point is to know what is the object of the hunger. If it is hunger for the Divine it is quite all right. In the same way in a homesick feeling all depends on the home for which you are sick — if it is for your Divine Origin, it is undoubtedly a very good help for your consciousness to reach there soon.

Mother, is this true? If so, then my whole attitude has to change; I must learn to welcome this hunger instead of dreading or resenting it, and quietly and confidently let it do its work in me.

Is it not that which I meant when I asked you to be more spontaneous?

With all my love and blessings.

5 May 1963

*

Mother,

Several months ago I started helping M with the proof-reading for the World Union journal. I have continued to do this, feeling rather responsible for it, especially trying to have the manuscripts in proper condition before they go to the Press. I like it, but it takes a lot of time and almost always it has to be done in a great hurry.

I have begun to wonder if I should continue this work. I would rather paint, but for a long time I have felt little inclination for painting. Perhaps there is in me too strong a feeling that painting is play, and play should be done only when work is finished — and with me work is never finished!

What shall I do?

Never exert yourself and never hurry. Do what can be done in the time you have but without strain — in a quiet flow of peace.

All work must be play, but a Divine play played for the Divine, with the Divine.

Love.

22 June 1963

*

To Mother — an offering sent with all my love, I wish it were a million times more.

May I be all Yours and only Yours.

Your heart is worth many million times more and I cherish it very preciously.

With all my love and blessings.

30 October 1963

*

Gracious Mother,

Often these days I find in books and magazines signs of a consciousness one could hardly have seen ten years ago — new images, new ways of looking at things, a new seeing, a new sense of relationship, unity and harmony, a new direction.

Almost immediately I think: “This would be good for the World Union journal” or “I wish everyone could read this” or some other utilitarian idea.

The last few days I have begun to feel that such thinking almost shuts a door on my receptivity and limits my absorption of the message and power of these writings. Even copying or making notes seems to change the mood; it is no longer pure delight, but something I want to do or ought to do.

Mother, would it be better just to enjoy these things, drink them in, open and stretch to make place for them within myself — so that perhaps some day what I absorb will pour out through me like perfume from a flower?

Yes, my dear child,

You have caught the right thing. To make use of your experience you come down from the pure height of it. To be “useful” you descend to a mental level, and as the mind is still very much mixed up, the purity of the experience goes.

Let the “utilisation” come in its time — later on.

With love, much love, and blessings.

16 December 1963

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

It seems more and more clear to me that if there is nothing really but the One; if all our seemingly separate existences and actions are only an appearance, then the only way to do anything effective for World Union is first to get out of the consciousness of appearances and onto the Other Side, into the Reality.

Until then all our attitudes, our speech, our planning and our relationships are superficial and artificial. Even the desire to work for the Divine and the desire for oneness are results of the same false consciousness of separateness. And whatever work we do can have little value in itself.

So to go over to the Other Side, to live in the Reality, to lose my separate self-ness in that vast movement of Being which manifests the One — only this seems to have any importance or value for me right now.

Mother, is this true? If so, what can I do to hasten the crossing over?

Live, yourself, more and more in the consciousness of the One and let Him[3] guide you in your daily action; this is the best we can do, at once for ourselves and for the world.

With love.

9 January 1964

*

Mother,

All last night I was with R, who was very ill. Most of the time I was lying down, but I could not sleep except from 4 to 6 this morning. Yet after only two hours of sleep, today I have been less tired than usual and less sleepy in the afternoon. Can it be related to the fact that all night long I kept calling the Peace? Or is it that the Force you were sending to help R gave me strength also?

Yes, obviously, you received well the Force that was sent to cure her.

Or perhaps I don’t need as much sleep as I’ve always thought I did!

No — once in a while not to sleep is all right, especially when you are bathing in Force, but it would not do to make a habit of it.

My love and blessings.

5 February 1964

*

I am grateful that I feel almost well again so soon. The weakness I had after my other heart attacks has not come this time — only sometimes a slight headache.

Since the last heart attack two years ago I have enjoyed the dancing in As class. And lately I have been taking exercises with F to strengthen my weakest muscles. After so many years I have begun to hope that the body can become graceful, plastic and full of joy. But I realise that I must go about it very slowly and patiently.

The last weeks there has been an unusual sense of joy and physical fitness. But I have not yet learned how to work and exercise without exerting myself.

There must be a way to let the Force do it. Can you teach me?

Is it all right to start to work again on Friday, as the Doctor suggests?

My dear child,

Keep your confidence and hope in the body’s possibility. But learn not to exert yourself and to let the Force work harmoniously through the body with a minimum interference of the mind.

You can start work as the Doctor allowed but without any effort, in an unshaken inner peace and calm.

With all my love and blessings.

3 March 1964

*

Simplicity is of all things the best to express harmony.

9 April 1964

*

Mother,

Regarding the repainting of the World Union office — is it all right to use the same colours we had when you visited the office at its opening?

The outside gray and white, of course.

The courtyards white.

Inside — white walls, pale blue ceilings, pale blue-gray woodwork, and one deep blue wall and door.

We want most to approach your ideal of beauty and simplicity.

The fewer different colours, the greater is the simplicity!

Blessings.

10 July 1964

*

Gracious Mother,

A few months ago I was wondering why we can’t grow more fruit in the Ashram, and I aspired intensely to do something to help the situation. Now a direct answer seems to have come.

A month or so ago I received an avocado (butter fruit) in my fruit bag, and I planted the seed. Now it is a fine little tree. So I told R, and now he is giving me the seeds of all the fruits he prepares for you. I have planted about 100 in sand and water on my terrace! Some have sprouted. When they get big enough to be transplanted safely, shall I send them out to Lake Estate? How good it will be when we can have a whole orchard of these nutritious fruits!

Bravo! I am so glad of the good news! With all my love I will help you and the future orchard to grow and flourish.

Blessings.

11 September 1964

*

Mother,

While this emergency lasts, I shall be glad to help in the nursing home for about an hour every evening, or in the bakery early morning — trying always not to hurry or strain!

You are working already quite enough.

With love and blessings.

30 September 1964

*

Gracious Mother,

My body and mind are very tired. How can I continue unless I learn to work without exerting myself?

Getting the first issue of the World Union journal out of the Press and the next issue in at the same time, as well as trying to keep the Book Stock work going smoothly — and at night the group exercises!

Mother, can’t you teach me how not to exert myself, how to live in the peace of the Lord as you told me on my birthday?

The impulse for work must come from within or above, not from the pressure of outer circumstances and wills. If the work of the World Union journal is a strain YOU MUST STOP IT — let somebody else take it up.

The work assigned to you is the maintenance of the “Book Stock” and that, that alone, you can do without straining yourself. Take all the rest you need and use that rest to go deep inside and to find the Divine’s Peace there.

Love and blessings.

31 January 1965

*

Gracious and Blessed Mother,

It is twelve years today that I first came to the Ashram, and this is the first time you have ever told me to go inside! So much I have wanted to, but there was never any way, any door to enter. It seemed there was no inside in me.

Now that you have spoken, I feel the time has come. I know the Force will be there to make it possible. Show me the door, I pray, and lead me within.

The door is open. You have only to step in.

Love.

31 January 1965

*

Mother,

Is there any way of finding out how to go inside? Is there any way of seeing or feeling or becoming aware of the door that you say is open?

When you want to enter a room, or a house, or a temple, you cross the door and go in.

Do the same.

Love.

17 April 1965

*

Gracious Mother,

After my birthday you seemed to say to me: Just as you tried to be quiet and open when you were with me, do that for five minutes a day, at the time when you are happiest. Don’t expect any result. Just do it. It will be good for you. Is this from you?

Yes.

I have been trying it, but haven’t been able to do it for five minutes without a break yet.

Continue the attempt — after some time something may develop.

Love.

27 May 1965

*

Gracious Divine Mother,

What is the matter? I can’t find any inside, any door, any opening to “step through”. There is no place I can go to hide, to rest, to find any peace.

Why is it that I still can’t trust the sadhana to you?

Many years ago when I told you I had a feeling of not being able to do anything, you said that sometimes it is a good thing, for then one surrenders and everything is all right. But I still can’t surrender and everything is not all right. Sometimes I work happily for months and don’t think of these things, but that does no good either. It only distracts me from aspiring, from striving, from doing the yoga.

Mother, what to do? Sometimes I feel like stopping everything — food, sleep, work, exercise — and just call and call until there is a breakthrough, until something opens. There is no sense in going on as I am. I cannot go on this way.

Mother, help me, I pray.

Perhaps if you stop doing “yoga” and just live joyfully — yoga will spontaneously come to you….

In any case, my love is with you.

8 October 1965

*

Gracious Mother,

The gardening I wish to do need not conflict with my ordinary working hours. Of course the work I am doing is almost unlimited in its possibilities; there is always more that could be done. I have often wondered whether, in being faithful to it, one is justified in doing anything else. You have said that we don’t need recreation if we have the right attitude in our work, but where does spontaneity come in?

In principle I have no objection to gardening work, it is a very fine and useful occupation. But I would object very strongly to overtiring yourself and as I know that you will not neglect one work for the other, perhaps both would be too much? …The right measure in action is a very necessary thing. So you are the only one to know, through experience, what you can reasonably do.

With all my love.

4 May 1966

*

Gracious Mother,

With your statement in the August Bulletin, I agree completely:

“You cannot do yoga if you do not take it seriously. If you are not serious, you have an aspiration for five minutes and then for ten hours you do not have it; for one day you have a great urge and for a month you do not have it, and so on. You cannot do yoga under those conditions. If you forget and relax, you cannot do yoga.”

But this is exactly what I do — I forget and relax! Yet you tell me repeatedly: “Don’t worry, it is coming all right.” You say that the baby kitten way is the best — to take no responsibility for the sadhana — and that I should just live and work joyously (which I can’t do either).

Mother, what attitude should I take when I read such things?

And what about the Divine Grace? Do you think it exists to remain idle?

Most have to work, but some are carried and are asked only to keep faith and confidence.

With love and blessings.

1 September 1966

*

Mother,

Most of my life I have driven myself to do what needed to be done or what I wanted to do. But you have told me to do as I feel — which has always seemed utterly impossible. For one thing, different parts of me feel different ways and I never recognise any urge as being “from within or above”, which, you told me, is where the urge for work should originate.

In recent weeks my weight has gone very low, and since my food is not less, I wonder if it may be because my body needs more sleep or more relaxation.

What would happen if I tried for a month doing exactly as I felt? Of course I would do the Book Stock work as usual, but everything else — other work, group exercise, gardening, painting, personal things — I would do only as I felt, not allowing one part of the being to push another. Is this possible before the psychic takes over control?

Shall I try it as an experiment? And will you guide me?

I was not speaking of the body’s feeling, but of the psychic feeling which is wiser than the mind.

Love and blessings.

30 October 1966

*

Mother,

Today after examining my neck the Doctor says that the real cause of my elbow pain is a degeneration of the bones because of age. He suggests some diathermy treatment and perhaps exercises. But this has to be three mornings a week for two or three weeks, and I don’t like to be away from the Book Stock so much.

Mother, surely all this is not necessary? If disease is caused by an imbalance in the different parts of the being, how can it be healed by diathermy? And if health depends on the ability to call the peace and to live in the peace of eternity, that is for you to teach me, not the Doctor. I should much prefer to depend on your Grace and Force for healing. I leave myself completely in your hands.

What you say is quite true. I fully approve and fully collaborate.

With love and blessings.

29 November 1966

*

Mother,

A.B. has asked me if I would be willing to be a vice-president of World Union.

I do not see the necessity of your taking up this burden.

Since my experiences in America I have not had much faith in the organisational approach as a means of changing the world, unless the consciousness is changed.

QUITE RIGHT!

As far as I know, A.B. has got a vice-president and all is well!

With love and blessings.

29 July 1967

*

Mother,

Frequently one hears about that little step in consciousness which makes all the difference. Is there a method I can use to become conscious?

The best way is not to allow oneself to do anything unconsciously … but!

Even if you just try a little it will help.

Love.

12 May 1968

*

Mother,

For some weeks I have been having digestive trouble, with occasional headache and giddiness. Dr. S thinks there are two causes: anaemia and a chronic type of colitis. For the anaemia he recommends iron, and for the colitis he proposes to give me a medicine.

Up to now, everything that has ailed the body has always, eventually, become all right by your Grace. So perhaps I can trust that this will also become all right, and need not take the medicine, only the iron?

Keep your faith and take the iron.

With love and blessings.

19 January 1970

[1] The Mother underlined this sentence and put a question mark after it.

[2] Beside this phrase the Mother wrote in the margin: “Yes, but why be exclusive?”

[3] Mother underlined the words “One” and “Him” and drew a line connecting them.

Series Twelve. Correspondence with Pradyot

Born on 21 August 1905 in Chittagong, East Bengal (now Bangladesh), Pradyot Bhattacharya joined the Ashram on 11 August 1943 at the age of thirty-eight. He had been an electrical engineer by profession; the Mother appointed him as chairman of the newly-formed Technical Coordinating Committee (T. C. C.), which supervised the maintenance of the Ashram’s buildings and properties. In 1970 he became chairman of Sri Aurobindo’s Action and in 1972 the Mother appointed him as an Ashram trustee. He lived in the Ashram for forty-one years, until his passing on 22 November 1984 at the age of seventy-nine.

Pradyot’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1963 to 1972.

*

My dear child,

This is simply mischief from somebody who wants to interfere with our work. But such a thing cannot be tolerated and must fly away in front of the Power from the Divine.

Love.

5 April 1963

*

Mother,

Grant that

You get all the money you need.

I may be a good and truthful instrument and not a weak or broken one.

The child G may be happy and healthy and a truthful instrument.

All those who are around one will turn towards you.

Your constant Presence.

Granted.

Love.

April 1963

*

My dear child,

I need you as my instrument, and you will remain so. Be very quiet — endure with courage. I am with you, in love and in victory.

7 May 1967

*

Take this persistence in the trouble as a test for your faith, answer by a confident smile — and it will be all right.

With love and blessings.

2 July 1967

*

As long as I am alive, I should like to be able to do your work, as a good instrument.

I have some little faith and I believe no serious trouble like ulcer will recur, but somehow I seem to allow a lesser trouble like colitis to interfere with me. May this interference go. My prayer for 1968 is:

“Grant that this body discards any tendency to oppose your will. Let it collaborate.”

Granted with love.

22 December 1967

*

Mother,

In a dream, I met someone whose business seems to be causing breakdowns in machines and plants. He and I came to an understanding, and he agreed to spare the works in which I am or may be interested.

I do not know how seriously I am to take it, but it suggests a prayer:

“Grant that this be true, so long as I work for”.

Very good. Blessings.

6 June 1968

*

Mother,

First, I pray for a boon:

A settled, calm courage in the heart assured by your constant Presence in and around me.

Secondly, I pray for your decision, whether or not to undergo an operation for the prostate. At present I am wearing a catheter which can only be removed if the flow is restored. Life with a catheter is not especially attractive.

I should like to serve you. Kindly grant this without an operation if possible, and with an operation, if necessary.

An unshakeable faith in the Divine’s Grace and no disharmony can resist its action.

With my love and blessings.

10 October 1968

*

Mother,

The irritation is not there now, but there is fever, 101.8°F, probably because of infection caused by remnant urine in the bladder which has not been cleared as the flow is little.

Sri Aurobindo has written that you can be “hard and terrible”. Not for me, now, I hope. I would rather be reassured that surrounded by your Grace and Protection, what have I to fear in this or in other worlds?

I ask this question because the prostate is a sex gland, I hear. At home and outside, I have to live and deal with many girls and their problems.

I thought I was reasonably free from sex; I consciously aspired for it to be able to do my work. Is it that the Sex-God did not like it and struck me on the victory day?

Surely the Sex-God is not stronger that the Divine’s Love and you can be assured that the Divine’s Love is with you and the Sex-God will have to behave properly!

Blessings.

14 October 1968

*

Mother,

As I informed you last Tuesday, I am going next Thursday, the 30th January, to Calcutta, and maybe to Delhi also, returning home on the 3rd or 4th February. The idea behind the trip is to be of some service.

Grant me, if you please, the energy to be able to serve you. This wish is the reason why I do not want any illness. Not that I am hankering to live for ever! I should live as long as you find it necessary and when die let it be without illness and of free will, since illness, I gather, is not the Divine Dispensation.

And faith, I believe, is the bulwark against illness. By faith, I understand faith in you, faith that you are the Divine. I have that faith. If I am right in my understanding of faith, I suppose I could rightly consider myself basically free from illness and live and move in that confidence.

Keep the unshaken faith that the Divine wants you in good health — and it will be all right.

With love and blessings.

26 January 1969

*

Mother,

Grant that I may collaborate entirely with you so that only what you will happens to me and nothing else.

It is already granted and for ever.

17 June 1969

*

Mother,

Regarding my health, I am no longer bothered about my enlarged prostate gland or the duodenal ulcer or the hernia. Because you said you would cure all, these have more or less disappeared from my consciousness.

Now there is a small growth just inside the rectum. I don’t know if it was there before. It is not troublesome now, but I would not like it to grow larger and cause obstruction or turn cancerous.

Doctors cannot cure. Please, Mother, will you cure me?

We shall wait for a month — if it disappears or even diminishes it is all right. If not you will have to show it to a doctor.

Love and blessings.

16 June 1970

*

Mother,

The duodenal ulcer has come again. I did not think this would come. I do not know why it came.

Maybe, as usual, it is not serious and will soon go. There have been other troubles also, which, at the moment, do not bother me.

But always there have been battles. Now I would like to crystallise my attitude towards my body.

Will the Mother sanction that the body will remain in good health to do works till the highest aspiration are fulfilled?

I want your body in good health.

With love and blessings.

20 August 1971

*

Mother,

Last night and two other nights this week, I had partial obstruction of the urine. Normally, relaxing myself restores the flow, but last night it was not fully successful. The total quantity was however all right. There was no urine retention.

You told me, for this prostate gland trouble, when the question of operation was raised by the doctor four years ago, that “an unshakeable faith in the Divine’s Grace and no disharmony can resist its action.” I pray that the symptoms disappear and no operation becomes necessary, to prove myself that I have some faith and the body responds to your will.

Have faith.

My love, force and blessings are with you.

Love.

18 July 1972

*

Let Peace and a quiet Confidence be with you all night.

Blessings and Presence.

Undated

*

Nothing can ultimately oppose the Divine’s Love. It is the Eternal Victor.

Love.

Undated

NOTES ON THE TEXT

Series One — Dyuman. Chunibhai Desai joined the Ashram in July 1927. Soon afterwards, Sri Aurobindo gave him the name “Dyuman”. He began corresponding with the Mother in March 1929 and between then and January 1937 he filled 126 notebooks with reports on the Dining Room work, sometimes adding remarks on himself. In the margins of these notebooks, the Mother made comments whenever it was' necessary or helpful. The present correspondence consists of a broad selection of her comments, along with the relevant portion of Dyuman’s reports or personal remarks. The first selection from the notebooks appeared between April 1996 and February 1998 in eight instalments of the quarterly Bulletin of Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education. The present selection is more comprehensive than the one in the Bulletin and includes simple words of encouragement and solicitude. These “minor” replies have been included because they enable the reader to more accurately gauge the tenor of the correspondence and because they reveal the depth of the Mother’s affection for her disciple. The correspondence is in English.

Series Two — Champaklal. Champaklal Purani came to Pondicherry in 1923, before the Ashram was formed, to live with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. His correspondence with the Mother began seven years later and continued for more than half a century, from 1930 to 1973. Much of this correspondence first appeared in the first edition (1975) of Champaklal Speaks; the entire correspondence was published in the third enlarged edition (2011) of that book. The present text contains the entire correspondence and is taken from the enlarged edition. The correspondence is in English.

Series Three — Dilip Kumar Roy. Dilip Kumar Roy joined the Ashram in November 1928. His correspondence with the Mother covers a twenty-year period, from 1931 to 1951. Selections from the correspondence were published in the Bulletin of November 1980. A larger, almost complete collection of the correspondence appeared in the four-volume set of books titled Sri Aurobindo to Dilip, published by the Hare Krishna Mandir Trust, Pune, in 2003, 2005, 2007 and 2011 The present text contains the Mother’s replies in those volumes, along with two more, dated 18 January 1938 and 4 June 1938. The correspondence is in English, with the exception of nine replies in French which appear in English translation in the text. The dates of these replies are: 20 March 1933, 18 January 1935, 19 November 1935, 30 November 1935, 27 December 1935, 5 December 1938, 22 January 1939, 22 January 1941, and 27 June 1951.

Series Four — Tara Patel. Tara Patel, the Mother’s “Little Star”, joined the Ashram in November 1929. She corresponded with the Mother during the ten-year period from 1932 to 1942. Her correspondence first came out in the November 1979 issue of the Bulletin. The present text is reproduced from that journal. The correspondence is in English.

Series Five — Ambu. Ambalal Desai came to live in the Ashram in May 1928. His correspondence spans the period from 1933 to 1941. It was first published in four issues of the Bulletin, between April 1993 and February 1994. The present text is reproduced from that journal. The correspondence is in English.

Series Six — Parichand. Parichand Kothari joined the Ashram in November 1934. His correspondence covers the fifteen-year period from 1936 to 1961. The correspondence was first published in six instalments of the Bulletin, from November 1989 to February 1991. It then appeared in a book on Parichand’s life, Sri Parichand: A Pilgrim of the Spirit, published in 2004 by the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. The present text is taken from that book. The correspondence is in English, with the exception of the first ten entries, which arc in French and appear here in English translation. The correspondence has been arranged in two parts: “Sadhana and Life” and “Gardening Work”.

Series Seven — Jayantilal. Jayantilal Parekh joined the Ashram in December 1938. His correspondence spans the period from 1936 to 1970. (The first letter was written on a visit to the Ashram, two years before he joined it.) The correspondence was first published in the Bulletin issue of February 2002. The text in this book is the same as the one in that journal. The correspondence is in English.

Series Eight — Prithwi Singh. Prithwi Singh Nahar joined the Ashram in May 1938. His correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1938 to 1967. It was first published in 1998 in the book Sri Aurobindo and Mother to Prithwi Singh, brought out by Mira Aditi, Mysore. The present text is taken from that book. The correspondence is in English.

Series Nine — Indra Sen. Indra Sen joined the Ashram in 1945. His correspondence covers the three-year period from 1945 to 1947; much of it is related to his work at the Ashram Press. It was first published in the Bulletin in two instalments in November 2007 and February 2008. The present text is the same as the one in the Bulletin.

Series Ten — Surendranath Jauhar. Surendranath Jauhar was not a member of the Ashram, but after meeting the Mother in December 1939 he became an ardent disciple. His correspondence with her spans the period from 1951 to 1972. It was first published in 1993 in Surendra Nath Jauhar: His Life, Work and Thought, a commemorative volume produced by the Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Delhi Branch, New Delhi. The present text is taken from there.

Series Eleven — Maude Smith. Maude Smith joined the Ashram in March 1953. Her correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1955 to 1970. It first appeared in three instalments of the Bulletin, in April, August and November 1994. The present text is the same as the one in the Bulletin, with a few minor changes based on the manuscripts.

Series Twelve — Pradyot. Pradyot Bhattacharya joined the Ashram in August 1943. He corresponded with the Mother between 1963 and 1972. The present text, prepared from Pradyot’s manuscripts, is being published here for the first time. The correspondence is in English.